Remember, p.15
Remember, page 15
“Jessica called today. Says she wants to bring her new boyfriend around this Christmas.”
“God, another one?”
“She just doesn’t know what she wants yet. Be glad that she hasn’t brought home a girl.”
“Our Jessica isn’t a…” The old man leaned forward. “Lesbian.”
Johnny’s attention was drawn away by the door opening again. A small smirk playing at the corner of his lips. He doubted anyone would have been offended by the term, their words barely above a whisper like they were some top-secret spies. Brad walked in, he watched him view over the lounge. He doubted he wanted to see his investment go bankrupt from the lack of customers, but from what Johnny remembered from his first time here he doubted that would happen. If anyone could liven up the sleepy town, it was likely Brad McClain. Through the mirror Brad saw him and immediately came to the bar.
“Good to see that you are still around.” He said taking a seat beside Johnny.
“Not like I can go anywhere. Still have a funeral to attend.” He took a sip.
“Coffee, black please Chris.”
The bartender seemed to stand motionless for a moment before the gears turned and he went to fetch Brad a coffee. Johnny watched Brad pat the counter, he turned slightly in the bar stool and faced Johnny.
“Something on your mind Johnny? You looked in thought when I saw you.”
“Just pondering the woes of life.”
“You worried about Larry or Luna?”
“In some sense I guess I am. Not the only things, but something.”
“I wouldn’t. I know you had a thing for Luna since you were children. Your grandfather told me. He also told me that he hoped you would smarten up and hopefully find some pretty thing in Seattle and settle down.” Chris had returned and set the coffee in front of them before he vanished again.
“Sounds like him. Not like he would have ever told me what he thought. Always thought I should learn from experience.”
“I’m just saying Johnny that you have to do what is right for you. If I listened to every person, I ever met I would have been ploughing this very land, complaining about the heat, and going home married to Alice Griffith.” He sipped his coffee and winched. “I couldn’t think of a worse life for me.”
“You never married?”
“When I was younger, I thought about. It would have been a mistake, a bad one.”
“How so?”
Brad looked down at Johnny with the same sly smile that seemed to always rest on his lips.
“I’ve been swinging for the same team for a long time, Johnny.”
Johnny set his glass down and rubbed his face. At first, he wasn’t sure what Brad had said, it took a second to click. Just another little secret, one hidden behind closed doors and another that if he had to explain to his younger self, would’ve blown it off as he was blowing smoke up his ass. It started with a smirk at the thought of his younger self telling him off and soon it erupted into a small chuckle. One that took him nearly a full minute before he could compose himself again and meet Brad’s gaze.
“I’m not laugh at you Brad. I just never would have never assumed.”
“Me either. That’s why it would have been a mistake.” Brad took a sip from his coffee. “Sometimes you never know where your life will lead, you just have to do what is right in the moment. Screw everyone else.”
Johnny let out a laugh, sliding the glass away from himself. Leaning back in the bar stool he took a deep breath. It was a good laugh, something that he needed.
“Thanks Brad. I needed that. Is the coffee any good?”
“I’d add some sugar if I was you. It’s terribly bitter.”
***
Johnny laid out on his bed, glancing at the clock on the wall. It was already nearly eight and he had not heard from Elisabeth. Though he had expected that, he still hoped. If he had been told he had been in someone’s dreams, it would have sounded crazy, more so due to the little amount of time they had spent together. Turning on his side he gripped his phone, the rest of the afternoon had been uneventful. Brad had made good company to keep his mind from wondering, but when he was left alone, he could feel the creeping questions and concerns.
Closing his eyes, he couldn’t bring himself to sleep. It was all a blur of what had happened the last few days, the question of what if he would have done something differently. If he would have stayed and talked it out with Luna would he still feel as terrible? Would he have slept with Elisabeth? He could hear his inner voice telling him he was a terrible person. He wanted to be told differently, but the silence in the room would be his only companion. Sitting up he slide his phone open and strolled through his contacts, reaching his mother.
He should at least talk to her. He should figure out if she was going to make it to the funeral. He doubted he would maintain himself being completely alone. Pressing the call button, it went straight to voicemail and Johnny debated with himself to hang up. Instead he let the robotic response to repeat the number he had called and that he could leave a voicemail after the beep.
“Hey mom. I…” He took a deep breath. “Listen this might sound crazy, but I just feel a little confused lately. Lots of little oddities have been happening. I can’t really explain over a voicemail but it’s like I’m losing my mind. I’m sure you will just call me silly, but honestly I just feel so lost and confused right now…”
The message cut him off, telling him if he was happy with his message, he could end the call or if he wanted to change it to press seven. He took a deep breath and pressed seven.
“Hey mom. I was just checking to see if you had managed to catch a flight. I’m guessing since it went to voicemail that you did. I’ll see you soon hopefully. I love you.”
He hung up the phone, before he fell back into his bed. He couldn’t tell his mother, she had enough to worry about. They could talk after the funeral. He should take a shower; he was sure that he smelled horrible. A mixture of sex, alcohol, and bitter coffee. It would help him relax and maybe after he could sleep. Tossing the phone behind his head he decided it couldn’t hurt. Halfway in pulling his shirt over his head, he heard them again, those same unintelligible words just beyond his door. This time more dominate, louder and steady.
Walking towards the door he crept on his toes, every creak that happened below his feet made him winch in panic. Setting his ear against the door, he was sure that he looked amusing like some bad detective on an eighty’s TV show. The murderer just on the other side of the door, ready to spill all their dirty secrets and confess. Though as he leaned against the door, he only heard mumbled voices, like before. Loud enough to be heard, but not enough to make out what was being said. His hand grabbed the door handle, he could feel nervousness dig its talons into his shoulders. What if he opened the door and no one was there again? What if he was just led to the rose room again? Could he handle it, or would he just drop down to his knees and weep? For it would only cement his own belief that he was insane.
He reached the switch and turned off the light. This time he would surprise them. There were real people attached to those voices and he intended to find them. It would prove that he was not crazy, even just a little. Turning the handle, he swore that he had watched water boil faster as finally the latch gave way and he pulled the door inwards. Looking out into the hall, there was no one except for the shadows. A deep breath to steady himself, as he clung to the wall. He could see the rose room light still lingering below its door frame. He knew the voices were coming from there, no matter how they bounced and echoed all around him, he knew that they came from there. Inching forward, each step he took was followed by several seconds of completely stillness, waiting for something to change. For the voices to notice him. Coming to rail he glanced down below, the lights of the entryway were off and for the first time Johnny felt as though he was once more in the old school building.
Even new paint could not hide what he felt in the darkness. The building was alive, taking small shallow breathes that sent shivers down his spine. That he was slowly being digested by it. Stopping in front of the rose room door he lingered, his eyes drawn downward at the light. He wanted proof before he opened it, he wanted a shadow anything that would tell him that the voices that swirled around him were inside of this room. He waited there, until his legs felt stiff, his feet ached and begged for him to move, until his eyes teared from staring at the light in the dark. He never thought of himself a patient man, but in this moment all other thought had left his mind and he only cared for the light and for that light he could wait an eternity.
Finally, he saw it, a shadow that passed over the light. It lingered there for a moment before it moved again, and he reached for the door handle. The voice stopped at once as he swung the door open.
Chapter 13
Johnny sprung up from the bed, gasping for air. Sweat rolled down his chest and soaked the sheets around him. His eyes darted around the room, confusion and panic crept over him before they adjusted to the darkness. Taking several deep breaths, his heartbeat so violently in his chest he thought it would explode. Finally, after another few moments he composed himself enough to process his thoughts. Glancing up at the clock it was just a quarter after one in the morning. He pondered a thought for a moment, he had lost a few hours and could not remember anything beyond standing in front of the rose room. The rose room? Who had been beyond the door? He couldn’t remember, maybe it was just another dream. Another crack in his sanity.
Pulling himself to the edge of the bed, he leaned forward. Rubbing his hands across his face and into his hair. It had been such a real dream; he had felt every creak below his feet while he had approached the door. Standing he walked to the bathroom, flicking the light on, he stood over the sink and turned on the water. Both his hands on either side of the sink, he investigated the mirror. He looked worn, dark circles sagged under his eyes and his skin looked pale. These events were taking their toll on him. He could see his future, skin barely clinging to his bones, the darkness around his eyes now making him look like a raccoon and barely able to talk beyond a mumble. That was if he continued to have these moments.
Cupping his hands under the water, he splashed his face. Standing he debated with himself, had he fallen asleep? Were the voices he heard all part of the dream? Slamming his hands down on the sink, he turned and walked towards the door. He couldn’t let this continue, he needed to know what was real. Opening his bedroom door, he walked out into the hall, the darkness of it surrounded him and he felt a sudden weight from it. The sensation of his body telling him to not proceed. The same nauseating feelings, dancing around him like children singing a child nursery song. Despite this he pushed forward, towards the stairs and towards the rose room.
It was just a room. The light below the door frame was gone and Johnny could feel the doubt setting in, another feeling to dance around him and toy with him. Coming to the door, he looked down at the frame, no light, no voices and no movement. His hand reached out to grab the handle.
“Johnny? What are you doing?” Gabriel said as he came up the stairs.
Johnny nearly screamed, biting down on his tongue to stop himself. He couldn’t just yet give in to that primal fear.
“I…I just needed to see something.”
“Are you alright?”
“Humor me Gabriel. Has anyone checked in since I came here? Did they stay in this room?”
Gabriel stood at the top of the stairs, his hand on the railing fell to his side as he looked at Johnny. His expression sent a cold chill down his spine, a look of concern.
“No. You have been my only guest these last few days.”
“That doesn’t make sense. I have been seeing a light, just below this doorframe and early I know I saw someone, or something pass across the door.”
“Johnny you must have been dreaming. Come downstairs and have some coffee.”
“No! I know what I saw. It wasn’t a dream. It can’t be another damn dream.”
“Alright. How about we look together?”
Gabriel took the last step up and positioned himself between Johnny and the door. There was a moment of hesitation as Gabriel opened the door, glancing back towards Johnny with a smile. The same smile that Johnny would have given a client, the same fake smile that he sometimes would have done with his grandfather. He hated it, and he hated himself for doing it. The door swung open and Johnny shoved Gabriel to the side as he entered the room. The darkness clung to the walls like brush strokes from a skilled painter, only vanishing when Gabriel turned on the light. The bed laid undisturbed, just the same as a few nights before.
“No. This isn’t right. I saw it.” He said.
Going to the bed and grabbing at the blankets, tearing them away. In a fruitless effort to see anything, something that told him he was not completely insane. Opening the closet, they could be hiding behind it. Though as he tore the room apart, he found nothing. Rubbing his face, he fell against the wall, the rose patterned wallpaper mocking him as he came down to the ground. He had known he had seen the light; it couldn’t be a figment of his imagination. If it was, there was no denying that he might have a marble lose, and it had been knocking around his head like a pinball machine.
“Johnny?” Gabriel asked as he entered the room and took a seat on the bed across from him. “What did you expect to find in here?”
“I don’t know. I just needed to see that someone was behind the door. That I wasn’t losing my marbles.”
“What would you have done if you had found someone?”
“I just…I don’t know.”
“I doubt you are losing your marbles Johnny. I don’t know if you realize how traumatic this whole event has been for you, you lost someone that was very dear to you. Someone you likely never thought you’d have to spend your life without and on top of it you have been bogged down by all the things that come with living a life.” Gabriel took a deep breath as he collected his thoughts. “None of which is easy. Did you talk to anyone about it?”
“I just don’t really have anyone to talk with. It was always just me, my mother, and grandfather. We never really talked about our problems.”
“You need to find an outlet for all those emotions, otherwise they will eat you alive in the most unusual ways. The mind is a fickle creature, it’s were all bad and good can be determined, where monsters are made because it’s the most terrifying monster of them all.”
“What do you think I should do Gabriel?”
“I think you should get away. Go see the world and get enough distance from this town and only dream fondly of it.”
“Like I have the money for such luxury.” Johnny scuffed.
“Then you tell me Johnny what do you want?”
“I just don’t want to be alone. I feel that the funeral will pass, and my mother will settle all the matters in town, before she gets on a flight and goes back to her husband and new life. A life I’m not part of.”
“You deserve to be happy Johnny.”
“I keep hearing that. I just don’t know which way to go to lead to that happiness.”
“I can’t tell you what will make you happy Johnny. Only you can decide that, and it might not be something you learn for some years to come.”
They sat in silence; Johnny felt the gears in his head turning. Cranking over each idea, each outcome if he decided to just leave town. If he stayed. It felt overwhelming, because no matter how much he thought about those things, none of it was certain. He could not predict the future; he could not guess what another person would do. Looking up at Gabriel, he caught eyes with the older man and thought it was odd to have such a strong connection with someone he had only known for a few days. His mind shifted towards his thoughts of Elisabeth, another connection he could not explain.
“You never told me how your night went with Elisabeth.”
“God I must be an easy book to read.”
“No. Just a young man goes and sees a beautiful woman and doesn’t come back until the next day. I might be old but I’m not stupid.”
“It went well. Though I’m pretty sure that I burned that bridge by opening my big mouth.”
“What did you say? Please don’t say you said something about Luna.”
“No. I told her about my dreams with her. She seemed a bit taken back by the notion and said she would contact me tonight, but as you can guess that never happened. Instead I spent tonight chasing shadows.”
“I doubt that bothered Elisabeth. She has always been an open-minded person. I’m guessing you just decided to walk away after that conversation?”
“Not much more to talk about.”
“You could have pushed the matter.” Gabriel cleared his throat. “This stays between us Johnny. Elisabeth has asked about you every day since she got into town, the day you got into it with Larry she almost stormed up to your room to check on you. It took a lot of convince to keep her down here, and so she waited for you to get up all night.”
“Why?”
“I have no idea. You’d have to ask her.”
“Maybe I should go see her in the morning.”
“What’s stopping you right now?”
“It’s past one in the morning. She isn’t going to take too kindly to me knocking on her door at such a time.”
“You might be surprised.”
“Does being a B&B owner just let you know everything?”
“No. Though I haven’t been wrong too many times, have I?”
Johnny let out a small chuckle, as he pushed himself to stand. He raised his hand out towards Gabriel.
“Alright, but if I get slapped you owe me a bottle of that rum.”
