Remember, p.7
Remember, page 7
“He died.”
“Yes. Did you hang out with my grandfather much?”
“He came to mow. He always had hard candies.”
Johnny laughed, his grandfather had quit smoking sometime when he was around twelve and had taken up on sucking on hard candies. He always had kept several in his pockets, when laundry was going, he remembered that his mother would always scold his grandfather for leaving a handful of them in his pockets.
“Well, I will have to bring some next time.”
The scene ended and the music begin for as a second episode began, and Danny was lost back to the screen. They sat in silence, the TV was the only connection between them, with Danny only sometimes pointing out a scene that seemed to thrill him and Johnny concluding that the show was on a DVD that allowed to play without commercial. He had seen other mothers do the same, a way to avoid scenes from the news or other things that they did not want their children to see. It was fifteen after six before Luna called for them and he helped set the table.
The meal of choice was spaghetti with meatballs and homemade garlic bread. He sat between Luna and Danny as they ate, and he was surprised to find that the meal was remarkable good. He had some doubts about Luna’s cooking, knowing her habit to burn things when she was younger, and he recalled her attempt to make them a romantic dinner when her mother was out of town with another new man. After dinner Luna played with Danny on the floor which she encouraged Johnny to join, but he felt more comfortable just watching. He enjoyed the sight. It had been a sight that he had imagined when they had been together. Two young kids that knew nothing and only wanted each other, but now it was different from his imagination. It was surreal.
Hours flew as they continued like this and before Johnny realized Danny was being put to bed. He fell asleep soundly and quickly, only thirty-minutes and he was soundly out where not even the creaking of the floorboards would wake him. Luna sat across from him and they stared into the TV, the DVD had started over and was replaying an episode from when he first got there.
“I hope you enjoyed dinner.”
“It was very good and not burnt.”
“Shut your mouth. It was my first time and I was nervous.”
“Danny always so quiet?”
“No. Normally I can’t get him to shut up, but he also hasn’t had many men around him.”
“I can understand that.”
The silence spread across them again and Johnny reached for his phone. It was getting late and he would already be walking back in the dark. Only the light of porch lights would be his beacon.
“What did you do on a normal night in Seattle?”
“I normally wouldn’t even be getting off work until about now and that was if I did not make a deal. Otherwise I would be there until sometimes one in the morning. When I did get off on time, I usually drove back to my apartment and honestly just passed out.”
“No late-night parties or bars?”
“Sometimes I would get dragged to one by a co-worker. I lived an uneventful life these last five years. Work and sleep. What about you? What made you move back to town? Why not stay and try to work it out with Danny’s dad?”
Luna fell silent and he watched her. Her eyes were sober, honest, and he could see the regret. It lingered on her slightly, as though she had a ball and chain wrapped around her neck waiting for her to speak out before it crushed her windpipe.
“It wouldn’t have worked. He wasn’t ready and I don’t think I could bare to put Danny what I went through.”
Johnny reached out his hand and grasped Lunas. Her skin was as soft as he remembered, and her fingers interlaced with his only the empty cushion separated them. He watched the TV as they sat in silence and he wondered what he could say, what he wanted to say to her.
“You’re a great mother. Don’t compare yourself to your mother.”
Luna pulled on his hand and he gave into the embrace as she fell into his chest, folding his arm behind her neck their fingers still interlaced. He would have given anything to be take back these last nine years, to have held onto her when she tried to leave. Chase her down as she drove away, but he hadn’t. He looked down at the top of her head and she looked up, their eyes locking, and he couldn’t stop himself from kissing her. He thought she might have slapped him or pulled away, but instead she pulled herself against him, releasing her hand from his and he laid her against the couch.
He pulled at her hips as they interchanged kissing, pulling away only to breath. He knew her body as well as he knew the streets of Mcclocklin. What caused shivers to go across her skin and what would make her laugh from being tickled, which he avoided. Breaking away he pressed his face against her collarbone and kissed her skin. Which caused her to moan and run her hands through his hair. Pulling the red tank top up to expose her stomach he worked his way down as he kissed her. Each kiss was a memory, a natural reflex for his mouth. She drove him crazy as she wiggled under his hands and he gripped her hands against the couch to stop her as he nibbled, following her stretch marks like a hidden path that he had just discovered.
“John.”
His name dripped with a sweetness he had forgotten. The thoughts of his grandfather, his mother, the church and even the odd dream the night before vanished in his name. Releasing her, he wrapped his arm around her back and pulled her into each kiss. He slowed as he felt her body become rigid against him and he glanced up at her, she was breathing hard and her hair mashed against the arm of the couch.
“John. We can’t.”
“Why?” He asked as he ran his free hand up her thigh.
“We just can’t. No, I can’t.”
She pulled herself away from him, he frowned as he took his seat across from her and they sat once more in silence as he could see she attempt to gather her thoughts.
“Is it because of Danny?”
“Somewhat.” Luna exhaled and slapped her knee with her open palm in frustration. “It’s not just that. Johnny you know I loved you and even now I find it hard not to remember all those times together. I just know how this will end and I can’t do it.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” He wanted to tell her that he had never felt for another woman like he had for her, but his tongue refused to form the words.
“We both know that when the funeral is done, and the dust settles you will leave. Go back to Seattle or who knows where.” She rolled her head back against the couch. “I don’t want to be the girl from nine years ago, crying her eyes out, because this time you will be the one leaving.”
“I’ll stay if that is what you want.” The moment the words left his mouth he knew that they were wrong as Luna drew her eyes fierce at him and he saw the anger.
“I can’t be the only reason to stay. Some day you would look across from that little dinner table and hate me for making you stay because Johnny you are not meant to spend the rest of your life here. Even your grandfather knew that, both of us wanted the best for you and we knew it was not here.” She fiddled with her pinky finger.
“What do you want me to say to that?”
“You’re supposed to give me one last kiss and say goodnight.”
Johnny frowned at her and leaned in towards her, kissing her cheek. He couldn’t bring himself to give her a full kiss, not if it meant that he would be admitting that she might be right, that somewhere deep inside himself he knew that he would never likely be happy if he stayed.
“Goodnight Luna.”
Chapter 6
Johnny stood outside the gate, night had fallen over the town and the streets laid silent. He debated with himself, storm back through the door and take her in his arms and ravish her until she begged him to stay. Though he knew that would not get him far, it would likely end with him being slapped before he made it past the threshold. Lifting his head, he looked up at the star filled night, he had not seen the stars this brightly in such a long time. The blinking of plane overhead gave him a momentary thought of a falling star but faded with the red blink on its belly. Sighing he began his walk back; he could hear rustling in the weeds that surrounded the road and he wondered if he might spot a coyote.
He had always been leery of venturing out when he was younger after dark, because after dark was when his imagination would run wild. The normal shades of a tree turned into dark casted shadows in the moonlight that reached out for him, the rustling was some unknown creature that was waiting for its next meal, and the hair on the back of his neck was because someone was breathing down it. Shuddering as a cold wind ripped through him, he wished he had brought a coat.
Stopping he swore he had heard someone to call out to him. His eyes scanning the darkness, but there was no one. The world laid eerily still and void of life besides him. The worst he would run into would be a stray cat or maybe a dog, but he couldn’t help but ask himself ‘what if’. His pace picked up with the thought and he pushed forward, his eyes darting to each side of the road, but never behind him, he could not bring himself to handle if he saw something behind him. He could see the light of the B&B on the porch and he remembered that Gabriel had offered him a nightcap and he could use one after tonight.
The crunching of what he swore was a footstep behind him was what made him break out into a run and he didn’t stop until he leaped over the few steps of the B&B and had a firm grasp on the handle. His breath ragged as he thought for a moment to look behind him, to check if he would see something or if his imagination was hearing his own steps as someone else’s.
Inside the B&B, the warm brought back some feeling to his arms and he took a deep breath to stead himself before he went to see Gabriel. His eyes only glanced towards the sitting room as he stopped dead in his tracks. Sitting there with her hands grasping what he could only assume was a cup of coffee was the red-haired woman that he had dreamed about the night before, she was even wearing a white sun dress. She looked up at him and offered a soft smile and he thought about pinching himself, maybe tonight had all been a dream again, he had fallen asleep before he even left and dreamed about everything that had happened.
“How’d your night out go?” Gabriel said as he came from the lower section.
Johnny forced himself to break eye contact with the woman. Dragged away by sheer force of telling himself he was seeing things.
“It went good.”
Gabriel gave a nod as he passed Johnny carrying a glass of liquor and took a seat in the sitting room opposite of the woman. Johnny thought about just going to bed, not to even look towards her again, he wasn’t sure that he could handle making eye contact with her again.
“Johnny this is Elisabeth Carroll, she is one of the investors of the Mcclocklin Manor and the B&B.”
It took the gears in his mind to connect the dots of what Gabriel had just said, he had acknowledged the woman. He turned and entered the sitting room, if Gabriel acknowledged her it meant she was real and not just part of his imagination or whatever he had been experiencing up till this moment. Maybe he had seen her somewhere before and it was his mind drawing her into his dreams, some sick perversion.
“Pleasure I’m John Everleaf.” He extended a greeting to her.
“Nice to meet you John and the coffee is delightful.” Her accent was Irish.
“Let me go get you a glass Johnny. I promised you a nightcap.”
“That’s alright Gabriel. I think I should take a break from drinking.”
“Nonsense. Come and sit. I’ll get you a glass one drink won’t hurt, and you will sleep better.”
Gabriel set his glass on the end table and descended back down into his room to grab a second glass. Johnny stood there awkwardly, he had never been entirely shy around women, but he had never dreamt about one before he met them. He slowly took a seat across from her — her eyes following him.
“What brings you to town Miss Carroll?”
“I’m just passing through and thought I would check on the status of the Mcclocklin Manor and see how Gabriel was holding up.”
“Have you ever been to our little town before?”
“Why do you ask?”
She took a drink from her coffee, her eyes still lingering on him and he felt uncomfortable. He felt she was measuring him, judging him. He could feel himself blushing slightly, she was beautiful, it was no wonder that he dreamt about her.
“Just curious why you decided to invest in this building and the old Manor.”
“The other investors and I have always enjoyed old structures. Why let something rot that someone once cared for before. The Mcclocklin Manor is a good example. Such care was built into it, you can see it in the little details. Has Gabriel taken you to see it since we finished it?”
Johnny could hardly resist as his eyes traveled across her body. He was looking for something that would tell him that he had mistakenly dreamed of her, that he had just copied her body on that of another, his mind attempting to rationalize it. The dress clung to her and he could see ever curve of her body, her skin only blemished by a splatter of freckles. Looking at her face he found his eyes locked with hers once more, they were much more captivating.
“No. I haven’t been in it since I was young.”
“I will be staying in town for the next few days, I’ll have to have you come and see it.”
“I would love to see it.”
“I hear from Gabriel that you are in town because your grandfather passed away. Gabriel says he was a wonderfully helpful man, came and helped around the B&B from time to time.”
“He always liked to help others. Even if it was a disadvantage to him, he still would help.”
“That’s a good quality. I’m sure he was a good man.” Elisabeth said with a bit of sadness in her voice that Johnny couldn’t help wondering if she had met his grandfather before.
Gabriel came around the corner, carrying two more glasses and the decanter with a sheepish smile on his lips.
“I thought it would be rude to not offer some to you Elisabeth.”
“Always so thoughtful.”
Johnny watched the two as they talked. Gabriel pouring her a glass and then filling another for him. He had almost asked her if they had met before, but that would have been stupid, and he knew the answer anyways. Taking the glass, he sipped the drink. The same sweet rum from the first night. He listened to the crackling of the fake fire that hung behind him, every now and then catching Elisabeth eyeing him like she had when they had been alone, and he felt embarrassed with each look. The dream replayed roughly in his mind, distorting itself with each look she gave him.
He closed his eyes for a moment before setting the glass down on the end table.
“Gabriel, I think I’m just going to head to bed. It’s been a tiring few days and I have a few more ahead.”
“Of course. Get some good rest. If you need anything you know where I am.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you Elisabeth.”
“The pleasure is mine John. Be sure to let Gabriel know when you’d like to stop by the manor, and I’ll give you a tour.”
Johnny nodded and went up the steps. He could have continued the night away with them, he doubted he would have ever gotten up the courage to ask Elisabeth if they had met before. What would he ask exactly? Did you come into my bedroom last night? He gave a small chuckle at what she might answer him with, her piercing glaze changing to one of disgust and confusion. Locking the door behind him, he made sure turning the lock twice and went to the bed. First the fiasco with Luna and now he met the woman he had been dreaming about, it wasn’t a hard grasp for him to worry that he might be a few screws loose.
***
The drive that had meant to help Johnny get his mind straight only ended up with him sitting in his car outside the small church, both hands on the wheel as he stared blankly at the cinderblock structure with its white cross painted on its front and glass doors. He half expected someone to startle him out of his daze like they did in horror movies, but there was no one else in the lot. He wondered even if Gary Portman was sitting inside, kicking back in his office with a cold cup of coffee mixed with whiskey.
He grabbed his phone from the passenger seat and scrolled through his contacts until he came to his mother. He hovered over the call button before hitting it. It rang and he secretly wished it just went to voicemail.
“Johnny?” His mother answered.
“Yeah. Hey, I’m at the church and I just…” He thought for second deciding his words carefully. “When are you getting here?”
“I’m still waiting for the weather to clear. I think another day or two before I can fly up there.” She answered. “Is Pastor Portman pressing on the matter for the funeral?”
“No. No I haven’t spoken to him yet. He got the suit yesterday so I think we can delay any talk about the funeral until you get here.”
“Ok good.” She let out a giggle. “Tony not now.”
He tightened his hand around his phone. He felt like yelling at her, for her inability to be there when he needed it. Instead she was still down there with Tony and laughing it up, but logic stopped him. He had not been the best at handling the situation here either, he had ignored everything and avoided all responsibility.
“Ok. I’m going to head inside now. I’ll talk to you when you get here.”
“Johnny I’ll be there as soon as I…”
He hung up the phone on her mid-sentence. He didn’t want to hear the excuse. Throwing the phone onto the passenger seat, he exited the car. He was sure that she would rip into him for it when she got there, she might even call him back and lay into him. The gravel in the parking lot had been recently replaced and he caught himself a few times as his heel sank into a hidden pothole. The cement pathway went around the building and rounded a grass area with a swing. It was likely the best up kept building in town besides that of Brad’s new development and golf course.
He opened the door inside, and the sun faded almost immediately into florescent lighting, white cinderblock walls, and black with blue swirls carpet. It was single hall that went from the front to the rear of the building, with the chapel to the right with it taking up half of the building and the remaining doors were storage, bathrooms, and Gary Portman’s office. Coming to the chapel he entered through the two metal doors. The pews lined the aisle with several copies of bibles stuffed into pockets on the back. His hand touched over each section as he approached the front with the standard depiction of Jesus hanging from the cross.
