Remember, p.19
Remember, page 19
“What if it meant leaving everyone behind?”
“I wouldn’t leave Danny, but Johnny I’m happy with my life. I know it’s not as glamorous as I dreamed about as a child, but I don’t think anyone gets that life. I say if it will make you happy, that’s what you have to do. It might hurt some people and their feelings, but they will get over it and you can always come back if it doesn’t work out. It’s worth it to take a chance.”
“Yeah.”
“Why do you ask?”
“The idea crossed my mind of just getting up and leaving. Just going someplace where no one could find me.”
The silence filed between them like a sheet of paper that some office worker stuffed into their already clattered cabinet. There was a tension, a thought that he might have said too much. He wasn’t sure how he would ever come to a decision; it would be even worse when his mother came into town and asked about things. His mind drifted back to what Gabriel said, that he should just leave.
“I think you’ve been unhappy for a long time Johnny. Long before you came back home. As your friend I want you to live a happy life. If you think leaving and just disappearing is what you need, then do it.” Luna said silently. Her eyes focused on his grandfather’s coffin. “Your grandfather would’ve said the same thing.”
Johnny took a deep sigh and leaned over and hugged Luna. He wasn’t sure why, but the acknowledgement from her made him feel better. Made his mind feel clearer and the second it was no longer clouded with self-doubt or worried about the consequences, he thought of Elisabeth.
“You big lug, what’s gotten into you? Even if you leave, not like you can’t visit.”
“I just — thank you.” He said letting go of her.
Standing he walked over to the coffin and laid his hands atop of it. Closed his eyes and thought of his grandfather, the image of him sitting in his recliner in the old blue double wide. He had wanted to say so many things to him, he wanted to tell him he was sorry he hadn’t visited more often, but those were wishes he wanted to leave here. He wanted to think of his grandfather the way he remembered him best, the calm and collected face of a man that was proud of his life. Johnny took a deep breath; his rational side was already shouting at him. An internal argument that no one else heard but him, telling him that his mother would be sad, that he hardly even knew Elisabeth, that she could be lying and turn him into a human roast beef. As he focused, he thought of Elisabeth and those thoughts faded into the void of his mind. He thought about the words his grandfather had told him, that everyone had told him recently, to be happy. A smile spread across his face as he turned as calmly as he could away from the coffin.
“You okay?” Luna asked
“I think I will be. I’m going to go for a walk before my mother gets here. Clear my head, not like we don’t have a few.”
“You want some company?”
“No. I think some alone time will be good for me.” He said walking down the center of the isle towards the doors.
“Johnny?” Luna said, turning her head to see him off.
“Yeah?” He stopped and looked back at her.
“Be sure to grab a coat out of your car, supposed to rain.” She said with a small smile.
Johnny gave a small nod and chuckled.
“You’re a good mother.” He teased as he exited the chapel.
Gary Portman was coming down the hallway with the flowers that Luna had brought in a vase.
“You alright Johnny?” He asked.
“Yeah I just need some fresh air, going to go for a walk before my mother gets here.”
He passed the pasture. He wasn’t sure why, but he felt like he was walking on air, the adrenaline coursing through his veins as he inched closer to the door. It was exciting and terrifying at the same time, but he wanted it. He wanted to be with Elisabeth and that thought was louder than any doubt he had ever had in the last few days. Loud enough to drown out all other thoughts in his mind. He didn’t know what going with Elisabeth meant, if he would ever be able to see anyone ever again or if he would just be a picture on a milk carton — if they did those anymore — but he wanted to be with her and that thought was love.
Chapter 16
Eveline Everleaf pulled into her father’s driveway a little past eleven. Her mood already soured by the car rental place arriving nearly thirty minutes late, but she couldn’t help but smile as she looked at the old double wide trailer. The once vibrant blue had faded even more so over the years. Her eyes glanced over the yard, it was dry and was yellow in some places while other parts had been overtaken by crabgrass. Whenever she had asked her father how he was getting along with the yardwork and things, he always answered with a chipper ‘great’, even though they both knew it was a lie. A lie that she wanted to believe, because she couldn’t help seeing her father as the strong and proud man that had helped her raise Johnny. Stepping out of the car, she caught herself from falling as her high heels found the first piece of soft soil and dug in. She should have waited until she was at the church to wear them, but she had been in such a rush she didn’t want to change back.
She glanced up the road and gave a small wave towards Gretchen Olsen’s house. The old gal was likely sitting up there with her binoculars spying on her already — if she hadn’t already gone ahead to the church. Opening the gate, she came to the porch, it had seen better days. Cluttered with tools and items that her father had never bothered to put away in the garage. Stepping up she landed on the second stair and it groaned under her weight and she remembered how much she hated that step, and how Johnny always remembered to skip over it. Reaching into the potted plant she grabbed out the key, the newly developed spider-web did little to detour her. Entering the room, she took a deep sigh; a sadness overcame her as she looked at the chair where her father would’ve welcomed her home. She had been trying to keep herself composed, in front of her husband, when talking to the Gary Portman and most importantly Johnny, but now standing in the empty home she crumbled into the chair and wept. It had been hard for her, being so far away and stuck in the middle of a freak storm. She wanted to be here, to lay her father to rest and to comfort Johnny because even if he didn’t show it, she knew he was internally an emotional wreck.
Finally wiping away the tears, she took a few shallow breaths and looked out the window. Johnny should’ve been here by now, as she glanced up at the clock hung above the TV. The same clock that had hung there for over thirty years. Reaching into her purse, she pulled out her phone and strolled through until she found Johnny’s number. Pressing the call button, she put the phone to her ear and waited for it to connect. There was a low rumbling noise on the end-table beside her. Reaching over she picked up Johnny’s phone, it had been sitting face down against the mirrored top and she hadn’t notice it in the shadowed room. She let her phone down and hung up, it was odd she thought. Even though Johnny was young, he didn’t care much about having his phone on him, while she could hardly put hers away most days. He must have left it here, she pondered the idea and put it in her purse with hers. Checking to see if her make-up had run when she cried, she collected herself and decided to head to the church.
Leaving the house, she locked the door behind her and glanced through the window. In some hope that she would see her father sitting peacefully in his chair, waiting for her and Johnny to come home, but the chair was empty, and the house laid in shadows. She didn’t know why she expected anything different, but it was just a hope. A hope that she knew would never come true, who wouldn’t want to see a loved one, one last time? Down the stairs of the porch and into her car she thought about the last time she had spoken to her father. He was planning a trip to go and see Johnny, a surprise one. One that would never come, and one that she couldn’t bring herself to tell Johnny. She didn’t want him to think he hadn’t seen his grandfather enough; God knows she hadn’t been any better. Pulling out of the driveway she went up the hill towards the church, many of the homes she passed she recalled the families that lived there — the Smith’s with their pink side railroad home stood out the most. She had heard that they had moved out some time ago, and only Larry had stayed. A good lad, but a bit hot blooded even when he was young and played with Johnny, she always worried they would have gotten into trouble.
As she swerved up the road that contoured with the hillside, she took notice of the Mcclocklin Manor fully. It wasn’t that she hadn’t noticed it from the freeway or from her father’s house, but it was something she had looked over for so many years that it was like a tree that had been removed after many years. Slowing along the road, she looked on the home in awe, it had been restored, no it had been completely redone and it shined. Brighter than anything the small town had to offer, and she fell in love with it. She had always loved the home, and when she was younger had wanted to buy it and fix it up, however that never came to be when Johnny came around. She was much too busy, working two jobs to even fantasize. Pressing on the pedal again, she drove past it and up to the church entrance.
She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Johnny’s car in the gravel parking lot. Pulling beside it, she noticed several other cars. Members of the community she could guess, waiting for the service. It had been a quick setup, but after delay and delay she was just happy to be here and make sure that her father was laid to rest. She had hated being stuck and unable to make it up, even telling her husband that she could’ve drove up. Looking up she saw Gretchen Olson in the opening of the church, the old gal hadn’t aged a day since she had left. Only a few more grey hairs that were missed when she dyed it and a few extra pounds. She was sure the moment she stepped out of her car, she would be probed about all the exciting little things she had been up to since she left and in turn be told about every boring detail that happened in the town. She gave a little wave and stepped out of the car.
“Is that you Eveline?” Gretchen gave a shrill question, attempting to act surprised.
“It’s good to see you Gretchen.” She said crossing the gravel, hoping that she didn’t lose her footing again with a heel. “I hope you’ve been well.”
“I’ve been doing dandy, expect for the doctor always claiming I need to lose some weight. Been driving me batty.” Gretchen said more to herself then Eveline. “Though I’m sorry we had to meet again like this, your father was such a good man.”
“Yes, he was.” Eveline said, finally stepping onto the concrete slab and breathing a sigh of relief for the stability. “Who’s all inside?”
“Larry Smith, Gary Portman, Brad McClain, and of course Luna Stanfur and her little boy, Danny. Cutest thing this town had seen in some time, since Johnny that is.”
Eveline gave a smile; she hadn’t expected many people. “I’ll have to talk to Mr. McClain after the service.”
“You thinking of letting your father’s land go?”
“I just want to talk about it. Not like me and Johnny couldn’t use the money.” She glanced back at Johnny’s car. She knew that would be a fight with him, he was young and just couldn’t see the benefits and besides she had already addressed that neither one of them wanted the place. “Have you seen Johnny?”
“I saw him earlier, was walking down to your father’s place. Can’t say what time it was. I was in the middle of getting ready for the service, but I bet if anyone knows where he is hiding its little Miss Stanfur.” She said with a smile.
“Should’ve figured that those two would’ve hit it off the moment they laid eyes on each other again.” Eveline said with a soft chuckle.
She didn’t hate that her son liked Luna so much, Luna was a good kid when she was younger, but she had heard rumors that she was deep into drugs when she was a bit older and that rubbed Eveline the wrong way. It made her worry more for Johnny each day that the two spent together and even more so that he might have a child with her. He was if anything very active in his younger years, but that was the past and her father had curved her worries.
“Oh, they were like teenagers again. At least until Larry and Johnny got into a fist fight in front of my house.” Gretchen said, knowing that she had hooked Eveline’s attention.
“They got into a fight. About what? Johnny and Larry used to be so close.” She frowned at this.
“Boys will be boys. Both pining after the same girl, it was bound to happen. Not like Johnny ever hide his feelings when it came to Luna.”
“When did this happen? Is Johnny alright?”
“A few days ago. Johnny was fine the last time I seen him.”
“You’ll have to excuse me Gretchen, I want to see if I can find Johnny.” Eveline said in a rushed tone.
He hadn’t mentioned this on the phone with her, and despite him not answering her calls for a day she had no reason to assume that anything was wrong. Entering into the church she came to the main chapel and slowed her pace, giving only a slight nod to Gary Portman who was standing at the door waiting for people to file in. Heading to the front of the row she stopped dead in her tracks being face to face with the coffin. She had prepared herself; she had warned herself that the moment she saw it, she might break, but now standing here. She could only look on in an odd obscure manner, as though the rest of the world had fallen out from under her. She felt a hand clasp down on her shoulder and it brought her back to the ground, glancing towards her right she saw Luna standing beside her.
“You alright Mrs. Everleaf?”
“Yeah.” Eveline let out a weak answer. “Thanks, dear I needed that.”
“You want to sit down?”
“Yeah.” She followed Luna back to the front pew and took a seat beside Danny. “You know I told myself I had cried myself dry. That there weren’t any tears left, and yet here I am about to again.”
“It’s okay. I have wet wipes in my purse if you need them.” Luna said with a small smile as she took a seat beside her. “Mrs. Everleaf, this is my son Danny.”
Eveline drew her eyes away from the coffin and looked at the little boy that sat beside her. His hair frizzled despite being combed to one side. He looked up to her and let out a fake smile, the same fake smile all children give to strangers.
“It’s a pleasure Danny.” She said softly. “Did you dress yourself?”
“No, my mommy helped.”
“Well you look very handsome.” She said turning her attention to Luna again. “Have you seen Johnny?”
Eveline caught a small glimpse of hesitation from Luna. It was small, and if Eveline hadn’t known her for her entire life, she might not have caught it. It was the same hesitation Luna had given her when she had asked if she and Johnny were sexually active years ago.
“I saw him a couple of hours ago. He told me he was going for a walk, to catch some fresh air.”
“Is that all he said?”
“Yeah. I mean he talked about his grandfather and everything, but nothing of importance.”
“I wonder where he wandered off to.” Eveline said with a deep sigh. If Johnny had told Luna anything, Luna wasn’t telling her.
“You might ask Mr. Caver.”
“Who’s that?”
“The gentleman that runs the B&B. Nice fellow, put Johnny up for the last few days.”
“I’ll have to go and check on that.” Eveline said a bit defeated. “I really should go and see Gary Portman, see what I need to do to get things rolling. If you see Johnny, you let me know.”
“Of course.”
Eveline gave a smile and removed herself, going down the aisle with small nods of acknowledgement to other people. Coming to stand beside Gary Portman, they exchanged a hug and she leaned into it heavily.
“How are you Eveline?”
“I’m holding up.” She glanced towards the door, seeing Johnny’s car outside. “Have you seen Johnny?”
“Not since this morning. Do you want to wait for him?”
“No. We should get this part over, been keeping dad waiting long enough.”
“Understood. I’m sure he will be here in no time.”
“I hope your right.”
***
Danny Stanfur pushed heavily down on the petals of his bike, heaving himself up the hill away from his house and to the edge of the road that ran along the edge of town. It was a hard ride, every stroke caused him to gasp. He thought after climbing the hill for so many years he would’ve been used to it. Seeing the top of the hill flatten and stretch out into the main road, he felt eagerness set in and the next few heaves came easier. Sitting on the edge of the two roads, his arms across his handlebars, he looked down at the town below him. Nothing had changed in the last seven years; old Miss Gretchen Olson had passed away two years prior when he was ten. Cardiac failure and his mother was surprised she had lived as long as she had with her poor health, the old gas station that his mother once worked at was now fully in shambles with a closed sign permanently hung on the door, and the Everleaf double wide sat empty. His eyes lingered on the once blue double wide, his mother had told him that after her friend Johnny had disappeared Mrs. Everleaf couldn’t bring herself to sell the place and once every two years Mrs. Everleaf comes to check on the place. Flying from all the way from Tennessee to check and make sure that nothing had changed in the old place. He had met her a handful of times, she was a sweet lady and always remarked on how handsome he was, that she could remember when her son was his age.
It gave him the chills when she talked about her son. Her son Johnny had disappeared some seven years ago, it made the national news as one of those unsolved mysteries and he recalled that April that his mother had told him they officially declared John Everleaf dead. He wasn’t sure if he imagined it or not, but his mother seemed happy at the news. He looked down at the steep hill that rolled nearly down the middle of town, he thought about letting himself glide down it. Feeling the wind wrap against his chest and his breath becoming short with excitement from it, but the thought trailed off at the thought of climbing the hill again. He was told to go see Pastor Portman, the old pastor needed some help pulling weeds and his mother had volunteered him, despite his complainants
