Silent guilt, p.11
Silent Guilt, page 11
part #2 of Silent Series
“No, that’s not it. It was supposed to be tomorrow, but it’s been postponed until Friday. There’s an extensive autopsy and investigation going on. Mom says the cops are working the case pretty hard to find who did it.” Nikki eyebrows are pulled in tightly and her blue eyes are scared. She has an alibi. I wonder if she thinks I had something to do with it.
“Okay. I’d expect nothing less, so what’s that look for?” I ask, gesturing at her face.
“It’s just...” She pauses again and takes a deep breath before continuing. “If what happened to Shannon, if what he did to her gets out, then all eyes will fall on you. People will think you did it. There’s motive if that comes out.”
She is right about that, but I’m not about to ask Shannon to keep what he did to her a secret. She held onto that for too long. She needs to get it out so she can move past it.
“So what? Just chill, okay. Let the chips fall and land where they do.”
“How can you say that?” Her voice is high. “Nick, this is your life on the line. You’re about to be a father. Can’t you just ask her to stay quiet about it?”
“Nikki,” I say with a firm voice. “You and I just moved past a lot of shit. Do not go there. Do not even think of asking Shannon to do that. This is where you need to drop it, right the fuck now. Just don’t.”
“But—” she starts to speak and I quickly cut her off.
“No,” I practically yell. “Leave it. This is the end of this discussion. Shannon is off limits. Do not even bring our father up in front of her. Ever. Are we clear?”
“Okay, Nick. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have mentioned it.”
“You shouldn’t have thought it.” She rolls her eyes at me, but I let it go. “Aren’t you going to ask about Shannon?”
“Why would I need to?” She looks at me like I’m stupid. Have I missed something? “We’ve been texting since Sunday. I know you two are back together. Now leave. I have to get dressed for work.” She doesn’t give me a chance to respond. She turns on her heels and walks down the hall, slamming her bedroom door behind her.
I take that as my cue and leave.
I realize, as I’m jogging down the steps, I forgot my dog.
“Dammit,” I mumble as I reach for my cell phone tucked inside my pocket. I send a quick text message to Nikki.
My Dog. Take her to Shannon’s!
And tell your newly acquired BFF, I’ll be
a few more hours. I’m going to find Jase.
NINE
Walking in the door at Quaint, I stop momentarily, taking everything in and realizing the hotel is no longer mine. Maybe that should pain me and perhaps it does a little, but I know deep down I’ve grown bored. This was my first success. I bought this place nine years ago and grew this company to what it is today. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished, but I’m not sad to see it go. Plus, I know I handed it over to someone who will only grow it further. Sam is a good man. Lockhart Publishing is my pride. It’s my passion. It’s where my heart is.
It’s still early afternoon so there aren’t many people drinking, but the one person I am looking for is. I look over to the far right of the bar and see him sitting there with a drink in hand and his head down as if in thought. Jase looks defeated. What the hell did my sister do to him this time?
Scanning the room, I see Tabitha behind the bar once again. She’s flirting with an old man at the other end of the bar. He throws his head back and laughs, obviously at something funny she said. As I make my way over to where my friend is, I nod in her direction as she looks over at me. She flashes her eyes from me and then to the left side of the room¸ causing me to look in that direction. When our eyes meet, I stop dead in my tracks.
Jeffery motherfucking Chaney.
Twice in less than a week. I could go without seeing his ugly face for the rest of my life. He smirks and then turns back to the woman sitting in a booth across from him. I can’t see her face and it’s dark in here, but I can tell she has long dark hair. Jeffery is an average size guy, about my height, but not as built. Still, he’s much larger than the woman sitting in front of him.
Breathing in through my mouth and then blowing the air out the same way, I shake my head and continue over to Jase. There isn’t anything I can do about Jeffery anyway. Not my bar I remind myself.
I pull out the stool and sit down next to Jase. He doesn’t look up. He doesn’t have to. He knows it me. I’m certain he knows I’d come find him eventually. It’s what we both do.
“Hey you,” Tabitha beams as she starts walking over. “What’s my ex-boss up to today and furthermore, what can I get you?”
“Just a glass of water,” I tell her with a flat tone, not bothering to answer her first question. She’s sweet and all, but I’m not here to converse with her and I really don’t want to deal with the flirtiness that comes with Tabitha.
Tabitha catches on that I don’t want to talk. Once she places my water down on napkins, she smiles warmly and then walks off back to the other side of the bar.
“So is this déjà vu only in reverse,” I laugh out, but my hopes at lighting the mood die out like I knew it would when Jase turns, pinning me with a fuck-off stare.
“Not in the mood.” Turning his attention back to his drink, he lifts it up and tosses it back in one shot. He looks at Tabitha, holding his glass in the air and shaking the empty cup, indicating he wants another.
Great. How many of those has he had?
“That was only my first.” Did I say that aloud? I don’t think I did.
“You got that judgmental look on your face, asshole,” he follows as if reading my thoughts.
“You know I’m the last person who’s ever judged you, so don’t give me that shit.” The asshole might be able to read my thoughts, but he isn’t going to sit here and spit bullshit out because he wants to piss me off. When Jase is mad or upset, it’s what he does. He wants everyone else to be as miserable as he is. He goes out of his way to pick fights.
“What do you want, Lockhart?”
“Motherfucker, don’t start shit you can’t finish.” And this is what I do. I goad him. I fuel his anger because it’s what he needs. Fucked up I know, but it’s the only thing that works for both of us. Fighting out our pent up frustration, anger, stress, it’s the only way to get rid of it. If only it worked for my guilt too, but it doesn’t.
“That pansy-ass mouth of your needs to shut the fuck up before I decide to shove my dick down that pretty little throat of yours, showing every motherfucker in this place what a little bitch you really are.” His voice may have been harsh, but the slight upward turn of his lips tells me he’s not thinking about his and my sister’s shit any longer.
Tabitha’s sits my glass of water down in front of me and then eyes Jase and me back and forth. She can’t tell if this is just fucked-up friendly banter. I wave her off as I lift the tall glass to my lips and take a hefty sip.
“Drink this and let’s get out of here,” I tell him as I slide my nearly full glass of water in front of him. “You need to punch that shit out. I’ll even let you use my face to do it.”
My chuckle dies out when Jase whips his head over in my direction. “Kiss the fuck off, asshole.”
I’m about to say something when Jase’s eyes look past me. His expression hardens and I witness his body go ridged as he sits up straighter. I feel someone walk up to the bar. They’re standing next to me on the left.
“Are you leaving so soon, Mr. Chaney?” Tabitha asks as I look over to see Jeffery tossing a credit card down on the counter. She scoops it up and turns to head over to the machine to run it through. Jeffery turns his head and eyes us both before looking directly at me.
“I’d offer my condolences, but we both know I wouldn’t mean it, and well, it’s not like you’re the least bit sad over his death now are you?”
“Fuck off, Chaney,” I spit out before turning back to face Jase. He dislikes the fucker just as much as I do. Mainly because he will always have my back, and any enemy of mine is an enemy of his.
“Gladly.” But as he starts to walk off, he says something that nearly has me flying out of my seat. “But before I go, I was wondering. Did my favorite little photographer get any great shots for me while she was in Vegas?”
What the mother.
Before I can stand, Jase grabs my arm and pulls me back. How the hell did he know she was in Las Vegas? A better question is why the fuck was she taking photos for him.
“No worries, Lockhart. I have a meeting with her next week. I’ll find out what she has for me then.” With a smirk across his face, he turns and leaves.
“Don’t,” is all Jase says.
“Release me,” I demand.
“Not a chance, brother. That fucker is just trying to fuck with you. He knows Shannon is his ticket to set you off. He’ll use anything he can and you know it. Don’t fucking jump to conclusions before you ask her.” He voice is stern and I know he’s right, but I also can’t help myself. Like hell she is going to meet with him. Over my dead body will she ever do any work for him.
“Then let me go so I can do just that.”
I go to walk out as he throws cash down on the counter to follow me. Seconds later, he’s by my side as I exit the bar.
“She’s at Knocked out.”
“Excuse me?”
“Nikki sent me a text before you came in. She mentioned Shannon was there.”
~~~~~~
The moment I enter the gym it only takes seconds for me to scan the floor. My eyes land on Shannon in the far back corner. She is throwing kicks and punches into a red punching bag that Nikki is standing behind. My sister is moving it from side to side, forward and backwards to throw her off, trying to make her miss her targets.
The only other times I’ve witness Shannon throw a punch was when she and Nikki sparred weeks back. I’ve halted my advance. Maybe I’m even a little stunned, but she is actually good. Sure, she put Nikki on her ass, but even I thought that was pure luck.
The woman has strength and skill. No matter where Nikki swings the bag, she doesn’t miss. Her hits and kicks are dead on.
And shit. It’s fucking hot. Her long, makes-my-dick-hard-every-time red hair is pulled back into a high ponytail. She is wearing a black sports bra and a pair of black loose-fitting shorts with the word ‘Knocked Out” spelled out across the rear in white letters. Each hand is clad in a pair of black gloves that has the fingers cut out. Her feet are bare and she looks sexy as hell.
Talk about a turn on.
My sister is also dressed in similar attire, except she’s wearing her signature Knocked Out red tank top.
“You planning on staring like the rest of the motherfuckers in this place all day or are you going to walk over there. You sure flew out of the bar like you were planning to rip off her head.”
I pin Jase with a kiss-the-fuck-off look. He smiles.
When I pull my head back around, I notice damn near every man in the place is looking, no staring in the direction of Shannon and Nikki. All of them are pussy footing around with the weights, barley lifting anything.
I take a deep breath that does nothing to calm the storm that sits just below the surface.
“Come find me when you’re done. You promised me I could use that ugly mug of yours as a punching bag.” He pushes past me as he makes his way to the locker room.
Asshole.
I stalk my way over. Nikki sees me coming but does nothing to warn Shannon. I know she can tell I’m pissed. As I’m getting closer and watch Shannon land kick after hard kick into that bag, it dawns on me or rather a thought enters my head. Should she be doing that? Is it safe since she is pregnant?
You really need to research baby shit, Lockhart.
“Get lost,” I bark as I wave Nikki out of the way and take her place behind the hanging bag. My sister rolls her eyes and then mumbles a “later” to Shannon before she walks off.
“What’s up with you?” Her eyes are full her concern, yet I ignore her question. Sure, I know I’m starting this conversation off by being an ass, but guess what. I am a fucking ass.
“No more leg kicks, but continue to jab the bag.” My tone comes off harsh and packed full of heated emotions. I’ve always let my emotions fuel my temper. It’s probably my biggest downfall. Shannon looks at me with eyes full of questions. She just stands there not doing what I told her. “Today, please.”
“What the hell is your problem?” she fires back. Her eyes flash, showing me that she will give me back every bit of what I’m about to lay on her. This really is one of the many things I love about her. She fights. She’s so fucking defiant. She doesn’t take my shit.
“Just punch the bag,” I grit out as I try to control my dick from getting any harder so I can remember the reason I was so angry when I walked in here. Ah, yes. Jeffery motherfucking Chaney. “I’ll ask the questions here.”
I’m a dick. I know I should give her the benefit of the doubt for once. I almost ended us and in the process got her hurt, again, because I let my anger control me.
Guilt.
It’s always there, but I’m here for a reason so I shove that pussy shit back inside.
“I’m waiting,” she almost shouts. I continue to stare at her. I’m not ready to bring Chaney up yet. My temper needs another minute or twelve to cool down. Plus, I’m beginning to piss her off, so telling her she isn’t allowed to work for that shit fuck wouldn’t go over very well.
“Is it safe for the kid for you to be doing this?” I ask as I motion between her and the punching back in front of me.
“Huh?”
“Is it safe for the baby?”
“Why wouldn’t it be?” she counters like I’m asking the dumbest question she has ever heard.
“Well, have you seen a medical doctor yet? Made sure the baby is okay? Especially after what…” I stop midsentence not wanting to finish. Not wanting to say his name and not wanting to remember what he did to her. Why the fuck didn’t I take her to hospital? Fuck. Shit. That’s what I should have done. Why the hell didn’t I get her checked out? I close my eyes as I pull in a breath of air and push it back out.
Opening my eyes again, I look down at the grey carpeted floor and I want to punch myself. No, I want to do a lot worse than that. I was so angry and hurt and only thinking about my own guilt that I let him inside my head again. He consumed my every thought and I had to get it out. I had to hurt him. I had to kill him.
I cast my eyes back up to meet hers and finish where I was going a moment ago. “…what my father did to you.”
Shannon stills at the mention of him and looks down. Her slender arms are hanging by her side.
“Um, no.” Her voice is a whisper. Surely, she knows she should have gotten checked out too. A second later, she glances back up to me, those fucking green eyes just kill me. All I want to do is close the distance between us and take her in my arms. I want to grab her, scoop her up and take it all away. Her eyes have so much lingering pain behind them. “I did make an appointment though, for later this week. Happy, now?” she finishes as she places her hands on her hips.
“Good, now hit.” I place my hand on the bag, moving it so it swings to my right. She simply stands, eyeing me with suspicion.
“Nick, that’s not the reason you’re here in one of your pissy moods so what’s really crawled up your ass in the last few hours?”
“Hit the goddamn bag, Shannon.” I really should shut the fuck up. We had a perfect two days in Las Vegas. I’m ruining it. I know that, but hell, I can’t help myself. Really this is her fault. She brings out the fire in me. She challenges me. Who the fuck challenges me? No one. So why the fuck does she have to do all the damn time?
“No.” Goddamn female. I hold the bag back in front of us and let go. She is going to be the death of me.
“Woman, don’t start this with me. Hit. The. Mother. Fucking. Bag.” Yeah, that’s not going to go over well. You’re a mothering fucking idiot, Lockhart.
“Kiss the hell off.” I’m staring at her with blazing fire behind my eyes, yet I don’t anticipate her move. She raises her left leg and kicks the bag dead on, sending it directly at me, or at my balls more like it.
Not only do my eyes grow wide, and even though they cloud momentarily with moisture, yeah, that’s right, moisture. I’m not a pussy. I don’t cry. I see the shock on her face before her mouth drops and I drop to my knees in pain.
Why the hell do women always have to go for a man’s nuts? Fuck that hurts.
“Shit. God fucking hell,” I yell. Does it help? Fucking no it does not. Shit. Fuck me. My palms land on the carpet and now I’m on all fours like a bitch. Fuck.
“I didn’t mean to do that, Nick.” I can tell by the soft tone of her voice she didn’t. She was aggravated. I pissed her off and I know she was just shoving the bag at me. Not that I’d admit it, but I deserved that.
“Damn,” I hear Jase jogging over in our direction. “That was a nice hit, girl.” I look up to see he has his arm draped over her shoulders and he’s looking down with a mile-wide smile on his face.
That’s Jase. One minute, he’s pissed at the world or rather Nikki and thinks his heart is breaking. The next he’s back to laughing and brushing it off like it never happened. I should have found out what was really bothering him. I’ll never get it out of him now. For him, it’s over. Never to be spoken of again.
“Piss off,” I choke out. Shaking my head from side to side, I try to gain control again and push myself off the ground.
Fuck me.
I knew this conversation was going to go badly, but never once did I anticipate my dick becoming inoperable.
“Go easy on him, will ya? He’s still got an ass-kicking coming from me and I like my opponents to be able to fight back. That way I don’t feel so bad when they get hurt.”
I growl in his direction. “Yeah, we’ll see who ends up on their ass.”
“Yeah, we will, fuckhead.” Jase releases Shannon and walks off, with me glaring at the back of his skull.
Motherfucker!
