Without limits ssion and.., p.100
Without Limits: A BWWM Collection of Passion and Desire, page 100
“You’re thinking so hard that relaxing and enjoying the ride is out the question, right?”
“I’m sorry, I just…”
He patted my hand. “I understand. It takes some adjusting to this, since you’ve been alone for so long.”
I leaned forward. “How come this is so easy for you? I mean, you’ve just come out of a serious relationship—”
“It ended six months ago.”
“I don't think that's enough time for you to know that you want us.”
Scott stared at me until I grew uncomfortable. “I want you, but obviously the time we've been together isn't enough for you to know whether or not you want us.”
He went back to eating, which left my mind racing in circles. He was right, in a sense. There was nothing not to want—he was caring, considerate, and steady. All good qualities in a man. I just wasn’t one hundred percent convinced we had enough to cement our relationship.
“There were signs,” he said, interrupting my thoughts. “I just didn’t care enough to see them. Suddenly, Lucy was always working after hours and on weekends. She would disappear for hours with her girlfriends, none of whom I knew.”
I started to speak, but he put up both hands and then laid them on the tabletop. “Maybe I was working too hard, but if we were meant to be together, I should have been paying more attention. And, none of that would have happened.”
“You think it’s that’s simple, huh?”
He picked up his glass and drank some water. “Yeah, though I know you don’t want to hear it.”
A smile stole across his lips. “D’you know that O’Jays song, Forever Mine?”
I racked my brain for a few seconds and then nodded.
“That’s how I feel about you.”
When I opened my mouth to protest, his eyes swept the room before he added, “I know that’s not where we started, but that’s how things are now.”
When I said nothing, he smiled wider. “And I intend to keep them this way.”
“I'll admit this feels right, but truthfully, I've been there and done the whole love and permanence thing and you see how that turned out.”
“I don't need to remind you that I'm not Nolan.”
His tone wasn't snarky, so I wasn't offended, but there were other things. “We don't know enough about each other.”
“We've been working on changing that, haven't we?”
“You don't know my whole family. Not that there are many of us, beyond Mom and a few cousins.”
Now, he chuckled. “You know mine.”
I cocked my head. “What about your parents?”
“They love me and when they know you, they will love you too.”
“Scott, you're changing the rules of the game.”
“Honey, this isn't a game.”
My laughter bubbled out and he wore a matching grin.
“You have an answer for everything, don't you?”
“Yeah, when the woman you're interested in is trying to beat a hasty retreat after the sweetest...” he dipped his head before adding, “er...interlude this side of heaven.”
“So, it's like that, huh?”
“You know better than anybody else.”
We chuckled again and I squeezed his hand and met his eyes. “Let's keep things at this level for a while.”
He pulled away and sat back, stroking his jaw. “And what level is that?”
“Let's just see where things go, with no pressure for us to be anywhere else.”
“At thirty-six, I'm old enough to know what I want and who I want to be with.” His brows moved toward each other for a nanosecond and then cleared. “But if drifting is what you want right now, it's fine with me.”
His eyes were clear, but I thought he was about to get passive-aggressive with his resistance.
I leaned toward him and touched his arm. “By the way, Angel named the rabbit Reggie, you know, like—”
“Yeah, the one from the ad we're creating. That's sweet.”
His phone pinged and he picked it up. “Sorry, gimme a minute.”
He read the screen, sucked in a sharp breath, and rage twisted his face. In seconds, he was tapping at the screen, returning a message. When he raised his head, one corner of his mouth curved in a smile that wasn't the genuine article. “Sorry, babe, I need another minute. I have to make a call.”
I reached for my bag, thinking I'd check my messages. I couldn't help wondering what had gone wrong in Scott's camp.
He walked outside and stood under the awning at the front of the restaurant. His face reddened as he spoke and I guessed it might be Lucy who called. By the time I returned a text to Rita and put the phone in my handbag, Scott was back. Other than some heat behind his eyes and the ruddiness to his skin, he seemed fine.
Still, I asked, “You okay?”
He stroked his jaw and bobbed his head. “Everything's fine.”
I wondered what reason he had to lie to me, but didn't press the issue. There was nothing wrong with him wanting to keep whatever just happened private.
I looked at my watch. “Let's go. We have twenty minutes before your session starts.”
He picked up his laptop case as I continued with what I had to say.
“Later, we can finish where we left off before you got distracted.”
“Good.”
His gruff tone unsettled me, but the intensity in his gaze said something else. It caused me to question my decision. Was clinging to my independence worth more than the adventure this man was offering so freely?
We hit the sidewalk, but unlike the other times we were together on the street, Scott didn't take my hand in his. He studied the concrete with his hands stuffed in his pockets as we walked to my office. The silence between us spoke louder than anything he'd said to me all afternoon.
Chapter Nineteen
Our relationship shifted over the next few weeks. Something significant happened that day after we first made love, but Scott preferred keeping the details to himself. When I pressed him about it, he said it had to do with Lucy and he didn't want to talk about it.
He was attentive and took Angel and me to several natural attractions across the island. Our outings were fun and I slowly relaxed as I realized Rita was right. Angel was open and adjusted well to having Scott around.
We stole time, as needed, to make love. Although our passion was still as flaming hot as our first encounter, something was amiss.
Scott had not broached the subject of us being a couple again, but since we still spent as much time together as we could, I figured he'd made peace with my position. But I was still uneasy. It wasn't that he was any less into me, but he was holding back.
After what he'd shared about Lucy, it was only sensible for him to protect his heart and given my position, it was a wise move. The only thing was, my point of view slowly shifted and I wanted more from Scott.
Easter came and went and in another couple of weeks, Scott would have finished his first assignment. Then, he'd be all mine for the remaining weeks. I'd started thinking about him moving back home permanently, but I hadn't raised the subject. I knew he'd had several offers to teach from a couple other studios, but again he hadn't shared his decision with me.
I'd come to find out that Scott could be stubborn when he wanted to be. He was still affectionate but when we made love, he didn't say the words I now needed to hear. I didn't doubt how he felt about me, but I'd realized weeks ago that we had to plan how we were going to make things work if we were going to continue our relationship.
Both Rita and Mom had congratulated me on going all in with Scott. I'd stopped trying to keep him and Angel apart and it made things easier on me.
Now, Angel ran back into the living room and sat between us. She and Scott had been watching an animated movie. He'd been explaining how the animations worked and she'd been lapping up everything he said.
A glance at the clock over the wall reminded me it was her bed time. “It's time to brush your teeth and get ready for bed, baby.”
“Seriously, Mommy? Uncle Scott was explaining to me how they made that scene in the jungle.”
“I'm sure he's told you that ten times already.”
Over her head, Scott smiled. “When we watch it next time, we can discuss it.”
“All right.” She got up, but dragged her feet.
I stood and took her hand. “Let's go. Tell Scott goodnight.”
She waved at him. “G'nite, Uncle. Did I tell you that you look like Jesus today?”
“Nope.”
“Well, you do.”
“Thanks,” he said, “I'm taking that as a compliment.”
She laughed. “It is, you look like the picture at Grandma's house. You just need more hair on your face and some Jesus slippers.”
In fact, in his cream linen shirt and with his hair loose, Scott did remind me of the picture representing Jesus that hung in Mom's living room.
“G'night, Angel.”
After supervising her teeth brushing and getting her into bed, I went back to the living room, where Scott sat scrolling through the channels.
I snuggled next to him and he rested an arm across my shoulders. The motion of his fingers running over my bare skin made me want him but any kind of romance beyond kissing was a no-no in my house. We both knew that and Scott respected my wishes.
I turned his head toward me and eased his lips open, kissing him deeply. We were both breathing hard when we separated.
“You're playing with fire,” he whispered.
“And so are you,” I said, massaging his scalp.
He switched off the television and pressed a series of kisses to my mouth.
“There's some business I need to take care of back home, so I'll be gone for a little while.”
I pulled in my breath and drew back. “But today's Thursday and you're leaving...”
“Tomorrow.”
I sat away from him. “What length of time is a little while?”
“I'll be gone for a week.”
His words made my stomach queasy.
“Why?”
“I have some things to sort out.”
“Do these things have anything to do with Lucy?”
His 'yes' came out on a tide of air I took to be a sigh. “Among other things.”
I tried to keep my tone civil when I spoke. “Can I ask what is so urgent?”
“You don't want to know.”
“Stop being an ass. I'm asking because I want to.”
“I prefer not to tell you. When I come back—”
“That's not good enough.” I folded my arms, trying to work out what could be so critical that he had to leave. “Are you going to do a paternity test?”
“No, I already did that.”
“Then what's so important?”
“I'm sorry if I'm frustrating you, but I prefer to deal with this on my own.”
“Go right ahead then. I hope your business reaches a satisfactory conclusion.”
“No, you don't.” His gaze was steady and his words were soft, but carried a sting. “You're being icy-polite and petulant, as if you have the right to act that way.”
I felt like he'd hit me, but I took a breath before asking, “What did you just say to me?”
“If I thought you were invested in us, then I'd feel the need to tell you what's going on in my life, but as it is, I'm not comfortable sharing everything that's happening.”
Now, I wanted to hit him. “You can't be serious.”
“Why would I joke about something like this? I wanted a relationship. You wanted us to be sex buddies and that's what we've been doing since you first got in my bed. If something changed, you should have told me.”
I stared into his eyes, unwilling to believe the crap he was telling me. Why did he think I was playing around during the time we'd been together?
If that's what you want, it's fine with me. When I told him I wanted to keep things as they were weeks ago, that had been his response. Now he wanted to act as if I was the only one who'd been playing house while we'd both been on different pages in our story.
I didn't see what difference it would make if he told me what was up with Lucy. He'd told me all about their relationship, so why he was keeping secrets now was beyond me. My mind skipped several tracks and went back to what he'd said.
“Sex buddies? Is that what you said?”
“Friends with benefits or sex buddies. Same difference.”
“That's not where I was and I'm insulted that you think that's what we're about.”
He rubbed his hands through his hair, rumpling it into dark waves. With his elbows propped on his knees, he sighed. “Maybe this isn't the best time to have this conversation.”
He got to his feet. “I'll call in the morning before I leave, okay?”
I wanted to tell him not to bother, but something clicked in my brain and I got up to stare him in the face. “Wait. You're leaving in the morning?”
He slipped both hands into his pockets. “Yeah, first flight out. My mom called me at lunchtime and I made the arrangements. I was going to tell you earlier, but with all the talking with Angel, I—”
“Don't bother insulting my intelligence. You've done exactly what you wanted to do. I'll see you whenever. That's if you come back.”
He winced and I knew I'd hit a nerve. The week after next was when he'd be starting the course at our studio.
Scott gripped me by the shoulders and I stood as stiff as a board, like a two-year-old terror who refused to be pacified. My gaze was defiant, but he hugged me close and kissed my forehead.
“While I'm gone, take the time to figure out what you want, okay?”
I didn't answer, but my eyes smarted like crazy. Eventually, I nodded and apologized for acting silly.
He sprinkled kisses in my hair and across my forehead and finally tipped my head back to plunge his tongue into my mouth and feast as if our parting was for good.
I held on to him as my passion rose, savoring his kiss even as my heart felt as if it would burst out of my chest and shatter at my feet.
With Scott gone, my life returned to its old normal. I took Angel to and from school, chatted with Mom and Rita, and threw myself into work at the office. The studio was getting even more projects and with Primrose's push to keep all her workers' skills upgraded, we were busy.
I had doubts that Scott would return at the end of the week. Something inside said he was punishing me for my reluctance to commit to him, but I also knew he was not that kind of man.
He'd been in touch every day, the same as usual, but he wasn't saying anything about what he was doing to sort out his situation with Lucy. I shared how my day had gone each time we talked, but felt like an outsider in his life. I didn't know exactly what was happening with him and I wasn't going to try and invade his privacy.
One thing was a constant: I missed him badly. Although we didn't spend our nights together, we talked often enough that I was used to having him in constant contact. Friday rolled around again and I'd asked Mom to come over and stay with Angel and Renée while Rita and I went out for drinks.
Mom would have made good company, but I needed someone my own age to talk to without having Angel around. She'd spoken to Scott several times this week and watching her talk to him reminded me of all the things she was missing from not having her father in close proximity.
I'd run into a bad marriage because I was looking for a father figure instead of husband material. With Scott, the dynamics of our relationship was different. He treated me as an equal and I expected nothing less. What I'd thought at first was protectiveness in Nolan and saw as sweet, turned out to be a need to control every aspect of my life.
Before I hit the streets with Rita, I wanted to talk to Scott and so I sat on my bed, opened the laptop, and got him on Skype.
He answered right away. “Hey, Vaughn, what are you up to? You look hot.”
The place where he sat was unfamiliar and piqued my curiosity. “Where are you?”
“I planned to spend the weekend with my parents.”
“Okay.” That sounded a little weird, as if he might change his mind, but I didn’t question it. “Tell them howdy. So yeah, Rita and I are going out for the evening.”
“Girls' night, huh?”
“Yeah, but I wanted to say hey before we go out. What up with you?”
“You know how it is. The work never ends.”
“Don't stay up all night hunched over the laptop.”
“I won't.”
I was about to disconnect when he said, “Why don't you call me when you come back? I'm sure I'll be up.”
“Sure.” I threw him a kiss. “Later then.”
A flurry rose beyond my bedroom door and I guessed Rita had arrived with Renée. As if she had a homing device, Renée hammered at the door, flung it open, and raced across the tiles toward me.
I opened my arms to embrace both her and the koala knapsack she carried on her back. “How's my wonderful niece?”
“I'm good. Angel said we're playing cards tonight, but I want to watch TV.”
I tapped her chin. “I'm sure you'll get to do some of that too. Angel is addicted to the television.”
Renée laughed, showing me her gap. “Mommy says the same thing about me.”
I got off the bed and put my laptop on the writing desk in the corner. “Have fun.”
“You too,” she said at the top of her voice as she trailed me to the living room.
Rita and I seemed to be in the same fashion mode. We both wore dresses, but where mine was cream and flared around my knees, hers was black and clung to her hips and thighs.
We said our goodbyes and got in my car. Tonight was not about fun and games. I wasn't in the mood for any of that. I didn't want to play cards, slot machines, shoot pool, or cause havoc with darts. I wanted a quiet evening away from everything normal. With its comfortable but classy atmosphere, The Eatery was what I needed.
When we were seated in the restaurant, I teased Rita. “Did Hugh see you when you left the house?”
“Yes, he asked me what was happening tonight.”
“What did you say?”
“I told him you were introducing me to a hot boy-toy.”
