Always have always will, p.5
Always Have, Always Will, page 5
My initial business plan which I used to get my parents to allow early access to my trust corpus included growing as much of the produce as possible. My parents created a trust fund for each of us when we were young. There are strings attached to the money, like gainful employment and never besmirch the Morgan name. Cash and Sam have both aged out of the provisions and have carefully been investing their monthly draws since they were barely twenty. They offered to add my payments to the pool last year. I’ve been sending them my draws for nearly eight months now. Their plan is to grow the corpus as much as possible for our collective children.
In my research, I’ve learned there isn’t enough land in the Big Apple. Also, the seasons make it nearly impossible to grow basic staples year-round. Recently I started branching out. I hope to take a long vacation this summer to seek out new areas that may work. I’ve found options in Connecticut, Rhode Island, and New Hampshire. There’s also a possibility in Boston, but I don’t want to trade one big city for another.
Near four in the morning, I wake with lines across my cheek from the files on my desk. I trudge to my bed for a few hours of hopefully deep sleep. Thankfully I’m able to sleep until near ten. I feel refreshed and ready to take on the day. I have dinner service tonight, so I have time for a run.
After lacing up, I take off out my front door. Running clears my head, and once I set my pace, I keep going. As I near a corner, I realize I’m about six miles from home and too close to my parents’ home. I turn around and head back to my townhouse.
To say we aren’t close is an understatement. My parents, Warren and Margaux Morgan, were basically hands-off parents. While my father provided for us, a gaggle of nannies and house staff cared for my siblings and me despite my mother not holding down an actual job. To her, planning galas and luncheons was too much for her. When we were old enough, we were shipped off to boarding school. At any given time, at least two of the Morgan siblings were at school together.
We received an excellent education, but our family bonds suffered for it, at least the bonds with our parents.
I can feel my phone buzzing in my pocket but resolve to check later. Now I need to pick up my pace to get to work on time. I hurry through the shower and onto the subway for a quicker ride to work. While I ride, I scan my messages.
Billie: Any progress with Caroline?
Savannah: Is it working?
Noelle: Auggie, you’re killing us. Have you talked yet?
I reply to all three at once.
Me: She agreed to go on a date with me on Sunday.
Noelle: Don’t screw it up. She’s amazing.
Savannah: About time with the looks you two throw at one another when you think no one is watching.
Billie: Yay! Another sister!
Me: Slow down, Billie. It’s our first date.
Billie: With your best friend who you’ve been in love with since, what, fourth grade?
Me: Fair point, but still. Love you bunches.
They all reply in kind. I hop off the subway and head into my kitchen. Dinner service was extremely slow. So much so I was able to set up the morning part of our date. The afternoon part requires a little help from my big brother.
Me: Can I use your penthouse on Sunday afternoon?
Surprisingly, he answers right away. Perhaps that isn’t the case anymore. Ever since he bought Pemberton, he has been piloting less and running the airline more. Plus, Noelle is having twins, so I doubt he’ll fly in the next few months.
Cash: Sure. Anything to do with a certain woman?
Me: Yes.
Cash: About time.
Me: You too?
Cash: It’s about time you both act on the feelings you’ve been hiding from one another. That’s all.
Me: The feelings weren’t a secret, not the right time.
Cash: Fair enough. Don’t screw it up. We love Caroline.
So do I. More than I should admit at this point. I don’t recall a time I didn’t love Caroline completely.
Me: Don’t plan on it. Love you bunches.
Cash: Love you bunches more.
There are a few more details to set in place for the perfect first date with Caroline. I leave the office, plate two more desserts, and close the kitchen for the night. The subway car is eerily quiet tonight. I text Caroline on my way home.
Me: How did it go today?
Caroline: Not too bad. Jenny was rather nice.
Me: Wow. Maybe she’s changed.
Caroline: Maybe. How was work?
Me: Slow, terribly slow.
Caroline: Sorry. What is the dress code for our date?
Me: Causal clothes for the morning, comfy for the afternoon.
Caroline: A whole day?
Me: Absolutely.
Caroline: What time?
Me: I’ll pick you up at eight.
Caroline: Perfect.
Me: Talk to you tomorrow.
Caroline: Okay.
I walk a few blocks home from the subway station and wash away the day. I want to speed up time. I miss spending time with her. I realize it’s my fault, but still.
Chapter Ten
Caroline
The rest of the week has flown by. I plan to give Sienna a few more days before reaching out to Noelle. I gently approached the subject with Jenny during a phone call during my free period yesterday. Surprisingly, she seemed receptive even though the suggestion was mine. Perhaps she has changed.
After a long morning walk, I find another delivery on my porch. This time it’s from the girls, not Auggie. I’m sure they know about our date by now.
I tear into the package. I’ve never seen this logo before.
Caroline,
Have a wonderful date. We can’t wait to hear about it.
Billie, Noelle, & Savannah
I’m floored by what I find inside the package. It’s a dark blue bra with a black lace overlay and a matching bikini. I’ve never seen a bra so pretty I didn’t want to touch it. When I finally feel the fabric, it’s so soft and silky. How on earth did they get my sizes right? Then I remember Billie has all my measurements from my gala gowns.
I open the group text labelled: The girl gang.
Me: Are you ladies out of your mind?
Savannah: Not even a little.
Noelle: Absolutely not.
Billie: The best thing you can bring with you is confidence. Our gift will help.
Me: How do you know I’m terrified?
Billie: You and Auggie have been dancing around your feelings for years.
Noelle: I assumed you were a couple when Auggie made our dinner.
Savannah: Same. The way you two look at each other is filled with heat and, dare I say, love.
Billie: What they said. We’re simply overjoyed Auggie finally saw what was right in front of his face for over a decade. Have a great time. Love you bunches.
Me: Thanks. Love you bunches more.
I grab the box and hurry through a shower before trying on the luxurious lingerie. I slip on the panties, and I literally feel like I didn’t put anything on. The fabric is soft against my skin. The bra too. I’m in deep trouble. I can only imagine how much of a dent this is going to make in my bank account for future purchases. The girls are a bit more well off than me. I’m sure this cost more than I spend on all my lingerie in six months. Billie’s right though, my confidence is through the roof. I change out of my gift and get ready for a day of grading English essays about E. E. Cummings and his seminal works of poetry.
I make it through a third of my essays before my mind wanders to tomorrow. I’m crazy nervous. It’s Auggie. No reason to be nervous. No, it’s exactly why I should be nervous—it’s Auggie. We could ruin everything. No, it’s going to be fantastic. My mind flashes to our talk on his couch and when I accepted his invitation. His skilled hands on my body felt… right. No, perfect, like they should have been there so long ago. I can only imagine what our first kiss will feel like—well, second I guess. I decide to put my feelings out there.
Me: Are you nervous too?
I send the text before I think better of it. He’s working. He won’t be able to respond until the wee hours of the morning. Much to my surprise, he answers almost immediately.
Auggie: Yes.
Me: How are you answering me right now? Aren’t you at work?
Auggie: Yes, but you’re more important than table 10’s filet.
I don’t even know how to respond to his text. My heart starts pounding harder.
Me: Thank you.
Auggie: Always. I’ll see you tomorrow. Sweet dreams.
Me: You too.
I’m glad I sent the text. I relax a bit more and finish grading the stack of papers. Near nine I clean up and stand before my closet, willing the perfect outfit to reveal itself. Almost an hour later, most of my tops are strewn all over my bed and every pair of jeans I own are on the closet floor. I step over those clothes, grab a tote, and pack for the second part of our date, which calls for loungewear. Selecting those clothes was much easier. I toss a pair of capri leggings, a tank top, threadbare tee, a frayed cuff hoodie, and tennis shoes into the bag.
As I put away the contents of my closet, I select my outfit for the morning. I opt for a pair of straight leg jeans in a dark wash, a green V-neck sweater, and flats. I select a set of my own lingerie, not my new set from the girls.
I have done everything I can, now I simply need to relax and forget I’ve been waiting for my date with Auggie tomorrow for the last few years. That isn’t accurate. I’ve wanted this date since we were sophomores in boarding school.
Chapter Eleven
August
I’m so keyed up about tomorrow, but sleep eludes me even after my grueling shift. There are twenty panels across my inlaid ceiling up and down and eighteen left to right. Until tonight, I never took the time to count them. Knowing Caroline is nervous too isn’t helping matters. I push away my thoughts so I can focus on resting before the most important date of my life.
Sunlight is warming my foot as my alarm blares. Generally on days off, I don’t use an alarm, but today isn’t like any day off. Shaking my nerves away, I get ready for my date. I grab fresh coffee for both of us and settle into my car. It’s early, so the traffic is light for the short ride to her home. Right before eight, I ring the bell even though I have a key to her home like she does for mine.
“Morning.”
“Morning. Come in.”
I step inside. Her hand remains on the doorframe.
“Still nervous?”
She nods tightly.
I reach out and take her hand in mine, which is shaking slightly. Once I notice the shaking, I gently draw her into my arms, holding her against me. At first she’s tense, but slowly she melts into me, setting her palms flat against my back. Never before have I catalogued how Caroline feels in my arms, not in a romantic way, but now I can’t help myself. I decided to woo my best friend, and I’m chastising myself for not doing it sooner. So much sooner.
“It’s just me.”
“That scares me the most,” she murmurs against my chest. “What if we mess us up?” Her eyes lift to mine.
“We won’t.”
“How can you be so sure?” Her tone is questioning, concerned.
“Because it’s us.” I lower my lips to her forehead. As I pull away, I feel her shiver in my arms. The last time she shivered in my arms was at Billie’s wedding while we were dancing. “Let’s go have some fun.”
“Definitely. Where are we going anyway?” She loops her arm through her tote and purse.
“It’s a surprise.” I take her hand in mine and lead her to my car. I take her bag and put it in the back seat while she settles into the passenger seat. I round the car, close my door, hand her an expertly prepared cup of coffee, and pull into traffic. The ride to the docks isn’t far from her townhouse. Like earlier, the traffic is still light.
She’s fidgeting with the handle of her purse. I reach across the console and cover her hands with mine. Too soon I pull into the parking lot.
“We’re going sailing?” Excitement laces her words. “How did you know?”
“You told me.”
“It was a long time ago, Auggie.”
“It was, but I’ve been paying attention.”
She unbuckles her seat belt, leans over the console, and kisses my cheek. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“What other things do you remember?” she asks, still leaning on the console. Ignoring the glimpse of her ample breasts is impossible. I would be lying if I said I wanted to ignore it too.
“Everything. Every single outing, dream vacation, or random thought you’ve shared. I remember it all.” Rendering Caroline speechless isn’t an easy feat. It seems I’ve done just that. I reach up and cup her jaw with my hand. Her eyes shift to meet mine. Her emotions are playing out right before me. “Let’s go sailing.”
I hurry around the car and open her door. Even though we were never dating before now, Caroline waits for me to get her door. Maria-Luisa, my nanny, would be proud. I suppose she’s more than my nanny now. She’s my niece Emerson’s grandmother too. I offer her my arm. She takes it and we board a large, white-sailed schooner.
“Good morning, Mr. Morgan, Miss Waterman. Welcome aboard the Lady Beth. I’m your captain, Henry. This is Cassie; she’ll be your guide for today’s tour. The weather is overcast, but the showers should hold off until after our return.”
“Morning,” we reply in unison.
“Cassie will escort you to stow your belongings. Please enjoy the refreshments below deck as well.”
“Thank you,” I reply before we follow Cassie down the stairs and take a seat.
“We’ll unmoor in the next fifteen minutes,” Cassie informs us before she returns to the main deck.
“Thank you.” Caroline moves toward the sideboard stocked with an array for colorful breakfast foods. “Do you want another cup?”
“Sure.” I rise and stand beside her. Caroline hands me a cup and two packets of sugar. My fingers skim across hers when I take the cup.
A soft sigh escapes her lips, and goose bumps run up her forearm.
“Did I miss all these reactions to me for the last few years?”
Caroline takes a few breaths before responding. “Honestly?”
“Always, cuore mio.” I don’t need to tell her the phrase means “my heart” in Italian. We were in the same class. Mrs. Spumoni made certain we learned some of the fun parts of the language along with the basics.
“I don’t know if you were missing them or ignoring them. I never purposely hid my physical responses to you. I tempered them, I guess, in relation to when our last conversation about our relationship was. It doesn’t matter; I don’t need to anymore.”
“It does matter.”
“Why?” Her tone sounds concerned.
“It means I hurt you more than once.”
She lowers her gaze. I lift my hand to her chin, forcing her eyes back to mine.
She attempts to speak more than once and fails. Finally, she replies, “Yes, you did, but I understood your reasons because you never voiced any feelings for me. I truly thought you didn’t see me as more than your best friend who happened to be a girl. At Billie’s wedding though, drunk or not, you were honest.”
“I never lied to you. I never said I didn’t care about you. I misunderstood your concerns. I will never disrespect you by being with another woman.”
“I know. Can we forget the last few minutes?” she suggests.
“Only if you agree to be completely honest with me. No holding back for my benefit.”
“Are you sure it’s what you want?”
I know her, she has been holding back for some time, and I missed it. “Yes.” I’m still nervous about this whole thing. Part of me needs to pretend Caroline is a stranger and we’re on a first date. It means taking her responses both verbal and nonverbal for what they are.
“Okay. Let’s go topside and enjoy this cruise along the Hudson River.”
I reach my hand out to her, and she slides her long, delicate fingers between mine. Never have I intertwined my fingers with Caroline’s. They fit perfectly. I’m sure it’s hard to believe nothing ever happened between us, but nothing outside of a hug or a dance at the formals in school or the galas ever has. To clarify, I mean a waltz not like a nightclub where there’s no space between a couple. Aside from when we were ten and after the rehearsal dinner, Caroline has never been pressed against me long enough for me to react to her until she came to talk to me and earlier today.
We take a seat side by side, our hands still linked, watching the scenery pass by, none of which is new for either of us. We were both born and raised in New York City. We are approaching the Statue of Liberty and can see the city skyline as well.
“Auggie, what was that? Did you see that?”
“I didn’t see anything. Let’s move to the rail and search again.” I have no idea what she saw. I trap her against the rail with one hand on either side of her. With flats on her feet, she’s short enough for me to rest my chin on her shoulder.
“What did you see, Caro?”
“Now I’m not sure I saw anything. It’s rare for a whale or dolphin to move this far inland.”
“You always did love dolphins.” Without thinking, I press a kiss to the curve of her neck.
She sets her hands atop mine on the railing. I spread my fingers, and she curls hers around mine. I cross my arms in front of her, drawing her even closer. Taking a step back, I add some space between our bodies. A whimper of disappointment falls from her lips. I turn her in my arms and pull her against me again. Her hazel eyes lift to mine. I’ve never seen that look aimed at me. Noelle and Savannah look at my brothers like that. I’ve seen Billie look at Peter similarly, but never me.
