Authentically izzy, p.13
Authentically, Izzy, page 13
I couldn’t get him to open up too much about his past. Maybe he’ll open up eventually. I’ve never valued freedom in conversation so much in my life, especially after all of these conversations with Brodie. It’s made me realize how wonderful conversations with a man can be (besides you, Luke, of course). And you know, maybe I’ve never felt confident enough to try to be completely me in conversations . . . until now. It is very much like the quote Lizzie Bennet doles out on Darcy in Pride and Prejudice about his conversing easily with others. “I have always supposed it to be my own fault—because I would not take the trouble of practicing.” And practice I have . . . and shall! Now that I’ve experienced the wonderfulness of it, I can’t go back to awkward silence or one-way discourse. I am ruined to generic dialogue from this day forth.
I love these mountains, but I’m sending the most recent photos Brodie shared so that you all can appreciate the amazing beauty of his home. It looks like a magical place, like something from a historical-fantasy movie or a children’s fairy-tale book. Unreal and vibrant and . . . too good to be true. Kind of like how I feel about Brodie.
Oh, but he’s such a sweet friend. And that’s how I see him now, as someone who fits into my day as easily as the two of you. I wouldn't have believed it possible that an online relationship could become so . . . real, but it has. Surprisingly and wonderfully real. No hologram could equal this.
And before you correct me, Penelope, it is only a friendship. I have to think of it that way. Even though we came to know one another through a dating site, there’s been no talk of more. I’m happy with what it all is right now, and friendship “matches” have the potential to be every bit as powerful as the romantic sort. Just think of Merry and Pippin, or Eugene and Mortimer, or Sherlock and Watson.
Brodie seems to be such a good man. I mean, genuinely good. Yes he’s quiet and quirky, but his heart is so full and kind. I never realized how much something like our conversations could mean to me. Simple conversations, without a kiss or handhold in sight. Oh, how well Regency novels prepared me for this moment. Whew . . . what would dancing with him be like? I’m all aflutter!
This relationship with him has helped me notice a few things about myself, things I’d always refused to see. That I am worth knowing and seeing. That my thoughts and feelings matter, and though I’ve made lots of mistakes in relationships, they’ve not all been my fault. How could I have believed those lies for so long? Does hurt paired with insecurity somehow weed out common sense and replace it with blindness? It’s made me want to really search deep for whatever dreams I’ve hidden away under the guise that . . . well, that they can’t come true.
I would never have believed it and I don’t really understand it, but how can I feel more connected to someone who lives on the other side of the world than to someone across the restaurant table? Does that make any sense at all?
What do I do with all these thoughts right now? I’m not quite sure. But there they are.
Wistfully,
Izzy
PS: It’s strange to feel sort of peaceful about my romantic future for the first time in my life.
PPS: Can hidden dreams include flying?
From: Luke Edgewood
To: Izzy Edgewood, Penelope Edgewood
Date: April 1
Subject: Re: A friend for my heart?
I’m surprised it took you this long to realize the ultimate value of words. Genuine ones. You’re the bookworm after all. Funny thing about seeing trees and forests, isn’t it?
My favorite friendship match is Calvin and Hobbes.
Luke
PS: I like Blighty. He laughed like he meant it.
PPS: I think your dreams are long overdue, unless it’s the one about the giant book that eats people. I think you can return that one to the library now.
From: Izzy Edgewood
To: Luke Edgewood, Penelope Edgewood
Date: April 1
Subject: Re: A friend for my heart?
Speaking of words!! (Yes, Luke, I’m ignoring your big brother tone of voice.)
I just finished reading Eli’s chapters. Oh dear, he cannot write romance. I actually cringed when reading something like, “She looked into his eyes, every fiber of her being hoping he cared for her. She trembled with the need for his love. For his acceptance of her. Even if all he ended up doing was allowing her to be near him. He was her everything. What would she do if he rejected her?”
This woman has no self-worth at all. Perhaps I should send excerpts of Lizzie Bennet, Jo March, or Hester Prynne to encourage a more well-rounded idea of fictional-female strength. “What would she do if he rejected her?” Grow a spine and create her own path, if she’s worth the word heroine. And she wrings her hands incessantly. Why? Oh, let me tell you. “She ached for him to touch her fingers again. It seemed as if she couldn't keep her hands still from the memory of his warmth, so she twisted her fingers together, waiting. Hoping. When would he relieve her suffering?”
Oh good grief!
Maybe I should encourage him to return to ancient Greece.
Izzy
PS: Before you say anything about my similarities to his heroine, I will remind you that I am a changed woman. Or will be after my hair appointment. That is all.
PPS: Of course you would pick a boy with an imaginary tiger as his best friend, writes the man who had an imaginary monkey until he was . . . ?? Is Leopold still around?
From: Luke Edgewood
To: Izzy Edgewood, Penelope Edgewood
Date: April 1
Subject: Re: A friend for my heart?
Izzy,
The Easter Bunny is one thing. Don’t mess with my monkey.
Luke
From: Penelope Edgewood
To: Luke Edgewood, Izzy Edgewood
Date: April 2
Subject: Re: A friend for my heart?
Izzy,
In my psychology class we learned that the best way to deal with sensitive artistic personalities like Eli’s is to ask questions to help them come to their own conclusions. Directness may lead to internal wounds. Or was that about counseling teenagers? Oh well, I’m sure it works for both. And don’t most authors write much better when they’re depressed or angry? I seem to remember something like that from American literature class. Maybe you can become his inspiration with a little well-placed truth sprinkled in, Izzy. If anyone can sprinkle in truth for hard-headed and soft-hearted people, it’s you! You’ve learned to do it so well with Mama and Josephine.
Thank you for sending photos of the Book Parade. I’m so sorry I didn’t get to come. I had no idea they would have my internship interviews last week! What a time! You know, they asked me about Skymar and I have a curious feeling that they are considering sending me there instead!! Can you imagine!! I’ll try not to get too excited about the possibility, but I’ve already favorited at least thirty webpages in anticipation. There is a musical set in Skymar! Did you know that? It’s called Hope Away. I’m trying to scour the Internet for a glimpse.
As far as the Book Parade: You look wonderful!! I love how you curled your hair at the ends. I think the color of your dress really must have brought out your eyes because they looked so vibrant from the photos . . . Either that or it was the glimmer of terror as you tried to keep King Arthur from knocking Anne Shirley over the head with his foam sword. Terror makes my eyes look brighter too.
I hope I can attend the parade next year. I’ve kept my Cinderella dress since high school for just an opportunity like this! I’m afraid the Dorothy Gale shoes have gone the way of my roommate's puppy. When I found out, I may have yelled something about houses dropping, to which I was immediately remorseful. I’ve seen Wicked. Even the greenest witch has a deeper story.
I have a date with sweater-vest boy. (Mean leading-man didn’t like it at all, so I was quite happy.) His name is Andrew. He doesn’t watch Hallmark movies, but he likes Poldark, so there’s hope. And he doesn’t smell like tobacco. He smells like coffee.
Love,
Penelope
PS: I totally understand about the hair appointment and change.
From: Luke Edgewood
To: Izzy Edgewood, Penelope Edgewood
Date: April 2
Subject: Re: A friend for my heart?
Hair appointment? Change? I’m not even going to ask.
Luke
From: Izzy Edgewood
To: Luke Edgewood, Penelope Edgewood
Date: April 2
Subject: Re: A friend for my heart?
Penelope,
Poldark says a lot about Andrew, as does the sweater-vest. With only that to go on, I think you definitely have a good start. I can’t wait to hear how the date goes. You must call me to fill me in. I love to hear the excitement in your voice as you describe the evening. I also can listen to you lambast him in the safe haven of our conversation should the date turn in a less satisfactory direction.
The Book Parade exceeded my expectations. I was afraid, with fewer children picking up books nowadays, my little plan to encourage reading would blow up in my face, but it’s only grown! We had four more businesses participate and thirty more children. I must say, Penelope, I don’t think I’ve been as proud of anything in my life as I am of our community coming out to support smiling children donning bookish costumes.
I have started reading the next three chapters in Eli’s newest manuscript. The woman, a librarian, has long chestnut-colored hair and brown eyes which are “too big for her face.” Evidently they’re the kind “a man falls into.” Why does that sound like a compliment and an insult at the same time? Also, why does it sound like me?
There may also have been a reference to The Office, which I had mentioned as a television show that made me laugh. Hmm . . .
Love,
Izzy
PS: I tend to agree with Lemony Snicket when he writes, “Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them.” Digital ones count in this day and age, but a page-and-spine book in a man’s hands? Well, I’m not sure there’s anything as initially attractive in the whole world!
PPS: Eli kissed me quite by surprise. I would have to possess a large emotion, indeed, to initiate a kiss, and I seriously doubt that will ever happen.
Text from Eli to Izzy: Izzy, would you have time for coffee tomorrow morning? I have questions about the comments you left on my manuscript. Why would you think my heroine needs to be stronger? “She needs more strength of character,” you said. I don’t understand. Is this one of those feminist comments?
Izzy: Yes, I can meet. No, it’s not a feminist comment; it’s an editorial/reader one. In romantic comedies it’s fine if the heroine is going to “grow” into more strength of character as the story progresses, but to be a “heroine” she really needs a few defining qualities as to why the hero would be attracted to her in the first place. There’s nothing heroic about a weak character who doesn’t make any decisions for herself, especially in a contemporary romance. Women have to like her.
Eli: Weak? She’s not weak. She’s just in love.
Izzy: Love does lots of things, I’m sure, but having a woman weep over a man giving her a brownie is usually not one of them (with one caveat that only women truly understand). What can you give her that shows why the hero is attracted to her? That would help. Plus making her less weepy.
Eli: That’s a little harsh, Izzy. When a woman is smitten, she’ll act in many different ways. I’m surprised you’d call her weak to be in love.
Izzy: When you become a woman who is smitten, then you can argue with me. And, yes, women have a tendency to respond irrationally sometimes, but no woman wants to appear empty-headed or weak willed. Your female readers (who are the majority of romance readers) will not appreciate her.
From: Josephine Martin
To: Izzy Edgewood
Date: April 2
Subject: Mother
Izzy,
Have you spoken to Mother in the last few days? I know you’ve been busy with the Book Parade and the fundraiser, so you may not have had a chance, but you’re going to love the news she has for you. Act surprised when she tells you, all right? In preparation for becoming a grandmother, she’s retiring from the library! She’s thought about it for a while, but with twins and the needs I’m sure to have, she’s decided to go ahead and do it. You know what that means. You can become the head librarian! With the small raise and the natural prestige, you’ll be set for the rest of your life. You won’t have to go through the horrid chore of opening your own bookshop. Do you remember when I started my own small business? It was exhausting. If I hadn’t had you helping me with the business side of things, it would never have done so well. This will solve all of your problems (except the boyfriend one . . . but you’re working on that with Mr. Gable).
It really is a perfect solution for everyone. Mother has a successor she can trust to maintain her excellent vision for the library and you can continue with your lifelong obsession of books. No one could be better to carry on Mother’s legacy than you, of course. It’s all so wonderfully settled.
Perhaps you can use all the money you’ve been saving for the business (which isn’t likely to succeed in town since there is already one successful bookshop) to travel like you’ve always wanted to do. What a wonderful opportunity all around! I’m so excited for you. I’m certain Mother will speak with you about it soon. She hopes to retire by September, but doesn’t feel there is a need to hurry since she has you.
Oh, Izzy, don’t you just love it when all of these points converge to reveal a perfect happily ever after?
Josephine
PS: What a perfect match for a librarian and an author to become a pair! And think how much his contacts could help support the library. It’s almost too perfect!!
From: Izzy Edgewood
To: Josephine Martin
Date: April 2
Subject: Re: Mother
Is this a belated April Fools’ joke, Josie? You don’t seem the sort, but I’m just checking before I respond.
Izzy
PS: When all the points converge, it can also reveal a Bermuda Triangle.
From: Izzy Edgewood
To: Luke Edgewood, Penelope Edgewood
Date: April 2
Subject: Aunt Louisa and my future
I just got off of an excellent video call with Brodie where we spent half of the time sharing our favorite Calvin and Hobbes stories, when an email from Josie deflated my happiness like nothing else. Did either of you know Aunt Louisa planned to retire from the library in September? Josie says she wants to have freedom to help with the twins when they arrive, which I cannot fault her for at all, but retire?
And of course that means she’s looking to me to take over the library, which vanquishes the bookshop idea or any other future dream-job ideas. I know Aunt Louisa and Josie have the best intentions, but I’d appreciate a say in the workings of my own future. I know you both understand. Luke, Josie had you enrolled in three different schools with your career all planned out as a veterinarian. And Penelope, she nearly forced you to become a contestant on some spinoff of The Voice.
True, Josie isn’t as bad as Miss Havisham, but she’s certainly on the same page as Austen’s Mrs. Bennet with a little Catherine de Bourgh stubbornness sprinkled in for good measure. Whatever hormone power those twins are giving her right now is only fueling the emotional madness!
I love the library. I’ve grown so much as a person and a part of our community since taking the job. It’s allowed me the freedom to research marketing, small business tips, and creative ideas to enhance such a historical place, but become head librarian? Is that what I want?
My heart squeezes against the thought. I’m thirty. I’ve lived in this community my whole life. My best friends are my cousins. My favorite conversations are online with a man who lives in a foreign country. My dog has a healthier social life than I do.
Some days I feel as though I’m stuck on a conveyor belt with no ability to alter the course of my future. I don’t expect starting my own bookshop to be an easy task, but succeed or fail, it would be my plan. Is it crazy to want to run away from home at thirty years old? To drop everything and redirect your life? To grasp the “what-ifs”?
I don’t expect an answer. I think I just needed to voice my thoughts. Seeing them in print helps me process, as you know.
I love you both,
Izzy
PS: I’ve always liked the name The Prints & the BookWyrm. Isn’t that a cute name?
From: Luke Edgewood
To: Izzy Edgewood, Penelope Edgewood
Date: April 2
Subject: Re: Aunt Louisa and my future
What do you want, Izzy? Once you know the answer, you’ll become the heroine of your own story.
Luke
PS: The Prints & the BookWyrm is a fun name. Sounds like a book that needs to be written.
From: Penelope Edgewood
To: Izzy Edgewood, Luke Edgewood
Date: April 2
Subject: Re: Aunt Louisa and my future
Izzy,
I think you’re right about Josephine and the hormone hurricane. I’ve not been around a great many pregnant women, but I’ve seen all the Father of the Bride movies! Patrick is a prince, and he doesn’t even wear sweater-vests.
Penelope
PS: I know you love the library, but I’ve always wondered if you’d fit there forever. Your imagination always seemed too . . . extraordinary for ordinary things, but what do I know? Luke still makes fun of me for pretending Santa Claus is real. How can I not? If I don’t believe in Santa Claus, I’ll never find my Hallmark hero, will I?
