Troubled waters, p.29
Troubled Waters, page 29
“This is Macey Steigel. I have an appointment with Mr. Winslow this afternoon.”
“Yes, we’re expecting you, Ms. Steigel.” The woman hissed her s’s.
“I’m sorry . . . terribly sorry. I’m going to have to cancel.”
Macey could tell by the short laugh on the other end that his secretary wasn’t used to people canceling appointments with the great Thornton Winslow. “Excuse me?”
“Again, I’m terribly sorry. I’m just going to have to cancel.”
“I see,” the woman said demeaningly. “Mr. Winslow will be disappointed to hear that.”
“I’m disappointed as well,” Macey said. “If he wants to call, my cell phone number is—”
“We’ve got your numbers, Ms. Steigel. I’ll give him your message.”
The phone went dead, and Macey’s eyes stung with the threat of tears. She stared at the ceiling and drew deep breaths in order to calm herself. She checked her watch. It was eleven-forty. She gathered her luggage and strolled through the airport, down the escalator, and to the rental car area. The same round-faced woman who had helped her only a couple of hours ago when she returned the car stood stoically behind her computer, waiting for the next customer. Several people were before Macey, so she waited her turn. When she finally stepped up, the woman peered at her over her glasses. “May I help you?”
“Need to rent a car,” Macey said.
The woman’s thin lips pressed together. “Didn’t you just turn in a car earlier this morning?”
“That’s me,” Macey said whimsically.
The woman shrugged and began typing Macey’s information into her computer. “And how long will you be staying this time?”
“Hard to say.”
“And what type of car would you like to rent today?”
Macey smiled. “The smallest, cheapest thing you got.”
The woman continued typing, and after a few minutes handed Macey her keys and confirmation papers. As she started to walk through the doors that led to the rental car parking lot, Macey stopped. With one swift motion, she pulled off her watch and tossed it into a nearby wastebasket.
Only time will tell, she thought, if there is such a thing as peace like a river.
Twenty-Eight
Evelyn walked slowly along the bank of the Neosho. She’d wanted to get out earlier and walk but had busied herself and lost track of the time, and now the sun was higher in the sky, the humidity thick. She took her time, though, and was careful to stay near the shade trees that, upstream from Stone Bridge, stretched forth their limbs over the riverbank. Still, the sweat rolled down her cheeks, and she decided it was time to head back to the house. She’d invited Patricia over for lunch and expected her to be arriving soon.
Before turning back toward home, she stood on the bank above the river, closed her eyes, and prayed. It wasn’t a fancy prayer, and she certainly wasn’t on her knees like her grandmother had taught her, but she figured the good Lord would hear it anyway. For a long time she listened to the burble and slosh of the river, which soothed her and reminded her of younger days when she and Jess would hold hands and walk here, with Macey trailing behind, skipping through the grass and searching for frogs.
Then there were the later years when they’d walk even slower and not as far, and although Evelyn never knew for sure, she guessed Macey was on Jess’s mind as they walked.
A flock of crows flapped their wings, making their notorious racket, prompting Evelyn to open her eyes and stare down again at the water. She hadn’t yet spoken a word to the Lord, though her heart prayed. Sometimes there weren’t words to describe the feelings of the heart.
But finally she found two words that seemed to sum up all that burdened her. She uttered them aloud. “Help me.”
It was all she prayed. Afterward, hoping she hadn’t lingered too long, she turned and headed home. The sun easily burned her tender skin. She tried to pick up her pace, but this only left her gasping and out of breath.
She passed by Stone Bridge once again and smiled at the thought of how many times Stephanie and Savannah had run across it to visit her. She glanced over at Noah’s house but didn’t see anyone outside in the yard.
She stopped walking. Something caught her eye. It was a box, half opened, with something inside. Carefully stepping to the edge of the bank, she peered down and tried to steady herself. She had never been fond of heights.
“What in the world?” Evelyn said out loud and squinted her eyes to focus on the object better. It looked to be a small white clothing box. Whatever was inside the box also looked to be white, though very dirty. Had someone lost it?
Her feet inched closer to the bank’s edge, and for a brief moment she thought about attempting to climb down and rescue it from the water and rocks below. But she dismissed the thought as quickly as it came. Nevertheless, something was drawing her to the little cardboard box.
“What are you doing?”
Evelyn whipped around, her foot breaking loose on the slippery riverbank. A strong hand caught her and pulled her to level ground. “Patricia!” Evelyn gasped.
“You looked as though you were gettin’ ready to jump!” Patricia said, staring at her like she’d lost her mind.
Evelyn shook her head while trying to catch her breath.
“And what may I ask are you doing out in this heat?”
Patricia’s eyes were wide with concern.
Evelyn’s lungs finally caught up with her need for air. She pointed down to the river. “Look at that.”
Patricia took a glimpse over the edge. “Looks like a box.”
“There’s something in it,” Evelyn said.
“Ruined by now,” said Patricia, taking Evelyn’s arm and urging her back to the house. “It’s all wet and covered with mud.”
Evelyn stopped her. “Patricia, could you do me a favor and climb down there and get it?”
Patricia looked at her, a worried expression crossing her face. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” Evelyn insisted. “But there’s something about that box.” She glanced back down at it.
Patricia shook her head as she knelt down on the bank. “Pretty steep. But I’ve done worse.” She turned around and lowered herself backward off the edge, sliding a couple of feet before finding her footing on some rocks. She jumped to a more stable area, hopped over a few more rocks, and then was down by the river and the box. Carefully balancing on the rocks sticking out of the river, she was finally close enough to reach for it. After two tries, she snagged it.
Climbing back up proved easier, even while holding the box out away from her body. Patricia was soon scrambling up over the edge and dusting herself off. She handed the box to Evelyn, then started scraping mud off the bottom of her shoes.
“What is it?” she asked, looking up at Evelyn. “Evelyn? What’s wrong?”
Evelyn’s whole body shook as she stared at the contents of the box. “Oh, dear Lord,” she muttered.
Patricia looked into the box. “Looks like a baby gown.”
Tears welled up in Evelyn’s eyes. “It is.”
———
It seemed to have become a routine these days: Patricia and Evelyn sitting together on Evelyn’s couch, with Patricia patting Evelyn on the back while she sobbed into a tattered tissue. It was much the same grief she had felt the day she found out Jess had lung cancer and that there was nothing the doctors could do. It wasn’t quite the end, but it sure had felt like it was.
Evelyn knew she’d see Macey again someday. The gentle kindness in her daughter’s eyes told her so. But she didn’t know when, or how, or even if it would be anytime soon. Her whole life had been filled with days marked by the predictable, routines she’d developed to perfection. She hadn’t complained about it. In fact, there was a certain comfort in it. Now, the one time the Lord had asked her to be a little bold, to step out in faith and do the right thing, she failed miserably.
“There, there,” Patricia said sympathetically. “It’s not the end of the world. God’s still God, and He’s still in the miracle business. You know He works round the clock, seven twenty-four. He’s not going to let you down now.”
Evelyn nodded but still continued to sob. “But I failed Him. And I failed my daughter. I’m a coward, Patricia. A coward.”
“Don’t you say such things. It wasn’t promising to be an easy thing, what you’re needin’ to do. God’s the God of second chances, so we just need to be prayin’ that everything comes around.”
Evelyn shook her head. “He gave me a second and third and fourth chance already. I blew it every time. I’m a good-for-nothin’ coward.” She stared at her hands. “My poor daughter. Finding that little outfit. That’s the only explanation for why it ended up in the river. What she must be thinking! Poor girl.”
Patricia continued to rub circles on Evelyn’s back, and Evelyn continued to weep. After a while, the grief faded into exhaustion and the tears dried up, making her eyes red and painful. The sobs had turned into slow and deep breaths, and she began to sense an inkling of hope. She didn’t know from where it came, but for some reason her heart didn’t hurt so much. She looked at Patricia, who smiled warmly at her.
“You okay, old gal?”
Evelyn nodded. “I’m sorry to put you out like this. I know you’re busy helpin’ folks much worse off than me.”
“Nonsense. We’re friends. Friends are there for each other. Besides, I was supposed to be out at Cal Courter’s home, and he’s so self-centered that it takes all my energy just to go visit him. Maybe me skippin’ a day will make him appreciate me all the more.”
Evelyn smiled. “Well, at least let me make you that lunch I promised you. I’ve got a whole fridge full of food and no one to eat it but me, and I certainly don’t need it all.”
“Sure thing,” Patricia said. “You got any of Fred’s roast beef?”
A relieved grin spread across Evelyn’s face.
———
Patricia and Evelyn sat at the kitchen table and ate lunch together, enjoying roast beef sandwiches, ice tea, and sweet pickles. Evelyn reminisced a little about Jess, the first time she was able to talk about their good memories without feeling complete heartache. Patricia admitted her fear of never getting married and how it was one of the more difficult trials the Lord had put her through.
As Evelyn listened, she quietly thanked God for this good friend. Even though a widow now, Evelyn wasn’t totally alone. Patricia hadn’t just been her husband’s nurse; she was indeed a friend. She’d felt close to Patricia during the months Jess was sick but had feared their relationship would fade after Jess’s death. Thankfully, that wasn’t happening.
There were also Noah and the girls. She could see how much they missed Jess. He was always the one who would take them out on the tractor or let them feed the chickens. She so appreciated the way Noah took care of her in the way a son would. She’d always wished she had given birth to more children, but it never worked out that way. And apparently they hadn’t done too well with the one God had given them.
As she ate, she kept thinking of the little baby’s gown lying among the rocks down by the river. How had Macey found it? And when exactly? Evelyn closed her eyes and tried not to think about it.
“Let me help you with the dishes,” Patricia offered as she finished off her sandwich.
“No need,” said Evelyn. “It’ll give me something to do for a while.”
“You should go down to the community center in town, see what they have going.”
Evelyn shrugged. “Maybe. I like this house. I never much left it when Jess was alive, but maybe things are going to have to change that way.” She looked at Patricia. “I’ve got that big interview tomorrow at AST.”
“That’s right!” Patricia exclaimed. “Are you nervous?”
Evelyn shook her head. “No. I doubt I’ll get it. Who would hire an old woman like me? But Macey wanted me to do it, so I will. If it doesn’t work out, I’m not sure what I’ll do next. I’ll figure out something, I suppose.”
“The Lord will help you.” Patricia set her plate on the kitchen counter and swallowed the last of her ice tea. “What do you say we go into town for a little shopping?”
“Really?”
“I hear Sarah’s Antiques just got a new shipment. June was braggin’ about it at church Sunday.”
Evelyn laughed. Maybe life would go on, after all. “I’ll get my purse,” she said.
Patricia nodded and headed outside. Evelyn was following her when the dirty, wet box and baby gown caught her attention again. It was sitting on some newspapers on the floor in the living room. She stared at it for a moment. She had lied only once to her husband in their forty-something years of marriage. She told him she’d thrown it away. But she hadn’t. She’d hidden it in the back corner of a closet instead and hadn’t seen it until today.
“Let’s take your car,” Patricia shouted from outside. “My old clunker doesn’t have air-conditioning worth a hoot.”
“Coming,” Evelyn called. She thought about running the box and gown back upstairs to the closet, but then she decided against it. She’d had enough of hiding, enough of secrets, enough of dark corners in dark closets. She shuffled outside and shut the door behind her.
———
“Mother?”
Her words echoed off the silent walls. Macey figured she’d gone somewhere when she drove up to find Patricia’s car there and her mother’s car gone.
“Mother?” she called again. But there was no answer except for the old air-conditioner kicking on. She stood in the doorway, trying to decide what to do next. She could go in, relax on the couch awhile, wait for her mother to come home. She decided instead to walk over to Noah’s, perhaps apologize for her behavior earlier and get some guidance on the next steps she should take.
As hot as it was, Macey felt energized and liberated. She rounded the corner of the house and headed for the river. The sun beat down on her skin, but she didn’t care. Somehow it felt nice just to be out in the sun, breathing hot but fresh air, strolling through lush green grass beside a beautiful river.
She neared Stone Bridge and remembered the box and gown, hesitating for a moment. The tiny dress represented so much. Dare she retrieve it, hold it again? She smiled. Yes. If she could turn down New York, she could do anything. She walked to the edge of the bank and took in a sharp breath. The box was gone. She ran a ways downstream, searching for it. But there was nothing but rocks. Shading her eyes, she scanned the opposite bank. Again, all she saw was mud and rocks. A deep sense of loss swept over her. Just when she’d made peace with the thing, it was gone. She sank to the ground and braced herself with her hands behind her. It seemed her life had been one incident of bad timing after another. Though she’d been meticulous about time her whole life, somehow she knew that in returning, all would be different. She didn’t know whose time frame she was on, but it wasn’t hers. She blankly watched the river rush by, the grass tickling her hands and ankles.
“Looking for this?”
Macey whirled around and looked upward. She only heard a voice; the sun’s bright rays blinded her so she could make out only a dark silhouette. She jumped to her feet and found herself staring into the eyes of her mother.
“Mom!”
Her mother looked down, and in her hands was the mud-stained box with the little gown inside. Macey’s eyes widened, and her heart pounded inside her chest. Her mom had found the gown?
“Patricia retrieved it for me this morning,” Evelyn said softly. “I saw it when I was takin’ a walk. Figured you’d found it in the closet.”
Macey took it from her and felt the gown’s white fabric, still soft. She was speechless.
Evelyn patted her on the arm. “Well, I may be a little slow at times, and sometimes the Lord has to do a little yelling to get my attention, but the very fact that you’re standing here tells me He’s worked a good and true miracle, so this time I’m not going to chicken out.”
Macey swallowed, unsure what her mother was talking about.
“Macey, dear, what do you say we go and have ourselves a little talk.”
Macey sat in the lawn chair under the shade tree and waited for her mom to come back out of the house. They’d returned to the house in silence, both, she knew, deep in thought. The thermometer on the tree indicated ninety-five degrees, a much welcomed relief from the extreme heat they’d had only a couple of days ago. Thankfully there was a breeze, and Macey found herself quite comfortable, even with the baby’s gown in her lap.
Evelyn approached her with a tray holding two glasses filled with ice and a large pitcher. “Raspberry tea,” she said, setting the tray on the aluminum table between the two lawn chairs. She poured Macey’s first, then hers, and finally settled into the empty chair.
“Perfect,” Macey said, sipping it. “There’s nothing better than ice tea on a day like this.”
Evelyn agreed, and for a moment they both just sat and enjoyed the coolness of the drink. But soon the silence became dominating, and Macey heard her mom clear her throat. “Well, I put this off long enough,” she said, “and it’s just time for me to say it.”
Macey felt her shoulders rise with tension. She tried to remain calm, telling herself she had to go with the flow, whatever was to happen. She hadn’t returned only for the mild-mannered chitchat and good fried chicken.
“It’s time you knew,” her mother began, “and I’m going to tell you all that I know, and I hope that in some small way it will make up for the terrible mess your father and I made of everything.” Macey shook her head and started to protest, but her mother held up a firm hand. “I know you must think your father was a bad man, and I’ll admit right here and now that he made some pretty awful mistakes. But he always loved you, Macey. And he always regretted what he did to you.”
