She opened her mouth and failed to make a sound. Working hard to make her voice loud enough for him to hear, she managed on her second try. “I need to know that they’re safe.”

  “Your anxiety isn’t sufficient reason for me to order continued supervision.”

  “He drinks,” she blurted, desperation rising.

  “Has he ever harmed either of your children?”

  A roaring sounded in Nell’s ears as a dozen memories flashed through her mind. Doors slamming. Sid’s voice shouting inches from Everett’s head. The blazing pain in her scalp when he grabbed a fistful of her hair. Cassie crying out in fear. Glass shattering.

  “Ms. Flanagan,” the judge said, impatient. “Has he ever physically harmed Cassie or Everett?”

  She could only shake her head.

  The man sighed and said, “I’m going to grant Mr. Young two days of visitation each week for a maximum of four hours at a time until a final decision is reached in a subsequent hearing. I would encourage the two of you to return to mediation and try to reach an agreement yourselves.”

  Nell was numb to the rest of the proceedings. Distantly, she agreed to set days and times for visitation, along with a public spot where they would exchange the children. Then she stood staring at nothing while the hearing was wrapped up in a few minutes of legalese. Or maybe she had just lost her powers of comprehension.

  It wasn’t the worst that could have happened, she told herself through the haze that wrapped around her thoughts. No overnights. That was something.

  But it was a step towards fifty-fifty custody, and that terrified her.

  Sid could pretend at being a stand-up guy for a while, maybe long enough to secure half custody. But how long would it be before he went on another bender? What would happen to her babies when she wasn’t there to protect them?

  A small, desperate part of her cried out that she should have stayed. She pushed it down and away, forcing herself to breathe, forcing her legs to move when the time came to follow Hugh out the courtroom door.

  Outside, the hot air and glaring white sky did nothing to calm her nerves.

  “Are you alright?” Hugh asked once they were clear of the building.

  “Yeah. Thanks.” Her words came out clipped and short. She knew that she should start walking towards the bus stop, but she thought that she might head to the ocean first and clear her head.

  As interminable as the hearing had felt, it hadn’t taken long at all. And as much as she wanted to get back to her babies, she wasn’t eager to spend an hour waiting for the bus and another riding it south to Pualena.

  She had gotten a ride into Hilo from Mateo’s parents and then walked from their gallery to the courthouse, but she would need to make her own way home. At least the bus was free.

  “Do you need a ride back to Pualena?” Hugh asked.

  “Yeah,” she said on a sigh, looking towards the bay. She turned back to him and dredged up a smile. “You know what, it’s fine. I’m going to walk the coast a bit and clear my head. I can take the bus home.”

  “I can walk with you,” he offered, “and then give you a ride to Pualena. I have to go there to pick Daisy up anyway.”

  They walked in silence for a while, following a green stretch of road towards the bay. Huge, arching monkeypod trees shaded them from the glaring brightness of the overcast sky, like massive umbrellas that cast everything a soothing green. Together, the walking and the change of scenery worked some of the anxious energy out of her body.

  “What would happen if I didn’t hand them over for visitation?” she asked, voicing the question before she had even thought it through.

  “Nothing good,” Hugh said.

  “Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.”

  He sighed. “If you don’t show, it will be used against you when the judge is making his final decision. Parental alienation doesn’t play well in court. Worse case scenario, disobeying court orders is grounds for loss of custody. It’s best to do as he ordered.”

  “What does he know?” she burst out. “He’s never even met my children!”

  “It’s an awful situation all around,” he said heavily. “It usually is. That’s why I took a big step back from family law.”

  She glanced over at Hugh and saw for the first time how heavily this weighed on him. As calm and professional as he was, he wasn’t unfeeling.

  Nell’s frown deepened along with her gratitude. Not only was this man working pro bono, he was diving back into a whole world of litigation that he wanted nothing to do with. Why?

  “Do you think that Sid is a danger to the children?” he asked.

  “I don’t think he would hurt them,” she said slowly, “but I don’t think they’re safe with him either.”

  Hugh’s only response was a heavy sigh.

  They reached the busy main street and he reached for her, like his instinct was to take her hand in his or touch her back to see her safely across. But he stopped himself midreach and dropped his hand, simply walking by her side as they crossed Kamehameha Highway.

  She sucked in a breath of the salty ocean breeze, and it revived her in a way that the sticky air in town hadn’t. They paused in another patch of green shade and stood side by side, looking out at the silvery glint of the water.

  When Hugh finally spoke, his voice was heavy.

  “Sole custody is rarely awarded these days. Short of severe child abuse or the parent disappearing, it’s nearly always joint custody. The best you can hope for is that the judge makes this order permanent, giving you primary custody and their father visitation. And that’s what we’ll try for.”

  Nell nodded, accepting his expertise, but the thought of handing her babies over to her abuser twice a week made her eyes burn with unshed tears.

  She tried to find some reserve of anger that would shore up her strength, but as deep as she dug, she could only find fear and despair.

  No matter how she tried to twist it, she couldn’t help but feel like she had failed her children. Why should they have to spend time with such an unstable father? How was this her life?

  Try as she might to hold it together, her grief overflowed and spilled down her cheeks.

  She turned away from Hugh, embarrassed, and walked to the trunk of the tree that shaded them. For a moment, he gave her space. She leaned against the rough bark and tried to pull herself together – but the more she tried to staunch her tears, the more her body shook with suppressed grief.

  And then Hugh’s arms were around her.

  In that moment, she was too heartbroken to feel self conscious. She pressed her face into his chest and sobbed. His crisp cotton shirt was cool against her face, giving her a moment’s relief before her hot tears and the warmth of his skin overtook it.

  After a minute or two, her sobs subsided. Even then, she didn’t remove her arms from around his waist. His strong arms were still around her, too. Holding her upright. Keeping her steady. One of his hands cupped the curve of her shoulder. The other hand stroked her hair, calming her the way she might calm a crying child.

  They stood like that for a long time, until his steadiness soothed her raw nerves and her breathing settled into an easy rhythm.

  And then they stood like that a while longer, wrapped up in each other, stubbornly and deliciously sheltered from everything beyond that moment in time.

  14

  Lani

  Tenn woke her with a kiss to the temple. “Happy birthday, Lani King.”

  “No.” Still half asleep, she squeezed her eyes shut and burrowed into the blankets. “No birthday.”

  “Come on,” he said with a laugh. “I made breakfast.”

  She emerged from the blankets to the smell of coffee and french toast.

  “Just breakfast,” she hedged.

  “What?”

  “Just breakfast. No birthday.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  She sat up and rubbed her eyes, trying to wake up enough to string a sentence together. “You didn’t get a birthday this year, so I don’t want one.”

  “That doesn’t make any sense.”

  “It does to me,” she said groggily.

  He sighed and left the room, returning a minute later with a cup of coffee. “Still hot.”

  “You spent your birthday in the hospital,” she said, petulant.

  “With you. And good food. You even brought me cake.”

  “But no party.”

  “I didn’t plan you a birthday party either, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  “No party?”

  “You told me not to.”

  “Good.” She leaned back into the pillows and took a sip of coffee. He’d added a huge spoonful of honey and she sipped it again, savoring the sweet complexity of the local honey.

  “Did you want a party?” His eyebrows pulled together in a frown.

  “Nope.” She took another noisy sip.

  Tenn smiled at her. “You’re cute when you’re half awake.”

  “I’m always cute.”

  “That too. But you’re extra cute right now, with your hair all messy, wearing my old t-shirt.”

  “I’ll make you a deal.”

  “Oh? What’s that?”

  “We can share my birthday.”

  He laughed. “Oh yeah?”

  She nodded and took another sip of coffee, mostly awake now. “A joint celebration.”

  “Sure. But do me a favor and come to the table for your – our – birthday breakfast. The girls helped me make it, and they’re waiting to sing to you.”

  Lani softened. “Okay.”

  “Give me a thirty-second head start. They put candles in your french toast.”

  As he left, she slipped out of bed and swapped his old t-shirt for her favorite sundress. Then she walked down the hallway, holding her coffee in one hand and finger-combing her hair with the other.

  “Surprise!” the girls shouted when she walked into the kitchen. They burst into a lovably off-key rendition of the Hawaiian birthday song, and she took her place at the head of the table. When they were done, she blew out her candles.

  “Wow! Breakfast looks amazing.”

  “We made the fruit salad,” Rory boasted.

  “Thank you so much.” She spooned a big pile of the roughly chopped fruit onto her plate.

  “Eat up,” Tenn said to the girls. “We leave for school in twenty minutes.”

  The kids scarfed their special birthday breakfast. Aside from the candle, it was pretty much the same as any other weekday breakfast. But then, Tenn set a high standard. He had always prepared fresh, healthy meals for Olivia and himself.

  The closest the man came to fast food was picking up poke in Hilo or a cheeseburger from his own cafe in Pualena, which used only the best island-fresh ingredients.

  It was one of the many things that Lani loved and admired about him… and that list was so long, she had long since lost track of it. The man was perfect, with a humility and devotion that continued to astound her. Lani didn’t know how she had gotten so lucky.

  Maybe that was why Sonya’s cold looks and obvious disdain cut so deeply.

  Deep down, Lani agreed with her. She didn’t deserve Tenn. He could do better.

  It would be easy for him to find someone younger, with less baggage. And her deepest fear, so painful that she never looked it full in the face, was that sooner or later he would realize that himself and move on.

  She quickly buried the thought and stood to clear the breakfast dishes.

  Maybe she couldn’t completely block those thoughts from passing through her mind… but she could refuse to dwell on them.

  Tenn looked like he was going to protest her clearing the dishes on her birthday, but then he glanced at the clock and turned his attention to getting the girls out the door instead. They were running late already – not that tardiness was a big deal at Pualena Playschool.

  “Remember,” he told the girls as he pulled up in front of New Horizons, “Auntie Emma is picking you up from school today.”

  “Okay!” The girls spilled out of the car and sprinted across the lawn to join their friends.

  “Is this an all-day excursion?” Lani asked.

  “It doesn’t have to be, but it’s nice not to have to rush back.”

  “I don’t suppose your plans have anything to do with the surfboard tied to the roof?”

  Tenn grinned as he pulled out of the parking lot. “We haven’t gone surfing in ages.”

  “True,” she said. “But… your shoulder.”

  “Isn’t quite there yet,” he admitted. “But I can jump in the river, and there’s nothing I’d rather do today than sit on the beach and watch you surf.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Positive. I have our suits and towels in the back, plus a picnic lunch in the cooler.”

  Lani’s whole world seemed to expand as she carried her surfboard down the long concrete staircase that led to her favorite black sand beach. As usual, she wondered how she had gone so long without getting out on the water.

  That was one of the dangers of living in such an extraordinary place full time; the demands of everyday life crept in to the point that it was easy to go months without driving to the beach or hiking to a waterfall. She’d had her head down for months, working and taking care of the people she loved without really taking time to enjoy the island.

  Leave it to Tenn to know exactly what she had needed for her birthday.

  When she finally came in from surfing, chilled and invigorated, he was waiting for her on the sun-warmed black sand. She lay next to him until the chill faded from her bones, and then they retreated to the shade of a beach almond tree to eat lunch.

  “One last thing.” Tenn pulled a dry bag out of the cooler.

  “I didn’t get you anything,” Lani protested.

  He scoffed and smiled. “It’s your birthday.”

  “It’s supposed to be a joint birthday.”

  “Well then where’s my present?” he teased.

  “The original plan was to ignore my birthday altogether.”

  “You should know me better than that.”

  She wrinkled her nose, holding back a smile. “Yeah.”

  “Would you just open it?”

  The smile broke through as she accepted the bag and unzipped it, pulling out the slim box inside. She flipped it over and gaped when she realized what it was.

  “You didn’t.”

  Tenn was grinning. “You like it?”

  “Alfie,” she murmured, shocked into slipping back to the name she had used when they were highschool kids. “I can’t believe it.”

  It was a top-of-the-line tablet for artists and illustrators, one that she had been drooling over for months. She had never explicitly told Tenn about it, but he had seen her looking at it more than once. She’d gotten hooked on watching videos that showed all of the amazing art people had created with the same tablet.

  She had been saving up for it, but she didn’t know if she would have ever actually been able to pull the trigger on such a big purchase, just for her drawings.

  “I know you don’t want to serve up shave ice forever. Whatever you do with your talent, I thought that this could streamline the process a bit.”

  “It sure could.” Her mind spun with possibilities, from graphic design to children’s books. She didn’t know yet what she wanted to do, but she was sure that this would help her get there.

  She slipped the box back into the dry bag, terrified that she would ruin the tablet before she even got a chance to use it. Then she nearly tackled Tenn in gratitude.

  “Thank you,” she said when they came up for air.

  “Good birthday?” he asked.

  “The best.” She grinned at how the question echoed his best efforts for Olivia the month before. This man took such good care of them. She hoped he knew just how much she appreciated him. Her voice was serious as she said, “I love you, Tenn.”

  “I love you too, Lani King.”

  15

  Nell

  “So you haven’t seen him since…?”

  “The Hug?” Nell asked, making light of the situation by imbuing the words with self-deprecating drama. “I have not.”

  “Have you heard from him at all?” Emma asked. They were in the community garden, pulling weeds and spreading fresh mulch around the newly planted pineapples.

  Cassie was running around with her playschool friends, and Everett was sound asleep on Nell’s back. Emma’s teenaged niece worked on the opposite side of the garden, listening to something with her headphones in.

  “Not really,” Nell said. “A couple of short, uber professional emails. That’s it. He hasn’t taken my calls.”

  “Hasn’t he been by New Horizons? I thought his daughter had joined the playschool.”

  “She lives on another island with her mom. She just joins in when she’s here on vacation.”

  “Oh… that’s rough. Maybe he’s just busy catching up on work now that his daughter’s gone?”

  “Maybe,” Nell sighed. She teased another clump of grass from the soil and replaced it with a scoop of mulch, covering the dirt to prevent new weeds from sprouting.

  “He’s still keeping up with your case though, right?”

  “Yeah. He included me in an email he sent to the other lawyer, and he filed some paperwork that I had to get in. But on a personal level, he basically ghosted me.”

  “Maybe that’s for the best,” Emma said gently.

  Nell gritted her teeth together and snorted out a breath.

  “He probably feels like he overstepped. He wanted to comfort you and then… I don’t know, it went too far? Try to let it go. You don’t want to get involved with your family law attorney. That could blow up in your face big time.”

  “I’m sick of people telling me that!” Nell burst out. “It’s not like that.”

  Emma just laughed. “If people keep saying it, maybe there’s something to it.”

  “I’m not interested in him like that. I don’t want to date him. Or anyone else. Possibly ever. I just want to create some stability for my babies. Find a place of our own where we’re not surrounded by recovering addicts and uber traumatized kids.

 

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