“Yeah, I don’t know if Lochlyn would know how to let her go if he wanted to. I wasn’t really sure he’d ever settle down and find somebody because he had a reputation for being…overly friendly with the ladies…to put it nicely. But I’m honestly happy it’s with Shay. She’s been through a lot, and she deserves the happiness he brings her.” Every word I’m saying is true, and I feel like I can say them honestly and without any shred of guilt or discomfort for the first time.

  “It’s really nice you can see it that way now. I’m not sure I ever could.”

  “It hasn’t been easy, but things have never been better. It’s worth a slight discomfort here or there.” Plus, I’m dating his best friend.

  “Justine and I are going to go to dinner when she’s finished. Want to join us? Or do you have plans?”

  “Shay will be back for dinner, mind if she tags along, too?”

  “Of course not! The more the merrier. Not to mention, I haven’t had a chance to get to know her much yet.” It’s probably because she’s basically never here, and if she is, she’s a hermit.

  “Shay’s a little shy. She can be really quiet, but she’s got a really amazing personality. Very upbeat most of the time. She’s had a bit of a rough go, but that’s for her to explain, not me.”

  “Marissa!” Justine’s voice echoes down the hall.

  “Oh, guess she’s done. I’ll swing by before dinner. Thanks for giving me a place to stay.”

  “Any time. See ya later.”

  Once she’s gone and I’m alone again, my mind wanders to Wes.

  As though he can hear my thoughts, my phone pings with an incoming text from him. Hey pretty girl. Just wanted to say hi and that I’ll miss you sleeping next to me tonight.

  He certainly knows how to pull at the heartstrings. I don’t even know what to say that’s quite as sweet or eloquent. So instead, I just respond with I’ll miss you too <3.

  The feelings going on here are growing far faster than they should be, and far faster than I can control. In a way, it feels incredible and liberating and like things are finally going right with the world.

  In another way, it’s absolutely fucking terrifying.

  Chapter 27

  The sneaking around with Wes is exhausting. Mentally and physically. I don’t know how Lochlyn and Shay did it for so long. It’s not even that difficult since we’re together a ton, but there are so many things I can’t say or do. Days I have to avoid the apartment because it seems like too much if I’m there that often and being in Wes’s presence but not touching him is almost painful.

  Wes is a sneaky bastard and likes to skirt the line. At one point, Shay told me that Lochlyn had wanted to tell me, that it was harder on him and caused issues. I can see why now, and I’m in a place to have new insight on Shay and her perspective. It makes me feel like shit all over again.

  The hurt of what she went through, alone, because of me…it’s almost too much. I’ve been a horrible friend. I’m continuing to be one.

  At this point, Wes and I have been together for about a month. We spend the infrequent night together. He’s always been sort of a wanderer from what he says. Lochlyn knows he’s not with Claire anymore, but doesn’t question it. I don’t love the fact that my boyfriend seems to have been a bed hopper, but I guess I can’t complain when I’m not that much better. Sure, I had more boyfriends than just random hookups, but it was a steady stream for years.

  Christmas is fast approaching. Mom and Dad are on vacation, not surprisingly. They did deposit a pretty penny in my bank account, which was much appreciated, though their actual attention would have been nicer.

  Loch and Shay are staying here, and Wes wants to be with me. The dorms close and I have to be out, but there’s nothing for me at home. Not anymore.

  “Do you want to come to my parents’ with me?” His heart, which is under my ear, thumps erratically at the thought.

  “And meet them before we tell Lochlyn? No way. He’d lose his mind.” If I know one thing about my brother, it’s that he needs to know first.

  “Yeah, true.” We’re lying in his bed, and his fingers are sliding up and down my arm.

  “Maybe we could get a hotel somewhere? Just the two of us for a few days?” A single room, just me and Wes and, if possible, one with room service so we never have to get dressed.

  “That sounds amazing. I bet a lot is booked, though.” His voice is filled with wonder.

  “My parents gave me a lot of money this year. I bet I could splurge on a nice one.” With robes and everything. The idea is only getting better.

  “Not ever going to happen with me, sweets. I was raised that the man takes care of his lady and always pays.”

  “But I have the money. I’m happy to help. It’s my fault we’re in this mess anyway,” I grumble and swirl my fingers along his impeccable chest.

  “Nope. Use that money to buy some nice gifts for people. I know you feel guilty about Lochlyn and Shay, so buy them something nice.” Some gifts have already been purchased since I wasn’t sure what was going on financially. I didn’t want to miss out and saw a few perfect things for Loch and Shay. I do have Wes to buy for still, though.

  “Then I’m no better than my parents, throwing money at the problem.” Spending more money, buying expensive things, that’s not the way I’ll go. It either suits them or it doesn’t.

  “It’s not quite the same, but I see why you feel that way. Maybe look at it more as an apology for last year. And keep the rest as fun money. I know you’ve had a hard time not having any.”

  “I’ve gotten more used to going without.”

  “Christ, Chelsea. I’m both finding and paying for any hotels. Got it?” The firmness in his tone isn’t something new, but I’m still growing accustomed to hearing it from somebody who’s not Lochlyn.

  “Fine.”

  We luck out and are able to find a relatively inexpensive room at one of the nicer hotels in town. It’s not exactly what we would have imagined for our first Christmas, but at least we’ll be together.

  It’s how we find ourselves back at his apartment on Christmas Eve. I’ve already gotten my things from my dorm, a bag sitting packed and ready in the trunk of his car. All that’s left is to grab some things from the apartment.

  Shay had told me she and Loch were going to swing by the dorm to collect whatever she needs for break, so we have a window of time to get back to the apartment before they are.

  There’s something about Wes that just melts my insides. He’s fun and likes to make me laugh. All the way up the stairs, he smacks my ass repeatedly.

  As we stumble through the door to the apartment, his chest brushes my back, and suddenly, packing feels like the least necessary thing.

  “I want to give your Christmas present.” I try to use my sultry voice, one that he sometimes makes fun of, but always appreciates.

  “Mmm.” He nuzzles his nose against my neck.

  That’s when a door slams, and we jump apart. Lochlyn is standing just outside his room, his chest puffed out and eyes wide.

  “Chelsea, what’s going on?” Though he’s calm, there’s a tinge of anger in his words.

  “Uh, well, Weston and I are, um…” I look up at Weston to save me, not quite sure what to say or how to answer that. He needs to be ready to share too.

  “We’re, um, dating?” Weston states hastily, as if he’s at a loss for words.

  Shay appears behind Lochlyn, peering just over his shoulder. But the look in her eyes—something I have shielded myself against, anticipating the worst—is light, calm, and twinkling.

  It’s in this very moment I realize how foolish I’ve been to keep this hidden from her. She understands, she always would have. I’m the one who put this obstacle in my own way.

  “What happened to Brendan?” Lochlyn’s voice is still calm, but it comes through gritted teeth.

  “We broke up.” There’s such nonchalance in the way I say it. Maybe because it seems so far away, maybe because it was a long time coming. I can’t really be sure, but it barely fazes me.

  “When? We were just home a month ago.”

  “Before we left to come back. I just couldn’t do the distance anymore.”

  Lochlyn glances over his shoulder, and Shay shakes her head. She’s probably just as shocked that I hadn’t told her as Lochlyn is. But I needed them to not know. There was a lot to work through, and things with Wes progressed quickly. This all happened before I had a chance to work out the best way to talk about it.

  “How long?” It’s clear he means how long have Wes and I been together. But in a way, it feels like he’s asking more.

  Which is why when I look up at Wes, I smile. “I don’t know. Years, maybe? But we started seeing each other after we came back from Thanksgiving.” When we met years ago, was when the undeniable connection first started. It just took us until now to act on it.

  Lochlyn’s takes a deep breath, but he’s instantly calmed by Shay’s hand. That’s the sort of bond I want to have with somebody. And for the first time ever, it feels possible with Wes. “You hurt my sister, I’ll hunt you down,” he says, pointing at Weston.

  Weston holds his hands up. “I promise, I’ll take good care of her. Besides, you know where I live.”

  “Guess we’ll have to figure out some sort of schedule or something.” I try to keep the joking going, but the look on Lochlyn’s face says it’s misplaced, and Wes stops the laugh he started. Lochlyn’s doing that intimidating thing he likes to do around my boyfriends, where he stands taller and puffs out his chest.

  Thankfully, Shay intervenes. “Loch was going to teach me how to cook a chicken and some other things for dinner. Why don’t you stay? We have plenty of food.”

  Lochlyn starts to grumble, but I ignore him and walk toward the living room.

  Wes and I settle on the couch while Lochlyn teaches Shay how to make what I’m sure will be a delicious roast chicken.

  It takes maybe five minutes before we hear a shriek from the kitchen. “Absolutely not. No way! I am not touching that damn thing again. Gross!”

  Shay storms down the hall to the bathroom, and I hear Lochlyn’s exasperated chuckle. “I guess I’ll just cook it myself then,” he calls down the hall.

  A few minutes later, Shay walks out of Lochlyn’s bedroom—in new clothes—and flops onto the love seat, crossing her arms and sinking low in the chair with a big huff. Her gaze focuses on the kitchen, and there’s an irritation there that I’m sure isn’t normal.

  But once Lochlyn’s done and walks into the living room, he freezes when he sees her pout, tilting his head to the side and frowning at her. When he walks over to her, he scoops her off the couch and places her in his lap. Though she keeps her arms crossed, she settles right into him.

  His hand lazily rubs her back, and he nuzzles his nose into her hair. It’s an interaction that I’ve become less uncomfortable with over time.

  Dinner is, of course, delicious. And a real holiday meal. But I’d expect nothing less from Lochlyn. His food is always amazing. If he wasn’t on track to be a lawyer, he’d make a great chef.

  After dinner, we pair off and snuggle up to watch How the Grinch Stole Christmas, a childhood favorite for all of us.

  Heading to bed is the tiniest bit awkward, surely for everyone. Aside from the one night Loch stayed in September and Thanksgiving, I haven’t been in the same place as them at bedtime. At least not knowingly.

  And they just found out about Wes and me. When we all freeze on our way to our separate rooms, the strangeness becomes palpable.

  “Good night, everybody. Merry Christmas. Love you all.” Shay’s probably the only one that could somewhat break the awkwardness.

  With mumbled good nights, Wes pulls me down the hall, off into our own secluded little sanctuary.

  “I wish we had gone to the hotel, sweets.” When they invited us to stay for dinner, we decided to stay here instead so we could all spend time together. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

  “Why? Is it that weird being here with them?”

  I’m not paying close attention to what he’s doing, facing his dresser as I unhook the heart necklace he got me, when he wraps his arms around my waist and buries his face in the swoop of my neck.

  “No, not weird at all. But I can’t make you scream while they’re down the hall. And I want to make you scream. I wanted that as my Christmas present from you.”

  A small moan eases from my throat as I tip my head back against his shoulder.

  “Mm, that sounds good to you, does it, sweets?”

  “Yes.”

  “Have you ever been that loud for anybody else?” This jealousy doesn’t get old. Some part of me likes it, likes that he wants to be the best for me.

  “Never. Only you can make me scream like that, Wes.” It’s not just true, but I know it’s what he wants to hear.

  “That’s right, baby, only me. Fuck. So sexy.” His finger trails down the side of my neck, dipping under the collar of my shirt, and all I want in this moment is for him to tear the clothes from our bodies and fuck me senseless.

  But I know he won’t, because of who’s down the hall. If we have sex, it will be quiet and timid, at least compared to how we normally are. Wes can be rough and aggressive in all the best ways, and it’s something I never knew I needed until he showed me. The dominance he exhibits with me is a desire finally fulfilled.

  He read an unspoken need in me, something deep and almost animalistic. Something that I barely even thought about, let alone would have voiced. It’s like everything else with how he reads my body, my needs, my deepest, darkest desires.

  I’ve always sworn that I’m a difficult person and there is no Chelsea handbook. But Wes seems to have found one, or so it seems more and more, he wrote the damn thing. Sometimes it’s as though he knows me more than I know myself.

  Chapter 28

  It’s been a weird couple of days with all four of us in the apartment. We’re all walking on eggshells, wanting to do certain things and give into certain desires that we can’t while others are here.

  That doesn’t keep Wes and I from being intimate, and I’m sure Shay and Loch are the same. But when we’re all in the living room or kitchen, things are a little…awkward.

  Shay moves around the apartment like she lives here, and on some level she does, so it makes sense. I still feel like a guest, having to ask if I can have something or where it is while Shay just takes. She even helps clean, doing the dishes after each meal or helping unload the dishwasher. I’m pretty sure she even did a load of laundry.

  When things start to feel a little claustrophobic, and we’re almost out of food, Lochlyn and Wes take a trip to the gym and grocery store, leaving Shay and I alone for the first time since the bomb of Wes and I dropped.

  An uncomfortable silence surrounds us as we sit in the living room and it’s almost like we aren’t best friends and haven’t known each other most of our lives.

  “Why didn’t you feel like you could tell me? That’s my only thing.” Her voice cuts through the quiet like scissors through tin foil.

  “I felt like you’d be mad because I got so crazy about you and Lochlyn. It’s not that different. No, Wes isn’t your brother, but he is Lochlyn’s best friend.”

  Her shoulders slump and her mouth presses into a line. “Chels. I don’t care about any of that. Neither does Lochlyn. But it does hurt that you don’t know me better than that. That you don’t know I would only be happy for you. Lochlyn, too.”

  Her words slice through me like shrapnel. “I know that, Shay. I do. But it’s not what I deserve in this moment, in this situation. And I was afraid you’d realize that.”

  She takes my hand and squeezes, so I listen. “Chelsea. You made a mistake, a rash decision. We weren’t all innocent or in the right either. You apologized, made sure Lochlyn and I were there to hear your apology and try to work it out. And we’re better than ever. So, yeah, while it was a shitty situation, we’re fine.”

  “You’re right. And I’m sorry. I hope this won’t affect anything between us.” It’d kill me, if after everything, this was what drove the wedge between us.

  “Just…one question. Are you happy? Truly happy?”

  “I really am, Shay.” More than I ever could have thought possible. And it terrifies me a little because we haven’t even discussed what happens in a few months when he graduates. I almost don’t want to face it and just want to live in this bubble for a little while.

  “This isn’t something to get back at Lochlyn?”

  “No! Definitely not. Trust me, I really like Weston.” Can she not tell? Does she really think I’d do something like that to Lochlyn? Or that Wes would? Or maybe she thinks I’m playing Wes, too. I can’t say it’s totally out of left field for her to think that, though it hurts all the same.

  “I didn’t think so. You seem really happy with him, but I wanted to be sure. I have to protect Lochlyn.”

  “You don’t have to, but you want to, and that’s better.” I hope these little snippets of my support help to eliminate any remaining fears of my doubts about their relationship. Being around them, it’s impossible not to see how incredible they are together.

  “I’ve always been looking for what you and Lochlyn have, Shay. With every guy I’ve dated, though before I knew about you two, I didn’t know what it looked like. My parents certainly weren’t the picturesque couple or family. Your parents were probably the closest thing. Until you and Loch. And it’s all I want. Wes is the first guy I feel like I can truly have that with. Or at least some semblance of it.” And that’s the incredibly scary part. Especially with the prospect of him leaving. What if we do have that, and he leaves? Or what if I think we have it, and he doesn’t.

  “If that’s what you want, Chels, then I want that for you. And Lochlyn will too. And Wes is a great guy, we all know that. All Lochlyn has ever wanted is for you to be happy and loved. If that’s with Wes, nobody is going to hold that against you.”

 

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