Ride fast, p.11
Ride Fast, page 11
Mind whirring, she scooped up her plate with the remaining pie and shoved it into her mouth. The bite was too big, but ask her if she gave a flying fuck right now? She chewed slowly, willing her emotions to sink back into the recesses of her heart. When she finished, she sniffed, filling her lungs and slowly releasing the air. Jaw set, she risked a look at him. Jaxon leaned against the edge of the counter that ran behind one portion of the couch, hands jammed in his pockets, studying the floor.
At least this part would be easier without him looking directly at her. She sniffed again, steeling herself. "Yeah," she started with a nod. "You're right." Jaxon's eyes jerked to hers. The poor guy looked so confused, a half-hysterical laugh, escaped. Great. Now she sounded like a maniac on top of everything else. Fuck it. Fuck him. "Even if you did change your mind based on the… uhh… last twenty-four hours, I agree. We're not a good idea."
"Why's that?"
It took all of Isabella's teacher training to not roll her eyes. "I've had a couple of job interviews I'm pretty excited about."
Jaxon's eyes opened wide, but he made no move to speak.
Isabella forced a smile and took another deep breath. "I'm hopeful I'll have an offer maybe by the end of July, early August."
Finally, his eyes warmed, and Jaxon cracked a smile. "Hey, that's great news." The genuine excitement in his voice was like a knife to her heart. "Where?"
Isabella swallowed down the lump that jumped back to her throat. "Colorado," she said brightly. "I'm leaving Prairie. For good."
Chapter Twenty-Five
Jaxon blinked, stomach turning to lead. "Come again?" She couldn't have possibly said what he'd heard her say. His ears were playing tricks on him.
Isabella gave him an exasperated smile. "I'm leaving. As soon as I have an offer." Her face turned guilty. "I meant to tell you sooner, but… well, until last night, it didn't seem relevant."
Subtext: Until we started fucking. Jaxon winced. He'd friend-zoned her so hard, she hadn't confided in him. And that… stung. Yes, he understood why. Yes, he understood all the logical consequences of him telling her on the night of Lexi Grace's wedding that there was no future for them - and there wasn't - but he still hated it. Once upon a time, they'd been each other's go-to. Of course, that had all changed the night he'd had a shotgun wedding with Brittany Blaire, and he'd been too cowardly to call her himself. No, he'd left Robbie to do his dirty work, and it was still a sore point between them. So, this - Isabella telling him she'd already put a plan in motion - was legit justified. Even though he hated it.
But his bigger question remained unanswered. Why? Why was she leaving Prairie "for good?" He cleared his throat. "You're leaving? I don't understand. What about your girls already signed up for AP English next year? Or the cheerleading squad?" Deep down, he already knew, and the realization wrecked him.
The guilty expression returned to her face, followed by one of resolve.
She sucked in another breath. "There's nothing for me here, Jaxon. Not really. What is here… isn't enough." Her voice wavered, but she kept talking. "Dad won't ever let me buy in. He's stupidly holding out for Rafe, and it's clear I'm never going to advance in my job."
Jaxon was too stunned to speak. Not that he should say anything. When Izzie started talking, it was best to let her get it all out. She blinked, eyes luminous with unshed tears. It killed him that he was partly responsible for that.
"I want a family Jax. I'm almost thirty. I had this stupid idea that I'd be able to settle down with somebody here in town and have lots of babies and be a partner in a ranching operation." She dropped her gaze, eyelashes dotted with tiny teardrops. "But there's nobody here that fits the bill."
More subtext that Jaxon didn't like. But he didn't want to spend time examining why. It was probably for the best, since he could never give her what she wanted. Against his better judgment because he couldn't resist, he tipped a finger under her chin and tilted it up. He brushed his mouth across hers, catching the unruly tear as it escaped from her eye.
"But where will you go?" A million follow-up questions crowded his mind. What would happen to him if she left? When would he see her again? And god help him, what in the hell would he do when she finally did return, a wife and mother to someone else's children? His stomach churned with acid.
I've applied for teaching jobs mostly in Colorado, a-and other ranching communities in the Rocky Mountains. Someplace where I can teach and settle down." She shot him a look that was practically defiant. "There are cowboys - ranchers - looking for a life partner."
"And a whole lot more," Jaxon filled in darkly, the green monster in his gut raising its ugly head.
Her eyes snapped with fire. "Yes," she said, too sharply. "And that, too."
Jaxon clenched his jaw. The image of her coming undone, wild-eyed and flushed, was burned into his brain. For as long as he lived, he'd never forget it. And the thought of another man sharing that with her, drove him to the edge of reason. But as much as it would tear him apart to let her go, he could see that staying here would break her spirit. And that was worse. "Okay, so tell me your plan." The words burned his mouth like battery acid.
"Like I said, I think I'll have an offer in hand in the next six to eight weeks. Once I've accepted, I'll resign from the high school and move out. I want to be fully settled in my new life by my birthday."
Less than two months. "Are you kidding me?" The jealous beast inside him roared to life, snapping and snarling. "Does that include a new boyfriend?"
Her eyes bored into him, her jaw set at a stubborn angle. "New? I haven't had a boyfriend in years," she answered pointedly. "So yes, if you mean, 'will I meet someone I'd like to date?' The answer is hell, yes. I know exactly what I want, Jax. And I expect it won't take long to find it."
He didn't like this one bit. Izzie had been a constant presence in his life. Every childhood memory included her. And the last three years? They'd been inseparable. The thought of her leaving Prairie for good, of never seeing her mischievous smile again or sharing silent jokes in the middle of a faculty meeting, or hearing her cheer for him at a rodeo, didn't sit well with him. But it was better than the alternative - seeing her marry someone else and stay. He swallowed down the ache in his throat. They were best friends, and while it might kill him on the inside, he owed nothing less than his full support to her. "Promise me one thing?" he asked, practically choking on the words.
"Mmm?" she answered, eyes softening and the mischievous smile he loved so much pulling at the corners of her mouth.
He stepped into her space and wrapped a stray curl around his finger. She hated her curls, but he could never get enough of them. "Promise me that if you get serious with someone, I get to approve?"
Two lines appeared above the bridge of her nose. "Approve what?" she asked, voice heavy with suspicion.
"This… guy. Mr. Right. Whoever you choose."
She pulled back, eyes boring into him. "Why?"
Jaxon bit back a string of expletives. Why? Was she fucking serious? "Because I lo… because…" he cleared his throat and sniffed, bringing the riot of emotions inside him to heel. "You're my best friend, dammit," he scolded harshly. "Do you think I'm going to let you run off with some douchebag?"
Izzie's eyes went soft, and she brought her palm to his cheek. "You've set a high bar, Jax," she murmured. "I promise you, if I 'run off' with someone, he'll be worthy."
He didn't know what hurt more - the idea of her running off, or the knowledge that he was the bar by which she measured everyone else, and that if life had gone differently, they wouldn't even be having this conversation.
Fuck.
Fuck everything. Fuck his lifetime of bad luck. Fuck him for being too much of a coward to level with her. His chest felt like it would split in two. Jaxon covered her hand with his, then pulled it from his cheek to place a kiss on the palm. "You know I'll always have your back, Iz. No matter what."
Chapter Twenty-Six
"Explain to me again what this is?" Isabella held up a V-shaped padded weight centered between two long straps with a d-ring on one end. The sun was just breaking over the horizon and Jaxon could tell the day was going to be another scorcher.
"It's a dummy rider. We're gonna put this on the back of the heifers, along with a flank strap, then turn them loose in the arena to see how well they buck. We'll rank them and separate them into two different pens." Jaxon waved at the pens on the far side of the roughstock school's arena.
"But how do you get it off?"
Jaxon grinned and lifted the box in his hand. "Remote control. Once you've chased them into the chute at the far end, Colt will snag the flank strap and we'll start again."
Isabella's eyebrows furrowed. "And how many are we doing this on?"
"Hundred."
The speed that her face went from confused to surprised to incredulous made Jaxon laugh. Izzie's face was so expressive, and he loved every nuance. Friend-zone, he harshly reminded himself. Friend. Zone.
It had been two weeks since the Flint Hills Rodeo, and while Jaxon had given Izzie a wide berth, avoiding her entirely was impossible. Another bitter reminder to him that as much as he hated it, she was right to consider leaving. That said, every interaction they'd had since sleeping together had been loaded with sexual tension. Even now, as she stared up at him, he couldn't help but admire the flare of her hips, or the goofy shirt she wore that stretched across her ample chest - this morning's had a dinosaur with the words "let's eat kids" and "let's eat, kids" and "punctuation saves lives."
"But that's… eight hours?" She looked scandalized, and a little excited.
He nodded. "More like ten."
She held his gaze a beat too long as a slow smile warmed her face, and she tugged on the brim of her straw Stetson. "Well, let's do this."
It was slow, grueling work, in the heat and humidity that was July in the Flint Hills. But at the end of it, Jaxon felt an exhilaration he'd never experienced on the back of a bull - a sense of being alive, and more importantly, a sense of purpose. Of building a legacy his parents could be proud of. When the last heifer was released into the pen, Colton let out a whoop. "She's in and we're done."
Izzie rode over to where he stood, beaming. "How does it feel to have completed the first big project of Boyd's Roughstock and Contracting?"
His chest expanded. "Pretty damn good."
"Why don't you come over after you get cleaned up and I'll whip us up some dinner?"
He loved Izzie's cooking more than anything. But there was no way he was letting her stand over a hot stove after the day she'd put in. He shook his head. "Nope. Tonight's beer and pizza. You've been in the saddle all day, babe. You need a hot shower and rest."
Izzie arched a brow as she eyed him. "That's what I need?" she said a little too sharply. "Babe?" She scowled. "I'm not your babe, Jaxon. Remember?"
"Do you really want to do this now?" he snapped back, letting the heat and exhaustion of the day get to him, and giving her a strong side-eye. He wasn't afraid to go toe-to-toe with her. "Babe or not, you need to be taken care of. You worked just as hard as me today, if not harder." He waved a hand. "Go home, put up Astra, clean up and I'll be over about eight." He shot her a look that brooked no argument. "With food." He turned on his heel. Some days, she infuriated the hell out of him.
Hands full of gear that needed cleaning and putting away, Colton followed him into the enormous barn that housed the school's indoor training facilities, equipment storage and a locker room. "So… I had a mighty interesting conversation with Izzie today."
How in the hell did the two of them have time for a conversation? They'd been working just as hard as he had. Jaxon bit his tongue and focused on cleaning off the dummy rider. Colton wouldn't initiate this kind of conversation without good reason. "Hmm."
It took less than ten seconds for Colton to continue. "Seems she's looking for work out in Steamboat Springs. You know anything about that?"
Shit. Did she have a job offer already? Iz was a talented teacher. A school would be stupid to pass her up. Jax's mind flew in a million directions. Visions of Iz getting married. With a swollen belly. Laughing with her children. And him? Nowhere in sight. A pain sliced through him with such intensity, it felt like his sternum would split in two. He ground his molars and grunted. "She mentioned she might be looking elsewhere for work, yeah."
"Why do you think that is? I'd always pegged her for settling down here."
Jaxon did not like where this was going. He turned to face Colt. "You have something to say? Say it."
Colton's eyes sharpened. Then he threw back his head with a laugh. "Little touchy, huh?" he asked when he'd stopped laughing. He grew serious. "I never took you for a fool, Boyd. You were always so smart on the circuit. Well, except for marrying Brittany Blaire. We all could see that train wreck comin' from ten miles away."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Jaxon deadpanned.
"Anyway. At first, I thought you were stupid crazy to retire when you were just hitting your peak. But seeing this today? What you're building? I said it once, and I'll say it again. You need investors, come to me first. You're doing everything right, here."
Jaxon warmed. "Thanks, man. I appreciate it." He turned to put away the dummy rider.
"I'm not done yet," Colton added.
Jaxon froze, hand in midair.
"Where you're not so smart is where Izzie is concerned. It don't take a fool to see she's head over heels for you. And let me tell you - when life gets hard, you want a woman like that at your side."
Jaxon's mouth thinned, and he spun, pointing a finger at Colton's chest. "Don't… lecture me about life getting hard." The words flew out of his mouth like shards of ice.
Colton crossed his arms, eyes sharp as a hawk's. "Besides your folks, who was there for you through all of it?" Colton asked, voice as icy as his own. "I'm not tryin' to lecture you. Believe me, I've had my own issues, and I would have given my left nut to have someone like Lydia in my corner back then. Hell, I'm lucky she didn't kick me to the curb when my troubles followed me here. She's made me a better man. And all I'm sayin' is that you'd be a damn fool to let someone like Izzie walk outta your life."
Jaxon bit the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood. Words piled up in the back of his throat. So many, that if he opened his mouth, they'd pour out like water breaching a dam. But the burdens he carried were his alone. He swallowed against the lump constricting his throat. "Noted," he finally answered tightly when he could speak again. "Thanks for your help today." This conversation was over.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Just like he promised, Jaxon arrived at Izzie's with two enormous boxes of pizza and a growler of Big Mike's Prairie Rattler IPA. On the porch, Izzie lounged on her favorite rocker, one leg slung over the arm, hair still damp, curls cascading down her back. She wore a long hippie skirt and a black graphic tee that read "between the pages of a book is a lovely place to be." He stared at her shirt for a long moment, then shook his head with a laugh. He knew exactly what he'd like to be between right now, and it wasn't the pages of a book. "You and your shirts." He lifted the pizza. "Where do you want to eat?"
"Are you okay outside? I know it's warm, but I forgot to set the AC when I left this morning, and the house is even hotter." Her eyes crinkled at the corners. "Besides, I feel like watching the fireflies tonight. They're almost over."
Jaxon hopped up the steps and set the pizza on the small table at the corner of Izzie's porch. She'd already laid out everything they'd need - including citronella candles to help with the bugs. But she looked so relaxed on the rocker, he hated for her to move. Instead, he grabbed two slices of pizza, stacked them on a plate, filled a glass and brought both to where she reclined, swinging her leg.
She cocked her head. "What's this?"
His chest pinged. He'd never get enough smiles, enough eye crinkles, enough of the way her husky voice always sounded like she was on the brink of full-on belly laughs. "Uhh… dinner?" He huffed out a laugh. "Oh wait. I'm sorry." He lifted both hands in offering. "Carbs and carbs."
Izzie cracked a smile. "Oh ha. I earned every single one of these carbs today." She grabbed the plate and the glass, taking a long pull of the beer. She shut her eyes and let her head drop back for a second. "God, that's so good." Straightening, she speared him with a look. "See this?" She took a big bite of the top slice - pepperoni with mushrooms, olives, and sausage. "This is me having no shame," she mumbled, mouth full. "I am carb-queen hear me roar," she added, lifting her slice high, then taking another big bite. "Ohmgd," she mumbled through another mouthful, eyes rolling back into her head. "I was happy to cook, but my god, Jax. This is fucking heaven."
No. She was fucking heaven. Every. Damn. Thing. About. Her.
And it was all he could do to not fall to his knees right then and there and pour out everything he'd been keeping from her over the last nine years. Jaxon cleared his throat. "Need anything else?" he asked hoarsely, hoping she wouldn't notice the change in his voice.
He shouldn't have worried. She was too ecstatic over the pizza. "Mmmph," she said with a shake of her head. He guessed that meant "No." He helped himself to two slices of each pizza and a glass full of beer and joined her, dropping to the top step and reclining against the porch post.
Izzie licked her fingers and grinned down at him. "Thanks for this."
"Doesn't get much better than this, does it?" He lifted his glass to her.
Her face froze.
While the sultry evening air lay warm on his skin, Jaxon's insides went as cold as Izzie's face. And when she forced a smile that went nowhere near her eyes, all he heard was Colton's voice in his head, chastising him for being a fool. "Iz… I-"
