Ride fast, p.17
Ride Fast, page 17
For what felt like the hundredth time, he focused on her from across the table, willing her to look up and meet his eyes. She'd managed to look everywhere but him, dodging his gaze at the first sign they might actually lock eyes. A painful ache spread across his chest. She looked a wreck. Maybe not as bad as she'd looked the morning after Lexi Grace's wedding, but damn close. Granted, even hungover, she'd been the most beautiful woman he'd ever laid eyes on, and all he'd wanted was to bone her.
On the other hand, Robbie and Catalina seemed to be engaged in some kind of staring stand-off which Catalina was clearly winning. Every time Catalina sharpened her gaze, or lifted an eyebrow, Robbie visibly blanched.
His parents kept exchanging secret smiles and shooting him looks of encouragement over the platter of adobo. From his place at the head of the table, Alessandro glowered. At the foot, Sarah Capizzi alternated between shooting her husband questioning looks, narrowing her eyes as if telling him to do something, and forcing a placid smile as if tonight was just another normal Capizzi-Boyd Sunday dinner.
Everyone was talking, no one was speaking.
"Roberto, would you please pass the cannolis and mangoes with sticky rice?" Sarah asked quietly, but with iron in her voice.
Jaxon tensed. Whenever either of the moms started calling them by their given names, shit was getting real.
Before Robbie's hand reached the platter, Alessandro's fist landed on the table with the force of a shotgun blast. "Will someone tell me what is going on?" he roared, glaring at each person in turn. His only answer was a circle of wide, surprised eyes staring back. For the first time in the history of their family dinners, all hell broke loose.
Sarah and Reyna stood, speaking in unison. "Dishes."
The rest of them spoke at once.
Jaxon, half rising and reaching for Izzie's hand: "Iz. I'm so fucking sorry. I love you. God, I love you so much."
Isabella: "I don't care if we can't have children together. I want you, no matter what."
Catalina: "Jaxon's infertile and thought Isabella wouldn't love him because of it."
Robbie: "I fucked everything up, and now Isabella's leaving."
Jaxon: "Please don't leave Prairie. I'm willing to try the IVF."
Isabella: "Me too."
Jaxon squeezed Izzie's hand, pouring all his unspoken words into his touch. From the corner of his eye, he caught his father rocking back on the chair, arms folded across his chest, a bemused smile on his face. "Can we-"
"SILENCE!" Alessandro roared bringing his fist down on the table a second time. He glared at Robbie. "Language, son. I will not tolerate language at our table." He eyed Jaxon, indicating loud and clear that he hadn't missed Jaxon's slip-up at the dinner table either.
Then he fixed a piercing stare on Isabella. "What is this about you leaving? I thought we had an agreement."
Jaxon gave her hand an encouraging squeeze. Now that he was touching her, he wasn't letting go. She opened her mouth to speak, but a knock sounded at the door. "Papa, I think that you and I-"
She was interrupted by another knock. This time louder. Jaxon swore he saw steam coming from Alessandro's ears.
"I'll see who it is," Reyna called as she passed through from the kitchen.
Jaxon cleared his throat and raised his brows at Izzie before turning to the man who had been a second father to him all these years. "Sir. It's all my fault. The chemo made me infertile."
The only indication Alessandro gave that this information was any kind of a surprise, was an almost imperceptible crinkling at the corner of his eyes.
Jaxon charged ahead. Honestly, now that everyone at the table knew, it was easier to talk about. "I know Iz wants children." He swung his gaze back to her and squeezed her hand, warmth filling the spot where dread and disappointment had long been residents in his chest. "More than anything," he underscored. "And I only want her happiness." He'd planned to make this declaration in private, but if he'd learned anything in the last twenty-four hours it was to seize opportunity when it appeared. "Iz, I've loved you since the first day we met. I came home from kindergarten and told Mom that I was going to marry you someday."
Izzie's face softened, and she blinked rapidly. Beside her, Catalina sighed audibly.
"I mean it. And in spite of the obstacles, and in many cases my stupidity."
Beside him, Robbie coughed into his hand. "Brittany."
Jaxon swung to look at his brother from another mother. "Shut-up asshole. I'm trying to propose to your sister, here."
"Language, son," Alessandro boomed.
"Sorry, sir." Jaxon turned back to Izzie. "I guess the cat's out of the bag now," he said with a wry smile. "As I was saying, you've been the constant in my life, and if you'll have me, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know I was a colossal ass yesterday-"
"Fuckwit," Catalina coughed into her hand.
"Language," Alessandro roared again, more sharply.
"Please forgive me, please don't move to Colorado. I want you in my life for the rest of my life. I want to grow old with you, here. Right where we grew up. Please stay. Be my partner in our roughstock company." Heart slamming into his chest, he risked a glance at Alessandro and then Sarah, who leaned against the kitchen doorway behind Izzie, eyes as bright as her daughter's. "I want you both to know that Isabella's happiness means everything to me. I will do everything I possibly can to give her the life she's always dreamed of."
Turning back to Izzie, he reached across the table with his other hand. Taking her tiny one in both of his. "I know Cat showed you the folder with the TESE procedure. I'm willing to try it and see if we can have a baby. Today, tomorrow, next week, whenever you want. Because I want nothing more than to put our baby in your arms."
Izzie covered her mouth with her free hand, nodding with eyes shining. "Yes," she whispered. "Yes. I don't care if we can't have children, Jax." She placed her free hand on top of his and squeezed. "More than anything, I want to make a life with you." She looked over to her father. "I'm not going anywhere, Papa. You know it's always been my dream to take over the ranch someday. And if you're ready, I'm ready to sign the paperwork to buy you out."
Jaxon stilled as a throat cleared behind him, and a deep gravelly voice spoke with the same inflection as Alessandro's. "It seems like my timing's perfect."
A knot of dread formed in Jaxon's stomach as Isabella's face paled and Catalina's eyes bugged. Beside him, he felt Robbie stiffen. But it was the sudden joy-filled light in Alessandro's & Sarah's eyes that made his heart sink like a stone. Jaxon swiveled in his chair, bracing himself for the worst. He barely recognized the tall, slender man lingering between the dining room and the front entryway. Dark shaggy hair, wavy like Robbie's, but as dark as Izzie's and Catalina's, hung well below the worn collar of an army surplus jacket. He held a beat-up duffel, and his boots had seen better days. The man's overgrown beard did nothing to hide the lines of tension around his hazel eyes, or the tight hold of his jaw. Even though he looked one notch above hell warmed over, and half-starved, to boot, the man they gaped at was undeniably, without a doubt, the spitting image of Alessandro.
He lifted a few fingers as he coolly regarded each person in the room, before the corners of his mouth lifted a fraction. "I'm home."
After seventeen years, Rafe Capizzi was home.
Chapter Forty
Isabella sat frozen, Jaxon's eyes a calm, steady presence while for the second time in the history of the Boyd-Capizzi family dinners, all hell broke loose. As long as she focused on Jax, on the bond they shared which acted to keep the pandemonium raging around her at bay, she could focus, she could think, she could hold onto the dream that for one shining, perfect moment, had been within her reach. Her mother's scream of recognition shattered their bubble and the chaos and noise rushed in.
In an instant, Isabella's body burned volcano-hot then ice-cold as a long-forgotten rage slowly bubbled up from a deep, dark place within her. There was no hiding or running from the toxic sewage rising to consume her. It boiled her blood and stole her thoughts, laying waste to everything good inside her. Blind from it, she pushed back from the table, knocking over her chair as she stood, dimly registering voices and bodies as she rushed out. Isabella stumbled as she jumped the stairs, scraping her knees and her hands as she landed on the gravel walk. She felt no pain, only fury, and a deep desire to commit violence. Swallowing great gulps of air, she pushed herself up, and ran. She ran for the one place a hurt like this could be soothed. She like her life depended on it, not seeing, not hearing, not feeling, until she collapsed, body wracked with sobs.
How? How could this be happening? Jaxon had practically proposed. There was hope for a baby. Her father was finally letting her buy into the ranch. And HER FUCKING BROTHER picked this day, after seventeen fucking years of waiting, of hoping, of heartbreak and wondering… he picked today to ruin everything. Again. She rolled on the ground, kicking her feet, pounding her fists into the pebbles and roots at the base of her favorite oak that stretched out over the creek. She flipped onto her back and screamed at the sky until she was hoarse, as all her dreams for the ranch faded into the ether.
Strong hands scooped her up and pulled her into a crushing embrace. Jaxon's voice soothing in her ear as she continued to sob, punching his shoulders, beating his chest as the fire within her raged. "How can he be back? It's all lost," she screamed with a hiccup. Incoherent words continued to gush from her mouth, a toxic stream of hurt and hatred, festering hidden for seventeen years in the broken heart of a thirteen-year-old girl abandoned by the older brother she worshipped. "I hate him," she moaned. "How could he do this to us?" Jax continued to hold her, kissing her head, speaking low in her ear, until she cried herself dry for the third time in twenty-four hours. The loud buzz of the August locusts was the first sound that seeped back into her awareness. The second, Jax's steady slow heartbeat drumming against her ear. Next, came the recognition of his warmth surrounding her, and the soft pitch of his voice as he continued to talk to her.
"No matter what happens, I've got you. We're good, and that's all that matters, babe. We'll figure all this out together."
She stirred and turned her face to his, basking in the gentle warmth of his deep brown eyes.
"Welcome back to the living," he said, wiping away the last of her tears with the back of a finger. "Are you okay?"
"My head hurts," she said with a small smile. "And no. Not really. Not about this. But with us?" Her smile widened. "Couldn't be better."
Jaxon kissed her forehead, then shifted so that she was more fully on his lap. Lifting her chin with a finger, he stared deep into her eyes. "I don't know how, but we'll figure this out. All of it. Together."
Together. She'd never take that word for granted. Ever. She sniffed, emotion rising and making her eyelids prickle again. "I love you, Jaxon. Forever."
"I love you."
She swore she could see hearts in his eyes.
"And I'm so, so sorry for the pain I've caused you. You know our parents taught us to always face things head-on. To not be afraid to experience the ugly, to not run away from the pain. And that's what I did." His eyes clouded briefly. "Iz… the things that Brittany said to me when things were falling apart, no twenty-year-old kid should have to hear those things. I wasn't even into the five-year safe zone yet. There was a very real and terrifying possibility that I could relapse again, and that likely would have meant my demise."
Isabella burrowed into him again, finding reassurance in his heartbeat. "I'm so glad that didn't happen, Jax. You have no idea."
His chest rumbled, and she could hear the smile in his voice when he spoke. "Oh, I think I do. But the point is, part of me never felt like a man. A real man."
She gasped, eyes snapping to his. "How could you think that? You're so manly. Like, you got extra man-genes, not fewer."
His eyes turned sorrowful. "Because when you're twenty and told by a woman that no woman will ever love you because your dick is broken, you're stupid enough to believe it. And so, when we started happening, all those feelings of inadequacy came roaring back with a vengeance. And instead of taking the bull by the horns, I ran like a chicken with a fox in the hen house." His mouth quirked. "And I'm pretty sure Robbie's never going to let me forget it."
"I don't think so." Isabella wrapped a hand around Jax's shoulder. "Have you noticed something different about Catalina? She's never had a bossy bone in her body, unless it has something to do with her creepy crawlies. But something's going on with the two of them. And Catalina's-" she searched for a word to describe the shift in her little sister. "Fierce." She smiled and shook her head, recalling this morning's - was it only just this morning? It felt like a million years ago - visit to her cottage. "Did you know she said fuck this morning? And shit right after?"
Jaxon busted into a grin, eyes popping wide. "Yeah, she was pretty feisty this afternoon, too."
"I don't know what she has on him, but I don't think Robbie's gonna get away with much until all this shakes out."
Jax's rich baritone chuckle filled her ears. "Do you think he's got a girl stashed away someplace?"
"I don't know, maybe? But Robbie's a perpetual flirt and always dating someone, and Catalina doesn't care about romance or relationships at all, so I think it's got to be bigger than that."
"Knowing your brother, I'm sure it will all come to light sooner or later."
Above them, the first fireflies of the evening began to wink to life. "Jax?"
"Mmm?"
"Can I ask you something?"
"Anything." He kissed her head again, then her eyelids, and her cheekbones, before gently brushing her mouth with is. "Ask me anything, babe."
Isabella brought a hand to his cheek. "Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with me?" She bit down on her lower lip, smiling hopefully.
Jaxon's eyes crinkled. "Every word." His eyes clouded again, and he searched her face. "Do you really love me even if I can't give you a child?"
Her eyes filled with tears. "Oh Jax, yes. Unequivocally. Always. Forever." She sniffed in a breath. "I want children. You know that. And I want yours most of all. And while not being able to carry your child would hurt, that's a pain I can live with." She stared up at him, willing him to see the love for him that burned bright in her heart. "What I can't live without, is you, Jaxon. And if spending the rest of my life with you means that we can't have a child together, I'm okay with that. We can adopt or have fur babies. We'll figure it out - just like you said."
She pulled his head down, offering herself to him, cherishing the soft fullness of his lips on hers, the taste and feel of him warm and strong against her.
"Does this mean you'll decline your job offer?" he asked when they separated.
She nodded. "Happily."
"What about your job at the high school?"
She made a face. "Arnaud can suck it."
Jaxon cracked a smile, body shaking. "Tell me how you really feel."
Isabella shifted higher in his lap. "I'm done being under appreciated. I'd rather be your partner and help Boyd's Roughstock and Contracting get off the ground. We'll be able to expand so much faster if I take over the business side."
"Are you sure? I'd still like to keep teaching math and coach the football team if you're okay with that. Those kids have always been-"
"Your kids. I get that." Jax was a talented teacher and role model for all the young men at the school, it lifted her spirits to know he wanted to continue.
"Have you thought about what you're going to tell your kids?" Jax asked between kisses.
A thought popped into her head. A wickedly brilliant idea. "Well… Boyd's Roughstock and Contracting could offer one or two key business internships to a couple of outstanding students. And I could offer tutoring for the AP English test every spring. I don't think anyone's beating down the door to coach the cheerleaders, so maybe I could still do that. And I'm sure my favorite students would be thrilled to help with… you know… plans?" She glanced up through her lashes, suddenly nervous.
"You mean wedding plans?" Jax asked as he kissed her nose.
She nodded, grateful for the darkening sky which hid her flaming face. "I mean… only if you want to. We don't have-"
He cut her off with his mouth, bringing a hand to the base of her skull, tongue flicking against her lips until she opened with a moan. Slowly, Jax's patient kisses brought her body back to life, heating the blood in her veins with the kind of languid arousal that typically ushered in hours of unhurried lovemaking.
Jaxon cupped her face. "I very much want to."
The certainty in his voice launched butterflies in her chest.
"Isabella Francesca Capizzi, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife? Of spending the rest of your life with me, and if we're very lucky, being the mother of my children?"
Chapter Forty-One
Six Weeks Later
* * *
"Where's Catalina?" Isabella asked the women she loved most in the world as she met their eyes in the three-sided mirror that stood in the middle of the bride's room at St. Joseph's Catholic Church. "I need my maid of honor."
"She's probably hiding someplace," offered Jeanine, looking radiant in a navy chiffon dress that fell to the floor. "You know how she hates crowds."
Isabella frowned. "Well I'm not getting dressed without my sister," she vowed, giving the satin tie of her bridal robe an extra hard tug. "We have to find her."
"Do you think she's outside looking for frogs?" her mother asked.
"I heard her muttering about some something or other tree frog with a big, long name," offered CiCi.
"Mom, why don't you and Reyna check the basement and outside, CiCi and Jeanine and I will have a look down by the education wing. Let's meet back in fifteen?"
