Alien heart, p.4
Alien Heart, page 4
“What?” I asked again, fighting to keep my voice steady. It had been another long day of travelling, my ass was sore, and I was not interested in whatever Varrow was playing at. “What are you doing?”
“Waiting for you.”
He said it so flatly, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world and I was stupid not to see it. It echoed what he’d said that first morning when I’d almost collided with him outside the tent before leaving the settlement. He’d said he’d been waiting for me then, too.
“Well... Why?” I asked harshly.
“To make sure you are safe.”
Really? Because based on the looks you’ve been giving me, it seems like you want me to fall down into some dark crevasse and never find my way back out again...
Something told me saying that out loud wouldn’t be a good idea. So instead I said, “I’m fine. I’m not stupid. I really doubt I’m going to die this close to the group.”
Even now, I could see the others only a few metres away, setting up camp under the natural shelter of a stony outcropping. And I wasn’t the type to wander off and put myself in a dangerous situation, either. All I’d done was go pee behind a rock!
Darkness flickered in Varrow’s eyes, and a muscle jumped in his jaw. “I did not say you were stupid. But you do not know these lands as I do.”
There was... Something there. Something bleeding at the edge of his words. Pain.
I swallowed, my eyes falling to his arm-less shoulder, before meeting his gaze once more. His words had deflated any pride, any anger I’d felt. He was right. I’d never been here, to the Death Plains. He had. And clearly, he’d suffered.
“What happened to your arm?”
The question was out of my mouth before I could stop it. I clamped my teeth against my lips, cursing myself. I may not have particularly liked Varrow, but I hadn’t meant to be that rude. I didn’t want to pry.
Varrow visibly tensed, and he took two great steps towards me, collapsing the distance between us. His sight stars buzzed, and his hair fell forward as he stared ominously down at me.
I took a shuddering breath, flinching when my breasts brushed his abdomen. But I didn’t step back, didn’t move away.
Dieu, he was huge. Long-limbed but bulky with strength, he gave off a dark, almost feline sense of graceful power. Like a panther. The lean Death Plains look of his face was regal in a savage sort of way. Feral yet elegant, the shadows deepened by his hardened expression.
“It is a harrowing tale,” he said, lips drawing back from his fangs, his eyes so deep and hungry I thought they’d swallow me whole.
“I’m sorry,” I stammered. “You don’t need to-”
“No.” Varrow hissed, cutting me off. “You asked. And you will hear it.”
Merde. I had really pissed him off. And rightfully so. Who the hell walked around asking people why they were missing limbs? I’d told him a few moments ago that I wasn’t stupid, but I sure felt stupid now.
“As I said, it is a harrowing tale. You should prepare yourself.”
I nodded mutely. I was getting a bit scared of what he’d tell me. But like he’d said – I was the one who’d asked. I would listen to his story, however horrible it was. Besides, no matter how hard it was to hear, it was obviously nothing to him actually living through it.
His sight stars weren’t like smoke now, but like fire. I wondered, my throat thick, what kind of memories were playing out behind those eyes, right now, as he prepared to tell his story. Varrow took a deep breath, his abdomen brushing my front once again, making my nerves zing. I held my breath as curiosity mingled with dread in my lungs.
“As a child...” he began gravely, “my mother made me eat too many beans.”
“Wait... What?”
He ignored me, forging onward. “My mother made me eat them every day, with every meal. She made me eat so many that my arm fell off.”
My mouth opened into a soundless O and I blinked, over and over again, too shocked to formulate words. Had this moody bastard just made a fucking joke?
Something tightened, then softened, in his expression.
“Come, little bean. We should return to the others.”
I couldn’t even muster up the energy to get annoyed at being called “little bean” again. I was reeling. We’d encountered case after case of alien insanity on this planet – monsters and mate bonds and things that made absolutely no sense. But the most shocking thing of all was discovering that the abrupt, brooding Varrow apparently had a sense of humour under all those tense muscles and frowny expressions.
As we walked together, my gaze slid sideways towards him. I could feel myself trying to make sense of him. It wasn’t that I was suddenly seeing Varrow in a whole new light, or anything. But there was certainly a little more light shining on him now. Beating back some of the shadows. Helping him come into focus. Which was weird, considering I hadn’t actually learned what had really happened to his arm. But somehow, his joke told me more about him than maybe even the truth would have. So he’s not just some surly alien. Or at the very least, he’s a surly alien with a sense of humour.
Très intéressant.
No! Not interesting! You’re supposed to be focused on the journey ahead and finding your own mate! Not getting all interested in the grumpy brute beside you!
Varrow’s head stayed in place, facing forward, but his sight stars moved, staring at me from the side. Flushing, I wrenched my own gaze ahead as we reached the rest of the group.
The tent Priya and I shared had already been set up for the night, and I hustled for it, needing its security.
But the idea of our tent being a safe haven began to evaporate when I saw where Varrow was now setting up his own tent.
Right next to ours.
“You couldn’t find a better spot?” I asked, only partly teasing.
Varrow glanced at me before returning to the task at hand once more, grunting, “No.”
“Well... Alright then,” I said, stepping back to give him some space. It wasn’t like he was going in our private tent or anything. I didn’t have the right to tell him where to put his tent.
I watched him in the stark, asteroid-lit darkness. The white and grey stone of the Death Plains mountain range reflected a lot more light than the Cliffs of Uruzai, and night here felt brighter than it had back in the desert we now called home. The ghostly light drenched Varrow’s form as he worked. For a moment, I thought about asking if he needed any help setting up his tent. But I quickly decided against it. Such a question would probably just offend him, besides – it was becoming more and more clear he didn’t need any help. Having only one working arm didn’t hinder him at all. He worked with sharp, deft movements, his tail snapping up to help support a bone pole here or hold a piece of tent hide there whenever he needed more than one hand. His back was to me as he worked, and my eyes dragged down the bunching of hardened muscles under his shining skin, between his leather straps and blades. A warm sensation swirled, low in my abdomen, and I realized with a jolt it was desire.
I was attracted to Varrow.
I snapped my head away just as he finished readying his tent. Clearing my throat, I looked at Jocelyn, Razek, and Priya who were seated next to me on the ground. The other Sea Sand men were also readying their tents for the night, and the Bitter Sea warrior with us, Kohka, was standing facing the mountain range, observing the landscape with critical eyes.
“Well, shall we make a fire, then?” I asked, my voice cracking slightly.
“No!”
The reply didn’t come from the people I’d addressed. It came from directly behind me – or rather above me. I tensed, realizing Varrow was right behind me, speaking from over my head. I dared a look backwards to see his face set in a thunderous expression.
Oh, great, now what have I done to earn his ire?
“Varrow is right,” Razek said. “Firelight draws the ablokoi. We will light no fires in the Death Plains, at least not until we are well past these stones.”
Oh, OK. So Varrow wasn’t mad at me about suggesting fire, it had to do with this ablokoi thing...
“What’s an ablokoi?” I asked. I stepped to the side so that I was no longer so acutely aware of the throbbing presence of Varrow’s massive frame so close to my back.
“Oh, they’re absolutely horrible,” Jocelyn answered, wrinkling her nose. “Almost got both me and Razek last time we were here. You know those weird, flat fish that lay on the bottom of the ocean and wait for another fish to swim by before they grab it? It kind of looks like that – but giant. And it has tentacles. Dozens of them.”
I grimaced at her description. I knew the general details of Jocelyn’s trip to the Death Plains back when she’d met Razek, but I hadn’t gotten such a visceral image of the ablokoi in my head before.
“It sounds like the hok of the sea,” Kohka said, his great head angling downward to look at us. In the bright whitish light of these lands, he looked like he’d been carved from glinting metal, all silvered scales and spikes.
“Oh, yeah, the hok has tentacles, too, right?” Priya asked. “Zoey’s talked about it before. Like a giant squid.”
“Yes. Many looping arms and much strength,” Kohka confirmed.
“Travelling with several warriors is prudent here,” Razek said. “Kohka, you, in particular, would be a good defence against an ablokoi. They are brutally strong and can easily subdue and crush a man with their many arms. But your spikes would probably cut an ablokoi badly enough to make it withdraw. And with many warriors to kill it, we would prevail over its tactics. But still, we would do well to avoid them. So, no fires. And no excessive noise, either, lest we call the zeelk down upon our heads.”
Ablokoi, zeelk, mountains that looked like broken bones and teeth... No wonder this place was called the Death Plains. I shivered and crossed my arms, rubbing my hands up and down the sleeves of my jacket.
“Are you cold?” came the shockingly quiet murmur of Varrow’s voice beside me.
“Yes,” I said, deciding it was easier to just say that than to say, Yes, I am cold, but I’m also freaked the fuck out by the idea of a desert squid grabbing me from the darkness.
Varrow’s voice hardened. “Promise me no matter how cold you feel, you will light no fires, little bean.”
“You don’t have to worry about that,” I answered. “I got the message loud and clear. No fires. I told you I’m not stupid, remember?”
I glanced at him, noting the way his hand was balled in a fist at his side.
“I know you’re not,” he replied. “But you are so small. And I know you need heat. It gets colder here than back at the Cliffs of Uruzai.” He paused then, his sight stars pulsing, then rasped. “If you get too cold in the deep of the night, come to me. I will find a way to keep you warm. Just promise me – no fires.”
There was a furious hunger in his gaze now. It made my stomach muscles clench. He needed something from me. Needed this promise for some reason...
“I promise,” I said.
“She’s not an idiot. None of us are going to do anything stupid,” Jocelyn cut in.
I gasped, almost forgetting that there was anyone else around besides Varrow and his cavern-deep, all-consuming gaze.
His sight stars snapped to Jocelyn. He dragged his fingers through his hair, looking almost shockingly like a human man for a moment. Then he bent, retrieving his spear from the ground next to his tent.
“I will go hunt,” he said brusquely. He didn’t wait for anyone’s response, not even Gahn Razek’s, before he left our makeshift camp. All the other warriors left to hunt, too, until it was just the three of us human women and Gahn Razek.
“Why’s he being so hard on Camille about the fire thing? That guy’s getting on my last nerve,” Jocelyn said, frowning. I collapsed onto my bum, scooting forward to join their little seated group. Strangely, even though Varrow had also been getting my own last nerve up until now, I felt a sudden need to defend him.
Apparently, Razek felt the same way.
“I do not blame him for wanting to take extra caution when it comes to the ablokoi. An ablokoi killed his brother and ruined his arm when he was a boy.”
My breath caught. I stared at Razek as he continued.
“Varrow and his older brother were out hunting when they were accosted. They’d been careful – they had not lit fires. But still, they’d been caught. Varrow’s brother was named Ratev. I am similar to Varrow in age. When he and I were both small boys, Ratev was a fine young man. A warrior fit to be Gahn. If things had transpired differently, he may have been the one ruling this tribe now. Him, or maybe even Varrow.”
All three of us girls were silent. Even Jocelyn looked subdued after her previous annoyance with Varrow.
“Ratev told Varrow to run and sacrificed himself, fighting to save his brother,” Razek said. “Varrow wouldn’t leave him though, and his arm was crushed in the ablokoi’s grip, later requiring amputation. At that point, their father and some other hunters found them, killing the ablokoi. It was too late for Ratev, though. And too late for young Varrow’s arm.”
I reached up and touched my wet cheeks. When had I started crying?
“Ratev was the adult of the two, and he was stronger than most – a powerful warrior,” Razek went on. “Varrow was only a small boy at the time. He could not have saved his brother. And yet...” Razek paused, then gave a ragged sigh. “He carries that day with him. Always.”
A sob choked from my throat, and I slammed my hand over my mouth. I was such an idiot – there I had gone just asking him point-blank about what had happened to his arm when it had been something so much worse than I’d expected. Not only the loss of the limb, but the loss of a family member, too. And Varrow had had the decency not to make me feel bad about my blunder, instead cracking a joke about it all.
My chest pounded. My head spun. Everything I thought I knew about Varrow – about him being blunt and rude and abrupt – was being turned upside down. He was far more considerate than I’d given him credit for, even if his social skills were somewhat rough around the edges. And the fact he’d tried to save his brother even when he was so young, so small... It spoke to a strength of character and protective nature that broke my fucking heart.
That was all I could see, now. The boy inside the brooding man. The boy who’d lost so much. I wanted to reach right back into the past and scoop him up. To keep him out of harm’s way and tell him everything would be alright.
But obviously, everything hadn’t turned out all right. Varrow had lost his brother and been traumatically injured. Razek went on to tell us that both his parents were gone now, too. Well, that’s something we have in common, I thought sadly, swiping at my tears.
Jocelyn’s voice broke the silence after Razek finished.
“That lad needs therapy. Frankly, we all do.”
I could tell from the grim set of her mouth that she wasn’t kidding or trying to make light of the situation. Really, she was right. We’d all been through trauma. But then again, something told me Varrow and most of the other Sea Sand warriors wouldn’t be interested in talking about their feelings. I smiled wanly through my tears, imagining broaching the idea with quiet, irritable Varrow. I bet he’d rather chew on rocks than talk to someone about what he’s been through... That was probably a big part of why he’d joked earlier instead of telling me the truth. The truth was far, far too painful to dredge up.
I’m going to be nicer to him, starting right now, I vowed. It wasn’t out of pity. I wasn’t going to be nicer just because I felt sorry for him or anything. But rather because I felt like I understood him a little better now. And understanding him made it easier to like him, to see past the brashness and dark thunder surrounding him.
A small thought niggled at me. That it wasn’t just understanding his past that had helped me like him better. But it had also been the discovery of his sense of humour.
And the hard lines of his body under moonlight.
No. No no no. This was what I’d wanted to avoid the entire time I’d been on this planet. Becoming attracted or connected to someone who wasn’t meant to be mine forever. And, of all the men I could have started feeling things for, why did it have to be one of the grumpiest ones?!
No. I’m not developing feelings for him. It’s just a physical attraction, that’s it.
I ignored the fact that my chest heaved and my heart pounded. Ignored the fact that my throat was still tight with tears I’d cried for Varrow.
Because those things couldn’t be chalked up to attraction.
Those were feelings.
And I didn’t have feelings.
Not for Varrow.
Right?
Merde.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Varrow
Apparently, my announcement that I would go hunt had inspired an exodus from the settlement. I hadn’t meant for anyone else to join me. But I couldn’t stay at the camp and listen to talk of the ablokoi any longer. It made my missing arm twinge in the most irritating way. As I rode along the Death Plains cliffs and valleys on my irkdu, the sound of other irkdu coming up behind me made me turn. I did not want company. My instincts told me to go faster and lose the others. But I slowed. Gahn Razek was not among them, and I was the only one native to these lands in this hunting party. They might need my expertise in this landscape, even though some of them had been out here before on the trip with Gahnala Jozelyn.
“What is best to catch, Varrow?” asked Vaxilkai. He was one of Gahn Buroudei’s men and had lived in deserts closest to the Death Plains before relocating to the Cliffs of Uruzai. The moonlight turned his long braid into a gleaming tail as he drew level with me on his mount. Dalk, Oxriel, and Bariok soon joined us.
“When we were last out here, we ate many of those blue legless things. But there was no dakrival. And we will not have the fire to roast dakrival meat anyway,” he continued.
