Alien heart, p.6
Alien Heart, page 6
It was more than just appealing.
It was mouth-watering.
I gave up on trying to get Varrow to have some of the food and plunked my bum down on the hard ground. I was sitting in the shadow of my tent, so I pulled back my hood and pushed my sunglasses up my face to the top of my head.
“You can sit down if you want,” I said to Varrow. He was looking around as if unsure what to do now.
Apparently deciding that my company was not that offensive, he sat gracefully down across from me. Where I was in the shadows, he was in the full sunlight, every golden beam gleaming on him. He was practically sculpted by it.
I decided to try the eggs first.
“Itadakimasu,” I murmured before popping one into my mouth.
It was a little chewier than I’d expected, but not bad. It reminded me a little bit of escargot.
Could use some garlic butter...
I kept going, not realizing how hungry I had been. Soon enough, I’d finished everything – the eggs and the meat. Varrow produced a valok plant seemingly from nowhere. He ran a deadly black claw along its side before wrenching it open and handing it to me.
“Thanks,” I said, swallowing the last bit of food. I slurped down the green gel, revelling in the way the slightly bitter substance slaked my thirst. That strong green tea flavour lingered on my tongue, reminding me of drinking afternoon tea in my parents’ restaurant.
Soon enough, the other warriors returned from their tasks. We dismantled the camp. Packs and tents were strapped to irkdu backs and sides, and we were ready to go. The saddle I’d been using was still strapped to Dalk’s irkdu, where it had been the whole time, and I approached Dalk while pulling up my hood and re-positioning my sunglasses.
“Cam-Eel,” came Gahn Razek’s authoritative voice. I stopped mid-step, turning to look at him. Gahn Razek was giving me an unreadable look, his sight stars flitting up over my head to land on Varrow, who, I realized, was right behind me.
“You should ride with Varrow today,” the Gahn said. “Now that we are in Death Plains territory, it would be prudent to have as many new women riding with men who know these lands as possible. Priya, you should ride with Kohka now, for safety. We can reconfigure your saddle for his back.”
Priya nodded, collecting her paper and pens from where she’d been working on the ground. She trotted over to Kohka, and I turned to face Varrow. Just before I did so, I noticed Jocelyn giving Razek a curious look.
“Well, what do you think about that, mon ami? Riding buddies!”
Varrow didn’t look pleased by this turn of events. He looked...
Fucking panicked.
“The saddle will not fit my irkdu,” he stammered, his sight stars swinging between Razek and me.
I frowned, unsure of what he meant. The Death Plains irkdu were much narrower and longer than the other Sea Sand irkdu. From what I understood, that made it easier for the creatures to traverse the mountain range. But the saddles had myriad straps and could easily be adjusted, just as they were doing with Priya’s saddle now for Kohka’s back.
He really doesn’t want to be around me...
I had to admit, that hurt. I knew he hadn’t asked for my friendship or anything. But this was a bit much! Especially after that big show of saving me some choice morsels of alien eggs for breakfast!
“You can tell me the truth, Varrow,” I said, trying to sound tougher than I felt. “If you don’t want me to ride with you, just say that. You don’t have to make up excuses about the saddle.”
I hated how affected by this, by him, I had become. My insides should not have been churning, my heart hammering, as he stared down at me with his jaw working, his mouth twisting.
Finally, after a tense moment, the words tore from him, shattering like brittle stone.
“If there is danger, I cannot hold you steady against me with one hand and defend you with a blade in my other.”
Oh.
I probably should have felt a multitude of things at his words. Maybe I should have felt bad for putting him on the spot. Maybe someone else would have pitied him or felt sorry for him. But I didn’t. All I felt in that moment was a hot slam of desire at the idea of being held steady against him.
You’re supposed to be fighting your attraction to him, remember?
That’s what my brain said.
But my mouth said something else entirely.
“We’ll figure it out. Come on, let’s get the saddle.”
CHAPTER TEN
Varrow
I moved as if my body belonged to someone else. It followed Cam-Eel’s bidding even as my instincts fought against it. As we walked to Dalk’s mount and I began to unlace the saddle’s straps, I voiced the complaints my body seemed not to hear.
“This is not a good idea,” I muttered. More than once.
But all Cam-Eel did was give me her heart-wrenchingly perfect smile, telling me that I just needed some of her human ingenuity.
I had experienced her human ingenuity in the realm of cooking, and so far I had not been impressed.
But even so, I was helpless against her encouragement as I took the saddle from Dalk’s irkdu. Together we headed for my mount, and I placed it upon my irkdu’s narrow purple-grey back, adjusting the straps to fit my creature better than the last one.
When the saddle was ready, Cam-Eel moved her head up and down.
“What does that mean? That gesture,” I asked, imitating the foreign movement. Cursed sands, it probably meant something like disapproval. For the mount.
For me.
“It means yes. Or, I’m satisfied. That will do nicely,” Cam-Eel said, moving her head up and down once more in a movement that pierced me as painfully as any blade could. How could she just stand there, unmoved and untouched, while a simple movement of her head sent me into a death spiral of feelings too big for my body?
Even now, I felt stretched to my limits. Ribs creaking, joints pulling. Heart swelling to make room for her.
Leaving all the more room for emptiness if I were to lose her.
I could not dwell on that dark thought, though, because Cam-Eel was speaking again, drawing my focus.
“I’ll need a boost up, please.”
My heart slammed. My tail jerked.
I’d already touched her once today – holding her small hand in mine. It had been a catastrophe inside me, sending everything tumbling. I would have to touch more of her now. Grip her waist, or her hip...
That thought made me want to fall to my knees and hiss with feral need. Cam-Eel stood watching me, blissfully unaware of the wars raging inside me.
You need to be strong, Varrow. You need to send her to the mount of another man where she’ll be safest.
No.
I stepped up to her, close, so brutally close. Her small mouth fell open, and I could see her eyes widen under her dark eye-shells. Even if she soon saw what I saw – that riding with me would not be safe – I could not pass up this opportunity to touch her.
My hand moved to her waist.
She tensed and made a soft little sound. I did not know what the sound meant. Dismay, perhaps. Maybe irritation. Up until today, she had clearly disliked me, and now I was touching her more intimately than ever before. But this morning, she smiled at you for the first time. And she said that she would be your friend...
And even though a friend was not a mate, I would take it. I would take anything she gave me. No matter how much it hurt.
Or how foul it tasted.
Though she was tiny, even compared to many of the other new women, my hand could not completely encircle her waist. I slid my hand downward to her hip, and sands of our fathers, she made another little sound, a sound that set my blood on fire.
I need to get this over with quickly.
Because the curve of her hip under my hand, her scent blooming in the air between us, those sounds...
She’d have me coming undone completely.
My tail snapped upwards to support her rump as my hand lifted her easily from the ground. Quickly, she was seated upon the saddle. I knew I should join her up there, and I would. But I had to take a moment to admire her upon my mount. She grinned, sitting up straighter as she settled herself, looking perfectly at ease. Looking at home.
My cock ached, and my fingers clenched into a fist as I stared at her. I was... Completely enamoured. Besotted. Beside myself with a desire more potent than the grief that seemed to nip constantly at its heels.
“Well, are you going to come up here with me or not?” asked my mate, casting down another one of her smiles at me. Not long ago, I had hungered to receive a smile like that. So easy. So free. And now I seemed to be receiving them without end.
I cannot remain this lucky, I thought uneasily. It must run out sometime...
But perhaps... Perhaps it would hold strong for just a little longer.
I grasped my spear, leaped up, and joined her on the mount.
As I settled behind her, my cock gave another insistent throb. I could feel my shaft, thick and pulsing, stretching the loincloth’s hide. Fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately for me) even if Cam-Eel were to lean back, she wouldn’t come into contact with my swollen organ. The back of her saddle came up a little higher than my groin. I shifted closer, gritting my fangs when my erection bumped the saddle.
“OK. This seems good to me. So what’s the problem?” Cam-Eel asked, wrenching around in the saddle to look at me. Perhaps it was the heat of my unfulfilled desire, or the fact I hated that I had to explain this again. Whatever it was, it made me answer more harshly than I intended.
“Because,” I growled, “if we come across an enemy or a predator, I’ll need to keep you steady. Like this.”
I tucked my spear into the straps holding my tent against my irkdu’s side. Once my hand was free, I looped it in front of her then pulled back until she was flush to my chest.
“I can already see your little body tumbling from the saddle. So I’d need to hold you against me. But this means I cannot grasp a weapon.” I was speaking against the side of her hood, my words growing rougher as her scent overwhelmed me. I suppressed a groan, dragging my nose, my lips, along the hood of her cloak, forward, until I was so close to tasting the skin at her jaw -
“Well, you have a tail don’t you?”
I reared back, realizing how close I’d almost come to doing something unbelievably stupid. I’d almost unleashed my tongues against her jaw, her ear, and the slim neck beneath her hood.
Swallowing, I told myself to remain steady, steady, as I answered her.
“Yes. Of course.”
“So just use that.”
“I cannot wield a weapon with my tail,” I scoffed. My tail was stronger than other men’s and could complete tasks other men’s tails couldn’t. Because I needed it to. I’d trained it to be a second hand of sorts. But even so, it could not hold a spear.
“No, not for that. You can use your tail to hold me if you need to.”
I froze, the image roaring through me. My tail hitched over Cam-Eel’s thighs, pulling snug against her hips. Tugging her hard to me, so thick and heavy in her lap. Feeling the heat of her -
“Let’s try it,” she said. A breathiness had entered Cam-Eel’s voice.
Taking a shuddering breath, I raised my tail. In order to drape it over her legs properly and not have it fall short, I had to move even closer to her. I dug my fangs into the inside of my cheek as my swollen cock was nudged harder against the saddle.
My tail settled across her lap like it belonged there. It fit perfectly.
“Now we test it,” Cam-Eel said.
Yes. This was all well and good in this moment. But it would be useless if I could not actually hold her properly.
Without warning, I hissed, digging my heels into the irkdu’s sides until it leapt and bucked. Cam-Eel cried out in shocked fear, the sound like an anthem in my head, my chest, my blood. Instinctively, the movement so natural it was as if I’d been doing it all my life, my tail clamped to Cam-Eel’s hips, drawing her slim back against my chest. At the same moment, I snatched up my spear, hefting it with ease as I held her steady.
She was right. It worked.
Pride surged inside me, and I had a new appreciation for this idea of human ingenuity Cam-Eel had spoken of.
But she was not speaking now.
Panic replaced the pride from before. Perhaps I’d shocked her too much with my irkdu’s movements. Perhaps, horror of horrors, I’d hurt her. I soothed my irkdu with a quiet command, urging it back into stillness.
“Cam-Eel,” I said urgently against the side of her hood. Then my throat closed up, not allowing the rest of my thoughts to become words.
Cam-Eel, look at me.
Cam-Eel, speak to me.
Cam-Eel, tell me everything’s alright.
Tell me that you love me.
As if she’d heard at least one of those thoughts, she twisted to look at me. She appeared a little surprised by how close my face was to hers, but she didn’t pull away.
“Varrow, that was awesome!” she cried. Her smile was so bright, and so close, that it practically blinded me. But instead of closing my eyes against it, I leaned even closer, soaking in all of her light.
Her smile softened, then faded altogether, her lips parting as I drew nearer. One slight move would have my mouth on hers. One beat of perfect motion would make us collide. Her sweet breath brushed my lips. My tail tensed against her. My cock grew wet at its tip.
Cam-Eel snatched herself away, facing forward as a question echoed.
It was Gahn Razek, calling to us from his irkdu, holding his own mate steady.
“Are you two ready?” he asked.
I found I could not answer. At least, not out loud.
I’m not ready. I’m so lost and so in love and so empty and so full. I’m so hard for her. I can’t think. I can’t -
Cam-Eel’s voice burst through the noise in my head. The hot burn of a star in my darkness.
“We’re ready.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Camille
My plan to get closer to Varrow as a friend, hoping that it would lessen my growing attraction to him, was backfiring spectacularly. There was nothing friendly about the iron bar of heat that was his tail across my lap. I mean, it was hot as hell on this planet to begin with. But this was a different sort of heat. A heat that simmered inside my own veins. A heat that had me breathing quickly, alarmed by the wetness I could feel growing between my legs spread so wide on the saddle.
And it wasn’t just the heavy drape of his tail, tugged tight against my pelvis. It was his chest behind me, too. Even though there was none of the danger that he seemed so worried about, he held me close – much closer than I would have expected. Every shaky inhale had my jacket crunching against the smooth expanse of his skin. I felt locked into him.
And I didn’t hate it.
Nope. I fucking liked it. And that was exactly the problem.
I need a distraction.
A question suddenly came to me, and not only did I find it amply distracting but also...
Disheartening.
“Varrow?” I croaked, my voice cracking before I cleared my throat. He and I, like the others in the party, were travelling perpendicular to the spiky mountain range at the edge of the Death Plains. From what I understood, it would be fastest to cut right through them at their narrowest point. But only the Death Plains irkdu, and maybe Kohka, could easily traverse the rockiest valleys. The larger, lumbering desert irkdu needed more clearance. So we were heading for a slightly easier path further down the rocks.
“What is it?” he asked.
I practically vibrated as his words made his chest bump my back. Without meaning to, I squeezed the first thing in reach – his tail. I heard the tight hiss of Varrow’s gasp, felt the tightening of his chest and abdomen muscles against me. I let go immediately.
“Sorry! I didn’t mean to do that,” I murmured, glancing down at his tail to make sure I hadn’t injured him. I snorted at myself. No way. My weak human fingernails hadn’t even left the slightest indent, let alone an injury. His tail was smooth, with the same strong hide as the rest of him – the most beautiful gleaming bronze, fading into black at the tail’s tip. It was thick and muscled like a kangaroo’s, not thin or spindly like a cat’s. As odd as it may have sounded, I actually quite liked his tail. It complemented his form and his other alien features, creating an impressive package. And I’d noticed how agile it was when he was building his tent. I felt how strong it was against my hips.
I wonder what else he can do with that tail...
“Were you going to ask me something?” The quiet boom of Varrow’s voice over my head made me blush even more than the thought I’d just had.
“Yes! I was. Varrow... Do you have a mate?”
I’d been able to feel Varrow’s breathing against my back before.
It stopped.
So did my own. I was holding my breath in anticipation of what he’d say. Which was not a good sign. In that moment, I knew I wanted him to say, “No.” I wanted him to tell me he had no mate even more than I wanted him to say, “Yes.” If he said, “Yes,” I could put this attraction out of my mind.
If he said, “No...”
“Why do you ask?” Varrow asked, his chest shuddering to life once more.
“I just... I was curious if you’d left your mate behind.”
It was far more than that. The question had begun as a way to distract myself from the intensity of Varrow against my back and across my lap. But now it had become something else. Something ugly. Something that made me want to obsess. When he paused yet again before answering, I wanted to turn around, grab his shoulders, and scream until he answered.
“I have left no mate behind,” he finally said, rather stiltedly.
I exhaled, sagging back against his chest. The relief I felt at his words was palpable.
And it made me want more. To know more. Push more.
“So... What would you look for in a mate, Varrow?” I asked. I didn’t straighten up. I remained where I was, my back resting against his chest, putting the full force of my weight there, though I knew that weight was nothing to him.
