Which was insane, because Varrow was basically the exact opposite of someone I’d describe as comforting. Gruff and prickly, maybe. Fascinating and closed-off, certainly.

  But comforting?

  The rich spice of his scent moved through my chest.

  Tension ebbed, and my breathing slowed.

  I slept soundly and didn’t wake until Priya gently shook me the next morning.

  “Camille! Sorry about the blankets. Where’d you get all this, though?”

  I inhaled deeply through my nose as I became aware of my surroundings. The tent. Priya beside me. The hides wrapped snugly around me. Hides that smelled like...

  “Varrow gave them to me. Or, lent them, I suppose,” I murmured groggily, last night’s events drifting through my sleepy brain. Now that I had some distance from last night, I knew I had been silly to have gotten so upset about Varrow sending me back to my tent. He obviously just wanted me to get some rest. And besides, he seems like the kind of guy who likes his space...

  But even with the distance and the logic, there was still a little squishy spot of embarrassed hurt. I shook it off with a bright smile aimed at Priya.

  “Varrow lent them to you,” she repeated slowly, staring at me incredulously. “You mean the guy with the short hair who seems to hate everyone?”

  I let out a huff of a laugh.

  “Yup. That’s the one.”

  “Huh,” Priya said, tilting her head as she gazed at me. The bun she’d tied her hair up into had grown loose with sleep and slid over to one side.

  “What?” I asked, growing slightly wary under her gaze. Dieu, she can totally see how pathetic I am, getting all upset that some guy who isn’t even my mate didn’t give me what I really wanted last night.

  What I really wanted...

  “Oh, nothing really. I’ve just noticed Varrow stares at you a lot. Like, intensely. And I was trying to figure out if it was because he hated you more than everyone else. But now...”

  “Now what?” I asked, my hands curling around the bedding hides, suddenly anxious about what she’d say.

  “Now I think it’s because you’re maybe the one person he doesn’t hate.”

  “I have no idea. He’s a mystery to me,” I said, trying to keep my tone light. I sat up, rubbing at my eyes.

  “I imagine so. He doesn’t seem like the put-your-cards-on-the-table sort,” Priya said, undoing her bun and letting her long dark hair tumble about her shoulders. She finger-combed it, then tied it into a long braid, tossing it behind her shoulders.

  “You’ve got that right,” I snorted.

  Priya and I got ready for the day – a quick scrub with some talka gel for both our bodies and our dirty clothes. We changed into fresh things, plastered on our sunscreen, then packed everything up. I tied my own bedding hides (after retrieving them from Priya’s side of the tent) into a bundle, then eyed Varrow’s.

  I suppose I need to go give them back...

  For some stupid reason, I hated that idea. I wanted to keep them. I wanted them to have been...

  A gift.

  Don’t be selfish. He needs his own bedding hides!

  I chewed on my lip as I held the soft brown fabric in my hands. I didn’t care about having extra bedding hides. I cared that these were his.

  But wait a second...

  I shoved my hand into my jacket pocket, my heart speeding up when my fingers met the three hard items there. Varrow had given me a gift of sorts. The beans.

  Why he had done it was anyone’s guess. But as I fondled the little beans, pressing them further down into the pocket where they’d be safe, I felt warm. Almost giddy.

  I smooshed the hides into a messy bundle, shoved them under my arm, slapped on my sunglasses and headed outside.

  Even with the sunglasses, I found myself squinting as I stepped into the harsh morning sunlight. The way it reflected off of all the white rock around us was blinding. Mercifully, a shadow fell over me. I blinked several times, staring up at the rock wall that had suddenly materialized before me.

  It wasn’t a rock wall casting down that shadow. It was Varrow.

  “Good morning!” I said to him, smiling.

  Varrow grunted something noncommittal in response then shoved his hand towards me.

  “Breakfast,” he said.

  “Thank you. Here, let’s do a trade. Here are your bedding hides. Thanks again. That was a real lifesaver.”

  Varrow flinched, his sight stars spinning.

  “Lifesaver? They saved your life? How cold were you, that your life was in danger?”

  His words were harsh-sounding, almost panicked, and he looked horrified.

  He must think us humans are totally pathetic...

  Now feeling more than a little embarrassed, I shook my head vigorously, the strands of my hair swishing about my face.

  “I wasn’t going to die. Although, yes, humans can die from the cold, that’s true...”

  Varrow made a furious, choking sound. He lurched forward, knocking the hides from my grip with his tail. He dumped the breakfast – more gorka meat and eggs – into my hands. Then he whipped his fingers up to the side of my face, probing my jaw, turning my head this way and that.

  “What!? What are you doing?” I cried, half-laughing, half-annoyed. But soon, I wasn’t capable of saying any more words. Because I was growing increasingly aware of just how good the calloused, warm fingers felt on my cheek. His hand slid down, cupping the back of my head, his thumb brushing the now-frantic pulse beneath my jaw.

  I swallowed, my throat suddenly parched, and watched as the motion drew Varrow’s sight stars.

  “What are you doing?” I managed to whisper. I was immensely grateful for the food Varrow had dropped into my hands. Because if my hands had been empty, I wasn’t so sure I could have stopped myself from reaching for him. His proximity was exhilarating, coursing through me, making everything pound and clench.

  “I am checking on you,” Varrow gritted out, his jaw tight.

  “What are you checking for?” I asked, searching his face. My tongue darted out to wet my lips, and his sight stars snapped from my throat back to my face.

  “I am checking that... That you are not going to die,” he hissed. His expression grew heavier. “But I do not even know how to check for that. You are too different from my kind. I do not even know what to look for.”

  A tremulous smile tugged at my lips at his blunt, almost ferocious response. There were a lot of things on this planet that could kill me, but the cool night air was the least of my worries.

  I was about to tell him that when his grip grew firmer on my neck. Just for a moment. Then his hand fell away.

  “There is one thing I do know, though,” he said, his voice like iron. Hard as a blade and twice as dark.

  “What?”

  “From now on, you sleep in my tent.”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Varrow

  “Excuse me?!”

  These humans really did not have good hearing.

  “You will sleep in my -”

  “No! I heard that part!”

  Cam-Eel stared at me, her soft face set in a hard expression.

  The thought of sharing a tent with me is that distasteful...

  I tried to swallow down the hurt. It does not matter how we feel about the arrangement. It is to keep her safe and warm.

  “I don’t need to share your tent, Varrow. I’m not some Victorian orphan from a novel who’s going to die from a chill!”

  “I have no idea what any of that means,” I spat back, fighting to keep my irritation in check. Why, why was she so stubborn?

  Something cracked in her expression.

  “You didn’t seem to want me in your tent last night.”

  Last night?

  Last night I was trying to exert some poor semblance of control. Last night I was trying not to push myself beyond the edge of torture by being near her in the dark. Last night I was failing to reign in my mad, battered heart.

  “Last night I did not know the cold could kill you,” I said after a short, tense silence.

  You are ignorant. And your ignorance could be the death of her.

  She sighed.

  “If you’re that worried about it, you can lend me your bedding hides again.”

  “No,” I said, my tail twitching.

  “Why not?” Cam-Eel challenged. I frowned, my eyes flicking behind her to see the other new woman, Priya, emerging from their tent.

  “Because I could give you a hundred hides and still not be convinced that it would be enough.” My gaze returned to my little angry mate. I did not want her to be angry. But I did want her to be warm. And that won out. “If you are in my tent, no one will steal the hides from you in sleep. And if you need, I can provide more body heat than another new woman can.”

  “Provide... Body heat...” Cam-Eel repeated unsteadily. A hot crimson seeped under her skin, up her neck and into her cheeks.

  Oh no. I was so worried about the cold, I forgot the heat could also kill her.

  Fool.

  With a flick of my hand, I yanked the hood of her cloak up, casting her lovely face into shadow. Hopefully that poisonous red recedes soon...

  “We’ll talk about this later. Thank you for the food,” Cam-Eel said. She turned and headed into the darkness of her tent. To eat alone, I supposed.

  Or to get away from you.

  Well, whether she liked it or not, she could not get away from me. Not out here. Not while her life depended on the vigilance of a Death Plains warrior. She could hate me if she wanted. But her life was more important than how she felt about me.

  “What was all that about?”

  I raised my tail at the approach of Gahnala Jozelyn, closely followed by Gahn Razek. I noticed then that Cam-Eel and I had gained a small audience during our conversation. Oxriel and Vaxilkai stole subtle glances at me, while Dalk, Kohka, and Bariok studiously (a little too studiously) ignored me.

  “I heard the last bit of it. He told Camille to share his tent to stay warm,” Priya said.

  “You told her what?!” Jozelyn said, her mouth falling open before slamming shut again. She jabbed a finger towards me. “Look, Varrow. I know you’ve got this whole brooding, grumpy git thing happening, but you can’t just order around human women.”

  “My Gahnala,” Razek, said, his voice quiet but firm. Jozelyn whirled on him, sparks flying from her eyes, visible even behind the shield of her eye shells.

  “You better be backing me up on this, Razek,” she said, her voice venomous. “We can’t have unmated warriors dragging random humans into their tent.”

  “I would not drag her,” I scoffed. “Though I would carry her if needed.” Cam-Eel was not strong enough to put up enough of a fight to need to be dragged. She was so small that scooping her into my arm would be no trouble at all.

  “You are not helping your case,” Jozelyn snapped at me.

  “Gahnala of my heart,” Razek said, trying once again to get a word in edgewise between his mate’s bouts of anger.

  “What?!” she cried.

  Razek’s sight stars slipped over to me, then back to his mate.

  “Varrow is not unmated. And Cam-Eel is not just any woman to him.”

  Jozelyn’s head wrenched back and forth, and I felt Priya’s gaze poking at my side.

  “She’s his mate,” Jozelyn finally said.

  My fist clenched, my insides hardening at the judgment in her tone. I should not have told anyone about this...

  “Have you told her?” the Gahnala asked me.

  “No,” I ground out.

  “You should tell her soon, Varrow,” Razek said. “The sooner you tell her that destiny has deemed her yours, the sooner she will accept you. And the sooner you can be happy.”

  “Maybe I do not wish to be happy.” The words came out vehemently. Wrathfully. I knew I should not speak in such tones to a Gahn. Men had had their tongues cut out for less. But, besides a pulse of his sight stars, Razek contained any rage he may have felt at my insolence.

  “Well, you can be miserable if you want,” Jozelyn said with a sigh, some of the anger fading from her words. “But that doesn’t mean you can make Camille miserable in the process.”

  My chest crunched painfully. Why did she think I was trying to keep some distance from Cam-Eel? Why did she think I was trying to bury the mate bond and let my beloved one be free of me?

  “I won’t,” I growled.

  “Fine,” Gahnala Jozelyn said. “But there will be no dragging anyone into your tent, and no carrying either. You can invite Camille to your tent. But that’s all. If she says no, that will be respected.”

  Without another word, the Gahnala strode away. Priya hurried after her, leaving only the Gahn and me, plus the other warriors who were trying very hard to make it look like they were not listening.

  “Varrow,” Razek began reproachfully.

  “You can cut out my tongues for my lack of respect, Gahn,” I said stonily. Maybe then I would stop making a mess of things with Cam-Eel...

  “No, Varrow. That is not what I was going to say.”

  “What then?”

  His violet sight stars shimmered, then tugged inward as he focused on me.

  “Why do you not wish to be happy?”

  I stared at my Gahn, shocked into silence. Of all his questions of admonishments, this was perhaps the least expected.

  When I did not answer, his voice grew quieter.

  “You cannot forever punish yourself for that day.”

  I stiffened.

  By that day, he no doubt meant the day Ratev had died.

  “I am not punishing myself,” I said. “I am trying not to punish Cam-Eel.”

  Razek looked surprised by my words.

  “The new women do not feel the mate bond right away, it is true. But once they fall in love, they are happy with the bonds. It is no punishment. It is a shared joy.”

  “I do not mean the mate bond is a punishment,” I said, the words festering. “I mean me.”

  “I do not agree with this. And I think you know that,” Razek said sharply. He had told me that he thought me a worthy mate for Cam-Eel, after all.

  Razek’s hand fell upon my shoulder and he squeezed.

  “Have you considered that not telling Cam-Eel you are her mate is also a punishment to her? I have heard from my Gahnala that Cam-Eel is one of the new women who desires a mate deeply. You are denying her that chance. Denying her her destiny.”

  I hated that thought. That I was already making Cam-Eel unhappy.

  “I do not see what telling her will do at this point,” I huffed, raking anxious fingers through my hair. “Clearly, she does not care for me as a mate.”

  “You have not given her the chance to care for you,” Razek shot back. He released my shoulder, saying, “Do not lose something this precious, Varrow.”

  But that was the whole cursed point.

  “I cannot lose something I do not have.”

  But Razek slashed his hand in disagreement.

  “Letting something slip away without reaching for it is just as bad as having it torn from your grasp. Loss is loss no matter how it comes. Pain is pain. But it is not inevitable.” His sight stars bored into me. “Do not lose your way now, Varrow. Do not lose her.”

  “Do not lose my way, or her?” I tried to clarify.

  Razek looked out over the camp, his gaze settling on his Gahnala. His expression turned fierce with violent adoration.

  “They are one and the same.”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Camille

  I’d told Varrow that we’d talk about the conversation we’d had earlier. But apparently, there was no talking to be had. When I emerged from the tent after eating the breakfast he had given me, I found him at his irkdu, quiet and brooding like usual. He gave me a quick glance and then helped me up without a word. And all my own words remained in my throat. But even in the silence, there was a pulsing electricity between us as we rode. Varrow’s chest was a wall of heat behind me, his tail a hard bar against my legs.

  I’d been told it was going to take at least three days to travel through this section of the Death Plains mountains. The thought of travelling like this, in awkward silence for three days, was not a good one. But even so, I didn't try to make conversation as we began our slow trek through the stone.

  Varrow seemed even more tense than usual, and I couldn't tell if it was because of our earlier conversation or something else. I could see how hard his fist was around his spear at his side, and several times throughout the day I had to pry his tail loose because of how hard he was gripping me. At points, my legs began to tingle with numbness because of how heavy his tail became upon me. Whenever I twisted in the saddle to dare a glance back at him, I found his sight stars tearing up the landscape. Searching. Relentless. He's looking for something, I realized. For danger?

  Of course.

  It was here, in these mountains, that he'd run into the ablokoi. It was here that he’d lost his brother. Of course he was going to be more on edge.

  I wonder if there's anything I can do.

  Probably not.

  So I remained quiet on the ride, my own eyes becoming more diligent, as if that would help him, skimming over every bit of stone and every shadow cast by the brutal sun. If any large predators were lurking, I didn't see them. But the lack of obvious predators didn't seem to help Varrow feel any better. The further we got from the open sands we'd come from, the further into the stone we moved, the more strained he grew. I could feel the rigidness of his muscles against my back. A reminder of what had happened to him and an obvious sign of how he was feeling.

  I didn't share in his worry. With him at my side, and all the other warriors with us, I wasn't too concerned about a predator coming for us. And even though I’d decided earlier that there was probably nothing I could do to help Varrow feel more at ease, late in the afternoon I started to speak.

  “You know,” I began, “we're going to be OK. We are all together. Nothing bad is going to happen.”

 

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