Only for him, p.25
Only For Him, page 25
“Are you coming in?” she asks as I question my sanity and what the fuck has come over me.
BRAELYNN
Every doubt that whispered in the back of my mind that Declan doesn’t want me anymore has silenced in the last twenty-four hours. He’s kissed every inch of my body and last night he held me in the bath as if he were afraid I would leave him.
There’s not a piece of me that wants to ever be without him. As fucked up and wrong as it sounds, I desperately love him.
I can’t forget what happened, though, and that fear still screams and grips me every single night until Declan gives me medicine to sleep. He tells me those who lied to him are dead and that it will never happen again. He tells me it’s done and over with, and not to think of it or ever bring it up. He tells me to forget it.
I don’t know how I will ever forget, though.
Those men and that tub will forever be etched into my memory. Even walking into the foyer, knowing one of the sets of double doors leads to that room gives me chills.
As I play with the hem of the cashmere sweater Declan gave me, I pretend none of those doors exist. I don’t know for certain which ones lead to his brothers’ halls and which is the hall of nightmares, but I ignore them all and that’s simply how I’ll survive and obey Declan, trying to forget it all.
I make it through the day by staying in a bubble and pretending it’s all right. I give him my worries and they’re simply gone.
The slippers are so very quiet as I make my way this early morning to the kitchen. Even though I’m finally dressed appropriately, in a cream sweater and black leggings that are the most expensive pieces I’m sure I’ll ever own, I still don’t want to see anyone else.
Not his brothers or anyone who works for him.
I swallow thickly at the thought as I round the corner and hear voices. Shit. My fingers go numb as dread spreads through me. They were kind last time and they may have had nothing to do with what happened; I can’t help it, though. Nate knew and worked for Declan. His brothers didn’t ask questions about how I got like that in the kitchen. No questions that would make it seem that they didn’t know what was going to happen.
Glancing over my shoulder, I contemplate turning back. Heading back empty-handed to the bedroom where Declan is sleeping and waiting for him to wake up. No surprise coffee to greet him with. I can’t spoil him like he does me. And spoil me he undoubtedly has.
With his touch and affection, with drawers of new clothes and anything I ask for. He’s also kept me to himself, locked in his bedroom. I haven’t even ventured into the rooms of his hall nor asked about them. I haven’t asked him anything.
A part of me knows it’s for the same reason that I don’t want to see his family. Questions are going to get me killed, so if I just stay silent, everything will be all right.
My heart beats heavy in my chest. It’s a sharp pain almost, and I find myself staring blankly at the threshold to the kitchen, heat overtaking me and my legs feeling weak.
“I don’t know how it’s going to quiet down about Braelynn.”
My blood runs cold as the voices coming from the kitchen get louder. If I could move, I’d take a step back, but I’m paralyzed. They’re talking about me.
“As long as she doesn’t leave—” Jase, I think, starts to answer Daniel’s statement.
“They all thought she was a rat, now they think Hale and Ronnie set her up. It’s going to take a long fucking time for it to blow over, though, and—” Daniel says.
“Some will never change their minds about her,” Carter comments coldly, with a tone that’s absolute.
My heart races as I suck in a sharp breath.
“He’ll keep her here until it does. She can’t be seen until it dies down, especially not with all of the shit with the feds right now … Right?” Jase questions and it’s quiet. Perhaps someone shrugged; I don’t know. The coffee machine is heard and I find myself wishing they would say it’s going to be okay. That it’s already died down. That they believe me.
Tears prick the back of my eyes. I swear I didn’t do it. I didn’t. I didn’t tell anyone anything.
“He already told her if she doesn’t listen, then—” Daniel starts to say. What? Told me what?
“Did he tell her that, though? You know Declan …” Jase’s voice quiets and I wonder what they mean. Declan didn’t tell me a damn thing other than that it’s over. He didn’t tell me to stay here. A cold sweat at the back of my neck forms as the realization dawns on me.
The front doors beckon to me. With their etched glass and copper handles, the large double doors offer me a glimpse of freedom. There are iron bars on the other side of the glass and beyond that a gated fence guarded by armed men loyal to the Cross brothers. It takes me a second before I notice the keypad beside the set of doors. Without that code, I’m not going anywhere.
My fingers tremble as I realize I’m trapped. I don’t know if I’ll ever leave here.
“Hello,” a voice states behind me and my heart leaps out of my chest. I’m thankful I don’t scream because if I wasn’t filling my lungs with the shock of being caught eavesdropping, I would have.
A gentle hand reaches out, landing on my shoulder and I stare wide eyed at a beautiful woman. She’s tall with long dark hair, gorgeous hazel eyes and cloaked in a deep red silk robe that skims the floor. In bare feet and not a bit of makeup on, it’s obvious that she lives here and I know without asking who she is.
Aria Talvery—now Cross. A chill runs down the length of my spine. It’s well known that Carter is cruel and heartless, and they say Aria was made for him, his perfect counter. She destroyed the Talvery mafia, burned it all to the ground when she chose Carter.
Their story sent fear through every street. When she and her men joined the Cross brothers’ mob, no one on the East Coast stood a chance. Men who refuted the hold the Cross brothers held were murdered on sight. Hell, four men were murdered one week and their tongues cut out of their mouths for disparaging Aria … saying she would always be a Talvery.
They rule with fear and murder. Always have and always will.
Although there are other whispers, about the hellish story that brought the two of them together … I’m not sure what’s true or not, though. As I stand in front of her, I don’t know a damn thing.
“Are you lost?” Aria questions, her tone somewhat comical. “I’m Aria. You know Carter, correct?”
Nodding, I force myself to answer and tell her, “I’m Braelynn … I’m with Declan.”
“I know,” she answers, and her voice is so much softer than I’ve imagined. I grew up with the Cross brothers when they were the poor kids on the rough side of town. The unfortunate souls who lost their mother and had a drunk for a father. But the Talverys would never set foot in the public schools, they were like royalty. Corrupt and feared, but wealthy beyond imagine.
She straightens her shoulders some as she crosses her arms over her chest. “So you’re Declan’s girlfriend?” It’s then that I see the pearl and diamond necklace that she wears. My God, that must cost a fortune. It takes everything in me not to stare at her chest where the large teardrop-shaped diamond rests.
“Yes,” I answer as the voices behind us get louder before someone hushes someone else and then the men are quiet. Their footsteps are anything but.
“Good morning,” Daniel greets us easily enough. All the while, as the men pass us, my heart beats wildly and my ears heat as if they’re burning. It’s odd, to see them all in black silk or flannel pajama pants and not crisp suits. Daniel lifts his coffee cup toward me and I respond with the effort of a smile as much as I can.
“Everything all right?” Jase asks and I’m not sure if he’s asking me or Aria but she hums an “mm-hmm” and nods and that suits Jase. He tilts his chin up at me, in a greeting of sorts and lets me know the machine is ready if I need coffee.
“Thank you,” is all I manage to say as Daniel and Jase continue toward the open doorway that I think leads to the den, a joint communal area much like the kitchen. I know the closed doors lead to wings, five of them total. One will forever be known as the Hell Hall to me.
“I’ll be in my office,” Carter murmurs to Aria, an arm wrapping possessively around her waist. He glances at me, the look neutral yet prying, before planting a single kiss on her cheek. It’s … odd, in a way I can’t place. A man like him being gentle. A man like him being kind even.
A smile plays on her lips as Aria closes her eyes and then pats his arm, like she’s giving him permission to go. “I’ll be in there soon,” she tells him.
With the farewell, he doesn’t follow Jase and Daniel and I find myself watching him as he goes through the doors on the farthest right. The doors to Declan’s hall are through the farthest left.
“Did you need help with something? Maybe in the kitchen?”
I need to recover more than anything. To just be alone. I shake my head and tell her I was just going to go back to the bedroom.
“But you haven’t even gone to the kitchen yet,” she points out. My cheeks flush as she leans forward and whispers, “There are cameras.”
A spiked ball forms in my throat as I swallow down the feeling that consumes me once again. That this beautiful place is a prison for me.
“I was going to get coffee for me and Declan.”
“And you know how to work the machine?” she questions. I nod without thinking and then I realize that I don’t know. I have no fucking clue but I’m not stupid. I can figure it out.
She nods slowly, her eyes never leaving mine and her fingernails play along the pad of her thumb as she searches for something in my expression. “I find it’s best not to eavesdrop.”
“I wasn’t.” The words come out of me quickly, dripping with denial and even I know it’s a lie.
Aria simply cocks a knowing brow in response. I’ve never been so intimidated or embarrassed.
“I mean,” I say and swallow thickly, my fingers twisting around the hem of my sweater, “I didn’t mean to.”
She nods again and then her expression turns somewhat sympathetic.
“Are you feeling better?” she asks and my heart pounds.
“Much.”
“I’m glad you’re well,” she says and I can barely whisper my thanks. She knows. I think everyone knows.
I have all of these thoughts about her, a woman who’s practically a myth. It’s dawned on me that she absolutely has an opinion about me. I have no idea what she’s heard, but I’m sure none of it is good.
The mix of emotions that sour my stomach must show on my face.
“We’re doing construction the next couple of weeks starting tomorrow. It would be easiest to run then,” Aria says without warning.
“What?” Every bit of blood feels like it leaves my face and a chill comes over my body. “I’m not planning on running.”
“He told you not to leave him?”
“Right,” I answer again without thinking and then realize what that truly means.
“But do you want to be locked away here, not allowed to leave unless he gives you permission?”
I can’t answer. It’s only just now dawned on me that this is my reality.
The sympathy in Aria’s expression deepens and I wish I were anywhere else. I’ve only wanted coffee and instead I’ve been hit with a wrecking ball.
“Can I give you some advice?” she asks and I nod, swallowing the growing lump in my throat.
“Don’t trust anyone,” she tells me and then offers a sad smile like it’s her way of saying goodbye. “And if you ever leave, run very far and never look back.”
My racing heart won’t stop. Even with deep breaths and slow-paced steps on the way back to Declan’s bedroom, the heavy pounding is met with unease that won’t quit.
Even if Declan believes me, they don’t. I swallow thickly and I swear all I can hear is my damn heart as I turn the knob to the bedroom door.
It’s betrayal that pricks along my skin as I walk in and the door creaks shut behind me.
It’s agony, though, when I see him, a smirk plays along his lips when I enter. It doesn’t match the rest of his expression at all. The dark undereye circles haven’t left him and it’s almost as if he’s worse off after sleeping.
“You’re up,” I comment.
“Not before you, though.”
I almost ask him if he had another nightmare, but I bite my tongue.
With his white shirt being pulled down his chest I catch a glimpse of his hard body. In pajamas he should seem casual, but there’s no doubting what I see in front of me. A man who isn’t going to let me go and if ever he does … I think it will be my last breath.
“For me?” he questions and I don’t know how I hold it together. I don’t know how I lift the mug up and answer evenly, “Just how you like it.”
Inside I am one thing; outside quite another. Every inch of my body chills as his hand brushes mine and he kisses my cheek.
I can’t help the fear that consumes me.
“You all right?” he asks, then pulls back and rests his palm against my forehead. Is he feigning concern? I can’t tell anymore.
“Just a little light-headed, I think.”
“Lie down,” he orders, his tone more commanding. More him.
The sheets rustle as he pulls them back. I obey, my limbs moving as Declan asks me what I need and what he can get me.
I just want to leave, but I don’t dare say it.
“I think I’m just going to call my mom,” I tell him, doing my best not to let on to the fact that I’ll know she’ll want to see me. That she’ll push for it. I add, “I don’t want her to worry.”
“No need,” he tells me, moving the comforter up to tuck me in. “I texted her from your phone just a bit ago.”
“What?” The whispered word holds more shock than anything else and my damn heart hammers even faster.
“You weren’t here and it was going off.” He cocks a brow before reaching for the nightstand and handing it to me. His fingers blaze against mine as I take it.
“Just told her that you were feeling better but taking the week off,” he tells me as I read the message.
“She went to your place and you weren’t there. I didn’t want her to think anything bad had happened to you.”
I skim through the messages, a cold prick flowing down my skin as I do.
Mom: Where are you? Nena, you’re scaring me.
Mom: I messaged Scarlet and her phone isn’t working. No one has seen you or heard from you in a week.
Mom: Nena, please just answer me.
MISSED CALL
Me: I’m sorry, Mama. I’m on medicine and I was knocked out cold. I’m feeling a lot better. You don’t have to worry.
Mom: Where are you?
MISSED CALL
Me: Just crashing at a friend’s until I’m better. I’ll call you soon, Mama. Don’t worry about me, it’s just a cold.
Mom: You promise you’re all right?
Me: I promise. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.
Mom: Te extraño y te amo
Me: Te amo.
“Since when did you learn Spanish?” I half joke to keep it light, to not let on to the terror I feel that he’s keeping me from her. My tone doesn’t hide a damn thing, though.
He ignores my question and instead asks one of his own. “You don’t like that I answered her, do you?”
His sharp hazel gaze pierces through mine and all the blood drains from my face.
“It’s okay, Braelynn,” he whispers and the bed groans as he leans over to kiss me. He’s gentle and the single act is more comforting than I could have imagined.
He leans back and that charming smirk is on his lips again. “I want to be here when you talk to her, though, do you understand that?”
The comfort vanishes as I swallow thickly and nod. “Yes.”
DECLAN
The door to Carter’s office opens with a creak, announcing my arrival. It was ajar and when he messaged about needing to talk I headed to his wing immediately.
Still, I rap my knuckles on the partially opened door and Carter looks up from his laptop. I swear it’s always the same with him. The thick dark curtains are closed behind him. The fireplace is lit and the light leaves a soft glow across the long wall of old books and a shadow across his face.
It’s not until he registers it’s me that his expression softens. It’s quite the opposite of what I feel. Knowing he must want to discuss my Braelynn, I’m already guarded and defensive. I’m positive my expression must reflect that although if Carter sees it, he doesn’t let on.
As he leans back, the chair groans and he motions to the wingback in front of him. “It has your name on it,” he comments and then reaches for the mug on his desk. He finds it empty, though, and sets the ceramic cup back down.
As I take a seat, he runs a hand down his face before pinching the bridge of his nose.
“You know, Mom always told me you’d give me a run for my money.”
“What?” I can’t help that the word slips out and a warmth I wasn’t expecting comes over me. It’s a rare day that we talk about our mother.
Very rare. We don’t talk about what life was like before she died and everything changed.
“You were an animal. Climbing on everything. No fear as a toddler.”
“Then I grew up,” I joke dryly, but my grin doesn’t dampen.
Carter huffs a laugh. “You were her favorite and I—”
“I was her baby boy, but she loved us all.” I can almost hear her saying it, calling me her baby boy.
The memory of my mother makes the tips of my fingers go numb and I find myself tapping them against the leather armrest. My mother loved us more than anything and she would have done anything for us. But the last years of our life she spent sick and on bed rest. I can barely remember a moment with her where she wasn’t succumbing to her cancer. The rest of my brothers can, though. They remember things I don’t. We all remember our father, though, and how he turned into a different man when she died. In a lot of ways, he died with her.
