Only for him, p.26
Only For Him, page 26
“I remember one day,” Carter says, leaning back and staring past me at the back wall, “she said that when she was gone, that you were the one who would give me a run for my money.”
I let out a huff, knowing damn full well Daniel is the one who we all had to keep close. But that’s for an entirely different reason. When he left, for a long time I thought he might never come back. That was a dark time for us all.
“You were her favorite,” Carter says as if he’s reminiscing. All of my brothers say that, but I know she loved us all.
“Is that why you called me in here?” I ask him with a smirk although I’m not feeling jovial. I’m more anxious than anything after leaving Braelynn. For her, I crossed a line messaging her mother on her behalf. For me, she needs to realize things have shifted to be sharper than before. There’s a number of things she’s going to be uncomfortable with and the sooner we get that situated, the better.
“It’s about Braelynn,” he tells me and I huff a humorless laugh, running a hand through the back of my hair. “Of course it is,” I answer. “I told you, it’s taken care of.”
“She’s scared, Declan.”
“No shit—” I almost remind him how out of fucking touch he is. How all of this is a shock to her. How even his own wife once had a more difficult time coping than Braelynn is right now … and Aria grew up in the life.
“I don’t want to fight. This isn’t me coming for her or getting in between you two. I’m trying to help … to find a way for …”
“For what?”
“For both of you to be happy and … she’s fucking terrified.”
My tone is harsh when I tell him, “She needs time; she’ll be fine.” My throat dries as I stare down my brother. She is mine. They can’t take her away from me. Although my hackles are raised, his aren’t.
“Aria told me they had a conversation,” he confesses. Slight shock and, to my surprise, betrayal flicker through me. Why wouldn’t she tell me?
“Did she tell you?”
“No,” I answer and I readjust in the seat uncomfortably. “She didn’t tell me.”
“It wasn’t long, but Aria let me know.” Braelynn didn’t tell me. Why the hell wouldn’t she tell me?
“What did they talk about?”
All manner of things race through my mind. The one question I’ve just asked Carter, though, screams that I don’t have the control over Braelynn I thought I did and that’s dangerous. It’s a dangerous thing for her to be in my world, but to not confide in me. To have secrets even.
“Aria didn’t say exactly. She just said she was obviously not well and reluctant to say anything at all.”
“I think that’s not unreasonable. She needs time to adjust. Aria of all people should know that.” Every word falls flat and I’m certain Carter can see through it. The mention of his wife brings a touch of tension to his posture.
It’s quiet a moment, not a sound other than the steady ticking of the grandfather clock in the corner of his office and the crackle of the fire.
“Braelynn will get used to it — just like we all did. We all adjusted.”
“Why not give her an out?” Carter suggests and instantly I hate it.
“What do you mean?” I barely speak the menacing question.
“Offer her a way out where she can leave all of this behind and know that she’s safe.”
“Leave me, you mean?” I’m ashamed of how my voice cracks. Of how he could possibly turn his back on me. Break his fucking word to me that she is mine to do with as I see fit.
“You can always bring her back,” Carter says, rushing the words out. As if they’re an excuse for his proposal to be justified. “It’s just a way to see—”
“Another test.” The hard words leave me with as much anger as they do anguish.
It’s quiet, far too quiet and I lift my gaze back up to Carter to see him nod.
“Another test but also … an option for space.”
A sarcastic huff of a laugh leaves me and I tell him bluntly, “She doesn’t need space.” I practically spit the words. She needs protection and a firm hand, and he knows that.
I’m struck by the softness in his tone as he tells me, “If I could go back, I would have given Aria more space. I would have let her adjust more comfortably.”
A moment passes and then another as I let his words sink in.
“You did give her space,” I point out, remembering all too well.
“After too much shit happened … after it was almost too late.”
“It all worked out in the end. Didn’t it?”
“Yes. Yes it did, and I’m grateful it did … but Aria is also from the life. Braelynn isn’t.”
“What does that have to do—”
“You know damn well it matters. She doesn’t know shit about how to navigate our world.”
My thumb runs a circle on the pad of my middle finger as I comment lowly, “She’ll learn.” I wish I could confide in him about the thoughts that plague me when sleep evades me. How almost every night, I witness her die. My own death comes shortly after. It’s only a dream, racing thoughts and fears transformed into events that don’t exist. But that reality feels so close. As if it’s only a single incident from being real.
“I’m scared for her and for you, Declan.” I meet my brother’s gaze, forcing the fears of my night terrors down. “I mean it, Declan. I’m only trying to help you.” I know he’d sacrifice his life for me. I know he would never lead me astray. Deep inside, I know his intentions are pure. Not an ounce of me likes it, though. He’s a ruthless, coldhearted man with a reputation of selfishness and callousness. Except for us. Except for family.
With the unsettled feelings stirring, I humor him. “So what are you thinking?”
“A chance to leave, enough money to get away … a tracker.”
“If she takes it, it could mean she did it,” I state as if that’s the real point to all of this. Knowing Carter, he won’t quit until he has an explanation for what occurred. He won’t leave it alone. He’ll never trust her. He’ll never fully bring her in. The realization is a knife to my heart and I can barely listen as he says, “If she takes it, we can watch to see what she does with it.”
I’m silent, letting the reality sink in.
He adds, “Who she contacts. It could give her space to adjust to this life on her own terms.”
I respond with the only thing I know is true in this moment. “I don’t want to give her the option to leave.”
“Tell her you don’t want her to. So she knows how you feel, but give her the option regardless.”
The option. A sickness churns in my gut. She’ll take that option and he knows it. In this moment, I hate him.
“Tell the guards to let her through if she leaves — we’ll watch her and follow.”
I’m quick to answer him, “It’s not going to happen.”
His thumb taps absently on the desk. “I hope you’re right,” he answers.
I don’t hide the defensiveness as I bite out, “I am.”
The large antique grandfather clock ticks away steadily, the air thick with tension.
“I think I failed you back then. With Mom. It was … heavy, too heavy.” Carter’s remark is met with silence. “And I think I may have failed you these last years,” he says with genuine remorse.
I can barely think about him and his feelings when he’s trying to push away the one woman I have ever loved. I’ve never asked him for anything. I’ve given my fucking life to this family. She is all I’ve ever wanted.
“Declan, no matter what happens, I’m here for you. I will do whatever you think is best when it comes to Braelynn.”
“And if I don’t want to do this?”
“Then we don’t. It’s as simple as that.” A shred of relief breaks up the tension in my shoulders and I feel as though I can breathe for the first time since he told me Aria and Braelynn talked.
“Above all else, we are blood and I will always protect you.”
I answer without hesitation. “Same.” Even on the days I’ve hated this life, I’ve loved my brother. That’s a truth that I can’t ever see changing.
Time passes as I consider everything. As every possibility plays out in my mind.
“Will you leave her alone when she doesn’t take it?” I ask him and I nearly said “if,” not when. I hate that I almost questioned it.
“If she doesn’t take it, even though she has a clear way out,” he says and taps his foot once again, “I think she …”
“What? Say it.”
“She doesn’t come from this world. If she stays, she would be staying for you.”
“When she stays,” I correct him.
“When … when she stays. And everyone would know, she loves you and she isn’t leaving.”
I nod, meeting his level gaze.
Braelynn will stay. She knows it’s best. She knows I’ll protect her. She loves me. She will stay.
DECLAN
An hour passes and then another while I sit alone in the kitchen, monitoring the cameras in the bedroom. Half of me expects her to call her mother or do anything other than what’s she’s done. She’s lying in bed, reading a book, occasionally looking at the door.
I know she’s waiting for me but I’m not ready to confront her yet. There’s truth in what Carter said. Perhaps I haven’t locked her in a cage, but Braelynn is my prisoner in a way and she knows it. There’s no way she doesn’t realize it to some degree.
No amount of emails piling up and even more missed calls can distract myself from that nagging truth in the back of my mind. Even notices from the FBI and emails from the district attorney don’t carry enough weight to stray my thoughts away from Braelynn.
With the anxiousness building I delete message after message and email after email. Time off is only time piled up. Half of these messages could be ticking time bombs and I couldn’t fucking care less.
Jase said he’d step in, but it’s been years since anyone else has handled these matters. The last time I sent someone else to take my place, the received message was that of disrespect. It’s Jase, though, not Nate. Nate showing up to settle … issues, speaks one thing loud and clear: it’s not worth my fucking time. That’s one of the reasons why it’s better for me to handle everything myself. The control, the presence, the authority even are better suited for my position. More than once I’ve attempted to bring Nate in, to take on meets and step up to this position. Not a single time was it received well. For one reason and one reason only, I’ll be condemned to this hell for as long as I live—I’m a fucking Cross brother.
Nate’s not. He’s much like Seth and a few others in our family. He’s a longtime friend who’s proved his loyalty time and again, and therefore earned his reputation and power. Whenever my brothers had to step away in the past, he stepped up. I couldn’t have fucking survived without him there.
Still … he’s not one of us and never will be.
Neither is Braelynn.
Carter’s plan, this choice he wants to present to Braelynn, is a fool’s errand. She’s not one of us … yet. And I can’t allow her to prove that fact so very clearly to us all. I can’t and I won’t.
Turning off my phone and pocketing it, I wish I could rid these thoughts but everything comes back to her and what everyone will think. What they’ll say. Scenario after scenario plays out in my head as I make my way back to her.
The thud of my footsteps become louder and louder as I get closer. There is only one way that this ends with limited bloodshed: Nate spreads the whispers that the other men betrayed me and she took the fall for it until I found out the truth. All the men, allies and enemies alike believe it. And Braelynn remains loyal and close to my side.
Any other alternative and it all unravels. In this life, that means threats and death, arrests and even war. Everyone is always waiting for a weak moment. We’ve been through it time and time again.
The men will believe what I’ve told them. And she will be my perfect submissive. There is no other outcome I’ll accept.
With the need to control every single aspect of this fuckup, I open the door and then close it behind me with more anger than intended.
A short gasp from Braelynn and those gorgeous dark wide eyes pinned to me elicits a response from me that’s unexpected.
I feel sorry for her. I’m full of guilt that I brought her into this and sorry that she doesn’t have a choice anymore. “It’s just me,” I offer her in a rough tone as the emotions war inside of me.
With the blanket pulled up her chest and those wide eyes staying large and beautiful, she doesn’t answer beyond a short nod.
Carter’s right. She’s scared. It’s not something that’s easily ignored. The floorboards creak as I walk to the bed. The only thing she needs to be scared of is disappointing me. The bed groans as I sit at the end of it, frustrated with every fucking thing about this situation. I don’t want to be hard on her. With everything she’s been through and the hell storm that’s coming, I don’t want to cause her more pain or fear.
“Is everything okay?” she whispers after a moment of my silent contemplation.
“You know that I care for you and that I want to keep you safe, don’t you?” I question without turning to look her in the eyes.
The flickering of scenes from horrid nightmares makes me run a hand down my face. Care for her seems so weak compared to what I truly feel. I can barely sleep anymore without watching her die. The thought of losing her is torture.
With nearly sleepless nights filled with terrors, the whispers of men I can’t control and Carter’s reckless plan, all I can think is that she has to know I did this for her. That if only she listens, I can fix it all.
Desperation isn’t an emotion I’m privy to, but it clings to me when it comes to her. For days now, it’s a constant. Does she feel it too?
Finally, I lie down, my feet still planted on the floor and my head by the curve of Braelynn’s waist. She doesn’t join me initially. “Do you know my mom loved my dad and he loved her too?” I ask her. “You never met them, did you?” I speak without thought. Letting it all come out as it wishes. It can’t be any more reckless than what Carter suggested. I’m not aware that I’m holding my breath until she lies down beside me and her warmth wraps itself around me.
“I saw your father once.”
“Before or after my mom passed?”
“After.”
“He unraveled when she died. He was a better man when she was alive.”
Silence sits between us for a moment as she struggles to respond. Finally she admits, “I heard things.”
“What kind of things?” I question as I stare up at the ceiling fan with its revolving blades.
“He beat you. He used drugs and had Carter sell them.”
“He was an alcoholic and an abusive motherfucker.”
“I’m sorry.” The air between us is thick with remorse and uncertainty.
“I don’t want to lose you, Braelynn—I don’t know what I’ll become if you leave me.” I spit out the confession, giving her a side of me I don’t like to admit exists. It’s only for her and surely if she knows that, she’ll understand.
It’s quiet. Quiet for far too long before she murmurs a question she already knows the answer to.
“Am I … allowed to leave here? I don’t want to leave you. I just … I need to call my mother and I haven’t because she’ll ask to meet and I don’t know if I can.”
I don’t answer immediately. Instead I swallow, knowing damn well she’s eager to leave because she’s scared. Just like Carter said. It’s a knife to my chest.
“And I need to go home and—” she starts and I cut her off.
“I’d rather you didn’t right now.” My tone is firmer, more heartless as I remove the desperation in favor of control. I tried, my Braelynn. At least I can say I tried. She might hate me for having a stern hand with her for now, but at least she’ll be alive at the end of this.
“It doesn’t mean forever—just for right now, I want you to stay.” I’ll give you every reason to stay.
Rolling over to my side, I’m met with the sight of her breasts, the thin shirt barely covering them. At the very thought of being more demanding with her, more stern and even brutal if she were to disobey has my cock hardening. Reaching up to the thin fabric, I pluck one of her nipples and the stifled moan and shudder she gives me intensifies my growing need.
“You’re scared,” I say and peer up at her.
“Yes.” The bed groans as my weight shifts and I push her shoulder down, forcing her to lie beneath me as I slowly tower over her.
“You need to listen to me and do what I say, and that means staying here for a while.” I murmur the command as I pull the covers down and then lift up the hem of her shirt. With the chill air, her nipples harden. She doesn’t protest in the least, although she questions, “I’m not allowed to leave at all?”
“You’re safe here and so you will stay here.” After the blunt answer, I lower my lips to her nipples and alternate sucking on each, then nip at her full breasts. Her eyes go half-lidded but her mind is elsewhere.
“Tell me what you’re thinking about,” I command her.
“Are they going to kill me?” she asks and then she swallows thickly. It seems we’re both at war internally. Which isn’t fair. This mess is for me to clean up. I’ve already told her that.
“You will listen to me,” I order her as my thumb tears through the fabric at her hips. I pull it away, and lift her thighs up so that my hips sit where I want them between her legs. My cock is eager to punish her pussy for once again defying me.
“If anyone else ever touched you,” I answer lowly and test the weight of her breasts before kneading them and kissing her tender flesh, “I’d kill them slowly. They’d die in agony and regret.”
She inhales a shuddered breath, and lust heats between us. Her head falls back and I take my time, letting the tips of my fingers slip along her soft skin, leaving goosebumps that I then kiss away.
