Reckless, p.18
Reckless, page 18
"Francine, stop," he growls before eliminating the distance between us.
"Why? You weren't planning to come back here, were you? I screwed up your plan of erasing me from your life, just like you did ten years ago, because I followed you to that warehouse. The only reason you came here was to check on me because I killed him, and you feel responsible for me for some reason. Well, you're not responsible for me, Finn. I can take care of myself so you can absolve yourself of this hero complex you have when it comes to me." The tears start to spill as I say what I think he needs to hear.
I'm not mad at him. I'm scared. How am I going to handle everything without my support system? Until a few days ago, I'd never had someone to support me the way he does, and I never thought I'd need it the way I do. He injected himself into my life and now he wants to flee.
Finn makes me feel whole again.
Rough hands capture my face and I’m forced to stare at the storm brewing in his eyes. It’s captivating.
"Baby," he starts with a level, calm voice, and my entire body shutters at how much control his voice has over me. "I'm not going anywhere, Princess. I just wanted to make sure you were safe. It’s dangerous to be around me, okay? You're too good to be tainted by me."
Tainted? There's nothing wrong with him. Who has made him think this way?
I want to laugh. "Weren’t you there with me last night? Less than a day ago, I brutally killed someone right in front of you. I killed him, Finn, and I fucking enjoyed it. I think that shows that I'm not a good person. I'm dark and I'm crazy. I'm not the good girl you think I am."
His voice is low when he whispers, "You're way better than you think." He tenderly strokes my hair.
"Obviously, I'm not if I can kill a man without feeling the slightest bit bad about it. I didn't just kill him. I slaughtered him," I insist, but he isn't having it.
"What you did to him was nothing compared to what I had planned. He got off easy because I was going to rip him apart, peel his flesh from his bones as you would do a banana. I’d laugh while he begged for mercy. It wouldn't be the first time I've done that to someone either." The darkness and danger return to his features.
My jaw drops. I'm stunned into silence.
Did he say he's done this before? Did he just openly admit to being a murderer?
"This is who I am, what I am. I am a Bastard of Grove Hill. We do what it takes to keep this town safe, even if it means committing heinous acts to do so. It's not personal. It's our duty," he says, venom sliding down his tongue from the words he speaks.
"That asshole was different. He wasn't duty or business. He hurt you. He tortured you. He needed to be punished, and he deserved to die for ever thinking it was okay to touch you. No one touches you, ever." Anger seeps into his words, more and more with each syllable.
I bite my bottom lip, I'm immensely turned on by his anger and determination.
Everyone is right about the Bastards. They are a menace to society, but Finn is my menace.
"Only you?"
A dangerous smirk rises across his lips as he pulls my hips to his. "Damn right, only me." Then he smashes his lips to mine. It’s hard and possessive and I love it. He grabs my ass and hauls me up his body before slamming my back into the wall. "You're mine, my bad girl."
Holy shit! Did he just call me his bad girl? He did, and it’s hot as hell.
"I'm yours," I say before he kisses me again.
I get lost in the way his body feels and the way his lips claim me.
I don't mention the incident of us almost having sex or the murder of my uncle again.
CHAPTER 20
HER
Finn drove me to his house once we were able to pull ourselves away from each other. I texted my mom to let her know I was going to Finn's house and wouldn't be there when she gets home.
Finn has me pinned under him on the couch, kissing me and grinding into me. His hand finds my throat just as his friends walk in, making an obnoxious ruckus.
"Seriously, dude!" one of his friends shouts as they all pile through the front door.
I have to push Finn away because the man just can't seem to get enough of touching me, even with his friends present.
"We sit on that couch!" another one yells while fighting laughter as Finn and I sit up.
I'm blushing hardcore from embarrassment, but Finn is as cool as a cucumber.
"Yeah, and this is my fucking house," Finn retorts quickly while throwing his arm around my shoulder.
"We live here, too, douchebag," another guy curses as all of them plop down in different chairs around the old coffee table.
"Really? How many bills do you pay?" Finn quips dryly.
"Fuck you, asshole. I buy the food."
"And I pay the electric bill."
"And I pay the water bill."
"I just supply the drugs and alcohol."
Each of them has something to say, but the last one, the guy with long hair down his back and a casual smile, seems the least offended.
"Yeah, whatever." Finn groans.
I discreetly elbow him in his side. "Stop being an asshole," I whisper out of the side of my mouth. "It's not their fault you're a horny bastard."
I must have spoken louder than anticipated as all four of his friends start laughing uncontrollably.
"You know what? I like you. Finn should keep you around for a while," the more relaxed man says amidst laughter. He tosses a Ziploc bag of pills and other assorted drugs and yells, “Finn, catch!” I'm not sure what all of it is. I'm not sure I really want to know. The only thing I recognize is the marijuana in a smaller baggie inside the Ziploc.
Finn removes his arm from around me to open the bag and thumb through it, looking at everything inside it.
"You cool, Gray?" one of Finn's friends asks.
Finn shoots him a dirty look but doesn't say anything.
I shrug with indifference letting them know I don't mind the drugs and alcohol. I've never done any of it before, but that doesn't mean I'm against experimenting.
Finn pulls the weed out and puts the bag off to the side while he picks through the herb, pulling out stems and seeds monotonously, as if he's done it a million times and the task bores him.
One of them examines us, "Who would've thought, huh? An O'Reilly and a Gray. Aren't your families like sworn enemies?" The more relaxed guy asks as he passes bottles of beer around. A symphony of pressure being released sounds as they crack their caps, leaving two unopened ones on the table, obviously for me and Finn.
"Not really. Our parents dated," I say.
One of them—the guy still giving me dirty looks—chokes on his beer. "Holy shit. Your mom or dad?"
"My dad. Her mom," Finn answers. "And it was shocking for us, too. I wasn't expecting that." A soft chortle slips from his lips.
I stare at him, mouth agape. "You didn't act shocked!"
"It takes a lot for me to act shocked. Besides, I wasn't going to pry further into it. She's your mom, not mine."
"Damn! She almost became your step-sister," one of the guys jokes at our expense.
"Sexiest step-sister ever, though." the nice one flirts, then gives me a wink.
I flush at the flirtation, but Finn’s expression aimed at his friends is absolutely murderous. His jealousy and possessiveness are going to get him in loads of trouble. It’s going to get me in trouble as well because I think I like it.
"Slow down there, cowboy. You couldn't handle my crazy," I joke, which seems to defuse the situation.
"Being a Gray isn't synonymous with crazy," one of the guys says before taking a swig of his beer. I really need to learn these guy’s names because it’s beginning to sound like Finn is friends with the seven dwarfs. Pissy, Flirty, Friendly and Dopey.
"Oh, she is plenty crazy, and it's hot as fuck," Finn mutters in my defense before squeezing my thigh.
Most girls would be highly offended by their man calling them crazy, but for me, it's a compliment. Being normal is overrated. I much rather be happy and crazy than miserable and normal. Plus, my craziness seems to line up with Finn's perfectly.
"I've always thought you gave off some pre-Joker, Harley Quinn vibes," Friendly says as he lights up a joint right before Finn does the same.
"Aw, thanks, Puddin’," I say in my best Harley Quinn impression.
Everyone starts laughing and I join in as Finn throws his arm around my shoulder.
If I'm Harley Quinn, then Finn is definitely my Joker. We're both dark, twisted, and dangerous, a realization I didn’t have until him.
The difference is Finn doesn't abuse or manipulate me. He didn't force me to kill Uncle Martin, and I didn't do it to make him happy. He just gave me the opportunity.
I did it because I'm a crazy bitch and Martin Gray had to pay for what he did to me, how he irreversibly changed my life.
"Are you going to partake, Harley?" Flirty asks.
Harley.
I know he calls me this because of the banter, but I like it. Harley is way better than Francine. My name is so stiff and fits the person I was trying to be, not the one I have become.
The name Francine is misleading. It makes people think I'm the sweet girl next door when I'm anything but.
Harley is way more fitting.
"Don't pressure her," Finn warns. "If she wants to participate, that's up to her."
Wow.
Most guys would pressure their girl not to be left out of the partying behavior, but not Finn. He wants me to be true to myself. I didn’t realize he could be this incredible.
But how can I be true to myself if I haven't fully discovered who I am? This is going to be a long journey, but very exciting as well.
"I'll partake," I say, sitting up straight.
"Are you sure about that? We wouldn't want to taint the good girl in you," Pissy, the one constantly giving me a disgusted look, sneers.
"Fuck off, Rian!" Finn growls at his friend, who scowls right back.
"I'm not a good girl," I say quickly while squeezing Finn's hand to reassure him that I'm not offended. Then I catch Pissy’s gaze and hold it. "Just ask my uncle."
A collective gasp resonates around the room. The men, other than Finn, stare at me in both shock and… is that fear? That makes me almost want to laugh out loud.
"Wait, that was you?" Rian asks. "The whole thing ... with the bat?" Incredulity intensifies his voice.
"Holy fuck!" Dopey exclaims.
I nod. "Yup. Ask Finn. He'll tell ya." Am I proud of what I did?
"That wasn't me. I would've made it last longer." Finn supports my claim before pressing a soft kiss to my temple.
"Fucking hell. You're a whole lotta pretty and a whole lotta crazy," Friendly says.
"Stop fucking flirting with my girl, Eoghan," Finn warns, a menacing warning on his face.
"Don't get your panties in a twist. I like them pretty and freaky, not pretty and crazy. Harley over there is all yours, Mr. J," Eoghan cajoles before sipping his beer.
Finn slowly passes his joint to me.
A small voice in the back of my head says how good girls don't do drugs, but I remind myself I'm not a good girl. In my current company, I'm not necessarily a bad girl either. This is my path to self-discovery. This is the road I am choosing to take.
I take it, look at the joint for a second, before inhaling the aroma.
I heard someone once say pot smells like a skunk, but I never actually smelled it before. I can see the similarities, but the way the scent hits is different. It's like lavender essential oils in the way the scent makes me feel. It's calming, silencing the worried voices in the back of my mind.
For half a second, everything is silent as I take it all in.
"Take it easy so you don't cough up a lung, babe," Finn says, then grabs his beer.
Take it easy. I can do that.
I gingerly place the joint between my lips and slowly suck in a puff of smoke, feeling the heat slide down my throat and fill my lungs. A tickle in the back of my throat begs me to cough, but I fight it as I hand the joint back to Finn, who observes me with curiosity.
I hold it in as long as I can before I slowly release the haze in a long trail of euphoria. Endorphins and serotonin instantly rush through my body as I relax into the couch, letting it swallow me whole.
"How are you feeling, babe?" Finn asks as he rubs my leg.
I don't realize I’ve closed my eyes until I open them, fighting not to close them again.
One puff and all my inhibitions drift into oblivion. "Sex better be as good as this or I'll be highly disappointed, Mr. J," I say, half kidding and half serious.
Laughter rolls over me which quiets the electricity stabbing my brain.
Words of a conversation float around me, but I'm not paying attention. This wonderful drug makes me feel a way I've rarely ever felt in my life.
This drug makes me feel the same way Finn does when we're alone and he's comforting me without sexual frustration pushing us. It brings me the kind of peace I have only felt with Finn. He is my perfect drug. He drives me crazy and brings me serenity.
"Harley? Harley!" Who is whispering my name? And how are they whispering so loudly?
Is that Dopey? My eyes snap open up at the guys yelling for me. "I didn't do it!"
Why did I say that?
"Are you alright, darling?" Friendly says as I wipe my eyes.
I can’t help the goofy smile as I fumble on my words. "Good as gravy, sugar." Finn stares at me with worry on his face. "I'm fine, just really relaxed."
Then Finn grabs my hand, his palm presses against mine, and the greatest rush ensues. It's the best pleasure in the world, almost as intense as Finn's tongue on my clit.
A soft moan leaves my lips as a shutter runs through my body.
My eyes connect with Finn's and I see only anger. "What the fuck?" He directs his fury toward his laughing friends.
I’m confused. I don’t think I said anything funny. Why are they laughing? "Sorry, man. My bad," Tiernan says with a big, unashamed smirk.
"You laced the pot! Are you fucking insane?" Finn screams again.
"Come on, bro. It was meant as a gag. We didn't think she would actually take a hit, much less that large of one," Eoghan mutters his apology.
Confusion is still my biggest emotion in this moment. "Huh?" I mumble as Finn moves back over to me, rubbing his pleasing palms over my cheeks. "That feels good." I giggle like a little girl.
"Looks like you're getting lucky today," Rian the pissy pisser says snidely. "Maybe you can finally get this chick out of your system."
Normally, I'd be pissed about how Rian talks about me, but I feel too good to be mad.
Plus I think Finn is mad enough for the both of us. "Shut the fuck up! Mind your own damn business!" Finn shouts at Rian before turning his attention back to me. "Baby? Are you okay?"
"I feel great," I mutter with something weird in my voice. The weird thing in my voice sounds funny and I start snickering, which turns to full-blown laughter.
"Why are you laughing?" he asks in frustration.
"I don't know. Maybe because I feel like I'm floating high up in the sky. Is pot supposed to make you feel like this?"
"No, it's not. These assholes laced it with MDMA," he says.
I slowly sit up in confusion. "MDMA?"
"Ecstasy, E, Molly, the love drug. The reason you're getting dicked down tonight, Harley," the guy I still don't know his name says, the one I named Dopey.
"Colin, shut the fuck up!" Finn yells, but I'm not fazed. He's been yelling a lot, and it's not putting a damper on my mood.
"Stop with all the loud words. I love it!"
Now I know all of their names. Rian, Colin, Tiernan, and Eoghan. Such strong and uncommon names, except for Colin. We have a few Colins in our school, but it's not like Tyler or William.
Suddenly, Finn stands and I find myself up in the air and over his shoulder. I squeal in surprise.
"What are you doing!"
"I'm taking you upstairs," he growls before there’s a loud smack noise and sharp pain pierces my ass. I think he just spanked me.
"Ow! No, I wanna hang out!" I whine.
He starts up the stairs with me over his shoulder. "Too fucking bad," he whispers with a dangerous edge to his voice before spanking me hard again.
"Why are you spanking me?"
"Because I'm pissed and you're being a brat," he grunts as he carries me into his room.
"I'm not a brat. I just want to hang out with everyone. We were having fun. You're such a party pooper." I pout, but then I whisper so low that only he can hear, “If you think spanking me is a punishment for being a brat, jokes on you. All it does is make me wet.”
“Jesus christ, Princess,” He tosses me on the bed and locks his bedroom door. "I'm keeping your virtue intact."
"That's not what you said when you made that bet with me," I retort, as I sit up and throw him what I hope to be a seductive smirk.
I'm not an idiot. I know he wants me now, just like he does every day.
"You're not losing your virginity when you're fucked up on Molly," he declares, his eyes darkening.
"Just because I'm relaxed and in a good mood doesn’t mean I’m fucked up. Also, I'm not having sex today," I utter with conviction.
"You're damn right you're not because you're not leaving this room until you come down off that shit."
"That's redundant," I quip as I plop my head down on the bed and stare up at his ceiling.
His ceiling is painted white, but the colors coming from the light and the spinning fan splash an array of colors across the normally white wall. It's a beautiful sight and so beyond comforting.
"Why is that redundant?" he presses.
My eyes flash to him as he raises a challenging eyebrow.
"Because there's only one guy I've thought about fucking me and he's in this room," I admit.
I'm not ashamed. Of course, I've thought about it. I know it's going to happen, and I want it to happen with Finn, but my mom's words from this morning constantly play in my head.
Being ready is a myth. I'm going to be scared and nervous and have doubts. I've always known I wanted to wait until I'm in love to give away my virginity, but I don't know if that's what I still want.
