Maybe someday, p.7
Maybe Someday, page 7
Chapter Eight
Ash was ready to pull her hair out. First the phone call from the school and now this? She stared at her office that she hadn’t even had time to settle into and wondered not for the first time why she had decided to take this job. Working at a nonprofit that helps homeless families get back on their feet had always been a dream of hers, but she had been thrown into the fires of a brand new job when she’d spent the last seven years working from home on her true passion, and she was regretting her choices.
The flu.
That was her current problem. The flu was going around the house, and multiple people had it, which meant that she was struggling to find coverage for overnight staffing, and it wasn’t like she could just step in. Not like she would have done when Mari was around or even before that when she’d been single. No, now she had two kids, and it was obvious they needed her attention. Today was proof of that.
“Ash.” The knock on the door startled her. Jack stepped in just a little bit, but he had a smile on his face. Her program director was proving to be worth everything in the last few weeks as she’d tried to get her feet wet in the nonprofit sector again. “I found someone.”
“Who?”
“She’s a volunteer, but she’s done overnights for us in emergencies before, and has all the requirements. She’ll be here at seven but is in meetings until then. Can you cover the break in between? I can’t miss this appointment.”
“Yeah, I can stay until seven.” She would owe Char a bottle of wine for taking the girls until she got home, but she could afford that.
“Good. I’ve got to run!” He was already walking out the door before she could catch him to figure out exactly who was coming and how to get ahold of her if she didn’t show up on time. Trusting wasn’t in Ash’s nature in general, but especially when it came to volunteers.
The house was still quiet, with most everyone gone for work and the kids out for childcare. Ash blew out a breath and rubbed her temple. She was overwhelmed. The weight of the world was on her shoulders, and she had no chance to share the load anymore.
What on earth had she been thinking? Moving her kids across the country and going back into the workforce—this was a disaster in the making. She’d willingly walked into it too. But she needed a job, so that one wasn’t really an option any longer, and she needed the support of her family. She wished her parents had agreed to move out to Seattle. Her mom had been there for most of the first six months after Mari had died. Ash wasn’t sure how she would have survived without that.
But it had been two years, and while she was back on her feet, there were things that still weren’t quite right. She just wished it was easier to fix the problems in her life. Then again, nothing could fix the devastation they had been through. This was their new reality.
Time sped by, but Ash managed to drag herself out of her office long enough to help the families with making their dinner. She kept glancing at the clock, waiting for this mysterious volunteer to show up. It was five minutes to seven when there was a knock on the front door.
“Finally,” Ash murmured. She needed to get home. She needed to find her quiet space again and unwind from the day.
She swung the front door open, ready to meet the volunteer, get her set up, and go home. Except she was frozen to her spot. Speechless.
“Chris.”
Chris’ lips slowly curled upward, but it didn’t reach her lips. Her hair was around her shoulders like it normally was. Ash wanted to reach out and touch it. She wanted to wrap her arms around Chris and let Chris hold her and take away the stress of the long day. But she still couldn’t move. Her chest was so tight, cold washing through her until her toes were frozen.
“What are you doing here?” The accusation was stark, but Ash had no idea what else to say.
“Jack called me. You needed someone to stay the night.”
“You’re my overnight…” Ash trailed off. She stepped out onto the front step and shut the door behind her with a loud snick. “You volunteer here.”
“Yes.” Chris canted her head to the side. “I have for the last three years.”
Ash rubbed her hands over her face roughly. “Do you just follow me everywhere?”
“No, I don’t.” Chris sighed heavily. She put her hands on her hips, parting the sides of her down jacket to reveal her blazer and T-shirt she’d worn to school that day. The bag at her feet must have her overnight stuff in it. “I guess we just keep running into each other.”
“You’re the last person I wanted to see.”
“I’m sorry that I am.” Chris frowned.
Guilt punched Ash in the gut. That had been cruel to say, but she was still so shaken by everything that had happened in the last few weeks. She clenched her jaw and looked Chris directly in the eye. “I’m sorry. That was mean.”
“Not anything you don’t feel, and you’re entitled to feel whatever you want.” Chris shrugged. “Am I allowed in?”
“Is this really why you’re here?” Ash didn’t want to believe that Chris could be this kind, not with how she’d been when she was growing up. “You didn’t decide to follow up on the phone call from earlier?”
“Ashton, how would I have even known you were here?”
Why was Ash being so unreasonable? She fisted her hand and then stretched out her fingers. She had to get a hold of herself. “Fine.”
“Thank you.”
Chris still didn’t move, and neither did Ash. They stood in the doorway, staring each other down, like they were going to battle each other to the death.
“And stop calling me Ashton. I hate that name.”
“In high school, you told me to call you that. You said if your parents had wanted to name you Ash, they would have.”
Ash’s jaw dropped. “How do you remember that?”
“Like I told you before, you were one of my favorite students. I tend to remember my favorites.” Chris’ eyes are dark in the lack of light, but the intensity of her gaze was clear.
There was no escaping her. Chris had haunted her dreams for years after that class. Ash had almost given up writing because of her, but then in college, Chris’ voice had been in her head every time she’d started a new story.
Make sure it’s a strong start.
Finish every scene with a hook.
Use a variety of words.
Follow the arcs of the plot, of the characters.
Make your reader feel something profound.
It was all simple instructions, but repetition had forced them into Ash’s brain throughout the years. Even when she’d been writing her books and publishing them, Chris’ voice was still in her head. She’d been with her every time Ash had sat down at a computer to type.
So why did Ash want to lean in and kiss her? Why did she want to curl up in Chris’ arms and be held? Everything in her body pulled her closer to Chris. Ash stepped off the porch onto the sidewalk so she wasn’t towering over Chris anymore.
“How many times have you stayed the night here?”
“At least a dozen last year alone.” Chris remained steady.
“And why do you volunteer here?”
Chris stayed put, but Ash took another step closer, unable to resist being as near as possible. Her breathing came in shallow gasps, and her head spun from something she wasn’t quite ready to name yet.
“I like to give back to my community, but it started with tutoring. I needed to keep myself busy, and tutoring was a natural place for me to do that.”
Ash bit her lip. “Tutoring?”
“For GEDs for the adults and anything else they might need, and for the kids, whatever subjects they needed help with. You’d be amazed what you can learn with three degrees in education.”
She had no doubt of that, and the reminder of Chris’ education, of her tenacity for studies, of her willingness to put in the hard work wasn’t what she needed right now. “We have four families in the house right now.”
“Busy busy.”
“Seven adults and twelve kids total.”
“I’m sure they’re all well versed in the program.”
Ash shook her head. There was one family that was continuously having issues following the program, and she was probably going to have to make the hard choice to kick them out within the next week.
“Some of the kids are unruly.”
“You would be too if you didn’t have any structure or place of security.”
Ash’s lips parted, instantly thinking of Avonlee. That had been swiped from them all in one fell swoop, but Avonlee had dealt with the biggest blow from it. At least for now.
“What?” Chris touched Ash’s arm. “What are you thinking about right now?”
Tensing, Ash stared down at Chris’ fingers, warm, comforting. “Avonlee.”
“She’s hurting, Ashton.”
“I know.” Ash looked up, meeting that unwavering gaze. How was Chris so much the same and so different at the same time? “You haunted me.”
“Haunted?” Chris withdrew her hand.
Ash missed the touch. “You still do.”
“How do I haunt you?” Chris whispered the words, as if they were a caress against Ash’s skin.
Oh, what would it take to lean in a little more? To have Chris’ hands on her? To shut up that voice, that lecturing voice, that Ash had memorized? “Why didn’t you ever leave me alone?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I wish I did.” Chris shuddered in the freezing air. “But you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. You feel I was awful to you, and that’s your right.”
“Of course it is,” Ash murmured, her gaze drawing down over Chris’ body again. She wanted to talk. She wanted to tell Chris everything, but the words got stuck in the top of her throat, and she couldn’t force them out.
“Look, I know that this is hard.” Chris’ voice was raw, emotion clasping onto every syllable. “I don’t want to put the onus on you to help me right my wrongs, but I will listen if you ever want to tell me.”
“Chris.” Her name cracked at the end. Ash closed her eyes, sucking in a deep breath of the freezing air and using it to center herself. “I have to go home and talk to Avonlee.”
“Don’t be too hard on her about today. It was an honest mistake.”
Ash found herself nodding, but she wasn’t sure why. “Um, I guess I should take you in.”
“It’d be preferable to standing out in the cold.”
The air finally broke through Ash’s clouded mind, and she realized just how cold it was. She laughed lightly before keying in the code to the door and letting them inside. “Even if you can only stay one night, it’ll be helpful. But I’ll warn you, the flu is going around.”
“Ashton, I’m a school teacher. I don’t get sick.”
“I wish I had your stamina.” Ash’s cheeks were instantly on fire, remembering their one night of happiness. Despite everything that had happened in between then and now, Ash was amazed that it hadn’t turned into a nightmare yet.
Chris stopped in the doorway, snagging Ash’s hand briefly before letting go. “Can we talk? Truly talk, outside of here and school?”
Ash paused, not sure how to answer. She wasn’t sure she wanted to. Well, she did, but that would open a world she hadn’t dared enter in years. “Do you know where the room is?”
“Ashton,” Chris pleaded.
“I’ll show you.” Ash led the way into the basement, away from where the families stayed and toward the offices. She would introduce Chris to everyone next, make sure everyone was settled, and then she’d leave for the weekend.
Chris followed her dutifully down the stairs. They dropped her bag off, and Ash introduced her to everyone. She stayed another twenty minutes before grabbing her stuff and heading for the front door. She had to escape. Because Chris was going to talk to her, she knew it. There was no escaping Chris Murphey.
Sure enough, Ash was at the front door when Chris caught her by the elbow. “Give me another minute.”
“I’m tired, Chris.”
“Glad to hear you use my first name again.” Chris kept her voice quiet, as if anyone could overhear them at any moment, which was probably true. “Please talk to me in the morning. We’ve been avoiding this far too long.”
Ash’s voice caught in her throat again. Her mouth was open like she was going to speak, but she couldn’t form the words. Why couldn’t she just find the words? Not here, not in her writing. It was as if they had vanished from her in the loud crack of a vehicle against cement. Her eyes watered, her nose stinging as her cheeks heated. She shook her head slowly.
“Ashton,” Chris whispered, empathy filling her gaze.
Doing the only thing she could think of, Ash wrapped her arms around Chris’ shoulders and held on. She buried her face in Chris’ neck, the scent from her shampoo filling her, the warmth of her body surrounding her. Ash clung tightly.
“Oh, Ashton,” Chris murmured in comfort along with a caress. Her hands pressed against Ash’s back, pulling her in even closer.
This was perfect. If Ash could live here, right in the circle of Chris’ arms, she knew she could find her words again. She knew without a doubt that she would be safe again. “Don’t let me go.”
“I won’t.” Chris tightened her grip. “Just tell me what you need.”
Ash shook her head, the tears flowing freely down her cheeks and disappearing into Chris’ hair. “I can’t.”
“Okay.” Chris rubbed circles into Ash’s shoulders. “Okay.”
“I’m sorry.” Ash pulled away suddenly, wiping her fingers against her cheeks. “Tomorrow. I’ll text you.”
She ran out the front door of the house before she had a chance to regret her decision. Ash gathered herself throughout her drive home, and when she pulled up into her driveway, she was happy to see the warm house in front of her. She didn’t hesitate walking inside, or feel weighed down by the responsibilities on her shoulders. Rhubie ran up and wrapped arms around her in a hug. Ash looked over Avonlee, sitting curled up on the couch with her Nintendo Switch and a blanket.
Char looked confused, but Ash smiled at her before walking to the couch and pulling Avonlee into her arms. She dropped a kiss onto Avonlee’s head, nuzzled her nose into her hair, and hugged her tight. “I heard you had a rough day, baby.”
Avonlee said nothing, but the sniffle was loud enough for the entire house to hear it.
“Want to have a calm relaxing night?”
“You’re not mad?” Avonlee squeaked out.
“No, baby. No, I’m not mad.”
This was what Ash had needed more than anything. Rhubie slid against Ash’s other side, cuddling into the crook of her arm. This was Ash’s happiness, and she never should have thought otherwise.
Chapter Nine
Were they meeting?
Or were they not meeting?
Chris hadn’t really gotten that question answered. Ash had said something about tomorrow. Well, it was tomorrow. And she still didn’t know if they were meeting or not or when or where. She sighed, tossing her hand over her eyes as she laid in the uncomfortable bed in the basement of the transitional housing building. Jack had asked her to be there all weekend, but Chris suspected that Ash was unaware of that, especially based on their conversation the night before.
Taking a risk, Chris grabbed her phone and sent the text she had been avoiding all night.
Chris 6:59 am - Just to clarify, are we meeting today?
She held her breath as she waited for a response, but she also didn’t expect one. Without Ash right in front of her, it would be easier for Ash to avoid. Which she seemed rather good at doing. Something they had in common, actually. But Chris didn’t want to avoid this any longer. Two weeks of it was enough, and if she could help resolve some of that conflict, it would probably go a long way for both of them.
Ash 7:03 am - Yes.
Chris nearly jumped out of bed with excitement. She hadn’t honestly thought it would happen. She’d been convinced Ash would back out by now, but she wasn’t. With the house slowly waking up, Chris got dressed and ready to leave. Overnights at the house were the easiest, and she only had to wait until nine for her replacement to show up and then she could meet Ash somewhere. Neutral ground might be the best option for this conversation, but Chris would take it wherever she could have it.
By nine she was out the door with her bag in hand and sitting in her freezing cold car. She always forgot to warm it up on days like this. Rubbing her fingers together as she sat outside the transitional house, Chris snagged her phone and sent another text.
Chris 9:07 am - When and where?
She wanted the conversation to happen immediately, but she also knew that Ash had to be the one to direct everything. Chris drove back to her place, starting up coffee because she needed more in order to make it through the day before going back to the transitional home. She had two more nights there before Jack said they’d evaluate who was going to replace her. She didn’t look forward to starting a week of school with a lack of sleep, but it was for a good cause.
Chris had just plopped down on her couch with her coffee when there was a knock at her door. Frowning, she stood up to answer it, sloshing a bit of her coffee over the rim of her mug and onto her thigh. Cursing under her breath, Chris moved to the door and opened it.
“Ash.” She breathed out Ash’s name, surprise echoing. “Did you remember where I lived?”
“I sent a pin to my sister with where I was that night. Just in case anything went bad.” Ash shoved her hands into her pockets and pushed up on her toes. “Got time to talk?”
“Yeah.” Chris’ stomach twisted with nerves. She hadn’t expected this, and she wasn’t sure what was going to happen next. Fear ramped right back up into her chest, and she’d thought she’d gotten rid of it. Everything about their conversation the night before had been on edge, and she hoped they’d be able to dig a little deeper this morning with clearer heads and sleep—though the amount of sleep Chris had got couldn’t be considered much.
