Daisy plucked, p.22
Daisy, Plucked, page 22
Before work the next day, Henry was waiting for Daisy in the kitchen, a cup of coffee as a peace offering on the island across from him. Daisy picked it up and took a sip, barely hiding her wince at the sickly, chemical sweetness.
“I talked to your brother. He changed his flight, so he’ll be getting in this afternoon around one. Can you pick him up after you get out of work?” Henry asked.
“Oh, uh, yeah. No problem,” Daisy said. She took another large gulp of coffee and left the kitchen as quickly as possible to avoid having to talk to Henry more.
The worst part of all of this was that she didn’t know what upset her dad about their conversation. Was it the fact she was partying with college kids without telling him? Was it the fact she dated Hana and never told him? Was it the fact that she dated Hana at all? Daisy wondered if Henry was upset that she hid something from him or that he never figured it out.
Daisy didn’t have time to stop at the water tanks between the end of her final lifeguarding shift and when Will’s flight was coming in. While she waited outside of the airport to pick him up, she was scribbling down notes on how she could reinvestigate her cold leads if Hana’s note wasn’t where she hoped it was. She was so lost in thought that she didn’t notice how much time had passed until there was a knock at the passenger side window, and she startled before looking up to see Will.
“Hey, wanna pop the trunk?” he asked with a smile. Daisy squealed and got out of the car, shoving her notebook in her back pocket before running to the sidewalk to hug her brother.
“I can’t believe you changed your flight,” Daisy said, laughing and still hugging him. He held her tight for another few seconds before letting her go, and she went back to the driver’s side to pop the trunk for him.
“Well, Dad made it sound like you’re on the verge of a psychotic break, so I thought it might be a good idea,” Will teased. He put his bags in the trunk, and Daisy took a few deep breaths while waiting for him to get in the car. They were going to talk about her fight with their dad, and she didn’t want to.
“So, I heard you’re a party girl lesbian now,” Will said, casting aside any pretense. “Some big developments considering I was only gone for a month.”
Daisy laughed and joined the stream of other cars leaving the Rochester airport. “I ... may have let years of pent-up aggression out on Dad in the span of a few minutes.”
“On the bright side you’re going away to school in a few days.”
“Yeah. I guess I’ll find out if absence makes the heart grow fonder,” Daisy said. Even though it was supposed to be a joke, Will saw through her casual facade immediately. The silence hung between them, and she waited for him to ask her what happened. What had Henry told him? She didn’t really want to know.
Will pulled down the passenger side visor to look at himself in the mirror, and Daisy saw his eyes flick to her face in the reflection. “So, you finally told Dad about Hana.”
“Yeah, and it went about as well as I hoped.” Daisy pointedly kept her eyes on the road, not wanting confirmation that her brother was upset with her.
Will flipped up the visor, and it snapped back into place with a thump against the roof of the car. “To be fair, you were using it as ammunition against him.”
“It wasn’t ammunition, he told me I was overreacting to losing her. I was making him understand why I wasn’t overreacting,” Daisy said.
Will flinched. “How come you didn’t tell me about the college parties?”
Daisy shrugged, trying to act nonchalant even though she was sure Will was annoyed she didn’t tell him. “I didn’t want you to worry. I was fine.”
“Were you? You, like, freaked out on dad on a random Sunday afternoon and came out after years of hiding it.” His stare was burning a hole in the side of her face, but she still didn’t want to turn to see the disappointment she was sure would be written across his face.
She gripped the steering wheel when they came to a red light, watching cars speed through the intersection instead of turning to Will. “I was meaning to do it soon anyways.”
Will laughed shortly. “Sure, but you didn’t plan to do it like that.”
“You can’t tell me how to come out. I love you and I respect your opinion, but you don’t get to do that,” Daisy said.
Will sighed. “Are you relieved?”
Daisy paused for a minute, trying to figure out the truthful answer to his question. “I’m not yet, but I think I will be.”
“Okay. But still, the partying wasn’t a good idea. What did I tell you before I left?” He sounded so much like their dad, her hackles rose again.
“You gave me hypocritical advice then peaced out to Barcelona after my best friend killed herself, so sorry that I didn’t follow your instructions,” she snapped.
“She was my best friend too,” Will snapped back.
Daisy was silent for another long moment. “I wish I left things off better with her. She was my best friend, and the last time I saw her I was just ... so angry at her.”
“I understand,” Will said, all the fight draining from him. “The last thing I said to her ... it wasn’t right.” Daisy finally looked over at him, and he was staring straight ahead, looking haunted.
“Did you talk to her after we broke up? I thought — didn’t you say you wouldn’t talk to her?” Daisy asked.
“I — well, it’s not —” Daisy looked at him sharply, and he changed direction immediately. “I just wanted to talk to her about what happened.”
Daisy wished they weren’t in the car so she could throttle him for keeping this from her. “When the hell did you talk to her, Will?”
“It ... maybe a few hours before? I don’t know if ... I might’ve been the last one to see her alive,” Will admitted.
Daisy was glad they were on a familiar road because the only thing that kept her from crashing the car in her shock was muscle memory.
“What did you talk about?” Daisy asked, almost a whisper.
“I’ll tell you when we get home. Just focus on driving,” Will said, sounding defeated.
Daisy never sped as fast as she did on the last few streets to their house, and for once Will didn’t comment on her terrible driving.
Chapter 18
Hana — age 19
6/9/19
Dear Diary,
I think my investigation is going well. If I wasn’t on to something, I probably wouldn’t have gotten a threat on my car windshield this morning, right?
I’ll tuck the note in the back of this journal, but the gist of it is that I should stop investigating or bad things will start happening to the people I care about. Which is why I have to break up with Daisy.
I’m going to tell her the truth about Frida, and I know she’ll leave me. She should. And maybe someday, once this whole thing is over, I can win her back. I’m already trying to think of ways to soften the blow, but I don’t know how to do this. I ended things with Frida, sure, but that was casual sex, not a years long relationship that came after a decade long friendship. This might kill me. Then again, if anything were to happen to Daisy because I’m looking into my dad’s death, that would definitely kill me. So it’s the lesser of two evils to push her away and hope that I’ll be able to win her back eventually.
I have to do this for her. I have to keep her safe. That doesn’t mean that it’s going to hurt any less, though.
Sincerely,
Hana
Hana stared at the note, searching once again for any detail that might reveal who wrote it, that might bring her one step closer to discovering who her father’s killer was. But just like the last hundred times she’d read the note she found attached to her windshield wiper with a rubber band, nothing was distinctive. The note contained perfectly correct grammar, and it was typed on plain printer paper. She had a feeling it was written by the same person who faked Jake Hansen’s last death threat, but that was more of a hunch than something she could prove. She was pulled out of her thoughts by a text from Daisy
Daisy
George’s?
Hana
Sure. Pick you up in 15?
Daisy
Perf, see you then <3
“Good morning, Hana,” Daisy said when she got in Hana’s car, reaching across and squeezing Hana’s hand over the wheel.
“Good morning, Lazy Daisy,” Hana replied easily.
Daisy groaned and buckled herself in. “One day I’ll get Will back for telling you that nickname. Today is not that day, but one day I might.” Hana laughed a little bit too hard, and Daisy gave her a confused look. Hana abruptly changed the topic by asking about Daisy’s classes before the younger girl could ask what was wrong.
Over the course of the drive, Hana noticed that Daisy’s usual bubbly self was deflating, and she cursed herself for all the harm she was doing to Daisy’s life. She wished she could just tell Daisy she needed space until she solved this case, but Daisy would need to know everything to leave Hana alone, and her safety was too important.
They pulled into the parking lot of George’s, but before Hana could get out of the car, Daisy put a hand on her arm, holding her in place.
“What’s wrong?” Daisy asked.
“What?” Hana asked, not expecting Daisy to be so blunt.
“Something is wrong. You made a face when I talked about New Paltz, and you’ve been quiet all morning. All week, really. You’re always busy, but you won’t tell me what you’re busy with, and, well, I don’t know.”
“I ... Well, what do you think I’m doing? You sound awfully accusatory.” Hana knew what she had to do, and she hated herself for it.
Daisy shrugged. “I don’t know what to think.”
“I know you have a theory. Let’s hear it.”
“Are you cheating on me?” Daisy asked quietly.
“No,” Hana said.
Daisy looked relieved. “Oh, okay. That’s — well, that’s good. So, what—”
“But I did.”
Daisy froze. Her bright green eyes locked onto Hana’s and held them, trapping Hana in the accusatory pain.
“What?” Daisy said in disbelief, as if all of this was going to be a joke, like Hana was playing some sick prank that she would give up any minute.
“Last semester there was ... this girl at a party. And I went home with her,” Hana said.
Daisy looked like she was going to throw up, and without another word she got out of the car. Hana swore under her breath and got out with her, pausing when Daisy just closed her door and leaned against it, her back to Hana.
“How could you do this to me?” Daisy asked.
“I didn’t — it wasn’t about you,” Hana responded. Daisy whipped around to face Hana, and they stood on either side of the car, staring each other down. Hana couldn’t remember Daisy ever looking so angry. Hana wasn’t just pushing Daisy away for the summer — she was destroying everything they had. But she needed to do it, needed to twist the knife to cut all the threads of their life together. She needed Daisy to be safe.
“It wasn’t about me? You slept with some other girl, and it wasn’t about me? Was it all about you like everything always is?” Daisy asked, her voice just shy of a shout. She was breathing like she just swam an entire length of a pool underwater, and there were tears in her eyes.
“It was selfish. I know it was, but I was just so wrapped up in the—”
“Oh my god. Seriously? So wrapped up in the moment you forgot that you were supposed to be with me? That you forgot you loved me? Do you even love me, or was I just convenient until you found something better?” Daisy demanded, her eyes locking Hana in place with the full force of her fury. Hana flinched back. Daisy deserved to be loved better, but she also deserved to be let go better than this.
“Look, Daisy, can we just talk about this like adults? You don’t need to—” Hana started, but Daisy cut Hana off with a humorless laugh.
“Sure, let’s talk like adults. What was your tax return like this year?” Daisy snapped. She took out her phone and started texting someone, and Hana needed to try to salvage a small part of this so that maybe one day Daisy would understand.
Hana started walking around the car towards Daisy, but froze in place when Daisy leveled her with the meanest glare she’d ever seen. “She didn’t mean anything.”
Daisy laughed incredulously and threw up her hands, almost throwing her phone in the process. “Then why would you do it?”
“Just ... to see if I could.” Hana took another step forward, and Daisy took one back.
“When was it?”
“Halloween.”
Hana never knew Daisy to be violent, but she’d never seen the other girl look so angry before. Hana was regretting moving closer.
Daisy looked like she was doing mental calculations, and after a second, she said. “So ... Before thanksgiving?”
“Yeah.” Hana swallowed thickly, but it felt like there was something pressing on her throat, making it impossible.
“You slept with someone else, and then you came to my house and played family with me? Are you kidding?”
Hana flinched. “I wish I was.”
“Why wait until now to tell me this?” Daisy demanded.
“I think we should break up.”
“No shit, Sherlock,” Daisy snapped. Hana held in the familiar reply of Fuck you, Watson and instead let silence fall between them. Daisy turned her back to Hana again, and Hana saw on Daisy’s phone screen that she was watching Will’s location, the small blue dot getting closer to them by the second. When Daisy put her phone in her pocket and started walking across the parking lot towards its entrance, Hana followed her.
“I still—”
“Don’t you dare,” Daisy said harshly, whipping around to face Hana, “Don’t say you love me, don’t ask if we can be friends, just don’t.”
“Okay, just ... call when you want to talk.” Hana stepped back as Will sped into the lot, screeching to a stop next to his sister.
“What is there to talk about? You’ve made all our decisions for us. You cheated on me, and you broke up with me. You did this. You made your grave, now have fun trying to keep warm with the goddamn worms.” Daisy got into Will’s car and slammed the door shut.
Hana walked back to her car. She sat there for twenty minutes, staring blankly at her steering wheel, until a text from Chrissy jolted her out of her trance.
She drove home in silence, ignoring the text, and she was relieved no one else was there when she arrived. She felt like a ghost, like she wasn’t real, like it was another person that just broke Daisy’s heart. She thought it would be a relief to know that she didn’t have to lie to Daisy anymore, but the truth felt worse. Hana hadn’t just broken things, she had disintegrated them. There was no repairing this.
This was the only way, though. Daisy was stubborn, and she loved Hana too much to accept a breakup without a real, concrete reason. If Hana said she didn’t love Daisy anymore, Daisy would be around more than ever trying to win back her affection. If Hana said she didn’t see a future for them, Daisy would mold herself into exactly the type of girl she thought Hana wanted until they were together again. Daisy would change herself if she thought she was the problem, so the only way to leave Daisy was to reveal Hana’s own flaws, her own inability to love the way Daisy deserved, even if they both hurt more this way.
Maybe someday Hana could try to make things right between them. Maybe Daisy could forgive her, could believe her if she promised never to do it again. If Hana caught the mastermind behind her father’s investigation, Daisy would at least hear her out. But even if they were together again someday, this would always hang over them. Hana’s deceit would never go away. After all, Daisy was right — Hana alone did this to them. She didn’t really consider how it would feel for Daisy to be left, only how Hana would feel leaving her. She knew that Daisy’s hurt would hurt her too, but she didn’t know it would feel so sharp and brutal. She was too wrapped in the case, and she was forgetting the fact that her life was happening now, not on a dark street downtown on a cold February day years in the past.
Hana barely left her room for the next three days. She listened to the same album on repeat and hyper-focused on the case and only told Chrissy about the breakup. Their other friends didn’t even know Hana cheated on Daisy, and she wasn’t ready to admit it to them. Chrissy only knew because Hana broke down crying one night after a party where she saw Frida that April, and Chrissy was sworn to secrecy.
“Maybe I should’ve just broken up with her and not told her,” Hana said on a video call with Chrissy on the third day of her self-imposed isolation.
“That would’ve been kind of a dick move, though. I mean you guys dated for, like, three and a half years. She deserved to know the truth about why you’re breaking up.”
“I mean, probably, but it just sucks because I miss her, and I love her still, and I feel like ... like I made a mistake breaking up with her.”
Chrissy sighed. “Well, you can’t take it back, so there’s no point in over analyzing it. You just have to move forward with things. Do you want to win her back?”
“I do, but ... what if she’s what’s best for me, but I’m not what’s best for her?”
“Do you really think you’re the one who should decide what’s best for her? She does have her own mind, you know.”
“Yeah, she does,” Hana said. “Maybe I’ll, like, get her a sorry present. See if I can salvage our friendship. And maybe we’ll get back together one day or maybe ... not.”
“It might be a good idea to give her some time to cool off. I mean ... you did just kind of drop it on her that you cheated. And, like, in public.”
“So, you think I did the wrong thing?”
“I — no, that’s not—” Chrissy paused to collect her thoughts. “Look, here’s the thing, I think you did the right thing telling her, but you didn’t do it the best way you could’ve.”
