Daisy plucked, p.5
Daisy, Plucked, page 5
Hana’s head snapped up.
“She said that?” Hana asked.
“That’s so stupid. We’ve been having sleepovers since we were, like, babies. It’s not like now — ugh, I can’t believe her. I’m texting my dad to tell him I’m staying over. What’s she gonna do? Kick me out? She’s never mean to me. I can pull the dead-mom card. Do you think this is a dead mom card situation? I can even work up some tears if needed. This is such bullshit,” Daisy said darkly. Hana looked up at her friend, her eyes prickling slightly at the loyalty and fierceness lacing with Daisy’s words.
“You’re the best friend ever, you know that?” Hana asked.
Daisy smiled. “Hey, if I don’t play the dead mom card for good things, what use is it?” Daisy asked. Hana got to her feet and pulled up Daisy to hug her. The younger girl's growth spurt had hit her with a vengeance that summer, and she was beginning to loom over Hana’s 5’3” frame.
“Want to bike to get ice cream?” Hana asked, still hugging her friend.
“Absolutely. I told my dad we might go to the mall so he gave me $20,” Daisy said, pulling away from Hana.
While they ate ice cream, Daisy babbled on about her friends on her swim team, and Hana listened with a smile on her face. She looked at her best friend, and it was like she was seeing her for the first time.
Daisy’s hair was frizzing out of a French braid, and a loose strand kept falling out on the left side. She kept tucking it behind her ear absentmindedly, and Hana held herself back from touching it. Daisy’s green eyes were bright despite their exhaustion from biking to the ice cream shop, and it mesmerized Hana. Daisy shined like a precious gemstone, like something worth digging up and wiping the dirt from and hiding away from prying eyes.
Something shifted in Hana’s chest when her eyes fell onto Daisy’s full lips, and —
Oh. That made sense.
She didn’t want anything to change, so she decided that she would deal with this later. She pushed the thought as far away as she possibly could, locking it in a gilded box in the back of her mind. It was out of sight, but every once in a while a bit of light would shine on it, and she would be tempted to search for the key.
Chapter 5
Daisy — July 2019
Daisy settled into the dull rhythm of her days working at camp and her afternoons spent mostly sleeping. Her coworkers went out of their way to make sure that the kids would have more fun, but she found herself existing mostly on autopilot. It was easier to let her life pass her by than to think about going to Hana’s house and searching the room where she died for clues that might not even exist.
She forced herself out of autopilot on the Saturday morning Will left for his study abroad. She wished could help him more with his grief — even in her dissociative haze she knew Will was suffering. He spent too much time with the friends he barely liked from high school, coming home the next morning smelling like a brewery with darker and darker bags under his eyes. Daisy forgot too easily that Will had loved Hana like a sister.
The Polo siblings waited in the kitchen for Will’s ride to come, both trying to convince themselves they wouldn’t miss each other too much.
“I know that it’s hard right now, but you’ll be okay,” Will said. He made her coffee the way she actually liked to drink it, and she was glad to not have to choke down an overly sweet cup.
“People always say that but conveniently leave out that the okayness won’t come for a while,” Daisy said, trying for a light tone. Will looked at her with sympathy in his eyes, like the effort made him sadder.
“I know that it can be tempting to ...” Will paused, clearly looking for the right words. “It might be best to be alone right now, you know? Sometimes we’re the only ones with the answers we need.”
“So you’re telling me not to get a rebound? Aren’t you the one who hooked up with a different girl every day for a week after Jenny dumped you?” Daisy asked.
Will rolled his eyes. “When you say it like that I sound like an asshole.”
“Oh, aren’t you?” Daisy teased.
She didn’t want to think about Hana right now. She didn’t want to talk about how she didn’t have the guts to go get Hana’s journals from her house. Luckily, Will went along with the topic change.
“So funny. Would an asshole give you full reign over his car though? And leave a six pack in your hiding place?” Will tilted his head as he spoke. Daisy smiled — he knew she kept her contraband that she didn’t want their dad to find in her broken nightstand. The drawer appeared to be stuck unless you reached into the back of the stand and pushed it at a certain angle. Daisy had told him about it once when Henry almost caught Will with a joint.
“Are you campaigning for brother of the year again?” Daisy asked.
Will laughed. “Of course. When am I not?”
“Last week you ate my lunch because I got home from work five minutes late,” Daisy pointed out.
“Alright, alright. Even with the slight sandwich stealing, you know you’re gonna miss me,” Will said.
“Obviously I’ll miss you. You know how to make my coffee.”
“You know if you told dad how you like your coffee, he would just start making it that way.”
Daisy shrugged. “Yeah, but then he would make that face. You know the one where his eyes drop and his shoulders sag? The kicked puppy one?”
“Yeah, I know the kicked puppy one. I got it when I asked him if I could still go on my study abroad trip.”
“Well, he’s always told you to go see the world while you’re young, to be fair.”
“True.” He sighed, glancing over his shoulder towards the driveway. “Look, my ride is almost here. Just remember what I said, okay? Be smart about who you let in when you’re vulnerable. I won’t be here to protect you for a few weeks.”
She set down her coffee cup and hugged him. A moment later, her father shuffled down the stairs.
“Will? Are you ready to go? Mrs. Sanders just pulled up. It looks like she’s right on time,” Henry called from the front of the house. Daisy trailed after Will on his walk to the door, wishing she hadn’t wasted so much time moping the past few weeks.
“I’m all set now,” Will said.
Henry’s eyes flicked to Daisy. “Having a last-minute chat?” He asked, oblivious to the fact they were talking about him.
“Yeah. You know, brotherly advice and such,” Will joked.
“Yes, of course.” Henry chuckled. “Speaking of advice — you will have to be smart out there, alright? Stay with your class, but don’t forget to leave some time to explore the city and see what it’s really like. Don’t look like a tourist, though. That’ll make you a target. And don’t get in any trouble, but if you do, make sure that you try to resolve it peacefully. But above everything, of course, be yourself and have fun.” Daisy wanted to roll her eyes at the advice, which her father had already relayed to Will in about a hundred different ways the past few days.
“All I got from that was have fun, so I’ll just stick with that,” Will teased, winking at Daisy over Henry’s shoulder.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Henry paused, a proud look on his face as he gazed at his son. “Now get out there before Mrs. Sanders leaves without you.”
“Sir, yes, sir.” Will saluted before slinging his duffel bag over his shoulder and grabbing the handle of his rolling suitcase. Henry pulled Will into a quick hug, murmuring something to him that Daisy couldn’t hear. Will nodded in reply and gave Daisy another wave before he strode out the door. The pair watched Will as he packed his things into the trunk and slid into the backseat of the Sanders’ SUV. Will looked back one time, waving at them through the window until the car turned off the street.
“I guess it’s just us for the next few weeks, huh?” Henry asked.
Daisy nodded, a small smile on her face. “It’ll be weird.”
“So what were you and Will talking about before I got down here?” Henry said with false casualness.
She panicked, trying to think about an answer that wasn’t Hana or Henry. “Boy stuff,” she blurted out.
Henry quirked up an eyebrow. “Boy stuff? I thought we agreed on no boys until you’re 30?”
“Well, to be fair Dad, you said that, and I never agreed,” she joked. Daisy wondered how he would feel about how she took advantage of the biggest loophole in his stupid rule. Technically, he didn’t say anything about dating girls.
“Alright. Just be careful. Especially with ... you know. Grief can make people act erratic. I just want you to be ... safe.”
“Dad, I’m not going to do anything. It’s fine, you don’t need to worry,” Daisy reassured him.
“Okay, of course. And you know ... I trust you and everything. You can talk to me about stuff, you know that, right?”
Daisy wanted to burst out laughing at his words, but instead she just nodded. “Thanks dad.”
“Even Hana. I know that she was your best friend. You know, back when Mark died ... I was miserable. I tried not to let it show for you kids, but he was a good friend. A good man.” Henry’s voice was gruff, thick with emotion, like his friendship with Hana’s father was a sludge that he needed to choke down if he wanted to talk about it.
Daisy clenched her jaw to keep her own emotions at bay. “I didn’t know you were struggling back then. I’m sorry I didn’t—”
Henry waved her off, his wide, wrinkled face fighting gravity to quirk up the corners of his lips. “Of course you didn’t. Parents aren’t supposed to show their kids they’re struggling.” He paused. “Did you ever call Noriko about stopping by to look through Hana’s things?”
“Oh. No, I forgot with ... everything going on.”
Henry had gone over to drop food off at the Holm’s house a few times, but Daisy still wasn’t able to bring herself to even drive through their neighborhood.
“You should. She’d be glad to hear from you, you know,” Henry prompted. He was giving her the perfect opening to go snoop through Hana’s room, but the thought of poking around for things Hana never wanted her to see when she was alive felt wrong.
“I’ll call her later,” Daisy said unconvincingly.
Henry fixed her with a look that made her sigh. “It’s too early to call her now,” Henry relented, “But you have nothing else to do today. Throw her a bone.”
Daisy nodded forlornly and walked back towards the kitchen to place her mug in the sink. “I really want a greasy breakfast sandwich. I’m gonna head to a drive thru, do you want anything?” Daisy asked.
Henry shook his head. “I’m trying to be healthier, remember?” She tried to miss the way his eyes dropped to her body in judgment for a moment before she turned away to slip on her shoes.
“I’ll pay for it if you promise to call Noriko later,” he said. She sighed and nodded, and Henry handed her a ten-dollar bill along with Will’s car keys. The plastic Fairfield University keychain clinked in protest to her quick movements.
When she got in the car, she half hoped Hana would appear as she did on Thursday, and she was disappointed to find that she was alone. The old car’s radio puttered out some top forty pop song, and Daisy shook her head, cursing her expectation.
A part of her wanted the ghost to be real so badly just to have the chance to see Hana again, even if it was this version of Hana that just wanted Daisy to solve her murder, even if this version of Hana couldn’t love her like the live version could. Even if it was just an echo of Hana’s real voice yelled over a canyon Daisy couldn’t cross.
Getting a greasy breakfast from the McDonalds ten minutes from her house didn’t do much to bring her comfort. She remembered when meals like this were a special treat, but now it just felt like she was trying to fill a void that grew deeper by the second. Driving her brother’s car without worrying that he would need it later should make her feel free, not hollow.
She wondered if Noriko was awake now, just past seven a.m. on a Saturday. If Noriko was coming off her nursing night shift at Highland Hospital, she might still be up. Daisy decided to go to the Holm house and started driving before she could second guess her decision.
When Daisy parked her car next to the Holm’s mailbox, a few windows were cracked open, and the sound of NPR floated across the lawn to her. Noriko was always careful about closing windows when she was out or asleep, a habit she had drilled into Hana’s mind after watching a few too many episodes of 60 Minutes.
Daisy didn’t know if the discomfort in her gut was from the greasy food, the anxiety at having to face Hana’s mom, or the thought of going into the room where Hana died, but either way she felt out of her depth when she picked up her phone and called Noriko.
“Hello?” Noriko answered after a few rings, sounding tired.
“Oh, hi, sorry if I woke you up, Mrs. Holm,” Daisy responded, suddenly worried she’d been wrong. Maybe Noriko was beginning to let old habits slip.
“Daisy! Hello! No, you’re fine, sweetheart. I just got home from a shift, so I’m still up. What can I do for you?”
“Okay, great. I was worried I’d woken you up.” Daisy paused. “I was in the neighborhood, and I was wondering if I could stop by and look through Hana’s stuff?” Daisy heard Noriko’s intake of breath, sharp and sudden as the first drops of rain in a sun shower.
“Yes, of course. The door is unlocked — come in when you get here. I’m just having breakfast,” Noriko answered.
“Okay, great. See you soon,” Daisy said.
“See you soon,” Noriko answered before hanging up. Daisy took a few deep breaths, trying to force the tight feeling in her chest to expand. She just needed to rip off the Band-Aid, and then she could stop forcing herself to skip this street during her drives. Maybe she could stop having nightmares about Hana’s brain splattered on the walls of the room where they shared their first kiss.
Daisy took another deep breath before making her way to the front porch. Opening the front door was familiar, but when she toed off her sandals, she felt like she was walking across a room covered in broken glass and trying not to let any of the shards tear at the soles of her feet.
Noriko stood alone in the kitchen, looking out at an old oak tree in the side yard. Early morning sunlight poked through the branches dappled the windowsill with spots of gold. She turned when Daisy walked in, and the bright smile on her face contrasted with the bags under her eyes.
“Daisy! It’s so good to see you. I’ve missed having you around the house. Do you want anything? I could make coffee if you’re in the mood for—”
“Oh, thanks, Mrs. Holm,” Daisy broke in, not wanting Noriko to start offering more things only for Daisy to end up rejecting them. “I just had breakfast, though, maybe another time.”
“Oh, yes, of course. How are you doing, sweetheart?” Noriko asked, her own mug of coffee clutched in her hands.
Daisy didn’t know how to answer. Her relationship with Noriko was always hit or miss. Hana frequently got in fights with her mother, but at the end of the day they loved each other. Daisy tried to be friendly but not overly friendly so that it wouldn’t be obvious that she was just going along with whatever Hana’s mood was. Now, without Hana there for Daisy to read, she found herself floundering.
If she told Noriko the truth and revealed that the ghostly version of Hana kept visiting her, Noriko would see Daisy as a grieving kid. Daisy decided on an almost-truth instead.
“I’m doing as well as I can be, I think. It’s been ... weird without her around,” Daisy admitted. She wasn’t sure if seeing the ghost of your dead ex-girlfriend could really be considered doing as well as you could be, but she thought it was a nicely ambiguous phrase that would satisfy Noriko.
“I understand that. I thought the house was empty after Mark, but now ... I didn’t know I would miss Hana’s awful taste in music, but here I am.” Noriko’s eyes brightened with emotion, the black of the pupils glinting with fragments of the reflection of the yellow light bulbs hanging over the kitchen island.
Daisy didn’t know how to respond. “Yeah. She did have a weird taste in music. Always a surprising number of eighties pop songs.” Daisy laughed uncomfortably.
“Of course, she got that from Mark.” Noriko laughed. She fell silent after she spoke, lost in her thoughts, and Daisy stayed quiet too, not sure what to say. Noriko snapped herself out of it after a few long seconds, and she smiled weakly at Daisy.
“You’re welcome to take anything in Hana’s room. Dennis said they did a good job cleaning things up,” Noriko said, sipping at her coffee.
“Oh, okay. That ... sounds good. I’ll just—”
“What did Hana and you fight about?” Noriko asked abruptly.
“What?” Daisy swallowed hard, trying to recall the excuses she gave her dad about why she wasn’t speaking to Hana the week before her death.
“The two of you weren’t talking when she ... Was it a lovers’ quarrel? Or something serious?”
Daisy’s eyes widened, and Noriko gave her a sad smile as though she hoped this wouldn’t be Daisy’s reaction. As if Daisy was supposed to know that Noriko was in on her biggest secret.
“I, I don’t — what are you—”
“Daisy, sweetheart, I’ve known for some time that you and Hana were more than just friends. I was waiting until you were comfortable enough to share it,” Noriko revealed.
Daisy’s heart sped up, and she had to remind herself to breathe. “I don’t ...”
“I know that when Hana told us she was a lesbian, Mark and I weren’t as supportive as we could’ve been. I know the ways ... I know I hurt her. So I wanted to wait until both of you were ready, but I’ve known.”
Daisy felt like ice was pumping through her chest, infecting all her veins and making her hands shake with the chill. “Please don’t tell my dad,” she said before she could stop herself.
Noriko looked a little sad at her words. “Of course. I made the mistake of outing Hana to family members before she wanted me to, and she ... told me that it wasn’t okay. I wouldn’t tell Henry,” Noriko said quickly.
