Illicit acollection, p.180
Illicit: A Contemporary Romance Collection, page 180
“Oh, god, Jesse. I’m so sorry. I fell asleep on you. I’m so embarrassed. What time is it? I don’t even remember—”
His chest heaves with a rumble of sexy laughter. “It’s almost one in the afternoon. You fell asleep in the middle of a sentence last night.” He kisses my cheek. “I didn’t mind at all. We drank some wine and talked for hours. When you nodded off, I picked you up and carried you to bed. It was adorable. Plus, you got what women are always complaining they want.”
“Oh, yeah?” Damn, he looks fine in the morning. Hair tousled, eyes bright. How unfair that it takes me at least an hour to accomplish that look. “And, what might that be?”
“Cuddling,” he says in a deadpan voice but grimaces. “You loved it, I put up with it.” I’m about to swat him but he winks, and I know he loved it too.
“I remember all that. It’s not like I drank too much and then couldn’t get it up,” I tease. His stomach muscles ripple as he adjusts his position and my mouth starts watering. “Although, I did miss not doing it, you know?”
In a flash, he’s pulled me down and rolled on top of me, bracing himself with his hands on either side of my body so I’m not crushed by his weight. With a smile, I wrap my arms around his waist. “We can rectify that right now.” He smiles down at me and like a schoolgirl, I swoon.
He captures my lips with his in a sweet kiss that soon turns passionate. I open my mouth to his exploring tongue and wrestle it with my own. He rolls onto his side, taking me with him and we continue the kiss, melding together. I throw a leg over his waist and his hardening cock presses against my clit. His hand tangles in my hair, and I brush mine down his back to caress his ass.
His touch is sweet and loving, not overtly sexual. It’s not a frantic rush to have sex. We’re necking like teenagers. I’d almost forgotten how nice it is to do this for any length of time.
“You taste salty-sweet,” Jesse says softly, and licks a path from my lips to my neck.
I gasp as he sucks on my tender flesh then traces a path back to my lips. His hand slowly starts to creep its way up under my shirt and I push my shoulders back to give him easier access.
The front door slamming and the sound of galloping footfalls down the hall has us pulling apart suddenly.
“Is that you, midget?” he shouts.
“Yeah, I’m home, Daddy!” comes Gage’s little voice.
“Okay, I’ll be out soon,” he shouts, then looks at me with a wry smile. “Gageus interruptus, I guess.”
I chuckle, although I am a bit disappointed. “Yeah, but I’ll take a raincheck if you have one?”
He sits up and looks down at me, shaking his head sadly. “Fresh out.”
I gape at him. “What?”
“Of the last ones I printed out,” he says with a wink.
I shove him away playfully and sit up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. “You’re awful, you know that? And you’re corny, which I kind of like.”
“That’s good. The corny is part of the package deal.” He laughs and stands from the bed. “I need a cup of coffee. Want one?” He retrieves a navy tee shirt from a dresser drawer and pulls it on over his head.
“I’d love one. Do you have some sweats I can wear?” I rise and move to stand behind him, giving him a backwards hug. I love the feel of him and don’t want to let go.
He chuckles. “Yeah. Open that drawer.” He points to a bottom one in his chest of drawers. “There should be a red pair in there that’s tight on me. They should do.”
Finding the red sweatpants at the bottom of the drawer, I pull them on. They’re a little big but aren’t falling past my hips. A glance in the mirror above the dresser causes me to wince. “I’m a mess!” Trying to tame my hair, I run my hands through the errant locks.
“You’re gorgeous,” Jesse corrects me as his eyes roam my body from head to toe.
“And you’re very good for my ego.” I smile and turn back to the mirror. “Is this going to be awkward… you know umm, uncomfortable for Gage when she finds out I stayed over?”
He doesn’t answer immediately, his brow furrowed in thought. He steps up behind me and places his hands on my shoulders. I meet his concerned eyes in the mirror.
“I guess there’s only one way to find out.” He takes my hand and leads me from the bedroom. “Let’s get that coffee started.”
On our way to the kitchen, we pass Gage in the living room. She looks at me with wide, surprised eyes then smiles broadly. “You’re still here!” She giggles and jumps up from the couch. “You had a sleepover too!”
“I sure did. Yours sounded like such fun I wanted one too.” I crouch down and hug her, liking the feel of her little arms wrapping around me.
The little darling isn’t concerned at all. I smile up at Jesse to acknowledge his daughter’s good reaction to find him beaming down at us.
She breaks away and looks at Jesse. “Can I show her my horse, Daddy?” She bounces excitedly between the two of us. “You wanna see it, Lexi? She’s the coolest horse ever!”
“I’d love to, honey. If your dad doesn’t mind.” I hope he doesn’t. He was worried enough about the two of us meeting but that went well and this morning, she’s hugging me. This little ball of energy is growing on me.
“Did you eat breakfast?” Jesse asks, and I’m pleased with his concern for his daughter’s welfare.
Gage nods vigorously. “Jill’s mom gave us cookies.” She brays with laughter. “I’m kidding. We had cereal.”
Jesse shakes his head, clearly trying not to smile. “You two go on then. I’ll have the java waiting when you get back.” He cups my cheek with his hand and kisses me lightly on the lips. “Have fun.”
“Ewww!” Gage giggles and winks, rushing to the fridge and pulling out a couple of carrots. She then grabs my hand and leads me out to the stables.
Finger brushing my hair once more to tame my bedhead, I follow her into the building where her father and I literally had a roll in the hay yesterday. I never thought I’d still be here the next day—I had every intention of driving home last night to sleep in my own bed— but I’m glad I am. This is feeling, I don’t know… right. Like family. I’m not even minding so much that it’s a ready-made one. I could seriously get used to this.
“Which one is yours?” I come to a stop in front of Lucky’s stall and look in on him. He snorts a greeting, which I’m sure is coincidental.
“Over here, come on.” She motions for me to join her at the stall where she’s standing. She opens the door and steps inside, and I follow close on her heels. “Isn’t she beautiful? Her name is Daisy. She’s an Appaloosa. Daddy wanted to name her Spot.” She giggles and pets the horse’s muzzle. “He thinks he’s so funny.”
The horse is jet-black except for her hindquarters, which are white with black flecks or spots. I do have to agree that the horse is lovely. Gage hands me a carrot and Daisy paws one of her front hooves then takes a step closer to me. Breaking the carrot in half, I hold it out for her to take. I always marvel at how gentle horses are. They’re so big and their teeth are so strong but I barely feel Daisy’s lips touch my hand as she lifts the carrot. I smile at the crunch crunch of her munching on it.
“She’s a beauty, all right.” I move to the horse’s side and pat her neck. A little puff of dust springs up and Gage notices.
“She must have rolled around in here last night. She needs a good brushing. Hang on a sec.” She disappears from the stall and I feed Daisy the rest of the carrot. In another moment, Gage is back, carrying a couple of horse brushes, a curry comb, and a hoof pick. I’m surprised the names come so easily to me when I haven’t thought of them in years. She holds out a brush. “Wanna help?”
“Sure, I’d love to.” I take the brush and we move to either side of Daisy to begin grooming her. The horse stands patiently, occasionally adjusting her stance or blowing air through her nose. “How long have you had her?” I ask.
“She was my present when I turned seven. Daddy rescued her from a farm that wasn’t treating her right.” Gage pauses, a catch in her throat. “But she has a good home now.”
“Yes, she does. Daisy couldn’t look better or happier.” I glance around the horse to Gage. “You obviously take very good care of her.”
Gage beams at me and moves around Daisy to stand beside me. Together, we brush the horse. “Do you, umm… like Daddy?” she asks after a few minutes of silence.
“Yes, I do,” I say, wondering where she’s going with this.
She nods and continues brushing. “Enough to come back?”
I glance down at her. She’s looking at me with a sad yet hopeful expression but quickly turns her focus back to the horse when I catch her. “Yes, but you know it’s not just up to me. Your dad needs to like me enough too.”
“Oh, he does.” She nods knowingly and I’m reminded of an old soul in a baby’s body. “Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here. He tells me when he’s going on a date. There haven’t been all that many but…” The hand holding the brush slows and she peeks at me before continuing. “I’ve never met any of them.”
I’m stunned, both by the news and the intelligence of this little girl. “Oh,” is all I manage to say.
“Yeah. You know, I can never get Mom to come into the stable. She says it’s too dirty.” She motions for me to move with her to the other side of Daisy. “I like that you’re here. And that you like horses.” She shrugs and brushes the horse. “Dad says Mom’s persnickety. I kinda wish she was more like you.”
“Oh, honey.” My heart breaks for her. “I’m sure she loves you very much.”
She says nothing to my statement, which, sadly, speaks volumes. Laura’s done quite a number on this poor child’s head.
“But you make Daddy laugh.” She wrinkles up her nose. “And he kisses you. That means something, right?”
“Sure, it means we like each other,” I say softly.
“Kissing is more than liking though, isn’t it?”
She’s looking up at me, clearly seeking answers, and I realize this sounds like the beginnings of the birds and the bees talk. This isn’t my business and I’d be overstepping my bounds if I continued with it. This is a bonding moment between parent and child, despite how awkward it might be for them both.
“Sometimes, it can be. Let’s go back inside, okay, honey? You can show me your unicorn collection.” I give Daisy a good pat on the neck. “It was nice to meet you, Daisy. You have a good day.”
Daisy snorts as I leave the stall with Gage. She babbles about unicorns all the way back to the house and I’m grateful she’s been distracted. I’ll have to tell Jesse it’s time he had a talk with her. Inwardly, I smile. That’ll go over well, I’m sure.
Jesse hands me a steaming mug of coffee when I enter the kitchen and motions to milk and sugar on the counter. “Everything go okay out there?”
I nod as I pour milk into my mug. “Yes, your daughter is a perfect hostess.” I measure out a spoonful of sugar and smile down at Gage.
“Daisy rolled so we groomed her.” She opens the refrigerator and pulls out an apple.
“That’s great, midget.” He smiles and takes a sip of coffee. “Don’t forget to rinse that before you eat it.”
“I know.” The front doorbell rings and like Pavlov’s dogs, we all look in that direction. “I’ll get it,” Gage squeals, and runs from the room.
“I hope she hasn’t been too much trouble,” Jesse says. “She seems to have taken a real shine to you.”
“She’s really no trouble at all.” I smile and pat him on the arm before blowing on my coffee. It’s too hot to take a sip yet. “I honestly think she’s wonderful. You’ve done a great job with her.”
Gage comes back into the kitchen, followed by whoever was at the door. When the person appears around the doorway, I’m stunned speechless.
“My, my, my, isn’t this rich?” Laura, Jesse’s ex-wife, exclaims. Beside me, Jesse bristles. “Innocent little Alex is here so early in the morning? Wearing clothing that is clearly too big for her. Will wonders never cease?” She laughs, but it’s a cold, terrible sound worse than nails on a chalkboard.
I flinch when she uses Alex as my name. I scramble for an explanation but, really, what can I say? Oh yeah, Jesse. We did fuck in college. Oh god, please don’t let him connect the dots. My heart clenches.
Jesse steps forward, his body tense. “Damnit, Laura. I asked you to text first.”
She waves a hand. “It slipped my mind, and now, I’m so glad it did.” Her smile is vicious and I’m reminded of a cat stalking its prey.
“Damnit,” Jesse mutters and turns to me. “Can you take Gage into her room while I talk to her mother?”
“Sure, of course.” I set my mug down and hold out my hand to Gage. “C’mon, hun, and show me those unicorns.”
I leave the kitchen with an unhappy looking Gage. When we get to her room, she sits down on her bed and examines her shoes. I glance around her room. The walls are filled with posters of horses, boy bands, and Wonder Woman. A white desk is on the opposite side of the room from her single bed, and matching dressers take up space on the other walls. Books are lined up on a shelf, and titling my head to read the spines, I find that they’re all from The Black Stallion series by Walter Farley. I read those when I was a kid too. Several toy horses and unicorns are strewn around. I pick up a purple unicorn figurine and hold it up for her to see.
“Tell me about this one?” She shrugs and barely looks up. Poor thing is trying so hard to keep it together.
Putting the unicorn down, I sit beside her and she buries her head in my side. I put my arm around her to offer comfort as best as I can.
“They’re going to fight again.” Her voice is muffled but I can hear her well enough. “About me.”
“Oh, no, sweetheart. When they fight, it’s not your fault at all. Do you hear me?” I pull her closer. “Sometimes people just can’t get along no matter what. You are not to blame.” She sniffles and holds on to me tighter.
I sit with her that way for a time, the rise and fall of her parents’ voices all too audible, until I can’t take any more. This has to stop.
“Gage, honey? I’ll be right back. Will you be okay by yourself for a few minutes?” Gently, I untangle her from me.
She nods and scrubs her face free of tears.
What a terrible situation for this dear child.
When I get to the kitchen, Laura notices me before I can say anything. With a smirk on her face, she spins on Jesse.
“Oh, shut up, will you? I forgot to text you. Big effing deal.” She raises an arm and jabs a finger at me. Oh god, no. She promised she wouldn’t say anything when I ran into her at the stable. When I frantically explained that Jesse didn’t remember me as Alex and to please call me Lexi in front of him. “She’s the one who’s been lying to you. Or did she finally tell you that you fucked her back in college? Hmm?”
Jesse’s face pales and his stunned eyes find me. “What? Is this true?”
I don’t reply. What can I say? I can’t stuff the damned cat back into the bag. I glare at Laura, then glance out the window, wishing I was anywhere but here at the moment.
“Of course, it’s true, Jesse,” Laura says. “I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried. You knew her as Alex. Well, you knew her long enough to pop her cherry. Isn’t that right, Alex?” She sneers at me. “So don’t you dare get on your high horse, Jesse Kaufman, about me when you’re slumming with this.”
I wish the floor would open up and swallow me whole. I wouldn’t care if it took me all the way to the bowels of Hell, if it meant I could escape this nightmare. If I didn’t have to see the pain on Jesse’s face. He’s suffering but I’m not the one who doled out the revenge. I wouldn’t have done it like this. My heart constricts and my throat closes. I feel like I’m choking.
I wouldn’t have done it at all.
“Get the fuck out of here, Laura,” Jesse growls, and takes a step toward her.
She stands her ground. “I’m here to see—”
“I said get the fuck out.” Anger radiates from him, a vein throbbing in his temple, hands clenched.
This time, she backs away. “I’ll be back for her tomorrow.” Jesse says nothing and Laura flees the room. A moment later, the front door slams.
Now, Jesse’s anger is focused on me. Tears burn my eyes and I bite down on my lip to keep it from quivering.
“Why did you lie to me? I asked you if we knew each other in college.” He pins me with blazing, hurt-filled eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me then? Fuck. You let me believe…”
I finally find my voice, but barely. In a broken squeak, I manage, “I-I’m s-so sorry.”
He steps back, turns his body as if to let me by, jerks his head toward the door. “I think you better go.”
I gawk at him in disbelief. He’s not even going to hear me out? Sighing, I wonder if I would were the situation reversed.
“Please, Jesse. Let me—”
“Explain? Fuck it all, Lexi… or Alex. Or whoever the fuck you are. I don’t want to hear it.” His tone, his angry, tired expression begs no further argument.
I swipe at an errant tear and walk into the hall. “I’m sorry,” I say again over my shoulder.
Once outside and in my car, tears come in a steady river down my cheeks. I fucked up. Badly. I should have told him way before now. As soon as I realized I no longer wanted revenge. Before he found out like this. Burying my face in my hands, I let out a sob. The damage has been done.
I don’t know if it can ever be undone.
16
Jesse
“Fucking women,” I mutter and yank open the refrigerator door. Reaching in, I pull out a six-pack of beer and stomp with it to the living room.
Popping open the first can, I down almost all of it before collapsing onto the couch. Taking another swig, I polish off the can and crush it in my fist, taking grim satisfaction in the mangled aluminum’s destruction. Letting it fall to the floor, I pop open another.
