Saving jay, p.25
Saving Jay, page 25
part #3 of Breaking Free Series
Jay
Thursday morning, I was lying on my bed as Jade unpacked another box of clothes in her closet. It had been three days since I told her I loved her.
I’d decided to go into work late. I had to fly to Miami later this afternoon to settle some problems we had been having with the contractors. As much as I hated to, I couldn’t let my business suffer just because I didn’t want to leave my girlfriend.
I listened as Jade hummed along to the music she had playing in our living room. The apartment felt so much more alive now that she was here. I heard her phone ringing on the nightstand, and I leaned over to look at it.
Unknown number.
“Jade, baby, your phone is ringing,” I shouted toward her.
She came out of the closet and smiled as she ran toward the bed and jumped onto it. I handed the phone to her.
She answered, “Hello?”
I watched as the smile fell from her face, and her eyebrows furrowed.
“Hello?” She pulled the phone from her ear and looked at the screen. “I can hear you breathing,” she said.
I sat up and took the phone from her just as the caller hung up.
“Who was that?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. The person didn’t say anything, but I could hear someone there.”
I studied Jade’s face, but she didn’t seem too worried about it. I couldn’t help but think about Asia and the guy she’d punched at my club. Months later, he’d ended up stalking and attacking her at her apartment. I didn’t want anything like that happening to Jade.
“Is this the first time you’ve gotten a call like that?” I asked, setting her phone back down on the nightstand.
“Yeah. I’m sure it’s nothing though.”
“Promise me, you’ll be careful while I’m gone.”
She smiled and held my face in her hands. “I promise. Don’t worry about me, okay?”
Jade
It was Saturday evening, and Jay had left for Miami two days ago. He’d had to deal with some issues that had come up with his new restaurant, and he didn’t expect to be back until tomorrow. He’d asked me to go with him, but I had too many appointments at the shop, and I couldn’t cancel. I’d told him I’d use the time to finish unpacking my stuff, but I hadn’t gotten to it yet.
I had planned on doing some shopping while he was away. I wanted to get a few things to make his apartment feel more like a home. It was beautiful, but it still felt so sterile and cold.
The truth was, I was dragging my feet because I still wasn’t one hundred percent sure I’d made the right choice by moving in. I knew I wanted to be with Jay, but it was scary, knowing my apartment’s lease would end in just a few months and I would no longer have my own place. Jay’s apartment was exquisite, but it didn’t feel like it was mine. I didn’t want to lose Jay, but most of all, I didn’t want to lose myself again.
Jackson and Cindy had invited me to dinner at their new house. They’d closed on it a week ago, and I’d been so busy with Jay that I hadn’t had a chance to see it yet.
I was in the shop’s parking lot, just getting into my car, when my phone started ringing in my pocket. I smiled, assuming it was Jay. He’d called me twice already today. When I checked my phone, the number was unknown again.
“Hello?” I said as I sat in the driver’s seat and closed my door.
The line was quiet for a few seconds, and I pulled my phone from my ear to check that it hadn’t disconnected. I heard someone clear his throat, and my hands grew cold.
“J?”
I covered my mouth with my clammy hand and closed my eyes as my heart dropped.
Damon.
Jay
I sat at the hotel bar in Miami with a pile of paperwork in front of me. I was having a hard time concentrating.
Just an hour earlier, my mom had called me in tears. She’d said my father was getting worse, and now, he was struggling to swallow his food. His weight had been dropping, and she was worried because he hardly spoke anymore. I hated hearing that fear in my mother’s voice, and despite his behavior, it was awful to know my father was suffering. I’d told her I’d come by once I was home, but I wasn’t sure what she expected me to do. I was probably the last person my father would want to see.
I ran my hand through my hair and sighed as I pulled my phone from my pocket. I checked to see if I had any missed calls or texts from Jade, but there were none. I couldn’t help but worry about her after the weird phone call she’d received on Thursday. She was famous now, and I wasn’t sure if she understood how dangerous that could be. My flight home wasn’t scheduled until tomorrow afternoon, but I was considering going back early.
Just as I set my phone down on the bar, a woman wearing a silver dress—that left very little to the imagination—came and sat in the stool beside me. I peered over at her, and she gave me a flirtatious smile before gesturing toward the bartender. I tried to look as uninterested as possible while I flipped through a packet of papers.
“What can I get you?” the male bartender asked her.
“I’ll take whatever he’s having,” she said, tilting her head in my direction.
The bartender looked at me and raised his eyebrows. He hadn’t served me, so he didn’t know what I was drinking.
“Highland Park,” I muttered.
He looked back to the woman next to me and gave her a questioning look. “You like scotch?”
“Sure.”
I looked back down at my work before she could make eye contact again.
“It’s kind of late on a Saturday to be working, don’t you think?” she asked.
I glanced up at her before I started collecting my papers into a pile. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”
The bartender came and set her glass down in front of her.
She picked it up and held it toward me. “Cheers,” she said, smiling.
Picking up my glass, I clicked it with hers before emptying it. I set it down on the bar and stood up.
“Where are you going? We were just getting warmed up,” she said, her eyes sliding down toward my crotch.
Picking up my briefcase, I put my stuff inside and snapped it shut. “Home,” I said before sliding my jacket off of the back of my stool and walking out.
Jade
“I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” I told Damon as I sat alone in the parking lot.
“Please, J. I just need to see you, to talk to you in person. I have so much I need to say, and I don’t feel right doing it over the phone.”
He sounded so different. He sounded like the Damon I had known before the drugs, the man I’d thought I loved.
“I’m with someone, Damon,” I murmured as I looked down at my lap. Even after all he’d done, I still didn’t want to hurt him.
Damon was quiet for a moment, and I took a deep breath.
“Is he good to you?”
“Yes.”
“Good,” he said, surprising me. “You deserve to be happy, J. I want you to be happy.”
“I am.”
“Look, I know you don’t want to see me, and I don’t blame you, but I need to make amends, and there’s no one I owe this to more than you.”
“You don’t owe me anything, Damon. It’s in the past. It’s over.”
“Not for me it isn’t,” he said.
I felt tears stinging my nose as I heard the desperation in his tone.
“I think about what I did to you every day, J. I can’t move forward until I do this, until I know for sure that you forgive me.”
Closing my eyes, I felt tears sliding down my cheeks as my body relived the pain of everything we’d been through.
“Please, J?”
“Let me think about it,” I muttered, feeling too weak to tell him no.
“Okay. I’ll text you my new number, so just…call me…when you’re ready,” he said, sounding hopeful.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d heard hope in his voice.
“Okay,” I whispered.
“Thank you. I love—”
I hung up the phone before he could finish. He didn’t deserve to say those words to me—not now, not when I knew what real love felt like.
A few hours later, I was drunk at Jackson’s dinner table. I’d told him and Cindy about my call from Damon. They both knew him and everything he’d put me through.
“I just don’t know what to do,” I groaned as I put my head down on the table.
“You have to do what you feel is right,” Cindy said. She stood up and started clearing the table.
“I know I have to forgive him if I want to move on. I’ve been holding so much in, and Jay…” I paused to look up at Jackson, who was sitting across from me. “Poor Jay has been paying for it,” I said, wiping a tear from my eye.
Jackson stroked his beard. “He doesn’t seem to be suffering to me.”
“He told me he loves me, Jackson. He said he loves me, and I couldn’t say it back! I’m a horrible, horrible person. And what if Jay doesn’t want me to see Damon?”
“It’s not up to him,” Jackson said.
Cindy came in from the kitchen and sat down next to me. “You’re not a horrible person, J. You’ve been hurt. That’s all. And if Jay really loves you, he’ll stick by you, no matter what you decide.”
I nodded as I wiped my nose and took another sip from my beer. “What would you do?” I asked Cindy.
Her deep brown eyes stared back at me. “If I felt there was unfinished business, something I still needed to say or hear from Damon, I’d talk to him.”
I glanced at Jackson, and he nodded once.
“Let him say his piece. Tell him everything you need to get off your chest, and then maybe you can move forward,” Jackson said.
“Just make sure you tell Jay first,” Cindy said, rubbing my back.
I nodded. “Okay.”
Jay
After catching a late flight, I got home around two a.m., and I was surprised when I didn’t find Jade there. I couldn’t help the sinking feeling in my chest when I realized she hadn’t been in bed.
Where is she? God, I hope she’s okay.
Tossing my bags down on my bedroom floor, I went to look around the apartment for some kind of clue, but Jade wasn’t expecting me home until later this evening, so there had been no reason for her to leave a note.
Taking out my phone, I checked it one more time for a message, but there was nothing. I could feel worry stirring in my gut as I thought of all the places she could be. I knew I had to trust her, but I’d been burned so much in my past that it was hard not to assume the worst.
I decided to send her a text.
Where are you?
Going to my living room, I sat down on my couch and stared at the front door, waiting for Jade. I couldn’t help feeling like something was wrong, and I was terrified to find out what it was.
Jade
After waking up hungover on Jackson’s couch and realizing it was six in the morning, I decided to go home and try to get some rest. I still had a lot of unpacking to do, and I didn’t want Jay coming back to a mess.
Thank God it’s my day off.
I rode the elevator up to our apartment with a bottle of water in my hand and my sunglasses on. My head was killing me, and the lights weren’t helping. When it reached the top floor, I got my key out and went to the front door to unlock it. I was nervous about the talk I’d have to have with Jay about Damon. I hoped Jay would understand why I needed this.
I just hope he trusts me.
Walking in, I dropped my bag on the floor, and just as I went to toss my keys onto the kitchen counter, I heard, “Where were you?”
I jumped and screamed, dropping my bottle on the floor. I quickly turned around. Jay was sitting on the couch, wearing a suit. He looked like he hadn’t slept, and he was angry.
“What are you doing here?” I asked as I pushed my sunglasses on top of my head.
“Where were you?” he asked again with an ominous tone.
I stood there for a second, trying to figure out what was going on. Why is Jay back early? And why is he looking at me like I just stabbed him in the back?
Jay sat forward and put his elbows on his knees, glancing down at his hands. He laced his fingers together and peered up at me, waiting for my response. I felt my jaw clench under his accusing stare. He must have come home last night and found the apartment empty, and now, he was assuming the worst.
He doesn’t trust me.
My nostrils flared as I felt tears coming. I was so pissed that I wasn’t sure if they were tears of anger or hurt, but either way, the feeling got worse the longer he looked at me like that.
“I got drunk at Jackson’s and fell asleep on his couch,” I replied heatedly.
I’d told Jay yesterday that I planned on hanging out with Jackson and Cindy. I stood there, waiting for him to remember and realize his assumptions were wrong.
Jay held my gaze a little longer before his head fell forward, and he shoved his fingers through his hair. He seemed relieved.
“Fuck,” he muttered before lifting his head again. “I—”
“Don’t trust me?” I clipped, interrupting him.
I could feel my heart hardening in my chest as Jay stood up and started to come closer. I didn’t want him near me. He had given up so easily and believed the worst about me without even a second thought. After all the time we’d spent together and all the times I’d trusted him, he couldn’t trust me back.
“No,” I muttered, taking a step back.
Jay’s eyebrows furrowed, and he stopped moving.
“Do you think this has been easy for me?” I asked, gesturing between the two of us. “Do you know how hard it’s been for me to trust you?” I shouted as tears spilled out of my eyes.
This wasn’t all about Jay anymore. It was about everything I’d been through, all the pain and hurt I’d bottled up inside me over the past few years. I was so desperate to be myself again, to shed the suspicious, guarded, and broken shell I’d buried myself in. But I couldn’t. No matter how hard I’d tried, no matter how much I’d wanted it, I couldn’t go back. My past seemed to haunt me at every turn.
Jay reached his hand out for me. “I was worried about you, Jade. I came home early to surprise you, and you weren’t even—”
“I talked to Damon,” I said, interrupting him.
Jay’s arm fell, and he took a step back. “What?” he asked, anger reappearing in his eyes.
“He called me last night. That’s why I got drunk. He wants to see me.”
Sighing, Jay started walking toward his fireplace as he raked his hand through his hair.
“I’m going to see him.”
Jay’s legs stopped moving, and his hand dropped to his side, but he didn’t turn around to face me.
“I need to forgive him, Jay. But there are things I need to say to him first.”
Jay put his hand on the mantel of his fireplace, tightly gripping the edge of it. I could feel the frustration rolling off of him, and I braced myself for it.
“You don’t owe him anything,” he said, his voice so low it scared me.
“I’m not doing it for him.”
Jay looked at me over his shoulder and glared. “He hit you, Jade. He humiliated you and treated you like shit! He doesn’t fucking deserve your forgiveness.”
“It’s not about him!” I yelled toward the ceiling before looking back into Jay’s eyes. “I have to forgive him, so I can move on! I have to tell him how badly he hurt me.” I paused as a sob broke through my chest. “I need him to know! I need to get it out, so I can stop punishing you for everything he’s done to me! Don’t you get it?”
“No, I don’t,” he said, the muscles in his jaw tightening, before he turned away from me again.
I tried to hold back my sobs as more tears streamed down my face. He couldn’t even look at me. He thought I was weak and stupid for deciding to meet with Damon, and maybe Jay was right. I really didn’t know anymore.
Reaching down, I picked up my bag and put the strap on my shoulder before muttering, “Well, maybe you should try.”
I turned to leave, and before I reached the door, Jay’s hand was on my arm, turning me around.
“Don’t do this, Jade. Stay here with me. Don’t let him come between us.”
I looked up into his desperate eyes. “Don’t you see? He already has. I have to do this, Jay.”
Jay’s hand slipped from my arm, and I watched as his eyes searched my face as if he’d never see it again.
I never knew a look could hurt so much.
Jay
Sweat dripped from my brow as my feet pounded on the treadmill beneath me. It was nine fifteen in the morning, and I was on my eighth mile, but I still couldn’t get Jade out of my mind. The thought of her seeing Damon again was eating away at me. I couldn’t understand why she would give him anything after the way he’d treated her, after the way he’d broken her spirit.
But the ugly truth was, I was scared—no, I was terrified—that she would go back to him. Watching Jade walk away from me and out of my door had hurt more than I’d ever imagined it could.
Love could make you feel invincible one second and weak the next. But no matter how desperate and helpless you felt, it always left a lingering hope.
After taking a shower, I got dressed and drove to Expressions, looking for Jade. Her car wasn’t there, so I decided to ask the guys if they knew where she was. When I walked in the front door, Jackson and Dustin were at the front desk, and they both looked at me.
“Damn, man. You look worse than she does,” Dustin said as he stuck his pencil behind his ear.
“Where is she? Do you know?”
Dustin and Jackson glanced at each other.
Jackson said, “Come on. I’ll find out for you.”
He walked past me and went outside. I followed.
Pulling out his phone, he punched a few buttons before holding it to his ear. “Hey, J. Where are you? No. Everything’s fine. I was just curious.” He peered over at me as he nodded his head. “Don’t worry. I just wanted to check on you. You okay? All right. I’ll talk to you later.”
