Drowning in secrets, p.9
Drowning In Secrets, page 9
“I trusted you!” I shouted, and tears rolled off my face.
Frank flinched slightly at my words, but he didn't make any move to stop this.
“Come on,” one of the men ordered me.
They dragged me out of the room, and I kicked and wailed in their arms as best as I could.
“Ian!” I screamed.
I looked back and saw him fighting against the guards hold, but it was two against one with one more of Frank’s guys waiting to help if necessary. He strained against their hold and shouted my name, but I could barely hear him. My ears were ringing loudly, and my heart was pumping frantically. His eyes were terrified, and it was the last thing I saw as I was led out of the room.
The guards quickly deposited me in the next room over, and one of them placed a hand over my mouth telling me to be quiet. I heard Ian frantically calling for me in the hallway. Where were they taking him? I tried to call his name, but the hand around my mouth silenced me.
After a moment his calls faded, and Frank walked into the room. As soon as he entered, the two men let go of my arms and I rushed forward toward the door. Frank and the two men stopped me by restraining me. They forced me onto a couch, and I tried to get up, but hands held me down.
“Rainy,” Frank spoke firmly. “I need you to listen to me. You are not in danger, and neither is Ian. What we just did had to be done.”
“What are you talking about?” I yelled. “I trusted you! How could you betray us like this?”
“Rainy, please. I need you to calm down,” he said. “I know you are upset but restraining you both was simply the trigger needed for Ian. He needed to see you get taken away from him for the process to begin.”
I said nothing but stopped struggling. He offered me a drink and a cookie, which I refused. So, he placed them on the table in front of me.
“Everyone has different triggers. It is hard to start the process needed to get you on the path of unlocking your powers. That is why we do the interviews, so we can find the direct triggers. Then we put a plan in place to allow you to access your powers as quickly as possible. He had to think you were being taken away from him. That was his main trigger, that someone he cares about is taken away from him and he isn’t able to do anything about it.”
“So, it was all an act?” I asked, still suspicious.
“Yes, it was like a show to get his anxiety rolling. Your anxiety is much different from his, and we will handle it differently. If you would follow me, we can get started.”
“Will Ian be ok?” I asked as I slowly stood, aware of the two men still next to me, tracking my every movement.
“Yes. I have a whole team of psychologists and medical personnel tracking his progress and watching over him. I assure you this will not cause any permanent damage to his psyche. He is going to be uncomfortable for a few hours, but he will make it through, just like we all have. When he comes out, he will be a stronger person.”
Frank started to walk out of the room and motioned for me to follow him.
“Do you promise that the second Ian gets his powers, you will tell him I am ok?”
“Of course, Rainy. I want to relieve him of his anguish as soon as possible. It is his own mind that determines how long that will be.”
“So,” I started, my voice cracking, “what are you going to do to me?”
“We are not going to do anything to you, Rainy. All that we need you to do is sit in an empty room and think.”
“Think? That’s all?”
“Yes. That is all,” he said, and didn't comment further.
He walked us to the stairs and led us down a floor. We entered a hallway filled with medical devices and a lot of labs and people in white coats. I swallowed the lump in my throat. This can’t be good.
He opened door after door. Once we reached the last room, he motioned me to go inside. The walls were padded with what looked like white pillows as was the floor and the ceiling. The only object in the room was a lone cushioned chair and there was light illuminating the room.
“Take a seat,” Frank told me.
Maybe all he really wanted me to do was sit and think. My hands began to shake at the thought of moving toward a panic attack.
“All you are going to do is simply sit. We are going to be communicating with you through a speaker system and will be able to hear everything you say.”
He pointed toward the mirror near the door we came through, and I could see that it was a one-way mirror. I was sure they had a view of me from the other side.
“Everything will be alright, Rainy. I assure you,” he told me, and then reached to close the door behind him.
The silence was deafening, and it was the first thing I noticed. My thoughts seemed louder as though I was shouting them across the room. Do they really expect me to just sit here? How was this doing anything?
I started to bounce my foot up and down. After all, who knows how long, I began pacing around the room. I counted each lap I made around the room. 1. 5. 18. 25. 34. 42. 50. I sat back down again. A voice came over the speakers, but it was not one I recognized.
“Rainy, what happens to you during a panic attack? Does your heart race? Does your breath speed up? Does it feel like you're trapped with no way out?”
I knew what they were doing; trying to get me to answer questions about my anxiety, and in doing so get me worked up. I refused to answer any of the questions that they threw at me. I couldn’t help but think about what they were saying. It was not exactly like I had much else to occupy myself with at the moment.
Am I able to get a full breath?
I took a deep breath and let it out, but it didn’t feel right. I tried again. Still, it felt wrong like I was not getting enough air.
Am I not getting enough air? Could I pass out from lack of oxygen? No. No. I’m being paranoid; this is what they want.
I raised my fingers and checked my pulse. Beat. Beat. Beat. I tried to count the beats and test how many I had in a minute. But I couldn’t judge time in here.
Is my heartbeat slower than normal? What happens if my heart just stops beating? Just stopped working, altogether?
At these thoughts my heart rate sped up.
Great, now I am going to have a panic attack. I am going to collapse on this floor and everyone watching will see how pathetic I am. I can’t even sit in a damn room alone for a few minutes. Yet they wanted me to try to go out and save the world. Yeah, that is not going to happen.
My breath got faster, and I could feel the lack of oxygen in my brain. My vision started to blur, and I saw black along the edges. I wanted to get out of here. I tapped my foot faster and faster. I needed to get out of here. I jumped up and tried to bang on the door.
“Stop. I need a break. Let me out!” I yelled.
No response. Not even one on the speaker.
Oh God. Oh God. What is going to happen to me? I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe.
I ran my fingers through my hair and pulled slightly.
NO! I screamed in my head. I NEED TO CALM DOWN. I NEED TO STOP. I CANNOT HAVE A PANIC ATTACK. I CAN’T.
I sat back down on the chair and pushed my head between my knees. I just wanted this to stop. I just wanted this to go away. I wanted to stop “being.” I missed my medicine. I missed the numbness. Feeling nothing was better than feeling this. I just wanted to go home. I wanted to hold Dewy in my arms, as my mom and dad used to hug us and say everything was going to be ok. I just wanted this pain to go away. I just needed this pain to go away.
“PLEASE!”
Tears started falling; the tears led to crying, and the crying led to hysterical sobbing. I felt like I was trapped in my own skin. I wanted to get out. I needed to get out. I needed fresh air, but I would not be able to get it because not only was I trapped in this room, but I was trapped under the damn ocean!
I began shaking uncontrollably. I want to leave. I never should have done this. It isn’t worth feeling this way. Nothing is worth feeling this way.
I began screaming and screaming until my throat was sore, but no one listened. No one was going to save me from myself. I wished I was someone else. I wished this didn’t happen to me. I wanted to feel nothing. Be nothing. I couldn’t take this agony anymore. I looked up, and the blackness was filling my vision now. I stood up on wobbly legs and tried to reach the door once more. I needed to try again. Before I reached the door, the room started spinning, and then there was nothing.
Chapter 12
“She will wake soon, just give her time,” I heard a voice say. It sounded familiar.
People poked and prodded me. I felt surrounded. Every inhale I took was someone else’s exhale. I wanted space. I wanted these people away from me.
“I took her vitals, and they are normal. But her blood sugar is really low. She needs to eat as soon as she wakes,” another voice said.
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Couldn’t these people be quiet? I needed to be left alone. Just leave me be!
I felt body heat all around me and two people were holding down my arms.
Get off me! Get away from me! Get off me! Get away from -
Suddenly, they were gone. I sighed in relief. I slowly opened my eyes and moved to sit up. I felt like I had been hit by a bus, but I gasped as I saw four people floating in the air around me. They were reaching for the ground, for me, for anything.
What is going on?
They dropped; all of them collapsed to the floor with an oof. I looked around and saw I was still in the white room. And, slowly, it came back to me, why I was in here and why I was passed out.
The four of them got to their feet and looked at me in astonishment. I saw Frank and Randi were two of the four. They must have been the voices I heard earlier.
“What?” I asked, confused. It took me a moment to understand what they were thinking. “You think I did that? I lifted you off the ground?” I asked hesitantly.
“None of us have that ability,” Randi informed me. “It couldn’t have been anyone but you.”
“Interesting,” said Frank.
My head pounded as I laid back on the ground and felt the cushioned floor beneath me, and exhaustion took over.
I woke a few hours later in my bed. I sat up and looked around the room. It was empty. I looked over at the table beside my bed and saw the book I was reading. One second, I was staring at it, and the next second it flew right at me and hit me in the head. The pain radiated throughout my skull. I wished I had opted for a paperback book at the library. I lifted my fingers tentatively to where it hit me, and I felt something wet. I looked at my fingers; they were tinted red.
Did I just make that happen?
I needed to go to the bathroom to clean myself up. I scowled and stood up, but I wished I never left the bed. I felt awful. It took me a moment, but I realized that even though I felt awful, I haven’t had any anxiety since I woke up. I smiled at the thought.
I forgot about my anxiety. Giddy, I started toward the bathroom, despite how my body felt. I wanted to see if I looked any different after accessing my powers.
A sound rustled behind me. I looked back and saw my blanket being pulled along, as if there was an imaginary string attached to me. Ok, I didn’t mean to do that.
Obviously, I can move things, but I had no idea how to control it. I ignored the blanket and walked to the bathroom. The pounding in my head became even more powerful.
I stepped into the bathroom and flicked on the lights. It was a communal bathroom. There were several stalls, showers, and sinks with mirrors. I approached one of the sinks and checked to see the damage in the mirror. I saw the book made a pretty nasty gash on my head. I needed a paper towel or something. I spun around to grab one, but my vision was assaulted by something white flying in every which direction. I ducked down and covered my face. Once I deemed it safe, I looked and saw paper towels pouring out of the dispenser and littering the floor.
How do I stop it?
Instantly, they stopped spurting out. I really needed to get a grip on these powers.
I cleaned up the giant mess. Then, I gently dabbed my cut with a paper towel. I had to tell Ian about my power. I wondered what he would think.
Ian! I completely forgot! He had to go through a panic attack, too. I hope he is alright.
I ran out of the bathroom and began down the hallway searching for any sign of Ian or Frank. I spotted Frank by the room I woke up in, after almost drowning in my anxiety.
“Frank! Where is Ian?” I asked out of breath. “Is he ok?”
Frank gave me a pitiful look, and immediately my stomach dropped.
“What happened?” I said, starting to get hysterical. “Where is he?”
“He is stable, but unconscious. He will wake soon. The panic attack really took a toll on him. This state of unconsciousness is his brain’s defense mechanism. It is up to him when he will wake up,” Frank said calmly, and then led me into a room.
Ian was lying on a cot, and he was hooked up to a bunch of machines. He looked pale, but his chest rose and fell steadily. I let out a breath of relief at being able to see him. Randi hovered over his body and had her hands placed on his chest. After a moment, she pulled away.
“What are you doing? Why did you stop healing him?” I asked frantically.
“I healed him the best I could, but the process of waking up is all on him now,” she said with a frown.
The machine next to him beeped incredibly fast, and I looked closer and saw it was monitoring his heart rate. “Why was his heart beating so fast?”
“Physically, Ian is completely healthy besides being in this coma. As for his fast heartbeat, I think it has something to do with his powers. I had to increase the amount of IV fluid because his body is burning through calories like crazy. That is why he is hooked up to so many IV bags.”
“And that has something to do with his powers?”
“I think so. His body seems to be in a state of homeostasis, and everything seems to be ok.”
I nodded, moved closer to the cot, and grabbed onto Ian’s hand.
“Please wake up. I need you to wake up,” I whispered.
This was all my fault. Ian never would have been here if it were not for me. He never would have faced the panic attack that put him in this state. A tear rolled down my face.
“Do you know how long it will be until he wakes up?”
Frank shook his head. “There is no way for us to know.”
The tears flowed more freely now. “I want to be here with him when he wakes up,” I told them.
“But it could be days...” Randi started.
“I don’t care!” I cut her off. “I need to be here for him.”
She nodded and left the room. Frank followed behind her. I turned toward the other cot, and it moved right next to Ian’s cot. I jumped back startled.
I looked around in search of blankets. I saw a basket in the corner of the room that had them. I grabbed one for myself and one for Ian. I laid Ian’s on top of him, and then I laid on my cot. I watched Ian carefully, until my eyelids got too heavy, and I drifted off.
I awoke to Randi leaning over me and felt a strange warm sensation on my forehead where I got cut.
“Sorry, I woke you. I was just checking on Ian and wanted to heal this cut on your head.”
The warmth disappeared little by little. I reached my hand up to rub a finger over the area and felt that the cut was gone.
“Thank you,” I told her.
“No problem. Do you need anything?” she asked.
I looked towards Ian, but he hadn’t moved an inch. I saw she replaced his IV bags.
“I’m good,” I told her.
Although I was hungry, I didn’t think I would be able to stomach food while Ian was in that state.
“Ok. Just let me know if you do,” she told me and then left the room.
I looked back toward Ian. His chest was still rising and falling at a good pace. I reached over and placed my hand over his heart. I was shocked by how fast it was beating, almost like he was sprinting. I grabbed his hand and held it in mine. I was not sure how much time passed, but it must have been a few hours.
I was busying myself trying to shift the basket on the floor back and forth with my mind when I felt Ian’s hand curl around mine. I couldn’t hold in my gasp. I looked towards his face and saw his eyes wide open. He was smiling up at me.
I was unable to stop the tears from falling. “You’re awake,” I choked out.
He reached out with his other hand and wiped the tears off my face.
“How do you feel? Do you need anything? Do you want me to get Frank?”
“Frank? Why would you get him? He took you away! Where is he? He didn’t hurt you, did he? I am going to kill him if he did.”
“No, no,” I told him. “They set us up to bring out our fears. I guess we were the ones to agree to this in the first place, but I never thought they would have done this.”
Ian suddenly sat up and wrapped his arms around me. I hesitated for a second, but then sank into his embrace.
“I thought they took you away,” he whispered into my skin, and I shivered. “I thought they tricked us, and I was never going to see you again.”
He said a few more things under his breath that I didn’t understand, and then squeezed me tighter.
“I am so happy you are ok,” I told him when I pulled back.
“I am happy you are ok.” He leaned forward to place his forehead on mine.
We stayed there for a moment, the air stilled between us, and he closed the distance. Our lips connected, and it felt as though fireworks exploded inside me. His kiss was slow and gentle at first, but after a few moments, I kissed him back hungrily. His kissing became just as eager. I was not sure anything had ever felt this good.
His hand curled into my hair, and he tried to bring me closer as if he wanted me to sink into his skin. He felt so good. I rubbed my hands up his arms, around his back, and then through his silky hair. I had never been this happy.
Too soon, he pulled away leaving one final kiss on the corner of my mouth. I was panting, and I wasn’t sure if I would ever be able to catch my breath. Nothing I ever experienced had come close to that. He smiled down at me. I smiled back brightly, bringing him back in for another hug.
