The notekeeper, p.11
The Notekeeper, page 11
As her voice trailed off, Mrs Bell turned to Ben, with joy in her eyes. ‘I can’t thank you enough for bringing this to me.’
‘You’re very welcome,’ Ben said. ‘I’m just sorry it took me so long.’
Once again Mrs Bell waved away his apology. ‘It doesn’t matter, dear. You’ve made me happy. I feel as though the final piece of the jigsaw Eric and I shared has been put in its place.’
Zoe knew it was time to leave. The message had been delivered. Mrs Bell had the ending she needed.
Outside the sun continued to beam down and Ben turned to Zoe. ‘That went well, didn’t it?’
‘It did. I can’t believe she finally found out the truth about her husband after all this time.’
‘You were right, though,’ Ben added as they walked back to the car. ‘These notes are important. Thanks for helping.’
Zoe flushed with colour at the praise. ‘It’s my pleasure.’
There was a pause as Ben regarded her carefully. ‘I think it’s time you had some fun, Zoe.’
‘How do you mean?’
Ben reached into his pocket, glanced at the car and tossed her his keys. ‘You’re driving us back.’
Chapter Eighteen
As Zoe pressed her foot on the accelerator, she felt her body move with the car. It was as though she and this lump of metal were one, soaring across the earth with all the energy of a cheetah.
‘This is wild!’
Ben laughed at Zoe’s enthusiasm. ‘Knew you’d like it. But you might like it a bit more if you go above forty; this is a dual carriageway.’
She scowled. Zoe wasn’t usually this hesitant in a car, but it felt strange to be in charge of such an expensive car that belonged to her boss. Her confidence wasn’t what it used to be. She took a deep breath. This Porsche was itching to be let loose and Zoe began to gain speed, remembering the sheer joy of what it felt like to drive a car like this.
As the city she now called home came into view, Zoe gave in to her sense of adventure. Before Ben could object, she signalled right and drove straight through the park, pulling up near the bandstand.
‘What’s going on?’ Ben looked at her, aghast.
‘There’s something I’ve always wanted to do but never had the money or courage,’ Zoe said, in a determined tone. ‘But I’ve learned something today.’
‘Oh yeah?’
‘I’m beginning to realise that this is all there is,’ Zoe said, pointing to the trees and grass. ‘This is literally all the time we have. None of us know if there’s something on the other end of this so maybe I need to start living a bit more.’
‘I agree. Why are we here?’
‘I thought that after it went so well with Mrs Bell, we could have a late lunch over there,’ Zoe suggested, gesturing through the trees towards the hotel that stood in front of them.
Ben’s eyes lit up with glee. ‘Now that’s what I call living.’
They walked into the grand hotel that stood in the centre of the Royal Crescent. Much to Zoe’s surprise, they were welcomed straight away and shown to a table outside. As the waiter handed her a menu, Zoe paused for a moment to drink in the winding lavender paths that framed the verdant green lawns, the sweet sound of birdsong providing the perfect soundtrack to this very unexpected lunch.
‘I feel like a movie star.’ Zoe laughed, ordering the Cornish halibut.
‘You need to get out more,’ Ben replied, settling on the Wagyu steak and ordering two glasses of shiraz.
‘Maybe you’re right,’ Zoe admitted. ‘Did you see all those framed photos of Mrs Bell and her husband through the years?’
‘A happy family on steroids,’ Ben ventured as the waiter set down two glasses.
‘I suppose they were.’ Zoe tipped her head in thought. ‘It was good, though. I mean, for her to know now that her story was complete. That’s what your note gave her today, Ben, the final piece of what looked like a very happy love story. In my book that’s something for your bucket list.’
Wrinkling his nose, Ben thought for a moment as he leaned back in the rattan chair, the sunshine making his skin glow as he considered Zoe’s question. ‘I think I’ve already done most things on my bucket list.’
Zoe gaped in surprise. ‘Really? Like what?’
‘I’ve travelled the world, bungee jumped in Argentina, parachuted out of a plane, driven around Silverstone, been part of a Formula One Team at Monaco—’
‘You were part of an F-One team?’ Zoe exclaimed.
‘I was the tea boy for a couple of days when I was at uni.’ Ben winked. ‘Mate did me a favour, but it was still exciting.’
Zoe shook her head in disbelief. ‘What else?’
‘Erm, I’ve been to the Olympics, ridden a horse across a beach—’
‘In Australia everyone does that,’ Zoe said with an eye-roll as she reached for her glass of wine.
‘But not everyone in Australia runs the London Marathon or treks the Inca Trail, or even spends the night in a Las Vegas bar getting hammered with The Rock.’
‘The movie star?’
‘Yeah.’ Ben shrugged as if it was no big deal. ‘Before he was as famous as he is now, of course. He was with some mates.’
‘Come on, dish,’ Zoe urged, surprised to find she was genuinely excited by a bit of celebrity tittle-tattle.
Ben tapped the side of his nose. ‘You know the saying, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Let’s just say he was best man at my wedding.’
Now Zoe’s eyes were out on stalks. ‘Really?’
‘No!’ Ben threw his head back with laughter. ‘But you should see your face.’
‘Who was best man at your wedding?’ Zoe asked, feeling affronted.
‘Nobody,’ Ben said, fiddling with his napkin. ‘It was quiet, just the two of us and a couple of witnesses we dragged in off the street. Neither one of us wanted a fuss and seeing as we split a couple of years later it was probably for the best.’
Zoe said nothing; the mood was souring and she wanted to turn it around.
‘There must be something left?’ she pressed. ‘On your bucket list, I mean. I’ve hardly started on mine.’
Ben shook his head. ‘Why doesn’t that surprise me?’
At that statement, Zoe felt uncomfortable. A bucket list hadn’t been something she’d given much thought to. In truth, she had been too busy concentrating on simply getting through life since Sean died.
‘Never mind all that,’ Zoe said impatiently. ‘This is about you.’
‘All right, let’s see.’ Ben bit his lip in thought. ‘Tell you what, I’ve been all over the world but I’ve never been to the edge of the country. I want to go the Lizard, be surrounded by all that nature, the sea, the birds, the cliffs, the coastline, lose myself in it all.’
‘So you’ve been to the other side of the world, bungee jumped in Argentina, but you’ve never been to the edge of this country?’ Zoe exclaimed. ‘Why not?’
‘I dunno,’ Ben said, running a hand across his head as he usually did. Zoe had come to notice he did it when he was perplexed. ‘Time. That feeling of it’s only down the road, I’ll get around to it. Who knows? I’m sure I will at some point.’
‘You should. The Lizard’s beautiful,’ Zoe remarked as their food arrived.
Ben nodded his thanks at the waiter and picked up his cutlery. ‘When did you go?’
‘When I first arrived here from Oz. I went there, Bath of course, Snowdonia, the Highlands, the Lake District.’
Ben raised an eyebrow. ‘You packed a lot in.’
‘Britain’s not big. You can get to most places in a couple of hours by car, train or plane,’ Zoe said. ‘And Europe’s on your doorstep. All those countries a short plane ride away.’
‘You make it sound as though the best thing about living in Britain is the fact it’s close to other places.’ Ben laughed as he speared a new potato with his fork.
Zoe shrugged. ‘Would you judge me if I said it was?’
Ben laughed again, and as Zoe listened to the noise reverberating through his body, she thought there was no nicer sound.
‘Maybe you could come with me?’ Ben said lightly. ‘You know, to the Lizard? Show me around if you know the place so well.’
Zoe looked at him in surprise. ‘I wouldn’t say I know it well; I only went once.’
Ben’s eyes flared with embarrassment. ‘No worries,’ he said, spearing another potato into his mouth. ‘It was a silly idea, forget it.’
Watching him eat, she felt guilty that she had upset him. ‘You know, maybe it would be nice to do that together.’
‘Really?’ Ben’s eyes filled with optimism.
‘Yeah.’ Zoe realised she meant it. ‘Really.’
As they smiled shyly at one another, Zoe felt another flash of pleasure unfurl through her body. This time, however, it had nothing to do with a car.
Chapter Nineteen
Since their lunch at the hotel, Ben and Zoe’s relationship had changed. Now, Ben would think nothing of buying her a flat white when he bought his own cappuccino from the cafe opposite the hospice. In return, she offered him the eggs from her Niçoise salad at lunchtimes and they frequently took it in turns to pick each other up and drop each other home if their shifts began and ended at the same time.
Nothing had been said, but things were different – a nice different, Zoe thought, as she sat at the nurses’ desk surveying the floor. The only trouble was, she wasn’t sure where she stood with him and, perhaps more pressingly, she didn’t know where she wanted to stand. Had Ben asked her to Cornwall as a friend? Had he intended them to go away as part of a big group? Or had he asked her with something more in mind, something she knew she wasn’t ready for?
Zoe was sick of thinking about it. Sarah had told her it was obvious, that of course Ben had asked her to go away as more than friends. She had seen the way they looked at each other in the cafe that Sunday and witnessed pure chemistry. But Zoe hoped Sarah was wrong; romance was the last thing on her mind.
After Sean died and she had walked out on her marriage, Zoe felt as if she had been stripped of the ability to feel love. It floored her to discover the stirring of something warm in her heart towards Ben, something she hadn’t felt since she first met David, and it frightened her.
Shaking her head free of the direction her life had suddenly taken, Zoe reached for the admissions list. There were two today. Mrs Harper was back for a couple of days, which made Zoe smile. She hadn’t seen the hospice owner’s mother for a while. The other admission she noticed was Ricky Pagett. This admission made her stomach turn over. Ricky was only four years old and suffering from neuroblastoma. He had been a day patient for a year, the hospice giving his mum, Ella, occasional respite. Zoe had known Ricky would need to be admitted full-time one day, but she had hoped it wouldn’t be for a little while yet.
‘Ricky Pagett,’ Ben murmured behind her. She glanced up and saw his eyes scanning the list. ‘I spoke to his mum yesterday. She was incredibly matter-of-fact.’
‘She’ll be devastated inside,’ Zoe said bluntly. ‘Efficiency is her way of coping, I expect. I was the same when Sean died. I planned every detail of his funeral. I thought it would keep me going, but the truth is nothing can prepare you for the death of your child.’
Ben squeezed Zoe’s shoulder, his large biscuit-brown eyes brimming with concern. ‘Would you like me to cover the admissions today or ask Miles to do it?’
Zoe looked at him in horror. ‘God, no! It’s important to me that Ricky has a good death. Besides, you have that budget meeting this morning.’
‘If you’re sure?’
‘I’m more than sure.’ She smiled at him. ‘But thanks for thinking of me.’
‘Okay. Let me know if you need help.’
With that he walked away and up ahead she saw Mrs Harper being wheeled through the hospice doors by her son. She got up from her chair to welcome them.
‘Nice to see you again,’ she said warmly.
‘I wish I could say the same,’ Mrs Harper barked, before her expression softened. ‘Though I will say you look a bit more together since the last time I saw you. Have you brushed your hair?’
‘Mother!’ Mr Harper exclaimed.
Zoe gave a half-laugh. She wasn’t offended. ‘Actually, Mrs H, I haven’t just brushed my hair, I’ve had it cut too. Nothing fancy.’ She touched the loose curls that framed her face. She had been persuaded to visit the salon with Sarah last week. Usually, she trimmed her own fringe when it got too long but Sarah had insisted enough was enough and booked her in for a trim. Zoe had been reluctant, initially thinking it a waste of time. Yet as the stylist chopped away the split ends and the uneven lengths into something more face-framing, Zoe had smiled as she took in the sight of her reflection. She looked like a girl she used to know, almost like an old friend.
Mrs Harper sniffed as she appraised Zoe. ‘It suits you. Life is too short to go around looking like a bedraggled cat.’
Zoe laughed while Mrs Harper’s son cringed, his face glowing as red as a tomato. She was about to agree when the sight of two paramedics wheeling a tiny, withered boy through the hospice doors caught her attention. Ricky Pagett had arrived.
She exchanged a small smile with one of the paramedics working today but the expression didn’t meet either of their eyes. It was almost a private code for the sadness of the situation. Each of them knew how tough it was when a child was admitted, their life about to end before it had begun.
‘Would you excuse me?’ she said to Mrs Harper.
She went to walk away, only as she did so, Mrs Harper gripped her arm. ‘Is that a child?’ she asked, her voice a gruff whisper.
Zoe nodded. ‘Four years old. Neuroblastoma.’
‘And that’s the mother?’ Mrs Harper gestured in the direction of Ella. Zoe could see she looked ashen as she walked alongside the hospital bed, her hand never leaving Ricky’s.
‘Yes,’ Zoe said simply.
‘Make sure she gets everything she needs, won’t you, Zoe?’ Mrs Harper whispered vehemently, her eyes never leaving Ella. ‘If I can help, please tell me. Nothing is too much trouble.’
Turning in surprise, Zoe was astonished to see the older woman fighting back tears.
‘Of course.’
At that Mrs Harper gave a small smile and released her grip.
‘Come on, Mother, let’s get you settled with a cup of tea in the day room,’ Mr Harper said, giving Zoe a brief nod before he wheeled his mother away.
Watching the two of them disappear down the corridor, Zoe had a feeling there was more to the exchange than Mrs Harper simply wanting the best for a young mother. She tried to work it out but there wasn’t the time. Her place was with Ella and Ricky now.
‘Hi,’ she said, walking towards the young woman and giving Ricky a warm smile. ‘How are you both doing?’
Ella smiled, through eyes that were red raw from crying. ‘We’re all right, aren’t we, sweetheart?’ she said, turning to Ricky, who was fast asleep. Zoe felt glad. Ricky was too young to have to suffer like this and for his sake and Ella’s, who at twenty-four was too young herself to have to face something this painful, Zoe hoped Ricky’s end would be quick and as painless as possible.
‘He’s been in such terrible pain the last few days,’ Ella croaked. ‘I’ve been giving him morphine but nothing seems to help.’
‘We’re here now,’ Zoe said kindly. ‘We’ll make sure everything goes as smoothly as it can for you both.’
Ella nodded and Zoe could see that this was not only a time for Ricky needing his mum; Ella desperately needed her family around too.
‘Is there anyone we can call?’
‘No,’ Ella said in a small voice. ‘Mum’s on a cruise. I thought Ricky would have more time and I told her to go. She’s been good looking after us all; I don’t want to ruin her holiday. It’s the first one she’s had for years.’
Zoe frowned. ‘I think she would want to be here for you, Ella.’
But Ella shook her head. ‘I don’t want to trouble her.’
It was then the nurse saw the quiet set of Ella’s jaw and the steely determination in her hazel eyes. She wanted this on her own terms, a private moment between mother and son.
Zoe thought back to those empty, vacant days between Sean’s death and his funeral. She had wanted Sean’s death dealt with her way and she saw the same resolve in Ella now. Zoe would help her however she could. Her son’s death was something Ella would carry with her for the rest of her life and Zoe didn’t want the young woman to have any regrets.
‘We’ve got you a lovely room made up in the children’s ward,’ Zoe said brightly. ‘Miles sorted it this morning.’
At the mention of Miles, Ella’s face briefly lit up. ‘Oh, Ricky love, Miles is here today.’
For a moment, Zoe gave a start of surprise. Miles didn’t usually connect with patients, at least not on a level where they asked for him.
‘I’ll make sure we find him, okay?’
Zoe turned to the paramedic and told him where to take Ricky. Watching them walk away, Zoe already knew she couldn’t leave the hospital until Ella did. This was where their journey as mother and son would end, and Zoe wanted to make sure it was both beautiful and peaceful.
Chapter Twenty
The sun came out from behind the clouds shortly after Ricky Pagett passed away. Zoe took the bright ball of yellow that beamed down while Ella nursed a cup of tea, teeth chattering with shock, as a sign of brighter tomorrows.
Peering through the window of the door leading to the small but comforting family room, she saw Miles with his arm around Ella. She felt a flash of affection for her colleague and thought of the card she had written earlier for Ella resting in her pocket.
