The notekeeper, p.23
The Notekeeper, page 23
‘What?’ Zoe gasped, champagne spilling across her hands in shock.
‘Miles proposed on the balloon tonight. It was so romantic!’
Zoe stared at them in disbelief before turning to Miles. ‘I thought you were just taking her to Australia?’
Miles laughed. ‘I know. But after talking to you, Zoe, I realised that wasn’t enough.’ He looked at Sarah with love in his eyes and kissed her gently as though she were a precious Ming vase. ‘I want to be with this woman for the rest of my life.’
‘And I realised I felt the same way. I’ve felt the same way ever since I laid eyes on him,’ Sarah said softly as they broke apart.
Zoe felt momentarily speechless. Wasn’t this all a bit soon? They had been together for less time than she and Ben and look what had happened to them. And what about Lottie? Was Miles really ready to become a stepfather to a little girl?
But as she looked at Sarah and saw the delight in her eyes, Zoe kept her mouth shut. Her friend was an adult and if she thought marrying Miles was the best thing for her then who was she to say otherwise? She was, after all, hardly an expert on life or relationships.
‘Congratulations.’ Reaching for her flute of champagne, Zoe lifted it in the direction of the newly engaged couple. ‘I’m delighted for you both.’
‘Thank you.’ Sarah grinned. Then she thrust her left hand out and Zoe let out another gasp as she saw a sparkler the size of Uluru.
Zoe looked at Miles in open-mouthed shock. ‘You’re a nurse! How did you afford that?’
Sarah let out a peal of laughter. ‘It’s not real and do you really think I’d wear something as gaudy as this?’
‘I dunno, it kind of suits you.’
Miles looked at Zoe pointedly. ‘We’re going to go into town to pick something out. This was just symbolic really. One day, when I’m a rich and famous nursing god, I’ll be able to treat Sarah like the princess she deserves to be.’
‘You already do,’ Sarah pointed out loyally. ‘Anyway, I’m looking forward to showing off this bit of bling at the party.’
‘Party?’ Zoe echoed, feeling as if she were in some sort of parallel universe where she was slow to catch on.
‘Yes, we’re having an engagement party on the first of October,’ Sarah said.
‘Wow! You’ve booked it already?’
Zoe’s face must have registered confusion because Sarah was nodding like a woman possessed. ‘Yes, Miles organised it last week.’
‘I was really hoping she would say yes otherwise it would have been a very different party.’ Miles finished his champagne then topped up all their glasses.
‘You really have thought of everything,’ Zoe said admiringly.
‘He has,’ Sarah whispered.
At that, Sarah looked into Miles’s eyes and Zoe felt like an intruder in her own home.
‘I’ll leave you to it,’ she said, getting to her feet.
But they were so lost in their own world they barely even noticed. As Zoe padded out of the lounge and up towards her room, a feeling of emptiness washed over her. Climbing into bed and pulling the covers over her head, all Zoe wanted to do was give in to the bitterness that had been threatening to take over from the moment Sarah and Miles had broken their news. It was all so unfair, she thought, wallowing in the feelings of resentment. Sarah was getting engaged after just a few weeks and she had ended up with a man facing a difficult cancer battle who had dumped her. Zoe knew she was being childish but, as the sounds of Miles and Sarah’s happy laughter rang out from the living room, Zoe really didn’t care.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Over the course of the following ten days, the bad mood that had taken hold when Sarah got engaged had left her feeling so disagreeable Zoe knew she wasn’t fit to be around people. Consequently, she buried herself in admin and volunteered to work night shifts all so she could avoid the happiness that had otherwise flooded through her home. It was something akin to sod’s law that the first person she bumped straight into the morning after two night shifts was Ben.
‘Hello,’ he said warmly as Zoe entered the staff room. ‘How are you doing?’
Zoe felt wrong-footed. Why was he being welcoming? Then a wave of awkwardness crashed over her. Did he feel sorry for her now Miles and Sarah were engaged? She tried to smile. The last thing she needed was Ben’s pity.
‘I’m good. You?’
The moment she asked, she realised she genuinely did want to know how Ben was.
‘I’m fine, doing really well.’
‘That’s great.’ She nodded. ‘I bet Candice is pleased.’
Ben raised an eyebrow. ‘What, now she doesn’t have to play nurse? Yeah, I should say so. Let’s just say only one of us siblings was blessed with a good bedside manner.’
Zoe tried a laugh. ‘I’m sure she did her best.’
‘I suppose you could call it that,’ Ben mused as he unlaced his trainers. ‘Do you know that towards the end of my recovery she was serving me cold soup and told me that if I didn’t like it, I could shove it up my arse?’
‘Wow!’ Zoe was laughing properly as she pictured Candice saying that very thing. ‘Can you imagine if we said that to our patients?’
‘Should we try it, do you think?’ Ben asked, laughing along with her. ‘It certainly made me want to get well a lot sooner.’
‘Let’s get Miles to give it a go first,’ Zoe suggested. ‘He’s got a thick skin.’
‘He’ll need it if he’s getting married,’ Ben quipped.
Zoe stopped, the easiness that had briefly flowed between them gone. ‘You know they’re engaged?’
Ben looked uncomfortable. ‘Yes, he told me last week over a beer.’
‘It’s wonderful news.’
‘It is,’ Ben agreed readily. ‘To find love like that, I always think it’s a miracle.’
‘Let’s hope it doesn’t end in divorce like mine did,’ Zoe said, then, realising the tastelessness of her remark, shook her head. She decided to try being truthful rather than brazen. ‘Sorry. I feel a bit awkward.’
‘Me too. Tell you what, let’s accept this is difficult for both of us and try to be friends.’
‘I’d like that.’ Zoe gave him a small smile. ‘Why don’t you tell me how you are really?’
‘I’m genuinely fine. My latest tests show the op was a success, the surgeon was pleased with the margins and I’m free to get on with my life.’
‘That’s great,’ Zoe said, feeling genuinely pleased at the news.
‘And you?’ Ben asked.
‘I’m fine. I’ve mailed my settlement papers.’
Surprise registered on Ben’s face. ‘Wow, didn’t think you would.’
‘Why?’
‘I thought it was something you needed, to keep you connected to Sean,’ Ben said, scratching his bald head.
For the first time, Zoe understood how he would have reached that conclusion. ‘There might have been a bit of that. Not telling you about any of it was stupid – it was well-intentioned but stupid.’
‘And how was it really, seeing David?’ Ben asked gently.
Zoe thought for a moment. How had it been?
‘It was good,’ she said at last. ‘It gave me closure and made me realise there was nothing left between us.’
‘You weren’t tempted to go back to him?’
Zoe couldn’t help laughing at the question. Then, seeing Ben’s hurt look, rearranged her features.
‘No. David is my past. Once I signed the papers, I realised I could even one day think about forgiving him. It was as if something had been released. I can’t explain it.’ Zoe shook her head, still trying to work it out. ‘I think I would like for me and David to try and be friends, though. We’ve been through a lot together – only we understand the pain of losing the child we shared.’
‘You don’t blame him any more?’
‘Not like I used to,’ Zoe said slowly. ‘There’s no denying what happened to Sean was terrible but David has to live with the fact he was there when it happened, not me. When I fled Australia, I was desperate to get away from the pain I was in. What I don’t think I realised is that the pain we carry stays with us regardless of where we go.’
There was a pause and Zoe could see Ben thinking before he spoke again. ‘And what about Australia?’
Now it was Zoe’s turn to look surprised. ‘Australia? What’s that got to do with anything?’
‘You left in difficult circumstances. Maybe you ought to go back and make your peace with the place now you’ve realised you can start to forgive David. After all, you haven’t seen your family, your friends, you haven’t even seen Sean’s grave.’ As Ben trailed off, Zoe could see the worry in his eyes as he wondered if he had gone too far with the last remark. She wanted to reassure him.
‘No, but I did speak to Mum recently.’
Ben raised another eyebrow. ‘Really? Thought you only managed birthdays, Christmas and the odd email.’
The sounds of Miles and Karen arguing about rotas echoed through the staff room. ‘Yes, but something in me wanted to talk to Mum. I’ve missed her.’
‘Wow!’ Ben said, over Karen’s raised voice. ‘Maybe Australia’s not as bad as you thought?’
Zoe shrugged. ‘Maybe. But the UK, that’s still home for me.’
‘Is it?’ Ben ventured. ‘When I was talking to Nico in hospital, he was quick to assure me that even though he’s spent twenty years in Britain, his heart will always belong in Naples.’
As Ben tapped his heart, Zoe smiled.
‘I don’t feel like that. I don’t hate Australia like I used to, but I don’t carry it in my heart. Everything I loved about the place – my friends, my family, my son – is all right here.’ She tapped her own heart now.
She smiled at Ben and walked towards the nurses’ desk, only to run straight into Mr Harper. She couldn’t miss the haunted look on his face.
‘Mr Harper,’ she said gently. ‘Are you all right?’
‘I’m okay,’ Mr Harper replied with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. ‘Me and the family have been going through Mum’s things, getting everything sorted out. It’s hard; we thought we had more time.’
‘People always do,’ Zoe said sympathetically. ‘But those memories you have of your mum, they’ll never go away.’
‘It’s hard to believe she’s gone, even here.’ He looked around the corridors wistfully. ‘The place is still so full of her. She lived here, grew up here, but now I know how much she hated it here. I wonder if that’s what made her go sooner than we expected.’
Zoe laid a comforting hand on his shoulder. ‘Don’t think like that. Your mum would hate for you to be this upset. She made her peace with this place and she knew how much you loved her. Often those we love the most hide how ill they are until the end, when it all becomes too much.’
Tears pooled in Mr Harper’s eyes as she finished speaking and for a moment Zoe wondered if she ought to take him into the staff room so he could have a good cry. But as the thought crossed her mind, he regained his composure.
‘Thank you,’ he said, blinking the tears away. ‘And thank you for all you did for Mum. I wondered if you were a little outspoken when we met at the party but I realised just how much you love your patients and I know how fond of you Mum became.’
‘Your mum was very special,’ she said softly.
‘You took such good care of her, but you take good care of all your patients. I’ve seen that first-hand,’ Mr Harper said.
Zoe smiled modestly. She wasn’t quite sure what to say. It was the same when people suggested that doctors and nurses were angels in disguise. She and the majority of her colleagues didn’t view it that way. They were professionals, doing a job to the very best of their ability because they were passionate about their vocation.
‘Actually, I’m glad I’ve bumped into you,’ Mr Harper continued. ‘I wanted to invite you to Mum’s funeral on Friday morning?’
‘This Friday?’ Zoe echoed in surprise.
‘Yes, at ten in the crematorium. Ben and Miles have both said they’re able to attend but if you’re busy I completely understand,’ Mr Harper said.
‘Not at all, I would be honoured,’ Zoe said.
Mr Harper nodded. ‘Good. We’ll see you then, Zoe, and thank you.’
Lifting her hand, Zoe gave him a little wave goodbye. Once Mr Harper disappeared, Zoe took a deep breath. Whilst she was more than accustomed to death, she hated funerals; they always reminded her of Sean. But Mrs Harper deserved to be honoured, and it would be good for Zoe to say goodbye.
Chapter Forty
The final notes of Frank Sinatra’s classic ‘My Way’ rang through the crematorium. As the mourners filed outside into the sunshine, Zoe glanced at Ben and they exchanged a small smile.
Mrs Harper’s funeral had been a beautiful service. Full of life-affirming stories from those that knew her and from some who apparently didn’t know her quite so well but respected her, such as Miles and Ben.
‘That was definitely one of the lovelier funerals I’ve been to,’ Ben admitted as they made their way outside, into the warm August air.
‘It was, wasn’t it?’ Zoe replied as she observed Ben, handsome in his black suit and tie. She was mildly annoyed that her pulse still raced at the sight of him.
‘I thought it was great!’ Miles tried to give Ben a fist bump, which he ignored.
‘Miles, I don’t think we can say that,’ Zoe hissed, looking around to see if anyone had heard him.
‘Why not?’ Miles shrugged. ‘It was bonza.’
Zoe shook her head in despair. ‘Don’t say that either; you’ll have Aussies having a go for being too Australian.’
‘Aren’t all Australians too Australian?’ Ben smirked.
Zoe wagged her finger at him in mock irritation. ‘Don’t you start, otherwise I’ll insist Mr Harper plays nothing but Cold Chisel at the wake later. I’ll say Mrs Harper told me on her deathbed it was her favourite band.’
Ben laughed. ‘You wouldn’t dare.’
‘Try me,’ Zoe said with a smirk.
‘Are you both going to the wake?’ Miles asked hopefully.
‘I am; I’ve got the day off,’ Zoe explained. ‘We can get the bus together if you like.’
‘I’m going too,’ Ben said, ‘and I drove.’
‘Oh, the Porsche.’ Miles’s eyes lit up at the thought of a lift in the luxury car. ‘Can you squeeze me in or are you still taking the bus, Zoe?’
‘Er…’ Zoe’s voice trailed off.
‘Zoe will be coming with us and she’ll be sitting in the front,’ Ben said, taking the decision out of her hands. ‘You can squeeze into the back.’
She smiled at him and, following Ben and Miles towards the car park, she almost skipped with joy at the sight of the Porsche.
‘Ah, how I’ve missed you,’ she said, running her hand over the bonnet.
‘If I didn’t know you better, I’d think you only ever went out with me because of this car,’ Ben said, unlocking the doors.
Miles got in the back and Zoe followed, breathing in the ever-present new car smell. ‘To be fair, your personality only goes so far,’ she teased. ‘It was lucky for you the car sweetened the deal.’
‘Like that, is it?’ Ben expertly reversed out of the car park and headed onto the main road. ‘Then what did you bring to the table?’
‘You mean my stunning good looks and easy charm weren’t enough for you?’
‘I thought it was just because you were easy,’ Miles quipped.
‘Oi,’ Ben and Zoe said in unison, their eyes meeting briefly as they did so.
‘How are the wedding plans coming on?’ Ben asked, changing the subject.
‘Yeah, good,’ Miles said. ‘I think we might do it in Australia next year sometime.’
‘Really?’ Zoe turned around in her seat, her voice full of astonishment.
‘Yeah, I think Sarah’s into the idea of moving there once we’re married.’
‘You’re kidding?’ Now it was Ben that was surprised.
‘Why are you both finding this shocking?’ Miles asked with a laugh. ‘She’s suggested we extend our Christmas trip to see how she likes it. If she does, we’ll look at spending our time here and in Oz.’
‘Blimey, that’s modern,’ Ben said.
‘And expensive,’ Zoe threw in.
Miles shrugged. ‘We’ll work it out. The point is, we want to be together, that’s all that matters.’
‘Never thought I’d see the day,’ Zoe murmured as Ben pulled into the pub car park.
‘Comes to us all in the end. So,’ he said, rubbing his hands together, ‘shall we say a proper farewell to Mrs Harper?’
He marched straight into the pub as if he owned it, shaking hands with all of the Harpers and offering polite condolences before ordering two pints and a glass of pinot.
As Zoe had expected, the pub was overflowing with guests. And perhaps just as Mrs Harper would have wanted, everyone was smiling. With a pang, she thought of Sean’s funeral. Nobody had been laughing then. It had been a horrific occasion, but it had been the funeral of a child, surely the most unnatural thing in the world. This, Zoe thought, watching Mr Harper giggle as he exchanged stories about his mother, was what a funeral should be like.
‘Here you go,’ Ben said, interrupting Zoe’s thoughts and pressing a chilled glass of wine into her hands.
‘Thank you,’ she said, taking a sip. ‘Good turnout, isn’t it?’
Ben took a pull on the pint Miles had just bought for him. ‘Certainly is. Though not enough people dressed in black in my opinion.’
Zoe laughed. ‘Never had you down as a traditionalist.’
‘I’m not, but someone’s died; let’s show some respect,’ Ben said.
Running her tongue across her teeth, Zoe thought for a moment before she spoke. ‘You’re telling me that at your funeral you’d want everyone to be miserable as sin?’
Ben lifted his chin a little higher. ‘Maybe. I just think you should be respectful. That said, I’m not averse to a bit of personality at a funeral.’
‘Let me guess. You want “My Way” by Frank Sinatra?’
‘More like “Bat Out of Hell”!’ Ben shot back.
