Come fly with me, p.6
Come Fly With Me, page 6
Now she was alert to forthcoming information. ‘Wait… you have a baby?’
‘Yeah, kind of.’
‘You can’t kind of have a baby.’
She was right. Either he had one or not. Either he was the parent or he wasn’t.
This morning, after a disturbed night with Eva as well as heavy rain that lashed against the windows of the cottage, he’d driven to work and seen the brightest of rainbows in the sky. Before he thought about it, he was talking out loud, saying, ‘Eva, look at that, all those colours.’ And then he’d realised she wasn’t in the car with him but back at the old signal box cottage with Geraldine. It was moments like that one that reminded him how Eva was now a major part of his life.
But Noah was really struggling because whilst at first he’d been committed to bringing up Eva, as the days went on, he became more and more unsure that he was even capable. He didn’t feel cut out to be a parent, to be daddy to this incredible human being who deserved so much more than he had to give. Even today, when he’d left the house, he’d known Eva was way better off with Geraldine than with him. Geraldine made her laugh more, Geraldine knew what to do when she was upset and how to calm her down. Last night, Eva had been up three times, crying uncontrollably, and nothing he could do would make it stop. Geraldine had swooped into the house this morning with an air of Chanel No. 5 and a can-do attitude and scooped Eva up into her arms, settling her within seconds.
‘She’s teething,’ Geraldine told him. ‘Oh, you poor little thing,’ she whispered into Eva’s delicate blonde hair. ‘Noah, do you have a teething ring?’
One look from Noah gave her the answer.
‘Would you mind if I drove out to get one today?’ she suggested, calm as you like. ‘I have a car seat installed; we can check it now so you’ll know it’s safe.’
‘I have to get to the airbase.’ Yet he knew this was his responsibility. And only his. ‘But let’s go take a look, not that I’m an expert.’
With Eva in Geraldine’s arms, they went out to her car and she showed him the seat facing backwards and secured properly, much the same as the seat he had in his own car.
‘Anything that settles her down is fine by me,’ he said as they went back into the house. ‘And there’s cash in the box on the kitchen counter.’
‘Oh, we’ll deal with money things later, won’t we, young Eva?’ Her voice had changed to the universal baby tone as Noah referred to it, the slightly high pitch that fell to a low pitch now and then as though the seesaw in volume was somehow all a part of the illusion for a child. It was a voice he hadn’t quite brought himself to use yet. He was holding a part of himself back because he was scared, because he wasn’t sure. He had no idea whether he could really do this and if it wasn’t going to be a permanent arrangement for Eva then he needed to work out what was before their bond grew stronger and it left all of them open to intense pain and distress when it was broken.
At the airbase, Bess was still waiting to hear more about Eva, this baby he kind of had.
‘Eva is my niece. And it’s a long story…’ he said.
Bess leaned forwards, her voice soft, understanding. ‘I’ve got plenty of time; we’re quiet.’
Noah heard the sound of paperwork being dumped in the tray beside him and Nadia, the one responsible, let out a sigh. ‘Bess, you’ll jinx us with comments like that and we’re scheduled for a training session in half an hour.’
When Nadia left them to it, he shifted the focus to Maya and the fact he was still nervous about working with her. ‘I saw her at the supermarket, you know.’
‘When?’ It was enough for Bess to latch onto a different direction for their conversation as she was obviously worried about her friend.
‘Earlier in the week.’
‘And how did she look to you?’
‘I don’t really know her well enough to comment but at the wedding, she was concerned about her sister yet in control, and when I saw her shopping, she seemed tired, worried.’
Bess’s concern gave way to a tut and a sigh. ‘That’s because she’s racing around after her ex-husband when she shouldn’t be. I mean, I’m not a total bitch, I know he doesn’t have any close relatives, but he’s on the force, he knows people.’
‘He’s in the police?’
‘He’s a detective. Not here in Whistlestop River but in the next town and I heard enough of his colleagues turned up to see him in the hospital. You’d think it would take the burden off Maya, but she’s not made it clear to the medical staff that they’re no longer together. There’s talk of discharging him but the doctors will only do so if there’s someone at home with him.’
‘Let me get this straight. He’s her ex-husband and they no longer live together?’
‘Correct. The divorce finalised nearly two months ago.’ She opened her bottle of water. ‘Conrad seems to have missed the memo about that, though. And now if the hospital assume they’re together…’ She shrugged. ‘…Maya will be saddled with the responsibility. For some reason, he clicks his fingers and she comes running when what she really needs to do is tell him to—’
The shrill alarm of the phone put a stop to the completion of Bess’s sentence and everything else they were doing. Noah picked it up, the temporary pilot filling in for Maya went out to start the helicopter and it was action stations once again.
‘Told you,’ Nadia called to Bess as she and Noah picked up their helmets. ‘Don’t you ever say we’re quiet again.’
‘Sorry!’ Bess hollered back before they went out to the waiting aircraft on the helipad.
It wasn’t long before they were up in the air, their focus shifting from talk of anything else to the patient who needed them.
Maya parked up at the hospital. She could hear helicopter blades chopping through the air up above and when she peered out of her driver’s side window, she saw the familiar red and yellow air ambulance she usually flew passing overhead, likely on the way to a job.
A week ago, life had seemed simple enough, with a son she adored, a job she loved and she was continuing to do her best to make it clear to Conrad that the both of them had to move on properly, separately. But then there was the accident and she felt as though she was back where she was before, putting his needs before any of her own. And he knew he held the trump card, that he could use what he knew to get his way. Already, she was tired of toing and froing at the hospital to visit. His work colleagues came and went, he had a bit of a chat and a laugh with them, but those visits were infrequent. Isaac had come down from Scotland the day after the accident and he’d been an incredible emotional support. He’d stayed to see his dad for a couple of days but Maya suspected the main reason he’d come was for her because the pair had barely spoken and Isaac’s relief when he got to go back to Scotland was obvious.
Maya grabbed the bag from the backseat. She’d found Conrad’s other iPad for him so he could keep himself entertained since the one she’d brought was glitchy and giving him no end of bother. Keeping Conrad’s spirits up was no walk in the park and she needed all the help she could get. It was an exhausting, constant rally managing his temperament from one minute to the next. When he’d first woken up, he was grateful to be alive, and when he realised he’d make a full recovery, he was full of gratitude until gratitude gave way to frustration. From that point, everything became something to complain about – the glitching iPad nearly took a journey across the room but Maya had rescued it at the last minute. His fingers were sore, couldn’t they give him stronger painkillers? His arm itched and he had nothing to poke down the plaster to scratch it. He threatened to yank the plaster off if he didn’t get something to ease the discomfort soon. He was being a complete arse by all accounts.
Maya smiled at one of the nurses coming off shift as she went inside the hospital. ‘How is he today?’
‘Your husband is in good spirits,’ the redhead replied tactfully because so was she; she was heading home.
‘I’m sorry if he’s been difficult.’
‘All in a day’s work, love.’ The nurse smiled and went on her way.
Maya still hadn’t corrected anyone’s referencing of Conrad as her husband or her as the wife. The only time their divorce was mentioned was when she’d seen Conrad’s bag of personal effects with a little pot containing his wedding ring. The doctors and nurses would have had to remove the jewellery before he went for any x-rays or scans when he first came in. She’d asked him why he was still wearing it and he’d bitten her head off, saying their marriage had clearly meant more to him than it ever had to her. He admitted he wore it when he wasn’t around her, took it off when he was so she wouldn’t have a go at him.
Maya said hello to the nurses outside the ward but before she could get to Conrad’s bedside, one of them called her back.
‘We hear you fly the air ambulance,’ she beamed at Maya.
Maya smiled. ‘That’s right, I’m with The Skylarks.’
All three nurses were suitably impressed. ‘You do a wonderful job, all of you.’
‘Right back at you,’ said Maya.
‘My son,’ said one of the women, ‘dreams of flying the air ambulance one day. Any tips?’
‘Has he tried flying yet? Had lessons?’ Maya adjusted the bag on her arm, glad of a delay to visit Conrad. He was always on at her to stay longer as it was and being there for the whole of visiting time was exhausting.
‘He’s seven.’
‘Then tell him to keep on aiming high; he’ll get there if he really wants it.’
Persistence was what it took; she should know. She’d known ever since she was a little girl that she wanted to fly helicopters. She’d saved her birthday and Christmas money every year in the gold pot of dreams moneybox her mother gave her. It was nowhere near enough but she added to it over the years with cash from weekend jobs, from part-time positions she grabbed hold of whenever they came her way. And once she finished school, she worked as a temp in offices around Dorset, she waited tables, she worked behind a bar, each job part of her pursuit to get the funds to one day fulfil her dream. It wasn’t always easy to find work and for a while she hadn’t had any, but she’d taken what she could when she could.
Maya was married by the time she had enough money to put herself through the rigorous training required to become a helicopter pilot. At first, Conrad had supported her, ever the husband wanting his wife to be happy, but it hadn’t taken long for his distaste to show through. He’d thought she’d give up on the preposterous idea when she got pregnant, but she studied all the more, especially in the final few weeks of her pregnancy, when she wasn’t able to work. Whenever she got the chance, she had those books open, her brain engaged. And after Isaac arrived, she slowed right down to take care of their son, but the career choice never went away, much to Conrad’s chagrin.
Maya continued with her study and her training once Isaac was at nursery and then school and by the time he moved on to secondary education, Maya landed her first job as a helicopter pilot. Yet Conrad still talked about it like it was her hobby rather than a proper career. With his disapproval and her dad’s disinterest, it had made Maya all the more determined to carry on flying helicopters but her end goal shifted because she didn’t just want to be a helicopter pilot; she wanted to be a HEMS pilot for the air ambulance.
And she’d done it, in spite of them all. Isaac and Julie were endlessly proud and told her all the time but a tiny part of her would always be sad that Conrad hadn’t and her dad would rather talk about anything other than his daughter and her job with the Whistlestop River Air Ambulance.
When Maya reached Conrad’s bedside at the hospital, she sat down in relief. He was asleep.
But the relief was short-lived when she heard him murmur, ‘What, no kiss?’
So only resting his eyes then. She put a smile on her face and ignored the question. ‘Did I wake you?’
‘I wasn’t sleeping, too bloody noisy in here.’ Another complaint.
‘That’s hospitals for you.’ He was sulking like a kid, not something she’d ever been able to coax him out of. How about being grateful for the doctors and nurses who’ve been caring for you? she wanted to yell at him, but instead she asked, ‘Are you in any pain?’
‘It’s not so bad,’ he harrumphed. ‘They’ve said I can probably go home tomorrow.’
‘That’s great news.’ And it would cut out her having to come to the hospital, having to abide by visiting hours. His place was much closer to hers than here was. But it wasn’t so great in that it would still require her to give him a lot of attention, make sure he was all right at home recovering.
A change of subject now was the only way to mask how she was feeling. ‘The cat flap is in so I’ve taken Whizzy to mine.’ She would add that the cat missed him, was devastated at moving house, but she’d be lying.
‘Thanks.’ He said it as if she was doing him a favour, which she probably was. He’d likely grown bored of using the cat as a pawn in his game and now he had her instead.
She pulled out his iPad from the bag. ‘I brought this in for you; it’s fully charged and should be a lot better than the other one.’ She set it onto the cabinet beside his bed.
Maya had spent time looking after the cat at Conrad’s before the cat flap was fitted at her place, which worked out well as she’d had to bring bits and pieces in to the hospital for him. During the time Maya had spent at the house that was once also her home, she’d realised how many reminders there were of her, as though she’d never really left. There were pictures of them together on his walls, on the mantelpiece, on the hallway table, a photo of both of them with Isaac on his first day at school, their wedding photograph – she’d put her own away in a box and shoved it into the storage cupboard, likely never to be looked at again.
She took out the carton of chocolate milk she’d picked up at the supermarket for him and poured it into the cup on his bedside table.
He picked up the drink. ‘When I’m home, I’ll enjoy this in a proper long glass. None of this plastic crap.’
She stayed for about an hour and when the aroma of dinner preceded the delivery of meals to the ward, she saw the chance to escape. ‘I’ll let you eat.’ She braced herself for his reaction to what she said next. ‘I can’t come back again tonight. I’m on shift tomorrow so I’ll have to go to bed early.’
‘You’re going back to work?’
‘You seem surprised.’
‘Well, yeah, you’ve been here, you’ve been good to me, but you must be tired.’
‘I am but I’ve got to get back to it at some point. I need the money. And I’d only go if I knew I was safe, remember.’ And it was a good reason not to come by again, give her a proper break from all of this.
‘I’ll miss the company later on.’ He kept his voice low. ‘I’m on the bloody geriatric ward, Maya.’
She sensed the other patients’ lack of willingness to chat with Conrad was probably more down to their own individual health concerns than anything else. That or he’d really pissed them off when his colleagues stopped by and made so much noise they’d had a couple of warnings from the nursing staff.
‘I’ll be in again tomorrow after shift, so in plenty of time before you’re discharged,’ she assured him and then because the look he gave her expected it, leaned in to kiss him on the cheek.
He turned at the last minute and caught the edge of her lips, his good hand ran up the back of her neck to pull her in for a proper kiss and when she went to pull away, he held her there gently.
‘I’m really sorry, Maya, about this, about everything. I wasn’t a good husband to you. You deserve better.’
She said nothing. These were words she’d never expected. Usually, he used veiled threats, he never apologised or admitted fault.
‘I don’t deserve you, being here now,’ he said.
All she could say before she left him to it was, ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’
Because Maya could only agree with what he’d said. He didn’t deserve her at all. Not then and not now. But she’d do this for Isaac, for the sake of father and son, and because if she didn’t, she knew full well how hard he would make things for her.
8
‘Come on, Eva…’ Noah knew getting irate wasn’t going to help matters but he was tired – new job, new town, surprise parenthood, all of it was taking its toll. All he wanted now was for Eva to eat the cauliflower cheese portion he’d heated up followed by the stewed apples and settle down for the night so he could do the same. He was on the early shift tomorrow and needed a decent sleep.
But it seemed like he was asking for a miracle for Eva to cooperate. He grunted in frustration, Eva let out an ear-piercing wail, went rigid in her highchair, bright red in the face with anger at him, her food, the world.
‘I know how you feel, Eva!’ he yelled before stomping over to the window.
He wasn’t proud of himself for losing it. But some days were easier than others. Some days, he felt in control and on top of things, in a routine. On other days, like today, he didn’t.
He pressed his forehead against the glass and closed his eyes.
Eva was still wailing and he turned to look at her. They were both as helpless here as each other. She wanted this less than him, he suspected. She’d lost her mum, she had a poor stand-in parent with him, and here he was being an absolute arse.
He went over to her, unclipped the highchair harness and scooped her up in his arms. ‘I’m sorry, I’m really sorry.’ Her wet cheek, stained with fat tears, pressed against his.
He went out into the kitchen, the cauliflower cheese abandoned, and took out the nice cold portion of stewed apples Geraldine had put in the fridge in a little plastic pot.
A bit calmer, he said, ‘Why don’t we try this one?’ And instead of taking her back to the restrictions of her highchair, he collected a kiddie spoon from the drawer and went outside to the back porch. ‘At least if you smack this away like you did the cauliflower cheese, we’re outside so no clearing up involved.’ The cauliflower cheese had gone all over the arm of the sofa when she’d unceremoniously hit out at the spoon he was holding because she wouldn’t pick it up. Of course, the mixture had run down into the groove of the material too, which meant it would be harder to clean it all off.
