Decca, p.103
Decca, page 103
That’s why I didn’t understand how/why money became a bone of contention between you & sisters. I mean, why do you care if they’re rich & you’re not? Last night we went to see Sense & Sensibility—it’s THE most smashing movie of all time, you MUST see it. That, of course, is all about money and position, as is everything Jane Austen wrote, which is lovely as a period piece but not really applicable to life today, surely? …
LOTS OF LOVE, Merry Xmas, H. New year. Decca
To Dolly McPherson
Oakland
January 8, 1996
Dearest Dolly,
…I’ve been collecting lots of things—books, reviews, articles—on topics like Million Man March, O.J. Verdict etc. Here’s what I’d like to do AFTER the new edition of Amer. Way of Death is finished (which is, alas, many months off at the slow rate I’m going): As background, in the late 40’s & fifties the CP had a campaign named (in the ponderous jargon we liked to use) “The Struggle against White Chauvinism.”158 This, to me, was about the most useful & best thing ever about belonging to the CP. It really was immensely instructive….
(Parenthetically, I’m surprised that writers like Cornel West & Henry Louis Gates don’t mention the CP—or at least not in what I’ve read of these authors so far)….
Anyway, here’s what I have in mind for far-off future: get … survivors (lots are dead, alas) of those days, & have some recorded discussions of those days AND obviously the main thing, which is what now? This sounds v. vague—which it is, because it’s on back burner at the moment (I’m horribly behind with my work on AWOD)….
Much love, Decca
To Thomas R. McDade159 Oakland
January 27, 1996
Dear Mr. McDade,
Thanks for your FAX of 25 January. Actually the work I’m doing at the moment isn’t a sequel to The American Way of Death; it’s more of an effort to revise, or update, that book, which was first published in 1963.
As I’m sure you know, there have been many changes in the funeral business over the years, and of course one of the most important is the emergence of SCI as an industry leader. So naturally I’m extremely anxious to get the facts straight about SCI: its history, its goals, its philosophy. I wish to avoid using “baseless gossip and rumors”160 in my book, and should certainly appreciate it very much if you would point out the “wholly unsubstantiated innuendo and, in some case[s], outright falsehoods” that you refer to, so that these may be corrected in the finished book.
I think that it would be of great value if I could sit down with a representative of SCI to get the true story. In fact, last autumn I made every effort to secure an appointment with Mr. Waltrip for that purpose; but after I had been assured by telephone that he would meet with me in Houston, Mr. Barrett161 wrote to say “I regret to report that Mr. Waltrip’s travel and business commitments over the next couple of months are going to make it impossible to schedule time to visit with you.” I then tried to get an appointment with Mr. Barrett—he agreed to see me in Houston, but just when I thought it was all arranged I had a FAX from Connie Smith of Corporate Communications who simply wrote: “This is to advise you that Messrs Boetticher162 and Barrett will not be available to meet with you on Thursday, May 25th.” After that, I sadly gave up trying.163
Yours sincerely, Jessica Mitford
ps: Incidentally, my name is Mitford, not Midford as you have it; and my husband’s name is Treuhaft, not Truehaft.164
To Chaka Forman
Oakland
February 3, 1996
Dearest Oy #2,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
However, I do wish you’d shape up & try to behave better in future.
First you go & murder a gay priest in the park—honestly, why do you have to go & do things like that? PLUS being HIV positive?
Next thing I know, you are gratuitously getting a poor innocent bloke in trouble by falsely swearing you saw him at the crime scene.165
Now, if you’ll promise not to do things like this any more, I’ll send you more money on your NEXT birthday.
NAUGHTY BOY,
From your loving Grandec and Grandbob
To Terry Weber
Oakland
February 10, 1996
Terbaby—I note that Dink’s on for religion in yr school.166 Plse remind her of the following:
When we lived in Jean Street, she was about 7 & got v. involved with some people down the hill who were evangelists (I guess; never met them, only go by what she told).
There was a song: “I will make you fishers of men,” so she fished poor Benj aged one, dragged him down the hill to the meetings. I think one got a prize, or reward, for being a fisher of men? She might remember what it was.
Anyway, so she kept on at me about not believing in God. “Who made man, if God didn’t exist?”; So I patiently & laboriously explained Evolution (as I understood it, which was perhaps not too well). Life began with cells in the ocean. These developed into fish, which eventually evolved into birds, thence to animals, thence to early man etc.
“All right, Dec. You go on believing that fish turned into birds and animals, and I’ll go on believing in God.”
I hadn’t much to say at that point. Did she STOP believing in God? If so, when & why? RSVP
Much love, Dec
To various friends
Oakland
February 20, 1996
I am bid to a luncheon on 28 Feb at the Hamlin School, San Francisco, by Tina Brown.167 (The invitation came in one of those New Yorker cards with a cartoon by Booth on the front showing fighting cats/dogs & a couple, woman yelling: “I feel aggressive today. Not sexy—just aggresive.” Do you detect a printer’s errer as the late Philip Toynbee spelt it? What happened to renowned New Yorker checkers?)
Inside, the invite reads: “Tina Brown invites you to join in a lunchtime conversation on the occasion of a special issue about American women.”
Caroline Graham, West Coast editor of the New Yorker, told me that all the women who are invited will be sent an advance copy of the special issue, edited by Roseanne.168 She also said that SIXTY were expected to attend, so it won’t be exactly an intime chat with the editor. I don’t know who the others are; shall contrive to find out next week.
Meanwhile, I’d love to have your views of the new New Yorker. We subscribe, but sad to say I seldom read right through any given issue, so I haven’t really got an informed opinion of the virtues/shortcomings of the Tina Brown watch.
But I am aware that there are immensely strong feelings amongst the inner circle types. Some of this can be gleaned from newspapers/gossip columns.…
Main complaints: firing of Jamaica Kincaid; general “trendiness” idea of having Roseanne edit an issue …
I’m awfully keen to garner a few other views of the Tina Brown stewardship of the mag, so please write or FAX me….
I forgot to say that also I don’t know anything about Roseanne, except for skimming headlines about her. I must be one of the v.v. few who haven’t even seen her on telly. I thought she sounded pretty awful—esp as choice as editor of an issue; but then someone said she’s v. amusing, has a working-class outlook, sharp, clever etc.
To James Forman Jr.
Oakland
April 1996
Dearest Oy #1,
I was deeply moved by your letter of April 7. Aside from the v. great interest in your upcoming cases, both of which look like cliff-hangers, I was particularly struck with the supreme importance of HOW YOU LOOK.
So—as you can imagine, I’ve been awake nights picturing the horror of you losing the cases because the jurors can see that your careless grandparents have let you go to court in some perfectly DREADFUL looking togs. I mean—there they are, in the jury room. All the evidence is in; you’ve made what would normally be thought of as one of the most brilliant summations ever heard in the District of Columbia. But did they pay any attention? Not a bit of it.
The foreman has now been picked. He suggests as a first move, taking a straw vote, and to that end he calls upon each juror. Juror #1: “Well—I must say I didn’t like the looks of counsel’s suit. Did you notice how frayed the cuffs were?”; Juror #2: “I was struck by his necktie. Was that an egg stain?”; Juror #3: “I don’t think so; I understand that Mr. Forman doesn’t eat eggs. But he’s crazy about bacon. I studied that stain, and to me it looked very much like bacon drippings.” And so it goes. The verdict is now a foregone conclusion. GUILTY
So, what is to be done? Grandbob and I have discussed this at length. For a bit of background: last week we were invited to Herb Caen’s 80th birthday—a hugely grand affair held in tents at the Museum of the Legion of Honor, 400 people, all of SF high society. The invitation said “Black Tie.” Grandbob got out his ancient tuxedo, last worn about 40 yrs ago; the jacket fit fine, but alas, not the trousers. What to do? A new one would likely cost $500; to rent one is not easy. He went to the Goodwill, and there got the most marvellous trousers for $5.95. So we thought you should do the same. I was just about to write a check for $5.95 when Bob pointed out that you’d need a jacket, which would likely be another $5. So here’s the price of an excellent suit, a check for $10.95.
With fondest best wishes for a Happy
Birthday & successful trial,
Grandec and Grandbob
To Mary Clemmey
Oakland
April 24, 1996
Dearest Cleme,
It’s been AGES since we heard from you, & we long for news….
I’ve been in touch with various ones about the sp. New Yorker women’s issue—I think I told you a bit about it. Did you read the issue? Some good, some awful. One of the worst was by someone called Daphne Merkin, v. long & all about how she craves to be whipped (she’s a masochist) with nary a joke in it. Marina looked up “Merkin” in the OED—says it means “a pubic wig.” I looked it up in mine, says “counterfeit hair for women’s privy parts,” same thing I guess. So she thinks the whole article was just a huge put-on. There’ve been TWO meetings, 60 woman lunch for Tina Brown, and about 20 at dinner in a tycooness’s house. I went to both; not too enlightening. “We women need to talk to each other more,” that sort of bosh. Nobody really criticized the issue (although the society writer in Chron. wrote that “Jessica Mitford charmingly bit the hand that fed her and trashed the issue …”).
Book’s chugging towards the end. My dream is to have it all finished by end June or mid-July, then we’ll go to Cape Cod where Dink & family, the Snows, Helena & Iain169 all gather every summer. DO come, you know how you’re always on hol, might as well?
I’ve had a job offer! It’s teaching a course at San Francisco State univ., similar to the one I did aeons ago at San Jose. Marvellous high pay, so I’ll definitely do it IF the grant they’re seeking comes through….
Also, I’ve got a lawsuit against the Funeral Directors of New Jersey. See attached letter to them from Don Jelinek, who is handling it for me.170 So I shld be RICH in the near future if all this comes off.
I wish I knew more about English politics. What about Tony Blair?171 He sounds ghastly from the v. little we read about him. And what about Peter Man-delson?172 He was staying with the Snows last year in Cape Cod, so we met him briefly. Somehow the matter of GATT and NAFTA came up; he asked me what I thought of them, I said awful; so he accused me of being an Isolationist. We didn’t hit it off much.
I’ve got a smashing new researcher for England—that naughty James Forrester was hopeless; he got engaged & for some silly reason was FAR more interested in his fiancée than in funerals, can’t think why. The new one, Sophy Roberts, came out of the blue—she wrote asking to interview me for a paper she’s writing (thesis) on Brit. funeral industry; so I smartly turned the tables & asked her if SHE would work for ME. She said snap. She’s really good at it. End of paper, end of letter, fondest love from me & Bob—and PLEASE WRITE….
Decca
To the Duchess of Devonshire
Oakland
April 29, 1996
Hen—I was away (lecherous lecture, San Diego) when yr FAX came—thanks awfully for offering to help funeral-wise.173 Here’s in general the form:
1) Style of funerals—I imagine unchanged forever? When Muv died, you & Nancy both wrote accounts of it; it was in fact same year that American Way of Death was published. Nancy told how a carpenter came to the Isle with planks & tools, measured her, then set about constructing a coffin. I think it was you who told how it was a lovely calm evening (after awful storms) and neighbouring boats followed Muv’s boat to Mull, where the coffin was kept overnight, then by motor hearse to Swinbrook, and the whole thing cost 30 quid. So that’s the sort of thing I’m interested in. Do they still measure for coffin size? Or are the coffins manufactured elsewhere? Can one have an American casket (in Bakewell, or Brayfield etc)—if so, how many of those do local undertakers sell on average? Maybe Naught is the likely answer. How long does the service last? Where is the coffin during the service? Any sign of “open casket” services?
2) Cost. A trifle embarrassing to ask the survivors; but maybe you cld phone a clergyman or two? They’d likely be au fait of the whole thing. They, also, might be the ones to detect any American influence in general conduct of funeral.
Hen it wld be MOST good of you if you cld even get a fraction of above answered.
Much love, Henderson
ps Cost is awfully important, to be compared with London prices, also U.S. There used to be a Gov’t set price for lowest, I think it was 33 quid? But that was ages ago, part of welfare State; I’ve no idea if it still obtains. I think clergy would be best source. How about C of E,174 any different Nonconformist? I suppose there are skeke any RC175 or Jewish funerals in the country?
To Shana Alexander
Oakland
May 22, 1996
Dearest Shana,
… [P]oor Bob is in v.v. bad shape. When I got home last night, there was a note from Benj who had come round to see how he was—saying Bob v.v. strange acting, not at all himself. So today’s been all-Medical, beginning with a blood test this a.m. and just ending now (approx. 9 p.m.) with a neurologist coming round to see him. Tomorrow looks like approx. the same. It may be result of some pain pills he’s been taking. Anyway, I assume they’ll find out tomorrow & also find out cure. …
Much love, Dec
To various friends
Oakland
May 28, 1996
Report on Bob
He’s a tad better today—talking ordinary, noting when one tells him things in the paper such as super report on the Nation in the Liz Smith gossip column. Pleased to hear when people have rung up to inquire.
Best of all is what Benj calls my “support group.” This consists of regulars—Katie, 3 mornings a week, and Inese176 who’s taken to popping in EVERY day.
Mainly, super-saint Lisa Pollard,177 a musician by nature, who has deserted her saxophone to come & help—she slept here last night, is terrific at getting him to sit up & drink water. Also she got him a baby cup, all decorated—the point being that one can drink out of it by sucking & it doesn’t spill. (Handy idea for future—if anybody we know needs such!)
As he wasn’t eating anything for a few days, Benj said he should announce he’s on hunger strike in symp. with Pastors for Peace (on hunger strike for 3 months to force gov’t to let them take computers to Cuba. As of Sunday’s paper, they’d won their point and the Govt had caved in—so they’ve stopped hungerstriking. Of course it was purely Bob’s support that turned the tide, don’t you think?)
That’s about it for now. Oral surgeon coming round at 5 p.m. today.178 All Drs. now eating out of hand thanks to brilliant Don Jelinek, who when talking to them on the phone said “Of course Bob Treuhaft is in his 80s, hence rather frail—but he does go to court every day, he’s still a practicing lawyer.” I’ve embroidered that to have Don saying “He’s just won a very important medical malpractice case—award in the millions….”
End of report. Much love, Dec
To various friends
Oakland
June I,1996
Latest on Bob. Dink has now confronted all Drs., viz Dr. Cohn (general—internist), Bloom, tooth surgeon, Herrick, neurologist, plus an infection specialist at hosp & an ear specialist, ditto.
All say that the combination of very bad infection plus huge doses of antibiotics are the cause of him going odd—not talking ordinary, but saying unresponsive things when asked questions.
However, quite a lot of times he seems perfectly O.K., answers things properly. Swelling on jaw very much better.
All Drs. think that he’ll have to stay in hosp. a week or more to recover totally
To Dr. Arlan Cohn
Oakland
June 21, 1996
Dear Arlan,
Report from the front lines:
Bob Miraculous recovery—he seems utterly OK, going to office etc., & driving his car. Last antibiotics given Wednesday—no more needed, right? He has an appt. to see Dr. McKinley on 2 July re knee.
Decca Not so good. Went with saintly Lisa Pollard to Dr. Hlavac (podiatrist) last Tuesday, 18 June. He says muscle in ankle no good; will be trying a special brace which he’s having made, ready in 2 weeks. But thinks it likely that I might have to have fusion op. after all—agreed no rush, maybe Oct-November if brace doesn’t work.
Here’s another annoying thing: when I clear my throat or cough slightly, phlegm is v.v. dark red, color of very dark raw liver if you see what I mean. Am hoping this will go away, but thought I shld mention it. (I didn’t tell Bob or Dinky, but am sending copy of this FAX to Lisa, foremost ally in health matters.)
Also, Lisa’s got an excellent acupuncturist who she thinks cld help a lot with extremely tiresome pain in right hip—caused, Dr. Hlavac says, by hopeless ankle. Am using Bob’s walker which is a big help. Question: does Medicare or Blue X pay for acupuncture? I’ll give you the bloke’s name, or rather ask Lisa to do so.
