Decca, p.94
Decca, page 94
Professionally, Decca continued writing—almost, it seemed at times, out of habit as much as passion. During the period covered by these letters, she wrote The American Way of Birth.* Partway through the writing, she wrote to a friend who was also in the middle of a book: “As I see it, the whole subject of yours is inherently interesting; not so with birth, damn it.” Writing about medical matters seemed an odd choice. Decca disliked doctors “as a tribe,” although acknowledging “there are a few good apples in that rotten barrel, and I’ve met lots of those.” She avoided visits to her own doctor except for an annual flu shot, and “Then he says ‘while you’re here, I’ll just take your blood pressure.’ ‘OH no, I’m far too busy, I’ve got to dash,’ I say, suiting the action to the word.”
So Decca understood full well the irony of becoming an expert on medical practices, and she was frank about why she had agreed to do so. As she told her good friend Dr. Ephraim Kahn, “I’m sure you deeply disapprove of the idea of hopeless me writing a book abt childbirth which is chockablock with technical matters esp. in the field of medicine. Well I don’t blame you; I often wonder as I plough ahead with said bk WHY am I doing it? I’m afraid the answer is filthy lucre. It all started as just a possible article idea … and only burgeoned into a bk after [her agent negotiated] a shower of gold the likes of which I’ve never seen.”
That book generated yet another entertaining British documentary, and it was followed, two years later, by another reprise on The American Way of Death. Channel 4 in Britain produced, with Decca’s active participation, Over My Dead Body, about the spread of American-style funerals to Britain. The producers interviewed Robert Waltrip, the head of Service Corporation International, an American funeral-home conglomerate. It was a red meat for Decca, who interested editor Robert Gottlieb in a reissue of The American Way of Death,† by then out of print. She contemplated writing an “Afterword,” but in time it became apparent that a more comprehensive revision was needed. The multinational SCI was her last villain and victim.
Decca was working on that revision when she got a diagnosis of rampant cancer, and the updated classic was ultimately completed by her husband, after her death.
Despite the rapid progress of her cancer, Decca characteristically faced her impending death head-on, on her own terms. She told the hospital that since she was dying anyhow she would thenceforth be eating nothing but chocolate mousse. She returned to her home (and a refrigerator stocked with chocolate mousse), slipping in and out of consciousness in a hospital bed set up in the center of her living room as family and friends came by to chat, say goodbye, and, of course, laugh. Angelou flew into town and sat at her bedside, singing the raucous songs they loved, with Decca rousing herself occasionally to sing along.
The final chapter of Decca’s life and letters begins with the germination of her last full book.
To Renée Golden
Oakland
December 14, 1988
Dear Renée,
Here’s what I’ve sent to the Kalmen père et fille.1
I realize that it does not as yet reflect your view that the bk should be broader than just midwives—shld comprise many ways of birth.
I do hope I don’t have to watch an ACTUAL delivery when in Chico—after all, I got through The American Way of Death without going near an actual embalming. Bob did all that, thank goodness.
Mdwves don’t use any anaesthetic which sounds so drab; they caution the patient that it’s going to hurt a lot!!! You can say that again. My mother once said it feels like an orange being forced up your nostril. Fancy doing that seven times, poor her.
Benjy’s birth: he was literally one month late, weighed approx. 10 lbs. Waters broke so off to hospital; Drs. gave labor-inducing shots of something v. potent; labor wld start, then fade away. This happened over 3–4 days, as they cld only give 15 shots a day (huge long needle in one’s behind—so 45 of those in all. Me a pincushion). FINALLY it was the real thing; but the anaesthetist & Dr. had gone out to dinner. In labor room next mine, somebody was screaming her head off so all nurses & aides rushed to her. As I was trained not to shout in public places, I didn’t. Eventually somebody did come & pulled the dear thing out. Later, I heard Bob and the Dr. saying it had been an easy birth, which made me quite cross.
Back to your idea that bk shld be wider in scope: this may come clearer after I read Dr. Horowitz2 (see point #1 of my letter to Kalmen) & interview him. No pt in going into this with Kalmen as they are only interested in midwife aspect….
Decca
To Ted Kalman
Oakland
December 21, 1988
Dear Ted,
Thanks v. much for yr letter—I thought the typing PERFECTLY BEAUTIFUL. Don’t expectME to master one of those dread machines.3 … Many of my writer friends now have word-processors and swear by them, so good for them. Some even have home Xerox machines—and FAX machines!!! Never, says I….
Book comments …
I think it would be a mistake to approach this or ANY piece of writing with the concept that it’s going to change people’s thinking. At least, that would not be my perspective IF I actually plunge into it …I don’t strive for “substance, depth & scope” as you put it—not that I don’t see the importance of these, but merely because I do better—or find it more natural for me—if I stick to specifics, finding out facts & presenting them without underlining for the reader conclusions they should be drawing, or global Moral Messages that I wish them to absorb.
Perhaps I can clarify the approach that works best for me via the example of The American Way of Death…. The whole point of AWOD was that it wasn’t about DEATH at all, but about the death INDUSTRIES. Hence the book is v. short on anecdotal tales of poor widows, their suffering, & how the wicked undertakers took advantage of them—many other bks on same subject went on interminably about that sort of thing.
Likewise, when I was writing Kind & Usual Punishment (re U.S. Prisons) I steered away from prisoners’ hard luck stories—and my God one cld fill volumes with those, & extremely interesting many of them are—and concentrated on all the veneer that goes into the prison business, the “rehabilitation” scam, the vast profitability of prisons to a range of beneficiaries from architects to psychiatrists to bureaucrats in general….
IF after all the prelims. outlined in my previous letters to you I do decide to take it on—which means, Ted, a couple of yrs of v. concentrated work—I’m fairly sure that my interest, & emphasis, wld be far more on chicaneries of medical profession, greed of same, politics of same, than on the admittedly v. important aspect of loving/caring sisterhood aspect—which of course comes into it, but not a major emphasis….
Merry Xmas—love to Peewee & Janice, Decca
To Joan Mellen
Oakland
January 24, 1989
Dear Joan,
… Sorry I put you “on trial,”4 but as you know Kay is an old friend & at that point I was seeing you sort of counter to her instructions and I was longing to get to the bottom (if any) of the you/Kay drama. Jerry Garchik sent me a copy of the letter AUTHORIZING people to talk to you5 —a smashingly well-crafted bit of work, I thought. As for me, I don’t specially like being ordered to talk/not talk to whom I may choose, so I did disregard Kay’s instruction in your case. And I admitted as much to her, when she phoned to ask if I had seen you so I said yes I had. Since when, total froideur on her part. I didn’t tell her anything about our discussion, just that I had in fact met you—that’s about all that was said.
I must say the letters are REALLY EYE-OPENING—couldn’t be warmer, more affectionate. Her sudden dumping of you is too extraordinary. Aside from the extremely friendly tone of letter of Aug. 22, 1987—and list of people to see—in the next one, April 13, 1988, says “You are a very talented young woman. You write with vigor & grace …” In conversations about you with me (and I’m sure others) she said you’d never written anything plus many other uncomplimentary comments.6
It’s awfully sad in a way, as it’s put a total damper on our longstanding friendship with Kay, mainly because I can’t bear the two-facedness of her in dealings with you. As I think I told you, we knew she’s jolly capricious … but this business of on-again-off-again re you & yr work beats all. Another maddening thing: she’s been bad-mouthing Jerry Garchik, who has been incredibly good to her over many years—tons of free legal work, plus the Garchiks put her up time & again for days/weeks & were v. hospitable.
Oh well. It’s all a bit mystifying. Do you think that a) this sort of behaviour is part of the creative personality, or b) she’s been driven slightly dotty by all her physical problems, pain etc? …
Best regards, Decca
To Sally Belfrage
Oakland
February 22, 1989
Dearest Sally,
Security was tight at Heathrow. Brit. Air official asked sternly “Did you do your own packing?”; Yes, said I, mendaciously—fearing to admit it was actually done by an Irish domestic worker
I can’t believe the rudeness of me not writing before now to thank for yr massive hospitality & kindness….
This end, shuddering amounts of things to do [including] … lots on S. Rushdie7 such as READINGS by local (Bay Area) writers at the SF Library, all of us deeply hoping we won’t be assassinated on the spot by those dire Muslims. Time will tell; if we are, sure to make the London papers? Don’t forget you are my lit. executrix.
Now, fast-backward to NY. What follows is pretty much EYES ONLY, yours, so don’t be spreading it … well, bits of it, but not the BOTTOM LINE—DOLLAR SIGN.
I’d been rather longing to get home—breaking the journey for 1 or two nights in NY—but Renee8 absolutely insisted that I shld stay until 18 Feb as she’d arranged numerous meetings with publishers at Viv Cadden’s flat for 17th. I couldn’t quite see the point of these meetings, as in my (admittedly limited) experience with publishers ALL they care about is the written word, a proposal or outline, NOT meeting the author. Others such as Shana Alexander and Viv agreed. I showed Renee’s list to Shana & Viv & they both said “that’s the cream of the publishing industry!” and were impressed that Renee had managed to fetch them up.
I’m up about 4 a.m. on morning of 17th, madly trying to scribble down what I’m going to TELL those publishers about plans for the book. Renee bustles in at 7:30, having taken all-night “redeye” flight from L.A. She says it’s quite unnecessary for me to bother with an outline of things to discuss (bookwise) as she’s told them what it’s about, and that it’s for ME to audition THEM & decide who I’ll have for editor/publisher, not the other way round! I am astonished. Renee also explains that she’s told everyone that she’s only considering offers over $100,000. As the highest advance I’ve ever had on any book was about $30,000 I’m simply amazed.
There are 6 appointments of one hour each, and ¼ hour between for relaxing. The day proceeds like a French farce as part of the Renee scheme was not to tell each publisher who the others invited are. So, it’s 9 a.m. Delacourt-Bantam. ii a.m., Simon & Schuster. 12:30, Crown. 2:30 p.m. Susan Kamil & Joni Evans, Random House. 4 p.m., Jane Isay, Addison/Wesley. 5 p.m., Harper & Row.
I still can’t imagine why these bigshots of publishing should stir forth from their midtown offices to come up all the way to Viv’s on 85th Street; but they do. Everything goes off pleasantly enough—general chitchat, some questions abt the book; then off they go, clearing deck for next lot.
Halfway through the day, phone starts ringing. Renee answers & reports: “Simon & Schuster offers $175,000.” “Crown offer $200,000.” She doesn’t tell ‘em yea or nay, nor does she reveal amt of offer of other publishers. My head’s reeling.
At 2:30 Susan Kamil & Joni Evans of Random House loom. They seem v. splendid—ask a few sharp questions, seem to be in a hurry. Then Joni (head of Random House): “Well I don’t see the point of hanging around any longer. Here’s our offer: $500,000 for hardcover rights only. …” I faint (almost). Sally—it’s a FORTUNE. Can you believe it? Bob didn’t at first, when Renee & I rang him at the office, but I think he’s coming around to it.
Renee said that by the time paperback etc. are settled, it should come up closer to $1 million. Goodness I’m excited—would be more so except that now I’ve got to write the bloody book.9 …
Point of not telling about the FORTUNE is that I don’t want to be squandering it quite yet—at least not until I’ve got it actually in hand—and shall still be looking for a cheap let in June or so. Bob & I to discuss London dates when we have TIME TO THINK, which hasn’t happened yet.
Yr loving Decca
To Constancia Romilly
Oakland
March 21, 1989
Dink—
… I’m in the midst of writing my BOOK PROPOSAL (for publisher). Severe LABOR PAINS (sorry—contractions; no pain to speak of accdg to mid-wives though I rather doubt that), now coming about once every five minutes. Am trying to induce labor with massive input of telephone calls & letters to Loved Ones (like you). It may have to be a C-section birth, editors with their bloodied knives (red pencils, in the context); or at the very least, a painful forceps delivery in which the wretched book is dragged from the screaming author with huge hooks….
Oh well, such is life….
Fondest love, & to Terry, children etc., Decca
To William Abrahams
Oakland
May 7, 1989
Dearest Billy,
In preparation for our mtg on May 9, a few comments on various book things.10 … Here goes:
1. Vocabulary, medical. Needless to say I am abysmally ignorant of all the scientific medical words. For example, do you know what episiotomy means? I bet you don’t, and better you shouldn’t as it’s TOO revolting: means cutting through the vagina to let the baby’s head through. (I rather remember that, from one of mine, & the doctor saying after the babe was born, “I’m just putting in a few stitches,” and me saying rather stupidly in view of location of said stitches “Oh—I do hope they won’t show.”) My mother was even far more hopeless abt medical terms. Told that a young friend had had both her ovaries removed, Muv gave a little scream: “But I thought there were thousands of those!” I shall need a glossary for such as Muv & me.
2. Vocabulary—modern vogue words which recur depressingly (to me) throughout the midwifery lit. Obviously the whole thrust of my book will be for the embattled midwives vs. medical establishment—but here are a few examples of their lingo that cause discomfort, malaise, wincing.
Bonding. Importance of client bonding a) with midwife, whom she has got to know over many months, b) bonding with newborn who is put straight on her breast as soon as it emerges. I’m all for being friends with midwife, and of clasping newborn babe to one’s bosom but why must it be called BONDING? (Incidentally, do these bonding mums become overbearing, tyrannical disliked mothers, overprotective—all the motherly faults? Who knows.)
Parenting. We all know what “mothering” means—giving motherly attention & love. Parenting is presumably meant to include a father’s role, since the word fathering has specific connotation (as in “He fathered a child out of wedlock”). Parenting is yet another of those nouns-made-into-verbs like networking, concretize etc.
Birthing. Why not giving birth?
There are tons more examples—“primary care-giver”—of new hifallutin’ sisterly gush, but why go on? Above wld be at most a para or so in a preface—or might not get in at all….
To John Kenneth and Catherine (Kitty) Galbraith
Oakland
August 5, 1989
Dear K&K,
KITTY: Thanks for kind words about poor old Grey Starling.…
KEN: Yr comments re title for my new book—spot on. In fact, I got the contract changed to say “Amer. Way of Birth—working title, may be changed” etc. What about “Childbirth in America,” which preserves the idea without as you say “hitchhiking on an early success?” You’re the great wordsmanship expert. Be thinking. Book not due until June 1991, if one shld live so long!
What I really loved was yr comment “… it is a subject to which I had not previously given more than three minutes’ thought.” Conjures up picture of Kitty suffering the torture of travail whilst busy Ken is occupied with Affairs of State. I’m thinking of a chapter called Father’s Day with that as a lead-off. These days, as you may or may not know, the wretched Dad is not only required to be on hand for the whole messy business but is often expected to CUT THE UMBILICAL CORD. Ugh. Also, up-to-date hospitals for the rich have a Mom & Pop champagne dinner on her last night in hospital. All too odd for words.11 …
Much love to you both, and to products of less than
3 minutes’ thought if they are there, Decca
To Annie Fursland12 Oakland
August 23, 1989
Dear Annie,
… The only bone to pick in yr letter is the part about tremendous privilege … respect—more in awe.… Am I that much of a dragon??? DO say not.
To me, the “tremendous privilege” is all on the other foot, the fact you chose me as subject for yr Ph.D. thesis. Am reminded of time when Nancy told me (and, I may add, spread the news far & wide) that a French Ph.D. candidate chose HER for subject. We all thought that was an extremely grand & high honor.
Now, forward to the 62 pages….
Knowing naught of the exigencies of Ph.D. writing, I do rather wish that yours could have more of the TONE and WRY OBSERVATION of your letter to me of 17 Aug—but perhaps that’s not the form? I mean, it wld make for far jollier reading….
I thought that on the whole you got my relationships with sisters down right—the exception is Debo; I thought you were a bit rough on her, and didn’t completely fathom the me/Debo ins & outs. Or rather, ups & downs.
