Break my shell, p.11
Break My Shell, page 11
Dayton knew that story, of course, and he winced in sympathy. He understood where she was coming from, but at the end of the day every relationship was a risk. What was he to do? Settle down with a guy who would surely not leave him? And who would that be exactly? Someone un-dateable? “It didn’t work out with the other guys I dated either,” he reminded her.
She threw a potato across the room and cursed when it bounced off the edge of the trash can and slid across the floor. “And I have to deal with this shit on top of that!”
“Something wrong with the vegetables?”
Kathy shot him a murderous glare. “Cheapest there is, in the baddest way. Some of it comes pre-cut and frozen. How am I supposed to prepare a sample menu Vanessa actually agrees on if she doesn’t want to invest in fresh produce?”
Dayton cleared his throat. It had been enough of a chore to get Vanessa to consider a new menu at all, let alone spend money on produce. At least she’d invested in paint and a few flowers for the honeymoon suite after a couple contacted her inquiring about hiring the River Inn for their wedding. Apparently, they’d met during a hike nearby, so they were intent on the venue. “I thought the bride had already accepted one.”
“Yeah, but Max talked Vanessa into a revamp of the regular restaurant menu, and she wants a sample. I want to do it well, and I’m freaking out that if I fail, she’ll want me to keep cooking her Spaghetti a’la Vanessa.”
It wasn’t how it was officially called, but Dayton knew exactly what that dish was. Vanessa forced Kathy to put it on the menu after her trip to Hawaii. She had the ‘brilliant’ idea of adding tropical fruit into the typical spaghetti Bolognese. The mix was unpalatable, but Vanessa claimed it made River Inn a ‘destination restaurant’.
“Anyway, what was wrong with that Jake guy? He seemed to be going places? Wasn’t he like a lawyer or something?” Kathy seemed eager to change the topic back to Dayton’s love life, even though Dayton would much rather eat a raw potato.
The problem with Jake was that apart from being a paralegal, he was also boring as dry noodles.
Dayton massaged his nape, watching Kathy with a sour expression. “Would you have married him?”
She frowned and gave it a lot of thought, silent as she cut through carrot after carrot. “Point taken. That guy couldn’t take a joke for shit.”
“See? I’m not that boring either,” complained Dayton. He might be a neurotic wreck, but that did not mean he didn’t want any passion in his life. The kind of passion that made his heart warm and his body tingle. The kind he felt when he was with Max.
“So, tell me. How does a guy like you—no offense—get a guy like Max to come over all the way from Texas with those abs, and biceps, and all that?”
If she was asking that question, Max must have not told her why exactly he considered Dayton ‘God’s gift to men’. Did she even know he’d spent the last three years in prison? If she didn’t know, Dayton would not be the one to tell her.
“We met online,” he lied, trying not to show offense over basically having been told Max was out of his league. As if he hadn’t already known that.
Thank you, Kathy. I knew I could always count on you, he thought but didn’t voice it.
Kathy grunted and kept her eyes on Dayton, as if she believed she could telepathically squeeze out information out of him.
“What? Is it so hard to believe he might just like me?” asked Dayton as his patience finally ran out. That was how people saw him. Meek, uninteresting, and always somewhere in the background.
“Oh, no! Honey, that’s not what I meant. I’m just surprised the two of you clicked. He’s nothing like you. They do say opposites attra—”
Max stormed into the kitchen, slamming the door against the wall so hard, the handle made an indent in the plaster.
Dayton dropped the last piece of the sandwich into his lap and barely kept it from rolling down all the way to the floor. His blood rushed. His eyes followed the movement of Max’s hands, his body all tense as if it were already anticipating some form of attack, even though it was Max, and logically Dayton knew that anger wasn’t directed at him.
“Hi.”
Max frowned. “What are you doing here? Never mind,” he added quickly and looked to Kathy. “I’ll be back at work in fifteen.”
Dayton cleared his throat. “Did something happen?”
Max wouldn’t even look at him. “It’s not your problem,” he said and walked off through the other exit from the kitchen, the one leading into the back yard.
Kathy rolled her eyes once Max was gone. “Someone’s got his period.”
Dayton straightened up. “Isn’t that offensive? You told Roger off for that kind of comment just last month,” he said, even though his thoughts were already with Max.
“It’s offensive to me, because I actually get periods.”
Dayton wasn’t sure if that was how it worked. Max slammed the back door so hard, cutlery rattled on the countertop.
Dayton was not hungry anymore, especially not for the side salad left on his plate, so he pushed away the uneaten food and downed his water. “Oh, that went quick. My break is over,” he lied, wanting to evade any more grilling about his love life.
Kathy took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment. “Can you please tell Vanessa the soup will be ready for sampling in an hour?”
“Sure, will do,” said Dayton and rushed out of the kitchen. As much as he liked Kathy, she was in the habit of sticking her fingers into other people’s business a bit too much sometimes. And the worst thing was that he’d now contracted her doubts. And then there was the constant worry about the upcoming wedding party, and Max’s bad mood... What else could go wrong today? Was there an earthquake in the plans for River Inn?
He hurried out toward the reception only to find Vanessa talking loudly to a guest, so he slowed down mid-stride.
“Truly, Vanessa, how could you have not checked his background? Has he lied to you about his past? These kinds of people have a habit of doing things like that,” the elderly lady said with a deep frown, stroking the Pomeranian in her arms.
Dayton gravitated behind the wall casually, so that the customer would not notice anything awry, but he stopped right behind the bend and listened, putting all of his energy into one sense. Mrs. Bellona was among the nosiest people he knew. Whatever he did, she always found faults or things that could be improved. And the worst thing was that despite constantly complaining about the quality of food and service at the River Inn, she kept coming here like a bad cold that never fully stopped.
“No, Mrs. Bellona!” Vanessa exclaimed and he could just imagine her making that fake-shocked face. “If I’d had known, I’d have never employed him. Or at least I’d have taken more safety precautions.”
“I don’t know if I can stay here tonight, Vanessa, knowing there’s a murderer under the same roof. Do you know he’s a homosexual as well?”
Dayton could bet his wages that Mrs. Bellona was clutching her purse now.
His shoulders tensed, and he rubbed his face in sudden fear. Would Vanessa fire Max now? Where would they go if Max couldn’t stay in the hotel anymore? What if she had fired Max already?
Vanessa cleared her throat. “I— wasn’t aware no.” Yet another lie.
“Well he is. And after years in prison, locked in with other men, God knows what kind of diseases he’s spreading around the hotel. I dread even thinking about it!”
“Please, Mrs. Bellona, he didn’t have access to the rooms, I’m sure yours is as crystal clean as always.”
“No. Not tonight, Vanessa. I am far too rattled.” Mrs. Bellona’s voice got that tremble, like when she’d found a mint chocolate in her room after she’d ‘explicitly told’ Vanessa that she was on a diet.
Vanessa must have been fighting herself not to protest further, but in the end she said that she understood, and after a few more minutes of clapping her jaws, Mrs. Bellona left.
Dayton still stood with his back glued to the wall. He took two deep breaths, braced himself for the worst, and walked out from behind the wall with a small smile on his face, as if he hadn’t heard any of the conversation. “Hi, Vanessa!”
Vanessa looked up at him and clenched her fingers on Dayton’s shoulder once he got close enough. “Dayton…”
He stilled, and his face tingled even though he already knew it was bad. “Yes, Vanessa?”
“Max… he… I don’t think he is who you think he is,” she whispered.
Dayton’s smile was gravitating to the floor, but he fought to keep it up. “I don’t understand.”
“Mrs. Bellona just told me she recognized him from TV. And you know Mrs. Bellona never forgets a face.”
“What are you talking about? There is nothing wrong with Max. Don’t you see how hard he works to make this hotel better?” asked Dayton, and his voice rose over its usual volume.
Vanessa frowned. “You know what he did, don’t you?”
“He’s innocent, that is why he is walking free. What would you have done if someone attacked you, and you had a weapon?”
Vanessa grumbled. “Well, wasn’t he a boxer? He could have just knocked them out,” she said as if it were so easy to control the exact amount of strength put into a punch.
“He probably would have if there weren’t three of them. He probably panicked. It’s easy for us to say otherwise now, when we’re both safe,” he said sharply.
“That’s why I’m not actually firing him.” Vanessa sighed and raised her chin. “You know Mrs. Bellona likes to make a lot of fuss about nothing, but I have to care about the hotel’s reputation. So, I just told Max to stick to the kitchen from now on, so that no other guests recognize him.”
Dayton’s shoulders fell, and he rubbed his face, stepping closer to Vanessa and almost about to hug her. “Oh, God. Thank you, Vanessa. I knew you would understand,” he lied, more than ready to tickle her ego in any way she pleased. “Most people think in black and white terms, but you really see all the shades of grey, you know.”
Her wide smile of self-contentment told him his words had worked wonders. “Exactly! Max is doing very well in the kitchen, he’s helped out with the new honeymoon suite, and he’s been polite to me. You see, Dayton, I have a big heart.”
“You really do. Someone like him really needs a chance to get back on his feet. He is lucky to have you as his boss,” Dayton said, so relieved he’d love to just sit down and breathe for a few minutes.
“But you, Dayton… You surprise me every day.” She wagged her finger at him as if he were a naughty child, not a grown-ass man. “Keeping such a secret from me.”
Dayton licked his lips but managed to keep a straight face. “Oh, I didn’t think it was my place. I kind of assumed you talked this through with him already.”
She nodded and only now let go of Dayton’s shoulder. “Yes, I will need to have a little talk with Max.”
“Sure. He will probably be available later. Oh, Kathy says you can do the tasting in an hour. Maybe you could talk to Max then as well.”
Vanessa licked her lips. “Oh yes, the tasting. We will see what she came up with. I’m very nervous about change.”
Of course she was. He suspected Vanessa stalled with buying the paint for the honeymoon suite because she feared the change in color (from fuchsia and black to more neutral colors) would badly affect the rentability of a room that had barely been in use for the last three years.
“I think Kathy knows what she is doing. The soup smells delicious.”
“Good, good. I think I need a drink first after Mrs. Bellona’s visit.” She nodded at Dayton and walked off toward her office.
“See you... soon,” said Dayton and stood in place until she disappeared from sight. Only then he spun around and ran down the corridor, past a couple of visitors, and into the kitchen.
Kathy wiped her eyes of onion tears and looked up at him. “What is it?”
Dayton gasped, looking around. He needed to talk to Max. God, it must have been so terrible for him to be found out like this, and by a customer at that. “Max?”
She sighed. “He’s still not back from wherever he went.”
“Cover for me if Vanessa asks where I am,” he said and stormed through the kitchen, all the way to the back door. He knew it was a shitty move to leave her with all the work, but Max needed him now. If it was him put in that situation, he’d probably just leave, not to have to look Vanessa in the eye again!
He looked around the back yard, but when he heard grunting from just around the large recycling container, he sped up.
Max had his back to him, so he must have not realized Dayton was there. He’d made himself a punching board out of taped-together cardboard boxes. The contraption was taking punch after punch, and Max seemed so tense Dayton wasn’t even sure how to approach him anymore.
He slowed down at first, watching the bare body move like a well-oiled yet aggressive machine, but he couldn’t bring himself to speak either, so step after cautious step he approached Max from behind.
When he wrapped his arms around Max’s waist, the strong body tensed up in alarm, and Dayton braced himself for a punch that didn’t come. Max stilled, breathing heavily.
Dayton exhaled, rubbing his face between Max’s shoulder blades. Just inhaling his scent made tension ease in Dayton’s body somewhat. “Max, I heard what happened.”
Max’s body sagged and for what seemed like forever, he didn’t say a word. “She treated me like I was scum,” he whispered.
Dayton shuddered and hugged Max harder. “But you’re not. She’s a nosy old lady, who would find something to complain about at the Ritz.”
“I never set out to kill anyone,” Max said in a tight voice. “I used to have a good future ahead of me. And even though my sentence has been overturned, this will always drag behind me.”
Dayton exhaled and slowly moved his fingers down Max’s arm, squeezing his hand. His own experience was nothing in comparison to the trauma Max must have been through, but he did know what it was like to have a single event fuck up the rest of one’s life. Neither of them would ever be truly free of their past. “I know. You are a good guy. You don’t deserve any of that shit.”
“Am I though? Maybe I’m not. Maybe people like her are right that I will never be a part of regular society again?” Max squeezed Dayton’s hand tightly. “She told me I can stay as long as I stick to the kitchen. I’m only acceptable as long as I do her dirty work with no documents to prove that I’m working here, no health insurance, and barely minimum wage. You deserve so much better.”
Dayton moved to face Max and took hold of his other hand too. “Don’t say that. This is only temporary anyway. We will move, like we wanted to, and she will no longer use us,” said Dayton, in disbelief that he was the one to bring up that matter again. Usually it was Max who insisted on leaving River Inn behind, but in this moment, Dayton felt that this really was the only viable course of action if they wanted to ever live like normal people.
A few years ago, when he’d flunked high school, got outed to his parents and ended up broke and homeless, the job seemed like a godsend, but soon enough he had realized Vanessa wasn’t exactly charitable. She held the strings of his livelihood, and year by year, Dayton was more entangled in her mess than he’d have ever wished to be.
It was painful to see Max so upset, but it made Dayton suddenly realize how self-indulgent his crush on Max often was. How he enjoyed the ways in which Max tried to make him feel great without really asking himself what Max was going through. He seemed to be so chilled out, so easy-going and good with people that it hadn’t occurred to Dayton that he might actually be struggling and in need of support himself.
Max took a deep breath and wouldn’t meet Dayton’s gaze. “What if we do get stuck here? I don’t want to be the human equivalent of a dishwasher all my life. I’m trying to make new plans, but now I wonder if they’re even worth anything when people can find out I’m… a murderer. They won’t care it was self-defense. Better safe than sorry, right?”
“You are not a murderer,” said Dayton firmly, stepping closer to force Max into looking at him. “And even if we meet some bad people, I know it will be all right. It has to be.”
“I didn’t want to tell you this, because it’s such a pipe dream right now, but I thought I could become a personal trainer, run some of those boxercise classes and shit like that, but how am I supposed to get certified with a past like mine? Who will want to train with me? And what does it even matter if I can’t afford any of those courses because I’m so broke it’s pathetic? I hate it so much that I can’t give you anything after all those years where you never missed a week with your letters.” Max’s face was red, and he was breathing hard, yet never stopped squeezing Dayton’s hands.
“I tell you who. People who have been bullied or attacked themselves. They would look up to you,” said Dayton quickly. He couldn’t comprehend how terrible it had to be for Max to have his past be so easily discoverable. There was no sweeping it under the rug. Someone could always send the past right back at him like an unexpected punch to the back of the head.
His heart filled with hope when Max didn’t immediately answer with another bout of self-hate. Max had no idea just how much he was giving Dayton without even spending a cent. And it wasn’t just the amazing sex, or the physical closeness. Every day, Max made Dayton feel more capable and more confident. Breaking out of River Inn had never felt as real as since Max appeared in his life.
“You think?” Max asked with a deep sigh.
“Yes. Of course I think that,” said Dayton hotly and rested his cheek on Max’s chest. “I believe in you. You are an amazing man, and you deserve better than having to deal with those kinds of people. If you can’t do it, then no one can.”
Max exhaled loudly and pulled Dayton into a tight hug. “Sorry I’m melting down on you like this. I wanted to give you the ‘Max experience’ when I came here, not bring you down with my shit.”
Dayton stilled, and shame trickled down his body. He was really useless, wasn’t he? He just took whatever he wanted from Max, bathing in his attention, but in return, all he had for Max were demands. That was not how relationships were supposed to work. “I’m sorry. I’m such a lousy boyfriend...”
