Break my shell, p.14
Break My Shell, page 14
Max snorted. “Did you pat her on the back?”
Kathy laughed. “In her dreams. I told her she had two good members of staff that she just fired. She wasn’t happy with me, but if she let go of me too, the wedding guests would have had to eat frozen desserts.”
“Well played!” Jen high fived her sister with a wide grin.
Max nodded. “She should have protected her staff, not worried about those three douchebags.”
Dayton swallowed and gave a loud yawn, walking into the kitchen as if he hadn’t heard a thing. “Good morning. God, so sorry I overslept. Kathy, you are officially an angel,” he said, looking at her with all the sincerity in his heart. He had no idea what would have happened to them if Kathy hadn’t extended her helping hand.
Kathy waved her hand and pushed a chair out for him in invitation. “You’re welcome. Have some breakfast. Yesterday was ridiculous.”
Max wouldn’t look Dayton’s way and just continued the conversation. “Was it really that bad though? Were the guests unhappy? I’m sure the hotel still earned plenty?”
Dayton sat down next to Max and politely reached for the food, even though he really didn’t feel like eating anything. The lack of sleep made his stomach queasy, and there was so much to worry about on top of that. “Yes, it was ridiculous.”
Kathy cleared her throat. “Everything pretty much went downhill after you two left. I guess the guests still had fun with the music, but service was non-existent.”
“Well, she’s got Dayton’s number when she finds out she can’t find her own shoes without him.” Max reached out and petted Cin, making Dayton ache for Max’s touch as well.
“You didn’t deserve to be treated this way either,” Dayton said softly, feeding himself some eggs. They were delicious, fluffy and buttery, and he quickly bit on a slice of bread as well.
Max shrugged. “I don’t have a phone, so she can go fu—”
“Language!” Kathy said. “Monica is up and somewhere around.”
Dayton sighed and slowly filled his stomach with the warm, delicious food. He had some coffee too. It was nice to eat by a normal table, not in his room or standing in the corner of the kitchen at River Inn. “Did she play with Cin?”
Kathy grinned. “Yeah, but you know little kids. Get bored so easily.”
And as if on cue, Monica ran into the kitchen. “Mommy! Mommy! I found this on our front porch!” She passed Kathy a large flyer, but made wide eyes at Dayton. “That’s the man from the poster!”
Dayton chuckled, thinking Monica must have mistaken him for some stock photo model with a vague resemblance to him, but the moment Kathy’s mouth dropped open and her eyes turned at him, wide as saucers, the food got stuck in his throat.
“W-what?” he uttered, but his stomach was twisting into a tight bundle already.
Kathy laughed nervously and patted Monica on the head. “That’s not him, honey. Must have been Halloween.” But her eyes sent daggers into both Max and Dayton as she presented them with the home-made poster above her daughter’s eye-level.
Dayton’s skin itched as if it were shrinking around him. He couldn’t breathe, and his eyes clouded with dark spots, like he’d just gotten hit on the head. Through thick fog, he heard Monica say that there were more of the posters lying around all around the front lawn.
He jumped to his feet so abruptly the chair fell back, but he didn’t wait for anyone to react and ran to the porch on stiff legs.
Dozens of the same black and white posters were scattered like autumn leaves, and he didn’t even know where to start with picking them up. His knees were jelly, his heart beat erratically, and when he realized Max had followed him outside, panic gripped him with so much ferocity Dayton stumbled to his knees, right into the damp grass.
“Day, what the fuck is this?” Max asked behind him.
Dayton tried to take a deep breath, to answer him, but his throat clenched so rapidly the inhale was just a painful wheeze. “D-don’t look,” he choked out, crawling to the next flyer despite the pain exploding in his lungs and the dizziness that was slowly overcoming his senses. His body fought for air, but he could not focus on taking care of it. His secret was out, but he needed to keep it from spreading. He needed to gather all the fliers.
There could be more. What could have stopped his tormentors from spreading them throughout town, pinning them to public notice boards, church doors? Left and right, Dayton saw his own eyes looking back at him from his teenage bedroom, with a Harry Potter poster hanging on the wall over his naked form. Spread out on the mattress, with hands and legs tied to the bedposts, and with a large dildo resting against his ass, Dayton presented an obscene picture.
He grabbed the piece of paper and fell to all fours, laboriously forcing air through his compressed windpipe as his heart raced against his ribs.
Max kneeled right next to him and pulled him into his big, sturdy arms. “Day, deep breaths, baby, deep breaths, okay? We’ll take care of this,” came in the softest whisper as Max held him close.
Dayton shuddered, pushing into the warmth of Max’s arms and sobbed. His chest hurt, as if he were going to die at any moment, as if his heart couldn’t take it anymore. “Everyone will know who I am,” he choked out.
Max stroked his back so calmly that it felt like waves rolling over his skin. “Whoever did this, whatever this is, it’s not your fault. We’ll get through it. As soon as you start breathing, we’ll gather them all.”
Dayton rolled to his back, and finally something released in his throat, letting in enough air to fight off the dreaded light-headedness. “Kathy saw it. And Monica,” he whimpered, not even caring about the tears sliding down his temples when he looked up at Max. This was his worst nightmare come true. Exactly what he’d tried to avoid for years.
“They won’t judge you. I mean, Monica doesn’t even understand what she saw, and Kathy… she will understand it’s someone trying to hurt you.” Max stroked Dayton’s hair, watching him attentively. “Do you want to… tell me what this is about?” The deep line of worry marring his forehead made Day sob.
He hid his face in his hands, reliving that evening years ago over and over as it played out on the inside of his eyelids. “I’m not like that. T-that’s not porn, or anything,” he whispered.
“Okay. Was this taken by some ex-boyfriend?”
The fingers in Dayton’s hair were a surprisingly soothing presence and helped him catch every other breath. Slowly, Dayton shook his head but didn’t dare look at Max yet. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what Max thought of him now that he’d seen the photo after all the blatant refusals he’d gotten from Dayton.
Several times, he tried to speak, but when his voice finally came out, it was raw and so quiet he wondered whether Max would even hear him. “Greg took it.”
The silence that followed made Dayton relive the humiliation of that day over and over again. He didn’t even care that he was freezing in his pajamas on the wet grass. His whole body was on fire, and he welcomed the cool air.
“Oh,” finally came from Max. “You never said he was an ex,” he mumbled.
“He’s not,” whimpered Dayton, slowly lowering his hands to see Max on the background of the shockingly blue sky. “Please, don’t go...”
Max grabbed his hand. “I’m not going anywhere. Did he… hurt you?” All of his attention and care were on Dayton, as if yesterday’s argument hadn’t happened at all.
Dayton shuddered, but his heart rate was slowly getting back to normal, which in itself was such a relief he rolled closer to hug Max. “He left me like that... and my parents found me the next d-day...” Even talking about it hurt. He’d never spoken to any of his family again after that day. He sometimes spotted them around town, but they always pretended he wasn’t there.
Max’s eyes went wide, and he hugged Dayton tightly. “Jesus Christ,” he hissed, stroking Dayton’s back. “Motherfucker. Why would he do that? What the fuck? Who fucking does that?”
Dayton rubbed his face against the fabric of Max’s shirt, oddly calmed down by its warmth and the steady rhythm drumming behind Max’s breastbone. “Wanted to teach me a lesson. The three of them did,” he whispered, curling up with the pain of that memory. “He lied to me. I thought he l-liked me.”
Max stroked Dayton’s nape, as if Dayton was a cat. “That’s un-fucking-believable. Wait ‘til I get my hands on the cunt-canoe.”
“Don’t. Please don’t leave me,” begged Dayton, cupping Max’s face with his hands and crawling even closer. He felt so pathetic, and yet Max’s acceptance gave him a sense of calm that cleared his mind at least a bit.
Max took a deep breath and he kissed the side of Dayton’s cheek. “I won’t. This… this is my fault. It’s his revenge,” he whispered, clenching his lips into a thin line. “I didn’t know he had this, Day…”
Dayton blinked, staring into Max’s eyes with his mind blank. “What did you do?”
“I was so furious. I know you told me not to go, but I couldn’t think straight. I egged his house last night.”
Dayton swallowed, slowly going limp in Max’s arms. “I should have told you what he had on me.”
“I mean… you had no obligation to. But if I knew, I’d have shut up. I’m so sorry, babe. Anger gets the best of me sometimes. And he was so rude, and he got us fired. I completely lost it.”
Dayton exhaled, still holding Max’s face in his palms, gently rubbing the thick beard. The truth was out, and the ground had not swallowed him yet. It would have happened some time or another, he supposed. He could not control things that were so clearly out of his hands. “I know. You did what you thought was right, like you always do. It’s just me who’s a coward,” whispered Dayton.
“You’re not a coward. You knew he could unleash this bullshit on you. Anyone’s allowed to be afraid. When I turned myself in after the attack that ended in those guys being killed, I was scared shitless. Everything in my life fell apart that night.”
Dayton swallowed and pressed his forehead to Max’s. Dayton had built Max up as an unbroken champion of fighting for oneself, but even he was afraid sometimes. Dayton had put him on a pedestal instead of seeing the real man underneath the confidence and handsome exterior. “I know how that feels like. I lost everything because of them. My parents forced me to leave the house, so I didn’t finish school. And whenever I met Greg and his buddies, they would threaten me with publishing the pictures. They enjoyed having that power over me. Not like... sexually,” he said quickly, “but they made me pay them to keep the photos unpublished, made me do stuff for them. And I just... did.”
Max tightened the hug as if he wanted to hide Dayton inside his own body. “Sweetie… That’s horrible. To pull you into such a thing… I can’t even begin to tell you how furious this makes me. And you didn’t want to report it, because they had the photos?”
Dayton pushed his head under Max’s chin. It was much easier to talk without seeing his face. “I had never even had a boyfriend when this happened. I didn’t want them to tell everyone I was gay. Greg started texting me on a dare, to check if I was really gay, like they all believed, and then he just pulled everything out of me. I was so excited. And when he came over on the night my parents were out, I thought we’d... do it. He brought the cuffs. And then he let in the guys, and... it was all lies. I was one big joke to them. They took photos, mocked me and left me there,” he whispered, pressing into the heat of Max’s arms. Even now, years later, thinking of the moment he realized what was really going on, his heart was breaking as if it happened yesterday.
“Day, I’m so sorry I pushed you so hard. I had no idea.” Max sighed, as if weighed down by guilt, but he had no idea just how much comfort being in his arms gave Dayton. “I don’t want to force you into something you don’t want again. I mean, I can go and smash his face in, but if that’s not something you want, if you want to let it all go, I get it.” His thick fingers petting Dayton’s nape were the most soothing thing ever.
Dayton exhaled, playing with Max’s fingers as he slowly allowed himself to calm down. “It’s not your fault. I only told you about the good stuff. About the things that I always fantasized about, but I’d told them to Greg too, and look where it led me.” He briefly shut his eyes. “You were so brave when you were attacked that I didn’t want you to see me as a loser. It’s not your fault you didn’t know. But... when you came here I was so afraid that this was all you were really after,” he said in a choked voice.
Max pulled away to look into Dayton’s eyes. “All those fantasies, I mean, they turned me on like nothing else. You’re the sexiest, most twisted guy I’ve ever met,” he said with a small smile. “But it’s not why I came here. Sure, my balls were blue just thinking about the things I’d do to you once I left prison, but your letters… they helped me survive the lock-up and stay sane. Everyone turned away from me. My family didn’t want to visit me, and I was really close with my boxing trainer back then, but he totally abandoned me. And the other letters I got… they were messed up. Mostly freaking bloody revenge fantasies or total fucking weirdos. You, you were so sweet and full of admiration, and I connected with you when you wrote to me. So, you didn’t tell me everything about your life, but you didn’t lie either. Well, apart from the hair.” Max swirled his fingers through Dayton’s ginger mane.
Dayton leaned in and kissed Max softly, brushing his fingers over his cheeks and neck. “I’m so sorry. They don’t deserve you.”
“But you do. If you only want me. I will never forget that whenever I was crawling out of my mind in prison, I could always depend that, like clockwork, there’d be a letter from you. Each one hooked my heart, and I just had to come find you. I would never abuse your trust.”
Dayton felt as if soft marshmallow clouds carried him off the ground. “I love you,” he whispered, with another kiss that sent a tingle down his chest. And this time, he truly meant it. “Of course I’ll have you. I’m sorry about everything. I was so unfair to you. All you wanted was to protect me.”
“Because I know how sweet and anxious you are.” Max laughed. “I can’t bear to see someone hurting you.”
“I will try to get better. I promise,” said Dayton, rubbing his cheek against Max’s.
“I promised to give you time, and I will. I didn’t know you had so much… baggage when it came to the sex stuff. Do you want me to gather those flyers while you go inside and chill out?”
Dayton shook his head and rubbed Max’s chest gently. “No. I think I’m fine now. Thank you. No one can calm me down the way you do.”
Max gave him a kiss and helped him up. “We’ll burn them once we’ve got them all. Greg can go fuck himself.”
Dayton sighed, surprised just how much lighter he felt after the conversation they’d had. Instead of disgust, Max offered comfort and an understanding Dayton had never expected... from anyone. All of a sudden, the flyers did not seem as catastrophic as he first believed, though he did his best not to look at the photos while he gathered the scattered pieces of paper.
God, he needed to apologize to Kathy.
When Max picked up yet another poster, he waved it in the air with a scowl. “Can you imagine this shitbag? There’s a half-printed tax return on the back of this one. Address and all. Fucking idiot. You think we could use it as evidence and report him? This has to count as sexual harassment or something.”
Dayton flinched. “But... then other people would see the photos,” he said, eyeing the pile of paper in his arms, all facing down so that he wouldn’t have to look at his teenage self humiliated so badly.
Max licked his lips. “Sure, babe. It’s up to you.”
Dayton sighed and approached him slowly. He looked around, but there was no one there, not even any cars passing by, and he curled his hand over Max’s. A jut of adrenaline shot through his veins, but he only tightened his grip.
Kathy broke the moment when she walked out to the porch, lighting herself a cigarette on the way. “Time for real talk, guys.”
Dayton felt his confidence evaporate, as if someone had heated him up from the bottom. “I am so sorry you had to see this. I’ve been blackmailed for a long time,” he said, looking to his feet.
Kathy took a big drag of smoke. “I get it, it’s not your fault, but my kid found this on my porch. Whoever’s after you, I can’t have this kind of shit targeting my house. So, I know you’re sorry,” she turned to Max, “and I know it’s not your fault either, but I can’t risk having you guys here.”
Dayton hardly kept disbelief off his face. “Oh. I... of course, that’s understandable,” he said, too pumped out to be as upset as he probably should be. Would he live in the park again? At least, this time he’d have Max with him. And a car.
Max groaned but nodded. “Thanks for letting us stay the night anyway.”
Kathy sighed. “I can lend you guys some money, but I don’t have much myself.”
“We’ll work something out,” Max said. “Can we leave the non-essential stuff in your empty room for now?”
“Oh, of course,” she said, taking a big drag of smoke from her cigarette. This situation was not comfortable for any of them. “You can also leave Cinnamon with us until you find someplace safe.”
Dayton felt a pang of anxiety over leaving behind his pet. They hadn’t been apart since he first adopted Cin, but Kathy was right. A car was not the right environment for a cat. “Thank you. For everything,” said Dayton softly, never letting go of Max’s hand.
Only then did he realize he had not let go of it despite there being someone to see them.
Chapter 12
The pile of paper was growing in the back seat the longer they drove around town. It was already too late to gather them before they could be seen, so Dayton pulled up his hood and hoped he at least would remain invisible. Max methodically took down all the posters, tossing the crumpled paper into the car with growing frustration, but despite his best efforts, the black hole inside of Dayton’s chest had only grown bigger. Whether he was ready for such a major change in his life or not, there was no way he could stay around and go to the shops knowing most of the people he met had seen him in such a compromising position.
