The aureate affairs, p.30
The Aureate Affairs, page 30
Lex, the spunky youngest boy who longed to be a soldier and make his family proud. Tillian, the leader, the oldest, and the only one who could get us all to listen to him. Barnaby, a boy of sixteen with the greatest sense of humor and could cheer all of us up on any given day, no matter how dreary or exhausted we all were.
Flynn a reserved blonde boy who longed to become a scholar. Giles, the fastest and sneakiest of our group, his dark hair and tan skin perfect for blending in at night to sneak treats. And Adrian, the quietest but the hardest working.
I spoke at such lengths about them; time flowed so effortlessly past without any notion to it. Sawyer listened intently the entire time, not once showing that he was bored or tired of the conversation.
“You certainly had a great deal of male companionship,” he teased. “I should never have heard of such a thing, though I suppose a village does not have such strictness as a city regarding decorum between girls and boys.”
I nodded. “Just so. And I never listened to my handlers. I carried out my work, so there was very little they could do.”
Sawyer chuckled. “I should think it too tiresome to ever try and put you in line.”
I laughed with him, the sound turning into a yawn. Now that I was done with my lengthy memories of my brothers, I felt how tired I was, drained deep within.
“We should retire. It must be the middle of the night,” Sawyer commented, glancing above to check the moon’s position. It was nowhere to be seen from our east-facing side of the palace.
“Oh, forgive me,” I said, standing up and Sawyer following suit. “I can imagine how exhausted you must be from preparing the castle for the ball.”
He offered his arm to me, which I was surprised by. He usually always kept a respectable distance between us. “Spending time with you and forgetting my duties is always worth the short night of sleep, Mina, I assure you,” he said warmly.
I slipped my arm through his, my heart fluttering in a nice way.
“You’re very kind, Sawyer,” I replied quietly, gathering my dress as we walked up the steps to the side door.
“I, too, receive the same enjoyment from our companionship,” he explained as we stepped inside.
I looked at him in earnest now that we were in the soft corridor light. The way his green eyes were so bright and gazing at me–I couldn’t look away.
Hours we had just spent together, and still, I could spend countless more and not tire of his presence, his smiles, his warmth, and fond conversation.
Sawyer inclined his head to me, adding, “While I may have long hours of duties to carry out, I know you have the opposite, and it is a lovely break to simply talk and enjoy good company.”
I was beyond flattered.
“I do hope you are not just saying that on my behalf,” I teased, and Sawyer grinned, pausing to let me gather my dress skirts more in my hand before we ascended the staircase.
“I will admit I never thought a maiden’s company could be so refreshing or genuine, but it is the unique gift you offer for one so blasé about social decorum,” he stated honestly.
I sighed gladly. “Thank you, Sawyer. You have no idea what it means to me to be accepted for who I am when I cannot be myself anywhere but with you.”
I saw the stun in his green eyes, the depth of my words hitting him greatly. Perhaps that was too much to reveal, but he had saved my evening of horrors, and I was grateful.
“May I ask why you cannot do the same with His Highness?” Sawyer asked carefully.
I gave him a truthful answer. “I am, to a certain degree. However, he is still the prince. There will always be propriety I must follow when I am with him, and…”
I looked at the captain, who watched me intently with no judgment, no double standard, just interest.
“It is different with Theo when I am in a game to win his heart, and he still agrees to subject himself to the other nine and thirty. I do not know what to think of my situation with him when he should gift me something so grand as this…”
I touched the necklace on my chest. “And yet returns to tonight’s ball to be laden with ladies’ attentions. I should not understand how he carries out such actions when he claims to despise them as I do.”
I raised my eyebrows slightly at Sawyer.
“Do you have any pearls of wisdom for your lord and liege?”
Sawyer pursed his lips and looked ahead, biding his time.
“Without breaking his confidence,” he started delicately. “I can only say that you are not the only one conflicted in this matter. No maiden has ever caught the prince’s eye, so please be considerate of his situation too, Mina.”
He had my full attention.
We stopped walking and turned to one another. I stared up at Sawyer’s brilliant green eyes, looking into mine with composure and compassion.
“For someone of such station as his, with a tradition beloved by all who surround his kingdom, to find a wife with such impressionable eyes upon him, can you not see his own torn place among his court?”
I had not considered that the court were subjects he had to appease, but he would need to, in ways they found agreeable. Since they were so heinous with their gossip and pusillanimity, it did make sense that Theo would endure the social season in such a fashion that suited his court’s attitude.
“I would think he struggles more this past week than he ever has about his personal life,” Sawyer continued.
“With such a strong-willed maiden as you are, Mina, I should imagine those struggles would cause a mistake or two while he evaluates it all, whilst amid a very strict social calendar he is bound by as the host.”
I licked my lips into my mouth, feeling foolish for thinking I knew better than a prince who had spent his life at court while I had been there for but a week.
“I wish if that was true,” I replied. “He would say as much. He’s requested candor from me, yet I receive none in return.”
Sawyer raised an eyebrow, looking amused. “None in return, you say?” His eyes moved down to the diamonds peeking out between his tailcoat on my shoulders.
I blushed, mumbling, “Perhaps it is not fair for you to act as mediator, being privy to the prince’s counsel and my own.”
We resumed our walk, my hand curled through his arm and holding onto his bicep through his dress shirt. Sawyer tried to stifle his smugness and masked it with a cough into his other fist.
“Ego is unbecoming of you, Sawyer,” I jested, and he laughed warmly.
“I shall not let it go to my head. You have my word,” he promised, still chuckling.
We arrived at my suite, and he opened the door, letting me in first. Being back in my room, it felt like a lifetime had passed since I first left for the ball.
“I cannot thank you enough,” I said to Sawyer as I returned his coat to him.
He shrugged into it with a head bow. “Not at all, Mina. You made a very stressful day worthwhile by sharing your thoughts with me and speaking of your brothers with such fondness. I thoroughly enjoyed myself.”
I grinned, truly grinned, probably for the first time since coming to Chaulôn.
“I could not ask for a greater compliment than that.”
Sawyer straightened up from adjusting his jacket collar and stared at me openly, almost peculiarly. I shifted my feet, my gown glittering in all the lights left on by Giselle for me, but I accepted his gaze as he took me in, standing there in a beautiful sitting room in a dress and jewels fit for royalty.
I had never seen such a curious and revelation-filled expression on his handsome face before. Sawyer relaxed his stance, letting out a small sigh like he had resigned to something.
“Would you like to join me in breaking our fast, Mina?”
I blinked, unprepared for such a request, even if such a simple one.
“Really?” I clarified before I could stop myself.
I laced my fingers together shyly.
“Is that allowed?”
Sawyer grinned that crooked, dimple-filled smile, which I imprinted to memory.
“If you wish it to be.”
To enjoy his company again so soon and not just rely on letters…
“I would like it very much,” I answered, trying very hard to sound friendly and not flirtatious. I could not allow myself to hope, to think, to dream of it being anything else.
He inclined his head. “Excellent. Please do sleep in. It’s very late, after all. Send word to Xavier when you are ready, no matter how late in the morning.”
I curtsied short to him, my grin growing even after straightening up.
“What?” Sawyer asked, smiling back at how happy I looked.
“You called him Xavier,” I commented. “By his name, not his station. I have not heard anyone else address servants so candidly as I do.”
He gave a tight, understanding smile. “’Tis unfortunate, Mina. Xavier’s a good chap. I teach him fencing whenever I am able.”
How glad my heart should fly learning something so dear.
“If only there were more kindness offered to the lower class,” I said. “I knew there was a reason I gravitated toward your friendship, Sawyer.”
He smiled bashfully. “I take your warm thoughts to heart, Mina. Shall I call for Giselle for you?”
I lifted a hand. “Heavens, no, thank you. I can only imagine how exhausted the servants must all be after setting and cleaning up such a soireé tonight. I should think some are not even to bed yet. I’m perfectly capable of retiring without assistance.”
Sawyer looked at me again with pride and gentle elation.
“Your benevolence to the staff of Beville is truly admirable.”
I blushed at the intensity of his compliment. “I would gladly take no notice if it were how they could be treated by all, not just by a handful,” I said quietly.
The captain’s expression was the picture of compassion.
“I pray it can be so, one day.”
I met his sincere gaze confidently, affirming, “One day.”
Sawyer was about to bid me goodnight when he paused, and I met his hesitant gaze openly. He stood there, tall and broad and charming, yet so gentle for one of such brawn and station.
“I can guarantee you that no one but those jealous girls thought of you in such poor taste, Mina,” he stated. “You are the embodiment of a crown jewel in that exquisite dress, and you should never let anyone make you feel lesser than simply because your beauty is unparalleled to any maiden across the seas.”
I closed my hands nervously at my sides, speechless, and warmed at his reassurance. I did not expect that at all.
“Thank you, Sawyer,” I whispered, too stunned and nervous to say anything more.
His quiet, reserved tone positively did not help matters. He nodded, his eyes not wavering from mine.
“I mean it, Mina. Your beauty is as perfect on the outside as your character is on the inside, and no female could ever compete against either.”
My breath caught.
Having my personality complimented was worth all the jewels I could ever be gifted compared to the endless flattery of my looks.
Sawyer said a swift good night, not waiting for me to reply. I was glad, for what could I say that would not reveal my feelings for him? Gosh, was I grateful though. How blessed I was to have at least him…even just in friendship.
A curious friendship that it may be.
I went blindly into my bedroom and changed into my nightgown. I still had a smile on my face as I washed my makeup off, unpinned my hairstyle, and tucked away the necklace in my bedside drawer for safekeeping. I fell asleep on a cloud, Sawyer’s crooked grin all I could think about.
Normally I wouldn’t allow myself such indulgences, but tonight, it was necessary. For the shadows did not once try to claim me, not when I was bathed in the light of his green eyes as they stared into mine. A secret nearly as forbidden as my first.
Chapter 15
The Spark
T
he songbirds of the morning roused me from a sound, tranquil sleep. Certainly, a first for one with such scars I bore inwardly. I rolled over, clutching a pillow to my chest, and gazed out toward the windows. The morning light danced through the sheer curtains, golden and brilliant.
All I saw was his face.
No matter where I tried to shift my thoughts, his eyes were the only thing I could see, even closing my own eyes. His laughter rang in my ears still, so warm and inviting. It brought me as much joy as it did turn my heart to stone beneath my breast. Why was it Sawyer whom I had to grow fond of?
Why was Sawyer not partaking in the marriage mart?
I blinked. Liking him was one thing, but to marry…
I was frozen where I laid, startled by such a thought I should have. Besides how foolish it was, it was far, far too rash above anything else! I was no better than a young girl dropping handkerchiefs on the ground or swooning before a man. And I could not stomach the notion I was like any of those dim-witted and inexperienced children.
“Mina, you idiot,” I chided quietly to myself, sitting up in bed.
I put my head in my hands and sighed, wondering how I let myself get into such a mess, why one man sent all my years of self-preservation out the window. What did it matter if he brought me a semblance of security, just as the lads had? I never expected to fancy a man, and certainly not a captain.
Was it even love? This was much too hasty to categorize it as romantic, surely!
How could I behave so recklessly? If he discovered the truth, he was who I would have to run from, yet I was all but running into his arms. No one had caused such fool-hearted notions from me…well, that wasn’t true. Not entirely.
Jude and I had always been closer than the others, except it was never spoken aloud. His flower delivery had never paused through the years, given to me in private rather than with the other lads. I could’ve been wrong, but it had seemed different in quiet moments, how deeply he would protect me, stand up for me…
Jude’s face when I had been pulled out of the line, how we instinctively reached for each other, renewed like a burst of fire in my mind.
I inhaled and lowered my hands, looking at my room and the fireplace across from my elegant bed. None of it mattered. Nothing would become of either man. I was just being stupid. And someone of the opposite sex being my protector did not equate to the unfamiliar avenues of affection–not even love.
However, as I sat in my lavish bedroom, guilt gnawed from within me. I had every comfort availed to me, and the lads were all probably still sleeping in that canvas tent, living off gruel and river water. It was not right that I should take for granted my shift in fortune.
How I wished I could share in this wealth with them…
I pondered how I could send them money or aid of some kind. Would my letter be intercepted? Roric would likely open it, forgoing the addressed names, and take the jewels I would send for himself…ugh, the ape-drunk prick.
I prepared for the day in the bathing room, mulling over the idea of asking Sawyer. But how could I receive his help without giving away that I, too, was from Magnen? If I were to agree with anything Duval had told me these past months, it was to not reveal that I was a slave. An orphaned peasant was one thing, but being from a quarry where criminals were sent to serve their sentence was another thing entirely.
Surely the royal host would not condone entertaining one of such disgrace should he learn of my true status. Yet, why then had Laroy chosen me to partake in the season if it were not allowed?
By the time I slipped on a sage-colored gown with gold beading and sequins along the sleeves, waist, and hem, my melancholy had resurfaced a thousandfold. Not only did I have no answers to Laroy’s perplexing decisions, but worst of all, I had to live with the contrition that I could not help my darling brothers without ruining myself in the process.
And I would…without hesitation, should I know for certain that they would still be helped, extracted from the quarries, and offered a better job. However, I had no guarantee that sacrificing my livelihood would grant them amnesty.
I deduced as I stepped into my matching beaded slippers that I would only be able to save them once I was…once I was queen. It was a painful thought to swallow, like nettles in my throat. It hurt my head to even think such a thing. How my heart raced with nerves if that were to be my destiny…
Was this all merely a gilded-painted nightmare?
I ignored it, ringing for Giselle and waiting out in the parlor for her. I watched from my balcony windows as the gardens below were brimming with débutantes and eager gentlemen searching for a suitable match. I knew Duval would want me down there, and while I was surprised he should not have come barging into my suite already this morning, I had far more agreeable plans in place.
Giselle arrived and rushed to fetch Xavier, a blur of wheat-colored fabric, as soon as the request was out of my pink lips. I hurried to the door when there was a knock at it not long after, smiling as I greeted the courier. “Good morning, Xav—”
Those green eyes awaited me as I opened the door, drenching me in affinity and warmth as great as the sunshine pouring through the windowpanes.
“Sawyer,” I breathed, blinking to ensure I was not just hallucinating.
He smiled handsomely, inclining his head to me.
“It is a splendid morning indeed, especially to be breaking my fast with such a dear friend.”
I bowed my neck in greeting to him, a little spellbound by his arrival. “Forgive me, I was expecting Xavier,” I said, feeling dispersed and quickly scrambling to pull myself together.
The captain grinned, charming and brilliant in both manner and beauty.
“I thought it far too upper class to not come to collect you myself for a simple meal.”
