The aureate affairs, p.54
The Aureate Affairs, page 54
I laced my fingers together. “Ah, then I should be so grateful he likes me when I am the reason for your lack of visits to him.”
The captain chuckled, glancing at me. “Eras is a wonderful judge of character. He knows my responsibilities. Besides, I make sure Freddy gives him more carrots to amend for my absence.”
I smiled at the relationship between animal and rider. Eras acted almost like a puppy with Sawyer.
He clapped his neck again. “All right, boy. I’ll be back. We shall have a ride tomorrow, hmm?” Eras nickered and huffed, shaking his mane. Sawyer was amused at the horse’s behavior, gesturing for me to continue.
I made it a few more stalls, crossing to the other side, then saw the white nose of a gray-colored horse. Like it knew I was watching, the horse turned in the stall and walked up to the door to greet me. I opened my palms and let her sniff, seeing that it was a mare just by her pretty face. She sniffed my hands and then nodded her head at me.
“Hello, pretty girl. I’m Mina,” I said, stroking her forehead while her vivid blue eyes watched me.
Sawyer came beside me and leaned on the half door, rubbing the side of her face. “This is Jade.” He smiled over at me. “She was who I had in mind for you. Very gentle, great listener to voice and saddle commands.”
I smiled wide. “If she would be so kind, I would love to ride her.”
Jade whinnied softly.
Sawyer beamed. “It’s important for a new rider to become acquainted with their horse in their paddock. Would you like to brush her?”
I nodded. “I shall gladly muck her stall, anything other than sitting.”
The captain laughed to himself, not surprised. We entered her stall with brushes. Sawyer was there to more supervise than help, and it was nice to know he was looking after me.
The next day, I dressed in a riding habit I was not even aware I owned, a rich navy blue over my fashionable rosebud day dress. Sawyer collected me from my suite, wearing a nicer tailcoat than his usual black one.
Jade was saddled for me when we arrived at the stables. He walked her out into the morning sun, explaining, “We will begin with simply learning to mount and dismount. A lady rides sidesaddle, which can be quite difficult compared to astride, at first.”
Jade whinnied at me, and I came closer, rubbing her nose. “I am sure between the pair of you, I should be quite proficient in no time.”
Sawyer stopped along the grass between the stable and the lake, keeping to the trees for shade. “How generous,” he thanked, smiling at Jade and patting her neck. “Is she not to us?”
Jade tossed her head.
He looked at me, the summer air and abundance of green surrounding us only elevating Sawyer’s handsome features. He thrived in this weather, being outdoors. I was transfixed until he spoke, “I shall demonstrate, then go through the steps of mounting with you.”
Heat bloomed on my neck, but I blamed the warmth of the summer day and my coat, nodding as I moved to his side of Jade to observe. He grabbed a middle section on the saddle, raised his right leg onto the stirrup, and lifted his body effortlessly onto Jade.
I was amazed yet less than confident I would be able to mimic his grace. Seeing him sidesaddle, too, was rather amusing.
He smiled at me. “And dismounting…” Sawyer gripped that middle piece again and removed his foot from the stirrup before sliding down onto the grass with a stomp.
He pushed his hair out of his face, a brilliant joy radiating from his entire body, his eyes bright, eager. “Until you are stronger and more accustomed, I will help you up and down so as not to overexert your energy. I perhaps should have selected a less demanding activity when you are still recovering…” he said, rubbing his jaw.
I smiled, stepping forward. “I am much improved, I assure you. I would not push myself unnecessarily and worsen my health.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Even when you are thus eager to be occupied and active?”
I nodded, tone serious despite his being playful. “I should never cause discourse such as when I was ill to you or anyone dear to me, let alone so soon. I could not bear worrying you all again.”
Sawyer’s eyes sparkled with admiration. “You are very benignant.”
I shook my head. “I merely attempt to strive for your level of altruism.” I stepped in front of the saddle. “What is this called?” I touched the part he had used to pull himself up.
Sawyer cleared his throat. “The pommel. You will grip it as your anchor to lift yourself onto the saddle.” He came around me, gesturing to the stirrup. “Your right foot goes here.”
I lifted my skirts so I could raise my foot all the way up onto the piece, my riding ankle boot visible–how scandalous. Sawyer guided me with what to hold, how to change my body, and when I attempted it, my gloved hand slipped from the pommel when I was nearly all the way there.
He caught me before I unceremoniously landed on my ass, chuckling goodheartedly.
“It looked so simple,” I complained, adjusting my coat as he released me.
Sawyer grinned. “I have been riding since I was a child. I did not expect you to perfect it on your first try. I am going to give your foot a boost this time. It is not a normal occurrence to lift your entire weight over your head.”
I tried again, gasping to myself when Sawyer grabbed the bottom of my left foot to take some of my weight as I pushed up. I turned and managed to sit correctly on the saddle. I gripped the pommel with both hands, feeling very unsteady.
“’Tis quite aloft…” I commented nervously.
I looked down, and Sawyer seemed small, having always looked up at him, never below.
“Wait till you gallop–it feels as though you are truly flying like a bird.”
I could not fathom such a sensation.
He offered his hand. “Now to dismount. Remove your foot from the stirrup and simply slide. I will catch you.”
Nerves fluttered in my chest—both from the height and from how close Sawyer was during this lesson. I did as he instructed and held my breath as I pushed off the seat, reaching for his hand. He caught me around the waist, cradling me with one arm like I weighed nothing.
It brought me flush up against him, and I hoped he could not feel how hard my heart was pounding. Our faces were level, inappropriately close. It lasted a mere second, yet I stretched time to infinity to absorb every detail of that second, of feeling his body, of looking into his eyes closer than I ever had. I could no longer deny that what I felt for Sawyer was romantic.
And it fed my soul as much as it marred it that we could never be. That all this time together was platonic and would never blossom into anything but a beautiful friendship, tainted by the desire to kiss him, not to mention that I was for another. I was a bird, Sawyer was the wind, and Theo was the birdcage locking me in from taking flight.
I went right into mounting again, not letting the gravity of my heartache distract from the lesson nor give Sawyer the chance to read the look on my face.
He gathered the reins when I was situated and gestured to the pommel. “Keep hold with your right hand. Your left hand will be how you control the reins. For now, I shall guide Jade while you adjust to the sensation of her walking.”
I felt it was too much too fast to already go for a ride, but I trusted Sawyer.
I held the pommel, keeping my back straight, and clenched my body as Jade began to walk slowly.
“Move with her steps,” he told me. “Your body should mimic how Jade moves, so you become one and do not feel rocked but rather swaying along with her.”
I kept my spine stiff but relaxed the rest of my body. When I matched her sway, it felt smoother and less likely that I would fall from her.
“Very good,” Sawyer praised, glancing up at me as he walked beside Jade’s head. “You’re a quick learner.” It was a compliment I smiled at, for his good mood meant more to me than anything.
The following mornings, even afternoons after breaking for lunch were spent learning to ride without assistance. Sawyer joined me on Eras when he felt comfortable with my progress. He even taught me to ride astride, graduating to galloping that way, which was the most liberating moment of my life.
While it was not as fast as Jade could run, the speed was invigorating, the wind perfumed by the gardens, and it was the closest thing to feeling free I had ever experienced. We rode every day, and I enjoyed it almost as much as the captain.
Being with his horse was indeed witnessing a glimpse into Sawyer removed of all his duties, his honor, his decorum. It was a week of my life where I truly forgot my woes and struggles and just laughed and talked and enjoyed myself. My soul felt renewed, my magic inside me solid once more, tucked deep out of sight but no longer a fragile precipice ready to shatter.
I was happy.
As I changed for supper after an afternoon filled with watching Sawyer goof around with Eras while I rode Jade, I leaned against the wall in my bedroom and hugged myself, grinning. This was a feeling I had not known without some level of trepidation or reservation, or self-loathing.
No, this week I learned how to be liberated, to let go of all the inner demons telling me I could not be happy when Sawyer was not my intended, that I was an awful person for not loving Theo and coveting his cousin, that I was unworthy because of my misfortunes.
I found I could call Beville home and be content here.
I slipped into a new emerald green dress with little floral patterns all over, tapping some perfume to my neck to mask the scent of horse on me. I kept my hair up, stepping into my slippers when I heard music from the parlor. I tied the ribbon attached to my dress around my waist as I headed for the door.
Sawyer was at the pianoforte in a different tailcoat of black velvet, a nice contrast to his navy jacquard waistcoat. He looked over at me and tipped his chin, playing without missing a key.
“I should have known you continue to keep talents from me,” I said, making my way to him.
He brushed it off, ever the modest. “I have not played in some time. You cannot know how relieved I am to have not lost my touch.”
I laughed, coming to stand next to the bench.
I watched his fingers glide over the keys with grace and dexterity. “It is unusual for a captain to be such a nonpareil,” I commented, more than mildly curious how he knew how to draw, was apt in botany, and played a musical instrument.
“The perks of being raised in Beville alongside royalty,” he replied easily, shifting to make room for me on the bench. Sawyer’s boundaries had all but fallen away. I sat beside him, hands in my lap.
“Who taught you the pianoforte?” I asked—a simple question in hindsight. Yet Sawyer’s demeanor became clouded with melancholy.
Before I could comfort him, he said quietly, “My mother.”
I stared woefully at him. He had mentioned loss several times in the past, but it was always vague. “You need not say more,” I offered soothingly. “I know the difficulties of speaking of such an important person.”
He peered at me, eyes crestfallen, but there was a shadow of a smile on his mouth, “You understand more than any, which is why I feel I can speak of her with you.”
My throat tightened with tears. What commendation.
He continued to play a pretty melody. “She oversaw my education in all matters of refinement, etiquette, skills of labor, and the arts. I am very grateful I spent my youth with her rather than with tutors or governesses. She was much accomplished for a woman…”
He leaned toward me, nudging my arm. “Much as you are, Min.”
Be still, my heart.
I smiled easily, touched beyond belief. “Now, what an esteemed compliment I shall accept with humility and gladness.”
He grinned, pausing his song. “Come, let us have a duet.” He took my hand and placed it on the keys.
“Do not be a zany. I cannot play–” I cried, but Sawyer just chuckled at my dig and held both of my hands over the keys, covering them with his to show me the proper setting. He pushed down my fingers–my thumbs, my middle ones, and my pinkies–and the sound was pleasant.
“When one has worked with their hands as we have,” he explained, and with his voice practically in my ear, I felt his breath tickle my skin.
My stomach clenched with…I knew not the sensation.
“The pianoforte is quite easy to learn,” the captain stated, moving my hands from different keys. All I felt was his hands on mine, manipulating my digits, controlling me—and I could have gone all day letting him. It was splendid. It was a fantasy to be this near him and be touching.
“Should we add music lessons to our list of activities then?” I said when he let me have my hands back. I would eagerly give over their freedom to him anytime. I hoped the heat spreading through my neck was not visible as we stood to leave for supper.
“If you should like,” Sawyer replied, guiding me to the doors. “I merely must remain on my toes with different resources to occupy you.”
I laughed, and we enjoyed a lovely meal together, but it was not until I was in bed that night that it hit me.
I opened my eyes at the revelation.
Sawyer was not just entertaining me with all of these various pursuits…he was teaching me the etiquette and requirements of royalty. He was preparing me to be a well-rounded and able queen. The clever fox. But it also led me to believe that Theo had instructed him to do more than just entertain me, and this was part of his orders.
Rather than leaving me floundering with the requirements of becoming royalty, I was grateful to them for teaching me how to survive Beville. Not just to Sawyer for his efforts but to Theo for ensuring I would not make a fool of myself.
Maybe he had listened when I constantly scolded him...
Chapter 26
The Picnic
S
awyer looked unusually happy when we took our afternoon stroll. “You seem in a good mood,” I said, hopefully coaxing him to share.
He smiled over at me, his mint waistcoat complimenting the green hues of his eyes too beautifully. “I may have a surprise for you.”
The rush of excitement, the hope it was something romantic, spiked through my veins. Then just as quickly, it pacified into shyness when he had spent hours upon hours with me, well into the night on occasion, and I felt horrible about it.
“Sawyer, you need not—” I began, but he just offered his arm.
“It is nothing extravagant, Mina, merely to celebrate the wonderful weather we have been having.” I was taken aback that he gave me his arm and confused when he led us off the paths of the gardens toward the orchard.
I held the hem of my lilac silk dress as we walked through thick grass, not bothering to ask more when it was clear he was being obtuse.
We entered the meadow neighboring the orchard, the grass high and swaying in the breeze. Everything was so green, all the little flowers and weeds in bloom. I spotted the patch up ahead that was flattened by Sawyer’s surprise.
I smiled up at him. “A picnic. How lovely.”
He took my hand from his arm as we reached the baby blue blanket covered in delicacies and miniature cloches, the basket open and stuffed with a pitcher of lemonade, glasses, plates, and napkins. Sawyer helped me sit and took the spot across from me, shedding his tailcoat.
The day was dreamy. Billowy white clouds drifted in the blue sky, offering shade from the warm sun. The breeze kept us cool, constantly swinging the long grass around us. It was completely empty, the estate only hosting us. We ate our lunch soaking in the approaching summer heat, the nectar of the fruit trees, and the perfumes of the neighboring flower gardens.
As marvelous as the ambiance was, the food, and the company, something that had been pestering me since I began my recovery, would not leave my thoughts.
“Are you not at all curious?” I asked, staring over at Sawyer unwaveringly. “Do you not have questions now that you are aware of my true background?”
It was immediate how cautious he became, barely able to make eye contact. It hurt, the pang in my heart no small pain to tolerate.
“I do not wish to overstep on such a sensitive subject is all…strictly to spare you any discomfort,” he said carefully.
“Can you not be friends with a slave?” I asked quietly, trying to read between the lines. “You were ordered to be my ward, after all. This may not be of your free will to spend time with me.”
Sawyer looked so terribly alarmed, lifting his head up towards me in an instant. “That is not even a thought to have crossed my mind!” His voice was shaken, and the once composed, relaxed captain was quite pale now.
I tilted my head, inwardly relieved by his reaction but still not satisfied. “Am I not too lowly to be considered a companion for a Royal Captain?”
Sawyer bowed his head, and surprisingly, he rubbed his eyes.
The one marked character of the beautiful man across from me was his ability to always portray a steadfast gentleman. A constant extension of his station and unwavering responsibility. This was the first time, apart from when he returned after his trip, that he showed his true hand. And he was positively exhausted. It was plain as day, as visible as the sun glowing off our skin, the grass surrounding us.
“Sawyer…” I fretted, nearly reaching for him.
He inhaled deeply and lowered his head. “Forgive me.” Sawyer straightened up and cleared his throat, those charming eyes tired but no less passionate as he said, “I beg of you, Mina, to never consider yourself so poorly. You did not choose to become a slave. You should never have been sold. To belong to the country like a piece of equipment...
“You cannot know the shame I, as well as His Highness, feels to have learned Vérmethia has bought people to work in such perilous conditions. The quarries have only ever employed prisoners, criminals, to mine the earth. This has been a very grave time indeed for Chaulôn…for Prince Anders to undertake…”
