Do not feed after midnig.., p.27
Do Not Feed After Midnight, page 27
What I was feeling now was like that. Like my world tasted like dry cement. Like everything was the color of dry cement. Like even a glass of water would make me cringe at how it tasted.
Of course, it wasn’t my whole life that was tasteless now. It was just the fact that Andie, a very exciting sexual playmate, was gone, and my apartment had been revealed to be... not at all life-giving. Everything else was wonderful and getting better every minute. But I felt what I felt. I was sad. Grieving. Mildly.
I would need to move, though. Tonight I would feel like there was no taste in my water glass. Tomorrow, I’d look for life again. And the day after that, I was getting married.
I stayed up late, waiting for Stevie. About eleven, I went to bed, making sure that the front door was locked but that the security latch wasn’t flipped to where Stevie couldn’t let herself in. When I did go to sleep, I slept surprisingly well. But I was still alone when I woke up.
I didn’t shower. Sometimes I waited until I got back from the coffee shop later in the morning. Today I was there at 4:30 when they unlocked the doors.
They were happy to see me. The workers. The girl at the register who took my order, already knowing what I would have, asked me about all the people I had been seeing lately. The two different girls who seemed to know me and the young man who had been sitting with me yesterday. She was nice. One of the smallest girls who worked there. She was probably in her mid-twenties. I didn’t remember where she was from. I did remember that her mom had given her a name with Native American roots and that her tattoos were small and not especially noticeable. I had asked about a few of them in the past, and she was always happy to tell the story of each one. She always had a boyfriend, and I had never considered getting to know her outside the context of being my barista.
About five, I got a text from the girls. It was to all three of us but from Miranda.
It said, “Hi, Sweetie. Got my medical thingy yesterday. Good to go for Monday fun and frolic. Take us shopping today for pretty things. Can we pick you up at ten?”
I responded that I would be looking forward to it and that I missed them. I asked if Stevie was coming with us.
Her reply said, “Yeah. Stevie will come. Just found a note from Andie. Wait.”
A minute later, “Andie left. Says she will come back in a month. I’ll send a picture of the note.”
When the photo popped up on my phone, it was just what I had imagined. A short explanation saying that she loved all of us but had to go for a while and that she would see us when she could, but to please not try to contact her unless it was a matter of life and death. She was sorry to leave us, but she had to take care of some things. She realized that she would miss our wedding ceremony but felt that was for the best, too.
I checked my phone to see if Andie had shared her location data with me. She had. She was currently 200 miles east of us and not moving. Zooming in on the map, it looked like she was at a rest stop on the freeway.
I sent back a message explaining what Andie had told me the night before. Miranda wanted to meet for breakfast as soon as she could get Stevie up and ready. They would come and get me as soon as they could.
An hour later, they asked me to go back to my apartment and meet them by the visitor parking as soon as I could. Packing up, I was back home in about ten minutes. I did run up to my apartment, grab the clothes that I had ordered for the girls, threw them in a bag, and hurried back down. The two of them were standing beside Stevie’s new SUV when I got there.
Miranda rushed to give me a hug as soon as she saw me.
She said, “Babe, this isn’t a kidnapping this time, but can the three of us just go to the beach now, right now, even though we don’t have to be there until tomorrow? Stevie made us a reservation for tonight, and we just need to be together. Andie leaving feels really bad.”
I had been right to bring my laptop and the clothes for the girls down with me. Apparently, Stevie had thrown together an overnight kit for me from the things we’d had a few days before, and they wanted to leave this very minute and didn’t think I needed to go back and pack anything of my own. I was OK with that.
Miranda told me to get into the front passenger seat, but Stevie asked if I minded driving. I didn’t mind at all. Miranda got in the front, and Stevie in the back, behind her. A few minutes later, we were on the freeway, headed for the beach. No one had said a word since I started the car. No one said anything for the next 30 minutes, not until we started up into the mountains that separated the city from the coast. Finally, I said, “Girls, I don’t know quite what Andie is thinking. She told me that before she can really be with us, she has to clear up some of her past. She still loves us. I hope she’ll be back. She didn’t promise me anything.”
Miranda said, “We don’t really know where she’s from. She never talked about her family.”
I related as much of our conversation as I could and added, “I think she’s going to be OK. At least, I think that this is something that she really wants to do. But what about us?”
Stevie said, “What about us?”
Miranda said, “Do we still get married tomorrow? Can we recover from having part of our heart torn away? Something happened when we drank from that cup. She’s part of us. And it feels like she died.”
I said, “Stevie, did you get us an early check-in time at the hotel?”
She said, “They told me that they would do what they could, and we should check when we got there to see if the room was ready.”
I said, “Good. Are you two hungry?”
Miranda said, “No. I don’t feel like I can eat.”
We didn’t stop at the rest stop on the way there. We went straight into town via the little north road.
Chapter 26 Beach Belles
Nothing but the breakfast places would be open for another hour and a half. The hotel certainly wouldn’t be ready for us. Hungry or not, the girls and I would have to order something to eat. The Pig’ N Pancake was busy on weekends, and we had to wait out front for 20 minutes before we were seated. We ordered light. Orange juice, an omelet and hash browns that we shared, some sourdough toast.
Finally, I said, “Girls, this was Andie’s choice. This has to be for the best. I don’t think she’s making a mistake. She’s taking the hard road. The one that goes where she needs to go and hopefully brings her back to us. I love Andie. So do you. But she had something hard in her past, and she has to go confront it. I wish she had taken one of us with her. But that won’t work, will it, Stevie?”
Stevie said, “No. If one of us was with her, it would change her context. She would be supported and have us to talk things over with, but it would change what she does. She’s a good girl. She’ll figure it out. She isn’t suicidal. She won’t fall down a hole. She’s not going to throw herself away. At least, I don’t think so. Not after the other night.”
I said, “I don’t think she will. My hope is that she drives for a couple of days, starts to miss us, and starts calling us to check-in and connect again. Does she have enough money? That’s the one thing that I would worry about: that she doesn’t run out of money.”
Miranda said, “We all have at least six months’ expenses in the bank. I made sure of it.”
Stevie said, “Miranda has really helped us with stuff like that. Not blowing all our money and stuff. We can’t count on being professional athletes forever.”
Happy for the chance to move the conversation in a more hopeful direction, I said, “And now Miranda has negotiated something less demanding and more lucrative. Miranda, how long do you think the licensing deals might provide some income?”
She said, “Maybe eight years. Our brands will decline as our reputations fade, but we’ll see what we can do. We will need to have your guy, Alan, hook Andie up with a good ... counselor.”
I said, “I actually prefer calling him a therapist. For me, it’s as much therapy as a good massage or something like that. It isn’t like he counsels me and gives me direction. He... it’s hard to describe.”
Stevie said, “Do I need a therapist?”
I said, “Yes. But don’t think of it like something is broken. You are used to physical therapy and things to help your body, and you don’t always wait till you are injured, right? Think of it like going to the gym, I guess. Like having a personal trainer for your soul.”
She smiled and said, “I thought that’s what you were for?”
I said, “Well, we do that for each other. But seeing a personal trainer that really understands the mechanics helps keep us on track for where we want to go.”
Stevie said, “Miranda, you’re going to do that, right?”
Miranda said, “I’m expecting a call next week from someone Jake’s guy recommends.”
Stevie said, “Can we see the same person?”
I said, “I don’t know. That would be up to them. Sometimes they don’t want to be involved with people who are too close to each other. Sometimes it’s OK. We’ll ask. So, you want to go shopping, huh?”
Miranda said, “Well, we did. Before...”
Stevie, taking up the effort to keep us focused on now rather than the future or the past, said, “And we still do. We’re getting married tomorrow.”
I said, “Hey, I talked to your dads yesterday. Palmer wants to send us on a real honeymoon, I think. Like for a few weeks to Tahiti or something.”
Miranda said, “Oh, that sounds nice.”
Stevie said, “I’d rather go to the Mediterranean.”
Miranda said, “Why?”
Stevie said, “The pacific islands are really not very... well, I kind of want to try... it’s just that from what I hear, even what we wear for beach tournaments is too skimpy for their beaches and I...”
I said, “Stevie? You want to go to a nude beach?”
She said, “Well, yeah! Maybe. Or at least wear something really tiny, you know? I’ve never done that, but I kind of want to. Aren’t there places where it’s more accepted to be naked more?”
I said, “I was in the Caribbean, off Yucatán once as a teenager. I saw plenty of topless sunbathing and swimming there. Mostly from the people from Europe, Spain and places like that.”
Stevie said, “And nobody has to, but I’d like to. Jake, would you mind that? A nude beach? Or being topless? Or swimming naked in the ocean?”
I said, “Not in theory. Not somewhere where people were used to it.”
Miranda smiled and said, “It could be fun to wear something really tiny.”
I said, “Do you want to find us a place?”
Miranda said, “We’ll just ask Stevie’s folks. They’ll know. As far as I’m concerned, it doesn’t have to be a foreign country. A lake would be nice. And a cabin. Or a desert resort.”
Stevie said, “I’m OK staying closer to home.”
I said, “And at a lake, there are plenty of places to get to by boat that don’t have any people, and you can go nude if you want to.”
Miranda said, “Yeah, but we can do that in Bora Bora, too. My folks took Luke and me there. You can’t go like full nudist, but there are private islands you can go to, and it’s all fine if you want to do that. Mom and I sunned topless when the guys were off doing something else.”
Stevie said, “Oh, then that’s good enough for me.”
Miranda said, “And if my dad wants to do that for us, he won’t scrimp. I bet we go first class. And if we stick with somewhere he’s been, he’ll feel proud that he’s sending us somewhere he knows.”
I said, “That sounds good to me. Stevie?”
She said, “Sure. I just wasn’t sure I could get an all-over tan there.”
I said, “I think tan lines can be adorable.”
She said, “But an all-over tan can be too.”
I said, “That’s certainly true. OK, all-over tans it is. I’m glad to have that important detail settled.”
Miranda said, “I’ll find out when we can go.”
We had parked in the public parking, not at the restaurant. When we left, we just started walking down the main street. It was warmer, and the sky was clearer today than it had been when Stevie and I were here a few days ago.
About halfway down the street, I had us cross to the west side, where there was a nice jewelry store. We needed wedding bands. The girls wanted simple bands, and I would get one to match. Something with a stone and traditional engagement setting would get in the way during practice. The girls also wanted to keep the bands low-key and inconspicuous. It made sense to me. If you looked, you might see that they wore something on their ring finger, but otherwise, you might not notice. We liked the look of the rose gold. It was beautiful and blended in with our skin tones more than a yellow gold would. When it came time to pay, I deliberately let the girls take the lead.
Stevie smiled and said, “Jake needs to pay. He’s the one buying them for us.”
Miranda smiled right back and said, “Oh? I didn’t realize that we were keeping our finances separated. I just figured that from now on, we’d use joint bank accounts. Stevie, did you want to only pay certain bills and have Jake and me be responsible for other expenses?”
Stevie looked confused and said, “No. Not like that. Yeah, we can use a joint bank account. I guess I don’t want to not have that, but I didn’t think about it. I sort of assumed that we’d have that since we were married, it’s just that...”
Miranda said, “I don’t think Jake should buy his own ring. The way I look at it, this is a household expense and comes out of the household budget.”
Stevie frowned and said, “I guess so.”
Miranda said, “To me, it will be more meaningful if the ritual common cup buys our rings, not Jake. We all buy the rings for each other. We can’t buy our own. If Jake buys mine, do I buy yours, and you buy Jakes?”
Stevie said, “No. I get it. Yeah, we buy them from all of us. And I have my card handy, so I pay. That’s cool. I see it now.” Turning to the saleswoman, she said, “We’ll take one more of these, please.”
The woman looked puzzled, and Stevie looked at Miranda and me and said, “For Andie, right?”
I said, “Yes!” and Miranda nodded and smiled.
Stevie said, “She’s coming back, right?”
I said, “Yes, she is. If you guys think we should get her one...”
Miranda said, “We have to. It makes it real. If we have a ring for her, she has to come back and get it.”
Stevie said to the saleswoman, “Call it a bridesmaid’s gift.”
The woman put our rings in boxes, put the boxes in a bag, and Miranda took the bag and put it in her purse.
Crossing the street again, we continued up the sidewalk, looking in each store as we went. Stevie skipped the high-end women’s store, telling Miranda it wasn’t worth the time, but when we came to one of the beachwear stores, she grabbed Miranda and dragged her straight to the back to the little intimates sections. This time, both of them chose lacy stretch bralettes, camisoles, and some soft thongs. I told them that I had some surprises in the car, and they should see those before buying any panties except for the thongs. When they started to look at nightshirts, I warned them off of those until later, too. We wandered through art galleries, looked at menus in the windows of the cafés, skimmed the T-Shirt shops, and showed Miranda the yarn shop, just for fun. When we got to the top of the street, we crossed and headed the opposite direction, stopping in the old-fashioned candy store first. Then more galleries, a store that sold nothing but Christmas ornaments, a game store, more cafés, and browsed the listings posted on the window of a realtor’s office. Stevie insisted we go in and spend time in the toy store. Miranda was happy to do so. After that, it was the imported clothing and carvings store where we had bought Stevie’s hemp dress. Miranda was much more interested in that, especially as Stevie told her about wearing her hat and sweater, bottomless on the balcony with the power out, and me fondling her till she climaxed several times. Miranda was excited by it and spent time imagining what she would want for a similar adventure. She ended up buying knitted gloves, a strange hat, some wool booties, and a loosely knitted shawl.
I asked if the girls needed anything to wear for the ceremony the next day, but they assured me they had it covered. When I asked what I should wear, they wanted me in travel pants and a sweatshirt or sweater. I didn’t have either, so our next purchases were in a store that sold menswear without town logos. The sweatshirt was nice and not at all expensive. The girls enjoyed inexpensive but nice-looking, casual clothes. When I brought up the topic, they said they wouldn’t be against my existing collection of Hawaiian shirts either. That was a relief. I’d taken a fair amount of criticism over those, but I liked them and planned to wear them, no matter what.
We had lunch at a restaurant with a wind-screened patio and outdoor fireplaces that sat next to the street. We took our time. The more time that went by, the better. I resisted my impulse to check my phone to see where Andie was every few minutes. We had to let go. For now. We sat for almost two hours, talking.
We talked about my time with Luke, my time with Gary and Palmer, Miranda’s doctor appointment, how excited they were about their new career possibilities, and the new clothes. We talked about where we should live. With Andie gone for a while, the girls thought that I should go ahead and move in with them. Andie had already said that I could sleep in any bedroom I wanted to, including her room. Of course, at the time, she meant with her in it, but we weren’t sure that she would object to me using her room while she was gone. It felt like she would be OK with that, not that I needed my own bedroom.
We decided to discourage Gary from buying us a new hot tub for now. Especially with just three of us to use it. The idea of a vacation honeymoon came up again, and we did some research on our phones about where we would like to go.
Finally, we talked about the wedding tomorrow. But there wasn’t much to say. We needed a place to have it. But there were only nine of us unless Stevie’s aunt came. We thought we could do it on the landing halfway down the stairs from the inn to the beach. It overlooked the ocean, wouldn’t be busy, and didn’t need reservations. It was going to be very casual. Official, short, impromptu, and unconventional.
