Ruff start, p.6
Ruff Start, page 6
“Makes sense. This Neil sounds like a very professional man.” Pen tap. “Do you think his insistence that you quit might have an ulterior motive?”
“Other than protecting me?” I said, turning things over. “I don’t know. And it doesn’t matter anyway because he has a pet dog. Hard to date a guy when you can’t go to his house or even drop by his work to say hello.”
“Oh? Just a moment ago, you said you were improving. ”
“Well…” I stammered.
Dr. Lozano’s phone beeped. “Time’s up. Until next week’s session, I want you to think about both your and Neil’s motivations.”
“Are you kidding me?” I grumbled as she ushered me out.
After returning to my car, I sat for a moment, hands on the wheel, considering if I should drive to the shelter and just ask Neil why he wanted to protect me so badly. But if he was doing it subconsciously, he might not have any idea what I was talking about, and I might drive him further away than I’d already seemed to.
When I got overwhelmed by feelings like this in the past, I did one of two things: surfing or drawing. Since I still wasn’t sure what my reaction would be if I ran into unleashed dogs on the beach—which was a major possibility—I ended up back home on my tablet.
I worked on some fun shots of the characters from Faerly Hunter, drawing them surfing, running, and playing on the beach. Almost as good as being there myself. Except not really.
My phone buzzed with a text from Frankie. She’d been bugging me since she saw me with Neil, telling me to ask him out on a real date. I could ignore her, but she had also told Diego, an old friend of mine who was a popular drag queen. And who also happened to be the biggest gossip in Gaynor Beach, so now there wasn’t anyone in the local gay community who didn’t know about my crush.
My only consolation was that my newfound fear of dogs remained a secret. Somehow.
Another buzz of an incoming text, this one from Leon, asked to meet up for dinner. Talking to him yesterday, I found out the friend he was crashing with lived very close to my place in Oakdale. I arranged to meet him at my favorite local Mexican place and then invited Hector as well.
Leon already had a seat and waved at me from his booth. I waved back before getting in line to order.
As I slid into the booth, Leon offered me a first bump. “Hey man, what happened yesterday?”
I grimaced as I bumped him back. “I choked.”
I’d seen Leon coming out the door in my rearview as I sped away, but I’d been too embarrassed to stop and talk to him.
“I saw. I’m a little surprised you agreed to meet with me today. I thought you’d still be licking your wounds.” Leon laughed and took a sip of his soda.
“I wanted some advice,” I said.
“About how to ask out Neil? I gave you my advice about that yesterday, man.”
I shook my head. “No, but I’m going to wait until Hector gets here, so I only have to tell the story once.” Leon hadn’t met Hector yet, but I’d told him about it during our shift yesterday.
Hector showed up about the time our food did. I’d ordered for both of us when I arrived, so I slid his usual over to him. I introduced Leon and Hector to each other, and then we all went silent as we ate.
Leon finished first and leaned back in the booth, a smirk on his face. “Time to spill.”
I told them Neil was pressuring me to quit volunteering because of my fear of dogs. Hector already knew because he was with me when I got bit and also because he’s my best friend and I tell him everything. I also told them about my therapist’s cryptic words about Neil having an ulterior motive.
Leon was shaking his head by the end, and Hector slapped his forehead.
“Sawyer, I love you, man,” Hector said as he ran his hand down his face. “But you can be so dense. Like in high school when that football player practically followed you around school with his tongue hanging out, panting like a dog, but you didn’t believe me when I told you he was into you.”
“I had self-esteem issues in high school, you know that. He was a popular jock, and I was the class nerd obsessed with Marvel Superheroes. Of course, I thought you were pranking me.”
“What Hector means to say,” Leon interrupted my rant, “is that Neil is into you, too.”
“He is?” I glared at him. “Are you sure?”
“Granted, I just met him yesterday, but my impression is he’s a bit of an uptight guy. Professional, too,” Leon said. “I bet since he’s your supervisor, he considers you off-limits.”
I stared at Leon and then turned my gaze to Hector, who shrugged. “Sounds like a fair bet to me.”
“Fuck me,” I said, shoving my tray away to put my head on the table. “Now I feel dumb.”
“Don’t feel bad.” Hector rubbed my back. “Just quit volunteering and ask him out. Easy, peasy.”
I held up two fingers without moving my forehead from the table. “Two problems with that. One, I turn into a gibbering fool around Neil when I try to ask him out—”
“Can confirm.” Leon bopped me on the back of the head with his soda cup.
I gave Leon the finger. “And two, he has a pet dog. My fear is getting better, but I’m not up for dealing with that yet.” But even saying that out loud, I wanted to try. For Neil, I could confront a dog.
Chapter fifteen
It's a Date
Neil
Friday morning, I’d only been at work an hour or so when my phone beeped with an incoming text.
Sawyer: Break time! I’m downstairs [winking face emoji]
Me: Wait, why? You aren’t scheduled today.
Sawyer: I wanted to see your smiling face.
What a goof. I put Bubblegum in her crate and headed downstairs to find Sawyer standing in front of the shelter, cooing at the cats through the bay window.
Sawyer was extra cheerful this morning, almost vibrating out of his flip-flops with the way he bounced up and down on his toes when he saw me.
“Oh my gosh, I took your dishes home to wash, and I haven’t brought them back yet,” I said when I saw him.
“No worries,” Sawyer said, his grin growing. “Like you said, you didn’t expect me today.” He barrelled on ahead before I could say anything. “I had a therapist appointment yesterday. She said I’ve made a lot of progress—”
“That’s great!” I raised my hand to give him a high five. “But you could have texted me instead of coming all the way over here.”
Sawyer clapped my hand with a whoop and ignored my question. “I’m thinking, maybe even enough to pet a dog?”
“That sounded more like a question,” I said, crossing my arms and raising my eyebrows.
“It’s not. I’m ready.” He stood ramrod straight and gave me an authoritative nod, his expression serious. “I’m ready to pet a dog.”
I glanced over to the shelter’s doors and then back to Sawyer. “Oh… oh! Sure, I’ll come in with you. We have a couple of really friendly dogs in the shelter right now. Want me to hold it while you pet it?”
“No, no. Well, yes, but I wasn’t thinking of a shelter dog. I was thinking about your dog. Bubblegum.”
“She’s probably not the best dog to start with,” I told him, thinking about how she’d tried to charge him the day he’d barged into the office. Luckily, the sheepdog had been in the way, and Bubblegum had bounced off her legs, not managing to reach Sawyer.
“But she’s your dog.” Sawyer did a very over-acted pout and batted his eyelashes at me.
I ran my hand through my hair, thinking. Bubblegum was a tiny dog, so she probably seemed less scary to someone like Sawyer.
While I dithered, Sawyer started trying to convince me. “She’s like a bigger, fluffier version of Princess Fluffybutt in there,” he said, gesturing at the window and the cats beyond.
“Not that much bigger,” I said with a laugh.
“Speaking of my Princess, has anyone adopted her yet?” Sawyer headed to the shelter’s door without waiting for an answer.
I fell into step beside him. “Not sure,” I said with a shrug. We both waved to Shane as we passed through the lobby.
As soon as we entered the cat area, Sawyer beelined to Princess Fluffybutt’s kennel. He cooed at her and popped her kennel open. “Such a sweetie,” he said when she head-butted his hand, already purring loudly.
“You know, if you like her, get her,” I told Sawyer. Sawyer had a huge grin on his face and enthusiastically scratched the kitty.
“Her?”
“The cat? I noticed you paying her a lot of attention every time you’re here.” He’d also been lavishing attention on her when I’d seen him with Leon.
“I thought about it that first day. But then I got a little distracted by a hot guy.” Sawyer looked up from petting long enough to wink at me.
My face went red hot. “Yes, well. On that note, I should get back to work. I’ll walk you back out.”
I bit my lip, thinking. Maybe I didn’t need to keep Sawyer at such an arm’s length. I could do with a few friends in town. Sawyer’s positive energy drew me like a magnet, and I wouldn’t mind spending more time with him. Plus, it would give me time to feel him out regarding how he felt about trans people.
Before I could overthink it, I blurted out, “Did you want to come up and pet Bubblegum?”
“Right now?” Sawyer looked startled. “I have a better idea. She’ll be more comfortable at your home, right? I’ll come over to your place tonight. I’ll bring dinner.”
I bit my lip. “My place is a bad idea. I haven’t unpacked yet. Plus, Bubblegum gets very protective of places she considers her territory, like my house or the office. That’s why she tried to charge you when you barged in upstairs.”
“Charged is a strong word for it,” Sawyer said with a laugh. “But that’s fine. Then my place. Tomorrow night, to give me a chance to clean up. Bring the dog.”
“If you’re sure?” I asked, and Sawyer nodded vigorously. “Okay.”
“Yes!” Sawyer pumped his arm in a ka-ching motion. “Then it’s a date.”
Chapter sixteen
Too Many Princesses
Sawyer
I hoped things worked out with Neil tomorrow. If they did, I wanted to ask Neil out properly.
I wanted to take Hector’s advice and ask him out now, but like every time I interacted with Neil, my brain stuttered and threatened to shut off. Well, every time except when we’d gone out to the boardwalk. Then, I had finally relaxed enough to sound at least semi-intelligent.
All I could think of when he was near me was his dog, so that was what popped out of my mouth when he walked up. But that worked out because I needed to see if I could handle his dog before asking him out, anyway.
My second hurdle was if Leon was right, Neil wouldn’t accept if I still volunteered here. I was sure I could find other places to get exposure to dogs in a controlled environment. It might take me a little longer to overcome my fear without scheduled shifts, but if that’s what I needed to do to get Neil to go on a date with me, so be it.
“I can deal with a sheepdog. It’s like a big fluffy version of you, Princess,” I told the white cat. She purred and rubbed her entire body along my hand before I closed her up in the cardboard carrier Shane had put her in for me to take her home.
Then I texted Neil.
Me: [cat emoji, heart emoji] [picture of me holding up Princess in her carrier like a trophy.]
Neil: I’ll be right down.
I leaned back against my car to wait, holding Princess.
Neil came bursting out of the front door of the shelter. “You adopted her?” he yelled, jogging toward my car.
I held her up again. Inside her box, Princess let out a pitiful little meow, and I lowered her back down. “Sorry, Princess. Gotta stay in there till we get home.”
Panting a little, Neil asked. “What are you going to name her?”
“I already named her, remember? Princess Fluffybutt.”
“Oh, I thought that was a joke name.” Neil let out a little huff. “My dog’s full name is Princess Bubblegum, like—”
“Adventure time!” I yelled, echoing Neil. “That’s adorable! I didn’t even realize.” Neil’s attractiveness went up another notch.
“It’s cool, man,” I told him. “There can be more than one Princess of Gaynor Beach.”
“I’m glad you adopted the cat,” Neil said, pinking adorably as his eyes flitted between me and the cat carrier. “I adopted Bubblegum while I was in college, and it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.”
“Shelters make the magic happen,” I said with a laugh as I stowed Fluffybutt in the front seat.
“I found mine on the street, but yeah,” Neil said. “Um, about you calling our get-together tomorrow a date?” Neil asked, his cheeks going from pink to dark red.
“Slip of the tongue,” I said, waving my hand, palm out like Obi-wan. “These are not the droids you’re looking for.”
Neil barked out a laugh. “Good. Because it wouldn’t be very professional to date one of my employees. I know you aren’t paid, but you know what I mean.”
“Totally, dude.” I gave Neil a little bow. “And now I must be off and get Her Majesty home.”
Chapter seventeen
Wait, is this a date?
Neil
When I got back to my desk, the reality of what I’d agreed to hit me. I was going over to Sawyer’s house. He was making me dinner.
Unlike our trip to Boardwalk Books and Bite, I’d be alone with him.
Hot and available Sawyer, who I’d been crushing on since I met him.
The thought made me break out in a cold sweat.
“Sawyer called it a date. I should tell him I’m trans?” I asked Bubblegum, pushing back from my desk to look down at where she lounged in her bed under my desk. Arthur wasn’t here, off helping downstairs with shelter things, so I felt comfortable enough talking to myself out loud. “But more importantly, you’re not going to scare Sawyer, are you, sweet thing?” I cooed. “You couldn’t scare anyone. You look like a dandelion gone to seed.”
After I got home, I sat cross-legged on the floor watching reruns of Drag Race and brushed Bubblegum out while I tried to figure out what to wear to this date tomorrow.
Bubblegum, of course, I’d dress up in her little pink bedazzled collar that she wore to my oldest sister’s wedding. Nobody could be scared of a fluffball in a pink sparkly collar and two big pink bows at the base of her ears.
For me, a suit would be too much. Perversely, I felt I should dress down to match Sawyer’s casual nature.
But how far down? Sawyer seemed to live in board shorts, T-shirts, and flip-flops. I didn’t even own any shorts because I hadn’t exactly needed them in Boise.
Once Bubblegum’s fur was soft and silky, I set her on the couch and dug through my boxes until I found an old pair of khakis looking a little threadbare. Cringing inside, I took scissors to them and chopped them off at the knees.
Now a top. I had a T-shirt a friend had given me from the Boise Pride Parade. I don’t think I’d ever worn it. First time for everything. After digging about for a bit, I found it.
Shoes. Shoes were going to be the problem. Besides my loafers, I only had a pair of worn Converse I used at the gym. They’d have to do.
Feeling silly, I pulled it all on and modeled for Bubblegum. My pasty white knees stuck out from the bottom of the shorts, and the T-shirt was made of a thick, scratchy fabric that I hated. But it looked nice. The black color of the shirt went well with the cut-off khaki shorts, except for my blinding white skin.
“I’m so nervous,” I told Bubblegum. “Do you think he’ll like you?” I paused and then resumed pacing, tearing at my hair with both hands. “Do you think he’ll still like me?”
Bubblegum barked and wagged her tail.
“How do I tell him?” I muttered as I paced. “All my former partners were trans too. I’ve never had to come out to a potential boyfriend before. Awkwaaard. You can’t just bring it up out of nowhere, like, ‘Hey bro, thanks for inviting me and Bubblegum to dinner. Btw, I’m trans.’
“I need to ease him into it. Find out what he thinks about trans people first, to find out if it’s even safe to tell him.”
I ran my hand through my hair again, tugging on it as if I could massage my brain.
“But how?”
Drag Race still played in the background at low volume. That reminded me; hadn’t there been a trans-guy on a few years ago? That might be a good way to find out. I didn’t think I owned that season, but it’d be easy to find and download.
Okay. I had a plan now. That helped. But I was still nervous.
Chapter eighteen
You're a Sucker
Sawyer
A date with Neil. I was so ready for this.
Princess Fluffybutt had hidden under the couch the moment I let her out of the carrier. I let her be. I was slightly worried about her with the dog Neil was bringing over. Her info card said she’d used to live with a dog, but who knew how Neil’s dog would react.
In any case, I didn’t want the dog roaming the house. I’d found a couple of ancient baby gates in the attic while looking for cat supplies. Had my parents kept it from when I was a baby? Amazing. Anyway, one of those could cordon off the bathroom and keep the dog contained.
I didn’t want to upset the cat, so I didn’t vacuum, but I did go on a cleaning spree. The old house had needed it, anyway. Hector called while I was in the middle of cleaning the bathroom. I answered on the earbud I’d been listening to music on so I could keep cleaning.
“How did it go?” Hector asked.
Just to mess with him, I pretended I didn’t know what he was talking about. “My volunteer shift? I adopted a cat. Named her Princess Fluffybutt,” I deadpanned.
