Ruff start, p.8
Ruff Start, page 8
“It is a lot cheaper than Cali.” I shrugged. “Plus, they wanted to get horses.”
“So you’re an only child?” Neil asked. “I only saw pictures of you and your parents in the entryway.”
“Yeah. You?” I flipped the steaks.
Neil was silent for long enough that I glanced back to make sure he was still there.
“Middle child… of eight.”
I blinked for a moment, thinking I’d misheard. “Huh. What’s it like?
“Having siblings?” Neil hummed in thought for a moment. “Loud.”
I laughed. “I bet.”
God, sitting here on my porch with Neil felt so right. I plated the steaks and admired how the setting sun lit up his hair. I was so glad he’d stayed despite my panic attack about his dog. And he’d stayed even after my confession of getting terrorized by a pack of tiny dogs.
Chapter twenty-one
Netflix and Chill
Neil
While we ate, we watched the sunset from his porch. Bubblegum made a fuss at first, with Sawyer flinching at each bark, but she finally settled down. It had been really sweet of him to set up that space for her in his bathroom. He’d even put down a bowl of water and some blankets to make a little bed for her.
“Dinner was great,” I told Sawyer as I helped him clean up the dirty dishes.
“You’re not leaving, are you?” Sawyer looked crestfallen as he shut the fridge. “I thought we could go for a moonlit walk on the beach after dinner?”
The flash drive with Drag Race on it burned a hole in my pocket. I remembered I hadn’t told him about my idea for the mural either.
One thing at a time.
“The beach walk sounds very romantic, but…” I took a deep breath, took the flash drive out, and held it up. “I brought a show I wanted to watch together. Can your TV read flash drives?”
“Netflix and chill?” Sawyer asked, reaching for me.
I stepped toward him and let him draw me into an embrace. “Maybe,” I hedged as I settled my hands against his chest.
His heart pounded against my hand, and his lips hovered close to mine, asking silent permission. I couldn’t resist closing the distance and pressing my mouth against his. My skin tingled all over as he kissed me back, groaning into my mouth. His hands slid lower to cup my ass. He squeezed, making me gasp at the sensation, and then pulled me closer. I could feel his erection poking me in the leg through his thin slacks.
With some effort, I gathered my scattered thoughts and broke the kiss. Sawyer panted, his eyes half-lidded as he stared at me.
“That was even better than I imagined it would be,” he said.
I had to agree, and it made me even more impatient to tell him about me. I wasn’t sure I could even bring myself to wait until we’d watched the show.
I opened my mouth to answer when Bubblegum barked once, high and piercing, and Sawyer flinched against me.
“I’m sorry, I think she needs to go out,” I said, reluctantly untangling myself from him.
“I’ll get your movie ready to play while you’re outside,” he said, still breathless.
“It’s episode 1,” I told him as I headed for the bathroom. I’d downloaded the whole season, and it was the only thing on the flash drive.
As soon as she saw me, Bubblegum began dancing on her back legs. I leaned over the ancient baby gate and clipped the lead to her before lifting her out. I carried her down the hall and out the front door. When I passed the living room, Sawyer was focused on the television, too absorbed to notice us.
I set Bubblegum in the dirt of Sawyer’s front yard, impatiently waiting while she sniffed around to find the exact perfect place to pee. When she was done, I took her back inside. Sawyer waved at her as we walked by. I paused and lifted Bubblegum’s paw, pretending to have her wave back.
“Cute.” He laughed. “From here, she’s not so bad.”
“You want to—” I took a step into the living room, but Sawyer held up a hand in a stop gesture. “Got it. Be right back.” I deposited Bubblegum back into the bathroom, hoping Sawyer had taken advantage of the break to use it.
When I got back to the living room, he was relaxed back into the couch, one arm thrown over the back and a stocking-clad foot up on the pillows. He gestured to the space between him and the back of the couch. An unspoken invitation to snuggle.
Grinning, I toed off my sneakers and crawled into the space. I laid my head on his chest and realized my mistake almost immediately. Having a conversation with Sawyer would be difficult, and I also couldn’t see his face to judge his reactions to the episode.
“Do you like Drag Race?” I asked him as the theme music started up.
“Never seen it.” He shrugged, the movement flexing muscles in his chest under my cheek. “But I’ve been to drag night at the gay bar downtown.”
“In the audience or on stage?” I teased.
He laughed and ruffled my hair. “Audience. The first time I went to support my friend Diego’s stage debut. Had a blast, so I usually try to catch the monthly show.”
An irrational stab of jealously went through me. Had Diego been a friend or a friend? “Diego never made you watch Drag Race with him?” I asked, although I really wanted to ask if they’d ever dated.
On screen, RuPaul had lined up the contestants and was giving her spiel. In a few more minutes, the queens would start doing their introductions.
“Eh, I mostly hung out with Hector. I know Diego from the LGBT club. It was a small school, and us gay kids tried to stick together.”
So really just a friend, then. It really shouldn’t matter to me. It was history, and we weren’t even dating yet, but I reminded myself that feelings weren’t rational.
Sawyer stroked his fingers through my hair as Gottmik came onto the stage. Gottmik was the trans-guy in this season.
I bit my lip and craned my head back so I could look up at Sawyer.
Sawyer’s brows furrowed as Gottmik talked about doing female impersonation drag as a trans-guy. Not a good sign.
“Something bothering you about him?” I asked, biting my lip.
“Nothing.” Sawyer glanced away from the screen and gave me a half-hearted smile.
Well, this plan crashed and burned. My eyes unfocused as I thought, not seeing the screen as anything more than bright flashing colors.
“Get up here,” Sawyer tugged on the back of my shirt. “I need to kiss you again.”
A thrill of anticipation went through me, and I levered myself up until I could reach his mouth. Fireworks went off in my belly and lower down as our mouths met. Sawyer’s hand cupped the back of my head.
I put my hand between his pecs, enjoying the silky feeling of his dress shirt on my fingers. I slid my hand to the side and circled a finger around his already erect nipple. Sawyer shuddered under me, grasping at my hair with one hand and my side with his other.
“Oh my god, Neil,” Sawyer muttered against my mouth. “Bedroom?”
I gasped and pulled away to sit up slightly. “Need… talk… first…” My heart hammered with lust and worry.
“I’m clean,” Sawyer said, leaning toward me with lidded eyes, going in for a kiss.
I blocked him and sat up. “Not that. Although I am too.” I’d been single for a few months and gotten tested after breaking up with my last boyfriend. “I have something I need to tell you before we go any further.”
My heart hammered in my chest with nerves, contrasting with the ache in my groin. Argh, we should have had this conversation before the kiss. I knew it. All I could think of now was how much I wanted to tear Sawyer’s clothing off, to see him naked. Sawyer didn’t look in any better shape with his slacks tented up by a massive erection.
I pushed at Sawyer’s legs until he swung them off the couch, giving me room to sit up, then grabbed the remote and paused the show.
Sawyer took my hand and looked me in the eye. “You heard my worst secret. I’m sure yours can’t be worse than near-death by Chihuahua.”
His confidence made me smile despite how nervous I was. “I’m a trans guy, like Gottmik. Do you know what that means?”
Sawyer’s eyes went distant. “Umm…”
My mouth twitched, and my gaze dropped to his crotch and back up. “I guess all your blood is busy somewhere else.”
“And whose fault is that?” Sawyer teased with a wink. “But um, yeah. Some of the queens Diego works with are trans women. I guess I never thought about someone going the other way, but that’s cool. It’s cool. Can we get back to the kissing? That was nice.”
I hesitated. His answer was sincere, and I was sure that, in the moment, he really didn’t care. But I knew from bitter experience that things might change once the clothes came off. The fact that I didn’t have the anatomy he was expecting might not have penetrated his sex-addled thoughts.
Sharp yapping made Sawyer flinch from me. “I’m sorry. Guess I’m not as desensitized to barking as I thought.”
“It’s okay,” I assured him. “I should get her home.”
“You’re leaving?” Sawyer’s mouth turned down into an adorable pout. “I can handle her barking.”
Bubblegum yapped again, but this time she didn’t stop. Sawyer’s fingers tightened on my hands, and his eyes went wide, but he gave me a shaky grin.
“See, I’m fine.”
I gently pulled my hands from his grip. “You’re doing great, but this time it’s me. I think you need time to absorb what I just told you. I had a really good time.”
I couldn’t help but lean forward to peck him on the lips. Sawyer sighed into my mouth, making a little noise of protest when I pulled away.
Chapter twenty-two
And Then He Left!
Sawyer
“And then he left with barely a goodbye,” I complained to Hector as I finished telling him about my date yesterday.
I flopped over dramatically to hang my head off the front of the couch, hands trailing on the ground.
Hector sat on the love seat opposite, petting my cat as she purred in his lap. Traitor. “It sounds like a good date to me. And he said yes to lunch tomorrow. He was probably just worried that his dog was upsetting you.”
“I would have said if she was.” I groaned.
“Would you have? Or was your dick calling the shots?” Hector countered.
I winced as I remembered how I’d reacted to Bubblegum’s yapping last night. I held up a hand with my thumb and forefinger a tiny bit apart. “Okay, maybe there was the slightest chance that my dick was thinking for me last night.”
“Slightest?” A pillow hit me in the face, and Hector laughed. I tossed it onto the couch next to me instead of throwing it back because I didn’t want to risk hitting my kitty.
“Is he a top?” Hector asked.
“What?” I slithered off the couch and landed on my side on the floor. “Why are you asking me that?”
“You are very much a bottom,” Hector declared, throwing another pillow at me. I swatted it out of the air and scowled at him. “You said he left when things started to get hot and heavy, right? Maybe he worried you weren’t compatible since he doesn’t have a dick.”
“I can top, too,” I countered, pacing around my living room as I ran a hand through my hair. I regretted telling Hector Neil’s secret. I hoped Neil would forgive me…
Hector just laughed at that. “You keep telling yourself that, dude.”
“I will.” I stopped and stuck my tongue out at him, but it did get me thinking. Could Neil top me? I supposed he could always use a strap-on if he hadn’t had surgery. Shit, even the idea had me getting hard, and I turned, subtly readjusting myself.
But Hector did have a valid point, even if he was wrong about the reasons. I tapped out a quick note to myself on my phone to ask Neil about it. I thought about texting him, but that might be an odd thing to send out of the blue.
Chapter twenty-three
Warm Fuzzies
Neil
My brain had a hard time trusting that Sawyer really was still into me. I knew I should trust him, take him at face value, but I’d had guys in Idaho tell me the same thing, then get surprised by the lack of a dick when I took my pants off, which was why I’d started dating only other genderqueer or trans men. But I’d been too uptight and focused on work for all of them. The way Sawyer met me halfway gave me the warm fuzzies.
Sunday morning, I woke up to find Sawyer had sent me a text, just a winking face followed by a heart. The man sure liked his emojis. Not fluent in emoji speak myself, I responded with a heart.
He responded with a picture of a hot dog, a beach, and a calendar page emoji.
I squinted. If I understood right, he wanted to schedule a date at the beach, but was the hot dog a metaphor for a penis, meaning sex on the beach, or did he want to get a literal hot dog?
I decided to take him literally.
Me: I could go for a hot dog. When are you coming to the shelter next?
Sawyer: Monday. Lunch?
Me: Sounds good!
Sawyer: It’s a date, boyfriend [winking emoji]
I blushed scarlet and set my phone facedown with a clatter. I’d meant to ask him if he had any questions about me being trans, but the casual way he called me his boyfriend had me breathless and more than a little horny.
To get my mind off Sawyer, I threw myself into unpacking while Bubblegum danced around at my feet, yapping for attention.
My phone vibrated a while later. I snatched it up and answered breathlessly without looking at the screen, assuming it was Sawyer calling. “Hey.”
“Neil, you were supposed to text me when you got to Cali,” my mother chided.
Yet it took her nearly two weeks to call me. “I did, mom.”
“More than, ‘I’m here.’ You know I worry about you.”
We’d never been close. As the middle child, I blended into the crowd of children, too quiet and introverted to stand out. She hadn’t paid attention to me until I transitioned, and even then, it was pleas for me to reconsider because her reputation in the church and relief society had taken a hit. And for my safety, of course. At least now that it was done, she still talked to me and used my new name.
“I’m fine. Gaynor Beach is a really safe community for queer people. That’s part of the reason I took this job, remember?” I pinched the bridge of my nose.
At my feet, Bubblegum let out a yip, little feet dancing on my upper leg as she pawed at me for attention. “Sorry, I’ve got to go take the dog out.”
“I’m glad you have her, at least, to protect you. Bye.”
Snorting at the thought of Bubblegum charging at a home invader, I said my goodbyes to her and hung up. I spent the rest of the day setting up my apartment and checking my phone to see if Sawyer had texted me again.
A while later, my phone beeped. Sawyer had sent me a picture, a sketch of me holding the real Princess Bubblegum this time, not the sheepdog imposter. It was simple, the only color being the pink of Bubblegum’s bows.
The picture reminded me of my mural idea. I smacked my head. I’d gotten so distracted by Sawyer’s Chihuahua story that I’d totally forgotten to tell him my idea.
No time like the present.
Me: I’ve been thinking about ways you can continue to volunteer here without getting chased out by a dog again.
Sawyer: Low blow, N
Me: I’m not being mean, just stating facts.
Sawyer: [Tongue sticking out Emoji]
Sawyer: Fine, what’s this big plan.
Me: Big is right. [Winking emoji]
Sawyer: [Eggplant emoji]
Me: Even I know what the Eggplant means. Get your mind out of your pants.
A mural. Seeing your living room yesterday gave me the idea.
Specifically, in that big empty place above the front door.
Three little dots popped up and disappeared, and I waited in breathless anticipation.
Sawyer: An empty wall is like an empty canvas, brimming with possibilities.
I blinked at this unexpected bit of seriousness coming from Sawyer. Right.
Sawyer: rad idea.
Sawyer: It will look sick as hell.
Sawyer: Not sure how that will help the shelter.
Me: Advertising!
Plus, we could ask for donations to have you include specific pets.
The ideas flew fast now. More money for a bigger spot or a more central location.
Even better, that meant Sawyer would be around the shelter even more than he had been.
Chapter twenty-four
Eggplant Emoji is for Dick
Neil
Monday morning dragged while I impatiently waited for noon to come. Finally, I got a text from Sawyer saying he was here.
I scooped up Bubblegum in my free hand, cradling her under my arm like a football, and carried her downstairs so she could do her business,. I then returned her to the office and put her in her kennel.
When I got out front, Sawyer was just coming back down the ladder. I admired the view of his ass flexing in the thin board shorts he favored.
“You really should have a spotter when you’re using a ladder,” I told him as he stepped off the last rung.
He shot me a grin and patted his ladder. “Perfectly safe, see?” He grabbed a leg and gave it a good shake. The ladder didn’t budge.
“Still. To be safe.” I crossed my arms. “I’d feel better if you had someone here when you go up and down.”
