Eleanor’s house.

  Lily couldn’t function and spent most of the time crying her eyes out. Tina and Eleanor looked after Beau as Lily sat in the garden, in tears. She couldn’t eat or sleep. She felt sick to her stomach and most of all, she felt guilty about everything she did in her life.

  ‘You have to eat something,’ Eleanor said stroking her head as she sat huddled in the chair at the end of the garden.

  ‘Is Beau alright?’ she asked and looked at Eleanor.

  She could see the anguish in her green eyes.

  ‘This whole thing is too much for you,’ Eleanor said gently. ‘It’s only words written by some stupid cow.’

  ‘Tia tried to take her own life because of me,’ she said before crying. ‘What does that make me?’

  ‘Don’t think about it.’

  ‘Did you know?’

  ‘Yes, I knew,’ said Eleanor gently.

  ‘Why didn’t Richard tell me?’

  ‘He didn’t want to upset you and it was years ago.’ Eleanor stroked Lily’s face. ‘He knows what’s going on and is really worried about you. It’s very complicated and you’re not to blame.’

  ‘But I am,’ she gulped. ‘It’s all my fault.’

  A few days later, when she thought she was feeling better and all the fuss had died down, Lily lay in bed staring at the ceiling talking to Dominic as Beau slept in Eleanor’s room.

  ‘How can you accept people writing about you? It’s wrong,’ she said closing her eyes. ‘They said some really cruel things.’

  ‘Margaret McMahon was obviously out to get you,’ Dominic said gently on the phone. ‘How are you feeling?’

  ‘Pretty shit,’ she said. ‘Eleanor has been great but I have to go home soon. I can’t stay here. I have to face the world sometime.’

  ‘It will die over. Have you heard from Richard?’

  ‘Of course not.’

  ‘They were being nice about him. For a change.’

  ‘And the fact you and me are long time lovers, like some evil twosome, plotting to upset all these people we meet,’ she laughed. ‘Someone hates you too.’

  ‘Not as much as they hate you. I’ve got another two weeks filming then I can fly back for a few days. Any idea who leaked this?’

  ‘I haven’t got the foggiest how you’d do something like this.’

  Lily eventually fell asleep and stirred when she heard Beau crying. She got up out of the bed and went towards Eleanor’s room but the sound was from downstairs. Slowly walking down the stairs to see where Eleanor had gone.

  She stopped in her tracks.

  Richard was holding Beau in his arms, gazing straight at him, while sitting on the sofa feeding him a bottle. He didn’t notice her as he smiled at the little baby, stroking his face.

  Lily’s heart lurched at the sight.

  ‘Who’d have thought he could be domestic?’ Eleanor smiled spotting Lily.

  Richard looked up at Lily and as soon as they made eye contact she burst into tears. Eleanor quickly took Beau out of Richard’s arms as he rushed to Lily.

  ‘Oh sweetheart,’ he said putting his arms around her as she sobbed into his chest. ‘I didn’t think it was going to get this bad. I flew back as soon as I could.’

  ‘Take her back to bed Richard. She’s not been herself for ages, the poor thing’s been terribly upset,’ Eleanor said as Richard walked Lily up the stairs. ‘I can look after Beau, he’s no trouble at all.’

  She couldn’t see where she was going until she sat on the bed and he crouched down to look at her.

  ‘They were really horrid,’ she sobbed. ‘It’s not all true.’

  ‘I know that, silly you,’ he said pushing her hair away from her face. ‘Do you know for years I made sure your name was never mentioned in the press?’

  ‘That’s because you were ashamed,’ she sobbed as he laughed.

  ‘John’s trying to stop anything else getting printed about us.’

  ‘What’s the point? I’ve obviously been the bane in your life,’ she said, big fat tears rolling down her face.

  ‘That’s not true,’ he smiled. ‘I’m here now and we’re going to get to the bottom of it.’

  ‘You never told me about Tia. Why didn’t you tell me?’

  ‘Tomorrow we’ll talk,’ he said gently pushing her back into bed.

  ‘Your mum’s been amazing,’ Lily said as Richard took off his clothes and climbed into bed next to her.

  ‘She’s been really worried about you, especially over the past few days,’ he said gently stroking her face. ‘Me too.’

  ‘I can’t think why anyone would be so cruel.’

  ‘I don’t know,’ he shrugged before pulling her closer. ‘How are you feeling?’

  ‘Crap,’ she smiled before biting her lip. ‘Why did you leave me?’

  ‘I told you I was flying out. I wanted to stay but John told me there was nothing I could do so I went.’

  ‘You didn’t even check to see if we were okay.’

  ‘I did,’ he said kissing her face.

  ‘Why wait so long to contact me? You’ve not even tried to see how I am or-.’

  ‘Lily,’ he said propping up his head on his elbow. ‘I have a day to day account on what’s happening and how you are.’

  ‘Of course you do,’ she said in disbelief as she examined his face and stubble.

  ‘You refused to speak to me.’

  ‘I was angry.’

  ‘You nearly died. I leave you for a couple of hours and you’re being rushed into hospital,’ Richard said getting riled. ‘I get a call from Dominic and I thought you’d died, do you know that?’

  ‘I wanted to see you and you weren’t there. Bentley told me you couldn’t wait to run away and party in LA.’

  ‘Now that’s not true.’

  ‘Did you screw about?’

  ‘I was too busy to get my end away, though I did the five fingered shuffle a few times and kept thinking about you.’

  ‘That’s not funny,’ she said hitting him gently.

  ‘Your whole situation is a lot to take in especially when I see you’ve got a baby,’ he sighed and let his head drop back onto the pillow. ‘It’s a little weird.’

  ‘He’s not weird, he’s really very beautiful.’

  ‘I take it the father’s good looking then?’

  ‘So he likes to think,’ she said examining his face. ‘I really missed you.’

  ‘Come here,’ he said rolling on top of her and pulling off her nightdress.

  ‘I’ve got a massive scar and wobbly bits,’ she said trying to keep her nightdress on. ‘And I’m covered in craters of stretch marks.’

  ‘You’ve just had a baby.’

  ‘It’s not very attractive.’

  ‘I think you’re beautiful,’ Richard said pushing her nightdress off as she reluctantly let him do it. ‘Let me show you how much I missed you.’

  ‘Seriously, my body’s not in good shape,’ she said pushing him away before crying. ‘I look horrible. Did you see the picture of me?’

  ‘Oh baby,’ he said stroking her face. ‘I’ve got everything you need.’

  ‘Really? Like what?’

  ‘Some tissues, a massive packet of condoms and me,’ he smiled. ‘Because now I know you can get knocked up, I’m not taking any chances.’

  ‘And who said you weren’t sensitive?’ she frowned at him as he kissed her gently on the lips.

  ‘I’m a very slow and sensitive lover.’

  Lily stared into his eyes for a moment and didn’t know what to say. It could be the perfect time to tell him about his son and heir but something told her he wouldn’t react in a positive way. She glanced at his lips and kissed him.

  ‘Rich, you know I’m very much in love with you, that’s why I get the hump,’ she mumbled, looking down at where his chest was now pushing closer against her breasts, making them look very large. ‘This isn’t about Beau, it’s about me and you.’

  He wasn’t listening.

  The man had his hands on her buttocks and was gliding them up and down while kissing her neck before going on top.

  ‘I’m talking to you, could you at least pretend you’re interested?’ Lily sighed pushing her hand through the back of his hair.

  There was a faint grunt as his mouth started travelling down her throat and he nestled in between her breasts.

  ‘I was shocked to see you holding the baby. I wouldn’t have expected you to know which end to feed.’

  ‘Why’s that?’ he said looking up at her, his expression relaying he didn’t want to have a conversation as his mouth encased her nipple and he sucked hard for a moment.

  ‘Knowing your stance on children, I never imagined you could be so… accommodating.’

  ‘I’m not,’ Richard replied and grinned. ‘But I can be accommodating to you if you’d only be quiet so I can get on with it.’

  ‘Sure,’ she shrugged and let out a very loud sigh. ‘I’m just saying.’

  Within seconds his mouth was in between her thighs. She felt his tongue flicker on her soft inner flesh and closed her eyes for a moment as his hands squeezed her breasts. Then he placed his mouth over her clitoris and started flicking it with his tongue.

  Lily knew she was too close to coming so held back as much as she could, opening her eyes not wanting to reach orgasm just yet but his mouth and tongue were working so fast. Then he pulled the skin gently at her inner thighs before parting her swollen lips. His tongue was flickering furiously and she couldn’t hold back.

  ‘I’m going to come!’ she groaned out and when she did he covered her hard little nub with his mouth, pulling and squeezing it that she screamed out while pulling his hair and pushing his face into her throbbing fanny.

  ‘Oh god!’ she panted. ‘If that’s the only way to shut me up, you just keep on doing it.’

  Chapter Nineteen

  Richard was exceptionally rubbish at changing a nappy, Lily realised the following morning, as he rushed to the toilet to stop himself from being sick.

  ‘What a clever little boy you are to upset him like that,’ Lily said cuddling her little son and watching Richard return looking pale.

  ‘How can you do that?’ he said going to the sink and drinking a glass of water. ‘It’s horrible.’

  ‘Don’t you poo?’ she smirked holding Beau to her chest.

  ‘I don’t ask anyone to wipe my bum,’ Richard laughed.

  ‘He’s lovely and I’ll wipe his bum as long as I can,’ she said kissing her baby’s head and smiling at Richard as he washed his glass out. ‘You like me kissing your bum though.’

  He flashed a wicked grin. Something stirred in her gut when she thought of them together.

  ‘Now don’t you look much better,’ Eleanor said walking into the kitchen after they let her lay in for a few hours. ‘I wonder who brought the colour back to your cheeks?’

  ‘My cheeks?’ Richard smirked and turned to his mother.

  ‘Hers,’ she said and kissed her son before walking towards Lily.

  ‘Ah hers,’ he said turning to look at her. ‘Well she had a good-.’

  ‘Sleep,’ Lily said quickly as Richard laughed and Eleanor shook her head. ‘Thank you so much for looking after Beau.’

  ‘I’m surprised you didn’t wake up the baby with all the racket coming out of the bedroom,’ laughed Eleanor and this time Lily noticed Richard went bright red. ‘How many times can you tell her you love her? And so loudly?’

  ‘We didn’t wake you?’ Lily said seeing Richard turn his back to his mother with a horrified expression.

  ‘It brought back good memories of my recent holiday’ laughed Eleanor.

  ‘Mother!’ hissed Richard.

  ‘I can have fun too,’ she said, taking Beau, putting her sun hat on and walking out into the garden.

  ‘She heard us having sex,’ whispered Lily as Richard turned to face her with a big grin on his face.

  ‘It’s pretty embarrassing. She never usually says anything,’ he said pursing his lips. ‘Even about her own stuff.’

  ‘Do I detect a little boy’s a bit jealous?’

  ‘No,’ he smiled. ‘She’s been a bit secretive about something and I suspect she’s got a man on the go.’

  ‘I forget, there must be quite a few coming through here with the pair of you,’ she smirked as he pulled her closer and gave her a massive kiss. Lily slightly opened her eyes to see Eleanor looking at them with a smile. ‘Your mum can see us.’

  ‘Let her,’ he sighed before pushing her up against the kitchen cupboard.

  ‘Behave,’ Lily said pulling his hand away from under her top.

  ‘Last night was amazing,’ he groaned in her ear. ‘Let’s go upstairs quickly, come on.’

  ‘No,’ she said sternly as he dragged her up. ‘I’ve got a baby to look after.’

  ‘Mum can do it.’

  ‘Richard,’ she laughed as he kissed her neck.

  ‘Come on,’ he said and pulling her into the bedroom.

  ‘You’re on heat,’ she said but before she could protest any further he’d flung her on the bed and jumped on top.

  ‘Responsibilities,’ she said, trying to get out of bed an hour later as his arm was stuck solid around her body.

  ‘You need to relax with me,’ he grinned.

  ‘I can’t let Eleanor look after Beau on her own, that’s just rude and-.’

  ‘Tina’s coming round. Your fabulous nurse will be here any minute,’ he said glancing at his watch on the side table.

  ‘And that shows I’m a good mum by staying in bed with you, does it?’

  Lily noticed he looked relaxed and happy with a sheet just draping over his privates. Then she glanced down at her sagging tummy and stretch marks before groaning.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ he frowned.

  ‘My body.’

  ‘You can exercise or get a tummy tuck,’ he laughed. ‘I’ll even pay for that.’

  ‘You think I’m too flabby?’ she said, suddenly getting pissed off. ‘I know it’s not perfect. It never was.’

  ‘I love you just the way you are.’

  ‘Didn’t Billy Joel say that to his first wife before he walked out on her for a super model?’

  ‘Who cares?’ he laughed.

  ‘When you’re a twenty something it springs back, when you’re a forty something it just droops,’ she said and sighed loudly before flopping back on the bed. ‘And talking about twenty something, your wife seems to be a bit of a bitch. I mean I get pulled over the coals about not talking to anyone and she’s breaking all the rules.’

  Lily turned to look at him staring up at the ceiling.

  ‘Journalist, what do you expect?’ he sighed.

  ‘It doesn’t bother you?’

  ‘I’m used to shit being written about me, gossip, I don’t read it.’

  ‘I’m not used to it and I did read it,’ she said hearing the growl in her voice.

  ‘There seems to be a lot I don’t know about you,’ he smiled and turned to face here. ‘And here was I thinking you were Miss Goody Two Shoes and there’s an expose of all the men, the sex, drugs, rock and roll. You never said.’

  He let out a loud laugh as Lily scowled.

  ‘Making out I’m a drunk and I never took many drugs. Well I never bought any,’ she said honestly.

  ‘Really?’ he smiled and kissed her cheek. ‘That makes you a good person?’

  ‘I didn’t have shares in Columbia like someone I know not too far away from me,’ she said looking at him from the corner of her eye. ‘I know all about you, Mr HQ and what you get up to.’

  ‘Have you been seriously reading everything that’s printed?’

  ‘If you want to know the truth,’ she said sitting up. ‘There was a time when I would accidentally find you on Google.’

  ‘Accidentally?’

  ‘Yes and all these things would come up and I’d only read what was on page one because as we know, page two on Google is rubbish,’ she said and looked at his wide eyed expression. ‘I know a lot about you even though, at the time, I wanted to kill you. That was when you dumped me after our year anniversary, remember?’

  ‘There are a lot of people who don’t know about our relationship,’ he said stroking her back before gently saying. ‘I didn’t know you’d had a termination.’ Automatically Lily’s body stiffened. Richard sat up quickly and looked at her. ‘Are you going to talk about it? Or is it out of bounds?’

  ‘Condom broke, the relationship wasn’t perfect. I wanted it and he said no. He said we could have another one when we were more sorted. I cried for a week beforehand hoping he’d change his mind as we were living together. I had an abortion, he paid half. He gave me a box of chocolates and a bunch of flowers when it was done and we got a takeaway from Pizza Hut. I cried for a further two weeks and life goes on.’

  ‘You felt you were forced?’

  ‘I was forced and it’s the worst feeling in the world when you love someone and they’re telling you what they want, and they’re winning, they’re pulling the strings,’ she buried her head in her hands. ‘I don’t think about what the baby would be like, that doesn’t cross my mind, but I live with the guilt. That guilt was monumental when I couldn’t get pregnant.’

  ‘Did Will know?’ Richard kissed her shoulder and before burying his head in her hair.

  ‘I told him before all the tests started because the question comes up again and again. ‘Any previous pregnancies?’’ Lily whispered and put an arm around Richard. ‘Will thought I should have left the man and had the baby. But I told him then there’d be a connection between me and the boyfriend that I didn’t want. These mistakes you make when you’re in your twenties come back to haunt you.’ Lily looked at Richard, whose eyes were shut as if he was thinking hard about something. ‘How are you going to gag Angel from saying anything else? I’m sure there’s a vault worth on you.’

  ‘Nothing I can’t handle.’

  ‘She’s not an Angel,’ Lily mumbled. ‘She’s a little spoilt bitch.’

  ‘She’s young,’ he said diplomatically.

  ‘She slept with my best friend then made out he was some pervert!’ Lily snapped. ‘That madam has been going to the press and spreading nasty things about me. It’s not right and how are you. . .’ She dug a finger into his chest. ‘. . . going to stop her?’

 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82