The view from a rusty tr.., p.13
The View From A Rusty Train Car, page 13
“Thank God. So, you mean, they won’t be raw this time?”
“I should hope not.” Luke smiled. “So you do remember that night?”
“Remember? I got so sick I thought I was going to die.” Jared held his stomach, laughing.
“Your mom accused us of drinking because we were throwing up so much.”
“Oh, she was mad. Then again, she thought it was odd enough that you tried cooking for us.” Jared sat back in his chair. “That was a tough one to explain. I should’ve just said we were drunk. It would’ve been much easier.”
The smile melted from Luke’s face. “I know what you mean.”
Jared stared into his eyes. “Okay, I need to know. What happened between you and your mom?” He reached for Luke’s hand.
Luke pulled away, reaching for his plate instead. “It’s nothing. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Luke, it’s me. I know you. It’s not ‘nothing’. Every time she’s mentioned, your whole demeanor changes. You look like someone punched you in the gut.”
“Jed, please don’t do this. Don’t spoil it.” Luke pushed away from the table. He walked to the window, staring out at the night skyline.
Jared put down his napkin and went to him, wrapping his arms around him. “She must have really hurt you. I’m sorry if I had anything to do with it.”
Shaking his head, Luke reached up, holding his hands. “It’s not you.”
“Then what is it? What happened?” Jared turned him. Luke said nothing, staring past him. “I deserve some explanation. Why did you just disappear? Susie told me about the fight.”
Luke sat on the bed, holding his head in his hands.
Pulling a chair near the bed, Jared sat facing him. “I really need to know why you left. Why you never called me or wrote me. I waited for months, hoping you were all right. When nothing came, all I could do was assume you wanted nothing to do with me. It hurt so much.” He bowed his head, looking down at the floor.
Luke looked up at him, his face and eyes red. “I had no choice.” He wiped away tears. “You’re right. You do deserve the truth.” Taking a deep breath, his fists grabbed onto the bed linens and twisted. “That weekend I left to go to Grandma’s, Mom and I fought all the way there. She said she’d had enough and told me I was going to live with my aunt and uncle. She’d come out looking for me that night. She suspected that I’d been hanging out with you so she’d been watching me. After an hour of looking for us, she was about to head home when she heard noises coming from the train car. She climbed up and listened through the hatch.”
“Oh, my God. She... heard us?” Jared’s heart raced and his throat tightened.
“My uncle Richard didn’t know what to do with me. Mom found a place that would take me so she sent me there. It was a camp for boys who were gay... to make them straight.” Luke shook. “I didn’t see anyone for months. I tried to write. I did try to write you, but they found out and they...” He swallowed hard. “I just did what I could to get out of there.”
Jared moved closer to him. “I had no idea.”
“You think my mom was going to talk about it? Tell people she sent her gay son away to a place like that?”
Jared paced then threw his hands up. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say. I can’t wrap my head around it. It’s too crazy! A camp for…? What happens? What did they do to you?” He sat next to Luke, holding his hand.
“Mostly, they told me how evil I was. Bible verses were always used to prove it. It doesn’t sound like a big deal, but it was all day, every day… constantly. There were rules, most of them completely stupid, just to make sure you didn’t act inappropriately with the other boys.” Luke stared into the room. “The counselors didn’t have rules. They did whatever they wanted. Fucking hypocrites. We were bad for being gay, but they could...” He looked at Jared, squeezing his hand. “They didn’t touch me, Jed! I swear! I wouldn’t let them. They knew. They could tell they wouldn’t get away with it.”
“Luke!” Jared sobbed, putting his arms around Luke. “I’m so sorry! How can they...? How is this being allowed to happen?”
Luke didn’t react. He kept staring at the wall, shaking his head. “That wasn’t even the worst part. The worst was the ‘therapy sessions’. They seemed pretty harmless at first; just the same, constant berating. Then they decide you need more help. It doesn’t matter what you do or what you say. Everyone needs more help. They sit you in a room with a screen, your arms and legs tied down. Pictures start showing on the screen. First they show you nice pictures, like of mountains and streams and things like that. Then they show you pictures of women. Not just every day photos, but pictures of them in sort of sexy poses, you know? They tell you how ‘natural’ it is to feel attracted to them. They encourage it. Then...” His jaw tensed. “Then come the pictures of guys. You know, nice looking, well-built guys in sexy poses. Suddenly, zap! They push something against your neck and a shock runs through you. It’s like a tazer or something. It doesn’t matter what you say or how you react. Whenever a picture of a guy comes up, you get shocked.”
Jared’s stomach churned. His hand shook as he held Luke’s face. “Luke, I...”
“It works. It really does. You find yourself hating the guy in every photo and praying for a woman’s picture, just to stop the pain. It burns your skin and they don’t give you anything to put on it.” Luke sobbed.
Jared led Luke to the bed, helped him to settle then ran to the bar to pour him a drink. He set it on the nightstand, crawled into bed and rocked him in his arms.
“You know what’s really messed up?” Luke rolled over, looking into Jared’s face. “The whole time I was going through it, all I could think about was you. I wanted you just like this, just to hold me. You made it all okay.”
“It’s okay. I’m here now.” Jared pulled him close, stroking his hair as Luke wept.
Luke pulled away from him, got off the bed. “Then I’d feel guilty about being with you all those times. I was sick. The people at camp were right. I never blamed you, though. I blamed myself, that somehow I’d made you gay. I molested you. It was all my fault. I’m so sorry!”
“No, no, no. Don’t think like that. I was with you because I love you. You didn’t do anything wrong. Neither of us did. It’s just who we are.”
Luke touched Jared’s face, his eyes searching. “I’ve missed you so much. I thought I was going to die if I didn’t see you again. I love you so much... but it feels so wrong now. I don’t know how to explain it.” He turned away. “Why does it have to be like this?”
“It’s not wrong, Luke! I’ve thought about you every single minute of every day since the last time I saw you.” Jared turned Luke’s head toward him and kissed him. “I’m here now. We’re together again. Everything’s going to be all right. I promise. I won’t leave you. We’ll get through it.”
Luke lay back on the bed, wiping his eyes. He reached up, touching Jared’s lips. Sitting up, he grabbed Jared by the shoulders, throwing him down beside him. He kissed him hard, touching every part of his body.
Jared unbuttoned Luke’s shirt. Luke pulled it off the rest of the way then slid his hands down to Jared’s waist, pulling their bodies together. He yanked the collar away from Jared’s neck and kissed it.
“Make love to me.” Jared unbuttoned Luke’s pants, slipping his hands down his hips.
“No!” Luke jumped from the bed then moved to the other side of the room. “What am I doing? We can’t do this!” He grabbed his shirt off the floor and put it on.
Jared followed him out of the bed. “What’s the matter? Did I do something wrong?”
“No. God! It’s not you.” Luke paced back and forth. He sat down at the table, putting his head in his hands. “Jared. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done any of this. Oh, God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
“Luke? What’s the matter? I want this. I really do.” Jared put his hands on his shoulders, but Luke jumped. He took a step back.
“We can’t do this. You don’t get it! I’m not that guy anymore.”
Jared put his hands up. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you, especially after a story like that. I’m awful.”
“Oh, God, Jed. You have to forgive me. I’m sorry. Please. You have to forgive me.” Luke beat his fist against his chest.
“Luke. Stop it. What’s the matter?” He grabbed Luke’s hands. “You did nothing wrong! Everything’s all right.”
“No! It’s the surprise… the surprise that your parents flew you home for.”
“What about it?”
Luke crossed his arms, his hands clenching into fists. “You’re here... God!” Looking at Jared, he spoke with no emotion. “I’m getting married tomorrow afternoon.”
Struggling to breathe, Jared blinked, putting his hand to his head. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me.” Luke’s voice was low, speaking through clenched teeth.
Jared chuckled. “You’re kidding me, right?” Luke shook his head. “I don’t know what to say. This sure wasn’t the reunion I’d imagined.” He poured himself another drink. “I guess congratulations are in order, huh?” He sat on the bed, staring at the floor. “At least it can’t get any worse, right?”
“I’m sorry. It does.” Luke looked away, swallowing hard. “I’m marrying Megan.”
“Megan who?” Jared slowly raised his head to look at him as realization set in.
Luke shot him an apologetic glance then buried his face in his hands.
“Luke? Please tell me this is a joke. Please!” Jared slammed his drink down on the table. “Meg? You and Meg? Tell me you’re not seriously going to do this.”
“Jed, please?”
Jared marched up to him, shoving his finger into Luke’s face. “Do you have any idea how fucked up this sounds? This is crazy! You’re standing here, telling the man you love... wait... the man you were about to sleep with, that you’re marrying his sister in the morning? You’re insane!” Grabbing his drink from the table, he emptied it, and poured another. “Look, I’m sorry about what you went through. It was beyond awful. This isn’t going to fix it! You can’t just pretend it all away... everything we’ve been through. For God’s sake, admit it, Luke! Admit it. Admit it to yourself. You’re gay!”
Luke grabbed him by the collar, throwing him against the wall. “Shut up! Just shut up! It’s not true! ” His fist hit the wall by Jared’s head. Closing his eyes, he slammed the wall again. “You don’t understand. Meg and I hung out a lot after I came back. She’s good to me. She was there when I needed someone. Megan loves me.”
Jared shoved him away. “Oh, really? What about you? Are you in love with her?”
“Yes, I love her.”
Jared grabbed his arm. “That’s not what I asked. I asked if you were in love with her.”
Luke looked away. “I think so. Yes.”
Grabbing him by the shoulder, Jared shook him. “Then what in the hell was all this about, huh? This room? The food? The rose petals on the bed? What? You were trying to get me to sleep with you!” He took Luke’s face in his hands. “It was that camp. Those bastards played with your mind. They confused you. You’re in love with me and you know it!”
Luke ran from him, downed his drink then slammed it back on the table. “The camp showed me that I was right! The whole thing between us was impossible… and wrong. It was never going to work!” He looked to Jared. “This is the way it has to be. It’s best for everyone.”
Jared stared at him, unable to help the sneer he felt forming on his face. “Don’t you dare. No! You mean it’s easier for you. That’s what it’s always been about. You don’t give a damn about anyone else!”
“That’s not true.” Luke turned to him. “I love you.”
Jared’s body tensed, his body shaking “Fuck you!”
“Jed, please. You have to understand.” Luke took Jared into an embrace.
Collapsing into his arms, Jared sobbed. He pushed Luke, throwing him against the table. “Don’t you touch me! Don’t ever touch me again.” He ran to the bathroom, slammed then locked the door. “You son-of-a bitch. How can you do this to me?” He fell against the door, sliding to the floor, sobbing. He put his arm against his mouth, muffling his screams. His other hand in a fist, he slammed it against the floor.
Shelter
Jared noticed sunlight coming in from under the bathroom door. All was quiet in the other room. Cracking it, he saw Luke lying in the bed, his back to the door.
He gathered his things, threw them into a bag then tiptoed out, grabbing his luggage. He took one last look at Luke. “I loved you, you bastard.” Fighting back tears, he quietly closed the door and ran to the elevator. He kept watch over his shoulder in case Luke had heard him leave.
There was no one at the front desk. He rang the bell, hitting more aggressively than he had intended. The desk attendant arrived, pulling the bell away from him. “Can I help you, Sir?”
“Yes. I’m checking out of room 624.” Jared reached for his wallet.
“The total comes to two hundred forty six dollars and thirty cents.”
Jared’s head whipped up. “What the hell? Do you charge by the hour?”
“No, Sir, we don’t.” The desk clerk looked over Jared’s shoulder. “Do you?”
The elevator doors opened. Luke appeared.
“He’ll take care of it.” Jared gathered his things then bolted for the door.
“Jared. Wait!” Luke ran into the lobby.
“Sir! What about the bill?” The attendant stepped in front of Luke, stopping him.
“Shit! How do I get out of here?” Jared spotted a taxi waiting across the street. He ran to it and jumped in. “Please, just start going.”
As the cab pulled away, Jared looked back. Luke came running out, waving his arms. He took a deep breath, relaxing into the seat.
“Are you in some kind of trouble?” The cab driver stared at him in the rear-view mirror.
“No. Avoiding it.”
The driver smiled. “So, where are we headed?”
Jared looked at himself in the mirror. “Where am I going?”
“Sir? I need to know where to go?”
“You wouldn’t by any chance go as far as Sheldon, would you?”
“If you’ve got the dime, I’ve got the time.”
Jared grimaced at the cliché. “I’ve got it.” He watched through the window, trying to decide how he was going to handle everyone back home. What in the hell am I going to say to Meg? Why didn’t anyone tell me anything? He thought back to the previous night. This is crazy. I almost slept with him. Derek’s face flashed through his mind. What am I going to say to him?
Jared’s stomach churned when he saw the first houses leading into his hometown. It was hot and humid; a strange haze hung in the air. Seeing the train car again after all these years was too much for him. He looked away, his eyes filling with tears.
Approaching his parent’s house, he saw cars parked up and down both sides of the street. There wasn’t a single place left for anyone to park.
The cabbie pointed toward a large group of people gathered in the driveway. “Is this it?”
“That’s it. Just pull up to the driveway and I’ll jump out.” Jared got out of the cab, grabbed his luggage, and paid the driver. The door of the house slammed behind him.
“Jared? Is that my little Jared?”
Taking a deep breath, he forced a smile as he turned to her. “Hi, Aunt Grace.”
She threw her arms around him, lifting him off the ground. “You look great. It’s so good to see you. How’s Seattle? Have you seen the Space Needle?”
Jared tried to respond, but Aunt Grace was notorious for never allowing anyone to answer her questions. The barrage continued as she pulled him to the house.
Candace appeared at the door. She held out her arms, a tear in her eye. “Welcome home, Sweetie!” She took him in her arms. “Where’s Luke? We sent him to pick you up.”
Here we go. Jared kissed his mother on the cheek. “It’s all right. I’ve seen him. I took a cab thinking he had things to do before the wedding.”
“Well, does he know you’re here?”
“Yes. He knows I took a cab. Where’s Megan?” The noise from all the people was driving him crazy. He could barely think.
“She’s downstairs in her room getting ready. She wanted to see you as soon as you got here, so go! You might as well take your bags down. You’ll be staying in your old room.”
Picking up his bags, he ran down the stairs. He looked down the hall at Megan’s room, trying to build up his courage. You can do this. You have to! Throwing his luggage into his bedroom, he took a deep breath and knocked on Megan’s door. “Meg? Are you in there?” His knees shook.
“Who is it?”
“It’s me, Meg. Can I come in?”
The door flew open and Megan took him in her arms. “Jared. Oh God! I’ve missed you so much.” She rocked him back and forth. “Come in. Come in.” Taking him by the arm, she rushed him into the room, closing the door behind them.
Looking around the room, Jared felt queasy. One side looked like a small salon had been moved in. The other had decorations and stacks of wedding magazines. A dress was laid out on the bed.
Megan walked up behind him, putting her arms around him. “I know what you’re going to say. Yes, it’s Mom’s dress. She talked me into it.”
“You’re going to be beautiful.” Jared held her hands.
Megan sat on the edge of the bed, pulling him down beside her.
Feeling her shake, Jared forced a smile, brushing her hair away from her forehead. “So, you and Luke, huh?”
“I’m sure you were pretty surprised. It surprised me.”
Clearing his throat, Jared tried to relax. His jaw ached from clenching his teeth. “You have no idea.”
“I didn’t want anyone to tell you we were even seeing each other. It felt so strange. I don’t know how to explain it.” She went into the small bathroom then reappeared with a veil. She held it close to her, picking at the lace. “Jared? I’m sure it’s just cold feet, but I’m still not so sure I should be doing this. Something doesn’t feel right. Maybe it’s just nerves?”
“I should hope not.” Luke smiled. “So you do remember that night?”
“Remember? I got so sick I thought I was going to die.” Jared held his stomach, laughing.
“Your mom accused us of drinking because we were throwing up so much.”
“Oh, she was mad. Then again, she thought it was odd enough that you tried cooking for us.” Jared sat back in his chair. “That was a tough one to explain. I should’ve just said we were drunk. It would’ve been much easier.”
The smile melted from Luke’s face. “I know what you mean.”
Jared stared into his eyes. “Okay, I need to know. What happened between you and your mom?” He reached for Luke’s hand.
Luke pulled away, reaching for his plate instead. “It’s nothing. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Luke, it’s me. I know you. It’s not ‘nothing’. Every time she’s mentioned, your whole demeanor changes. You look like someone punched you in the gut.”
“Jed, please don’t do this. Don’t spoil it.” Luke pushed away from the table. He walked to the window, staring out at the night skyline.
Jared put down his napkin and went to him, wrapping his arms around him. “She must have really hurt you. I’m sorry if I had anything to do with it.”
Shaking his head, Luke reached up, holding his hands. “It’s not you.”
“Then what is it? What happened?” Jared turned him. Luke said nothing, staring past him. “I deserve some explanation. Why did you just disappear? Susie told me about the fight.”
Luke sat on the bed, holding his head in his hands.
Pulling a chair near the bed, Jared sat facing him. “I really need to know why you left. Why you never called me or wrote me. I waited for months, hoping you were all right. When nothing came, all I could do was assume you wanted nothing to do with me. It hurt so much.” He bowed his head, looking down at the floor.
Luke looked up at him, his face and eyes red. “I had no choice.” He wiped away tears. “You’re right. You do deserve the truth.” Taking a deep breath, his fists grabbed onto the bed linens and twisted. “That weekend I left to go to Grandma’s, Mom and I fought all the way there. She said she’d had enough and told me I was going to live with my aunt and uncle. She’d come out looking for me that night. She suspected that I’d been hanging out with you so she’d been watching me. After an hour of looking for us, she was about to head home when she heard noises coming from the train car. She climbed up and listened through the hatch.”
“Oh, my God. She... heard us?” Jared’s heart raced and his throat tightened.
“My uncle Richard didn’t know what to do with me. Mom found a place that would take me so she sent me there. It was a camp for boys who were gay... to make them straight.” Luke shook. “I didn’t see anyone for months. I tried to write. I did try to write you, but they found out and they...” He swallowed hard. “I just did what I could to get out of there.”
Jared moved closer to him. “I had no idea.”
“You think my mom was going to talk about it? Tell people she sent her gay son away to a place like that?”
Jared paced then threw his hands up. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say. I can’t wrap my head around it. It’s too crazy! A camp for…? What happens? What did they do to you?” He sat next to Luke, holding his hand.
“Mostly, they told me how evil I was. Bible verses were always used to prove it. It doesn’t sound like a big deal, but it was all day, every day… constantly. There were rules, most of them completely stupid, just to make sure you didn’t act inappropriately with the other boys.” Luke stared into the room. “The counselors didn’t have rules. They did whatever they wanted. Fucking hypocrites. We were bad for being gay, but they could...” He looked at Jared, squeezing his hand. “They didn’t touch me, Jed! I swear! I wouldn’t let them. They knew. They could tell they wouldn’t get away with it.”
“Luke!” Jared sobbed, putting his arms around Luke. “I’m so sorry! How can they...? How is this being allowed to happen?”
Luke didn’t react. He kept staring at the wall, shaking his head. “That wasn’t even the worst part. The worst was the ‘therapy sessions’. They seemed pretty harmless at first; just the same, constant berating. Then they decide you need more help. It doesn’t matter what you do or what you say. Everyone needs more help. They sit you in a room with a screen, your arms and legs tied down. Pictures start showing on the screen. First they show you nice pictures, like of mountains and streams and things like that. Then they show you pictures of women. Not just every day photos, but pictures of them in sort of sexy poses, you know? They tell you how ‘natural’ it is to feel attracted to them. They encourage it. Then...” His jaw tensed. “Then come the pictures of guys. You know, nice looking, well-built guys in sexy poses. Suddenly, zap! They push something against your neck and a shock runs through you. It’s like a tazer or something. It doesn’t matter what you say or how you react. Whenever a picture of a guy comes up, you get shocked.”
Jared’s stomach churned. His hand shook as he held Luke’s face. “Luke, I...”
“It works. It really does. You find yourself hating the guy in every photo and praying for a woman’s picture, just to stop the pain. It burns your skin and they don’t give you anything to put on it.” Luke sobbed.
Jared led Luke to the bed, helped him to settle then ran to the bar to pour him a drink. He set it on the nightstand, crawled into bed and rocked him in his arms.
“You know what’s really messed up?” Luke rolled over, looking into Jared’s face. “The whole time I was going through it, all I could think about was you. I wanted you just like this, just to hold me. You made it all okay.”
“It’s okay. I’m here now.” Jared pulled him close, stroking his hair as Luke wept.
Luke pulled away from him, got off the bed. “Then I’d feel guilty about being with you all those times. I was sick. The people at camp were right. I never blamed you, though. I blamed myself, that somehow I’d made you gay. I molested you. It was all my fault. I’m so sorry!”
“No, no, no. Don’t think like that. I was with you because I love you. You didn’t do anything wrong. Neither of us did. It’s just who we are.”
Luke touched Jared’s face, his eyes searching. “I’ve missed you so much. I thought I was going to die if I didn’t see you again. I love you so much... but it feels so wrong now. I don’t know how to explain it.” He turned away. “Why does it have to be like this?”
“It’s not wrong, Luke! I’ve thought about you every single minute of every day since the last time I saw you.” Jared turned Luke’s head toward him and kissed him. “I’m here now. We’re together again. Everything’s going to be all right. I promise. I won’t leave you. We’ll get through it.”
Luke lay back on the bed, wiping his eyes. He reached up, touching Jared’s lips. Sitting up, he grabbed Jared by the shoulders, throwing him down beside him. He kissed him hard, touching every part of his body.
Jared unbuttoned Luke’s shirt. Luke pulled it off the rest of the way then slid his hands down to Jared’s waist, pulling their bodies together. He yanked the collar away from Jared’s neck and kissed it.
“Make love to me.” Jared unbuttoned Luke’s pants, slipping his hands down his hips.
“No!” Luke jumped from the bed then moved to the other side of the room. “What am I doing? We can’t do this!” He grabbed his shirt off the floor and put it on.
Jared followed him out of the bed. “What’s the matter? Did I do something wrong?”
“No. God! It’s not you.” Luke paced back and forth. He sat down at the table, putting his head in his hands. “Jared. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done any of this. Oh, God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
“Luke? What’s the matter? I want this. I really do.” Jared put his hands on his shoulders, but Luke jumped. He took a step back.
“We can’t do this. You don’t get it! I’m not that guy anymore.”
Jared put his hands up. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you, especially after a story like that. I’m awful.”
“Oh, God, Jed. You have to forgive me. I’m sorry. Please. You have to forgive me.” Luke beat his fist against his chest.
“Luke. Stop it. What’s the matter?” He grabbed Luke’s hands. “You did nothing wrong! Everything’s all right.”
“No! It’s the surprise… the surprise that your parents flew you home for.”
“What about it?”
Luke crossed his arms, his hands clenching into fists. “You’re here... God!” Looking at Jared, he spoke with no emotion. “I’m getting married tomorrow afternoon.”
Struggling to breathe, Jared blinked, putting his hand to his head. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me.” Luke’s voice was low, speaking through clenched teeth.
Jared chuckled. “You’re kidding me, right?” Luke shook his head. “I don’t know what to say. This sure wasn’t the reunion I’d imagined.” He poured himself another drink. “I guess congratulations are in order, huh?” He sat on the bed, staring at the floor. “At least it can’t get any worse, right?”
“I’m sorry. It does.” Luke looked away, swallowing hard. “I’m marrying Megan.”
“Megan who?” Jared slowly raised his head to look at him as realization set in.
Luke shot him an apologetic glance then buried his face in his hands.
“Luke? Please tell me this is a joke. Please!” Jared slammed his drink down on the table. “Meg? You and Meg? Tell me you’re not seriously going to do this.”
“Jed, please?”
Jared marched up to him, shoving his finger into Luke’s face. “Do you have any idea how fucked up this sounds? This is crazy! You’re standing here, telling the man you love... wait... the man you were about to sleep with, that you’re marrying his sister in the morning? You’re insane!” Grabbing his drink from the table, he emptied it, and poured another. “Look, I’m sorry about what you went through. It was beyond awful. This isn’t going to fix it! You can’t just pretend it all away... everything we’ve been through. For God’s sake, admit it, Luke! Admit it. Admit it to yourself. You’re gay!”
Luke grabbed him by the collar, throwing him against the wall. “Shut up! Just shut up! It’s not true! ” His fist hit the wall by Jared’s head. Closing his eyes, he slammed the wall again. “You don’t understand. Meg and I hung out a lot after I came back. She’s good to me. She was there when I needed someone. Megan loves me.”
Jared shoved him away. “Oh, really? What about you? Are you in love with her?”
“Yes, I love her.”
Jared grabbed his arm. “That’s not what I asked. I asked if you were in love with her.”
Luke looked away. “I think so. Yes.”
Grabbing him by the shoulder, Jared shook him. “Then what in the hell was all this about, huh? This room? The food? The rose petals on the bed? What? You were trying to get me to sleep with you!” He took Luke’s face in his hands. “It was that camp. Those bastards played with your mind. They confused you. You’re in love with me and you know it!”
Luke ran from him, downed his drink then slammed it back on the table. “The camp showed me that I was right! The whole thing between us was impossible… and wrong. It was never going to work!” He looked to Jared. “This is the way it has to be. It’s best for everyone.”
Jared stared at him, unable to help the sneer he felt forming on his face. “Don’t you dare. No! You mean it’s easier for you. That’s what it’s always been about. You don’t give a damn about anyone else!”
“That’s not true.” Luke turned to him. “I love you.”
Jared’s body tensed, his body shaking “Fuck you!”
“Jed, please. You have to understand.” Luke took Jared into an embrace.
Collapsing into his arms, Jared sobbed. He pushed Luke, throwing him against the table. “Don’t you touch me! Don’t ever touch me again.” He ran to the bathroom, slammed then locked the door. “You son-of-a bitch. How can you do this to me?” He fell against the door, sliding to the floor, sobbing. He put his arm against his mouth, muffling his screams. His other hand in a fist, he slammed it against the floor.
Shelter
Jared noticed sunlight coming in from under the bathroom door. All was quiet in the other room. Cracking it, he saw Luke lying in the bed, his back to the door.
He gathered his things, threw them into a bag then tiptoed out, grabbing his luggage. He took one last look at Luke. “I loved you, you bastard.” Fighting back tears, he quietly closed the door and ran to the elevator. He kept watch over his shoulder in case Luke had heard him leave.
There was no one at the front desk. He rang the bell, hitting more aggressively than he had intended. The desk attendant arrived, pulling the bell away from him. “Can I help you, Sir?”
“Yes. I’m checking out of room 624.” Jared reached for his wallet.
“The total comes to two hundred forty six dollars and thirty cents.”
Jared’s head whipped up. “What the hell? Do you charge by the hour?”
“No, Sir, we don’t.” The desk clerk looked over Jared’s shoulder. “Do you?”
The elevator doors opened. Luke appeared.
“He’ll take care of it.” Jared gathered his things then bolted for the door.
“Jared. Wait!” Luke ran into the lobby.
“Sir! What about the bill?” The attendant stepped in front of Luke, stopping him.
“Shit! How do I get out of here?” Jared spotted a taxi waiting across the street. He ran to it and jumped in. “Please, just start going.”
As the cab pulled away, Jared looked back. Luke came running out, waving his arms. He took a deep breath, relaxing into the seat.
“Are you in some kind of trouble?” The cab driver stared at him in the rear-view mirror.
“No. Avoiding it.”
The driver smiled. “So, where are we headed?”
Jared looked at himself in the mirror. “Where am I going?”
“Sir? I need to know where to go?”
“You wouldn’t by any chance go as far as Sheldon, would you?”
“If you’ve got the dime, I’ve got the time.”
Jared grimaced at the cliché. “I’ve got it.” He watched through the window, trying to decide how he was going to handle everyone back home. What in the hell am I going to say to Meg? Why didn’t anyone tell me anything? He thought back to the previous night. This is crazy. I almost slept with him. Derek’s face flashed through his mind. What am I going to say to him?
Jared’s stomach churned when he saw the first houses leading into his hometown. It was hot and humid; a strange haze hung in the air. Seeing the train car again after all these years was too much for him. He looked away, his eyes filling with tears.
Approaching his parent’s house, he saw cars parked up and down both sides of the street. There wasn’t a single place left for anyone to park.
The cabbie pointed toward a large group of people gathered in the driveway. “Is this it?”
“That’s it. Just pull up to the driveway and I’ll jump out.” Jared got out of the cab, grabbed his luggage, and paid the driver. The door of the house slammed behind him.
“Jared? Is that my little Jared?”
Taking a deep breath, he forced a smile as he turned to her. “Hi, Aunt Grace.”
She threw her arms around him, lifting him off the ground. “You look great. It’s so good to see you. How’s Seattle? Have you seen the Space Needle?”
Jared tried to respond, but Aunt Grace was notorious for never allowing anyone to answer her questions. The barrage continued as she pulled him to the house.
Candace appeared at the door. She held out her arms, a tear in her eye. “Welcome home, Sweetie!” She took him in her arms. “Where’s Luke? We sent him to pick you up.”
Here we go. Jared kissed his mother on the cheek. “It’s all right. I’ve seen him. I took a cab thinking he had things to do before the wedding.”
“Well, does he know you’re here?”
“Yes. He knows I took a cab. Where’s Megan?” The noise from all the people was driving him crazy. He could barely think.
“She’s downstairs in her room getting ready. She wanted to see you as soon as you got here, so go! You might as well take your bags down. You’ll be staying in your old room.”
Picking up his bags, he ran down the stairs. He looked down the hall at Megan’s room, trying to build up his courage. You can do this. You have to! Throwing his luggage into his bedroom, he took a deep breath and knocked on Megan’s door. “Meg? Are you in there?” His knees shook.
“Who is it?”
“It’s me, Meg. Can I come in?”
The door flew open and Megan took him in her arms. “Jared. Oh God! I’ve missed you so much.” She rocked him back and forth. “Come in. Come in.” Taking him by the arm, she rushed him into the room, closing the door behind them.
Looking around the room, Jared felt queasy. One side looked like a small salon had been moved in. The other had decorations and stacks of wedding magazines. A dress was laid out on the bed.
Megan walked up behind him, putting her arms around him. “I know what you’re going to say. Yes, it’s Mom’s dress. She talked me into it.”
“You’re going to be beautiful.” Jared held her hands.
Megan sat on the edge of the bed, pulling him down beside her.
Feeling her shake, Jared forced a smile, brushing her hair away from her forehead. “So, you and Luke, huh?”
“I’m sure you were pretty surprised. It surprised me.”
Clearing his throat, Jared tried to relax. His jaw ached from clenching his teeth. “You have no idea.”
“I didn’t want anyone to tell you we were even seeing each other. It felt so strange. I don’t know how to explain it.” She went into the small bathroom then reappeared with a veil. She held it close to her, picking at the lace. “Jared? I’m sure it’s just cold feet, but I’m still not so sure I should be doing this. Something doesn’t feel right. Maybe it’s just nerves?”
