“Marines,” I said proudly.

  “Army,” he replied. “It’ll be good to have a brother on the team. I’m not sure how much Carl told you, but if you like the looks of the place, I’ll give you a shot.”

  “Really?” I asked in surprise. “That is the fastest interview I’ve ever done.”

  “Well, Carl said a lot of good things about you, and I like your drive. Clearly, you want this job, and you know it’s not going to be nonsense. Military is an added bonus, too. I can’t tell you how many people I get through here who don’t care about the stars and stripes. It’s pathetic,” Al replied.

  Thank you, Carl, I thought.

  “Well, I literally gave my arm for our country, if that tells you anything,” I said. Al looked at me for a moment, then he burst out laughing.

  “And, you’ve got a sense of humor. Yeah, you are the kind of guy I’d like to work with back in the other room. Leave the others up here to take orders and deal with the customers. We’ve got other things to do,” he said.

  My heart leapt to my throat. I’d gotten the job. Thanks to Carl, I’d gotten the job. My life was coming together perfectly, and I could hardly believe it was all really happening.

  “Sure, I’d like to take a look around, learn some of the ropes. I’ll start as soon as possible,” I said. “I really need the money coming in, for my little girl.”

  “Oh, a family man!” he said. “I’ve got three of my own. You’ll have to tell me about her while we get to work. If you can, you can start now.”

  “I can,” I agreed quickly. “I’d love to.”

  “Alright,” Carl replied. “Let’s get to work.”

  Chapter 20

  Jenna

  “Come on! Why can’t I sleep already?” I tossed and turned, tired of the process. I’d put down Allegra, who fell asleep almost immediately, just like she always did. But, here I was, tossing and turning again. Insomnia was something that I’d struggled with my entire life, so it wasn’t anything new.

  But it certainly wasn’t fun. I was tired of waking up tired in the morning. Tired of letting my thoughts wander. But, more than anything, I was tired of waking up bored and lonely.

  I flipped through the names of people in my phone, trying to find someone I could text. Khloe was the one person I’d text most often when I was dealing with nights like this. She was often up since she had to work many nights. But tonight, I knew she was at work and wouldn’t be able to respond very much.

  It was even more annoying to me to try to talk to someone who was too preoccupied to talk to me. I would rather just be alone with my thoughts, as annoying as that also was.

  But, it was worth a shot. So, I sent her a quick text and waited. But, just as I thought, half an hour went by and she didn’t answer. I sighed and shook my head. I could text Blaze. But I didn’t want to talk to him. And, I was sure he didn’t want to talk to me, either. Not with the way our last conversation had gone.

  So really, the only person left was Nathan. I wasn’t sure if he’d be awake at midnight, but it was worth a shot. I took a deep breath, letting my finger hover over the keypad for a moment, debating what to say and whether I really ought to say it. I knew I wanted to, but I didn’t want to start something he didn’t want.

  Then again, if he didn’t want to talk to me, he could always ignore the text. After another moment of debate, I typed and hit send before I was able to talk myself out of it.

  You up?

  He didn’t answer at first, and I started to wonder if maybe he was also in bed. Or at work. Or having drinks out with friends. Or something. But then, he shot me a text back.

  Yeah, but I’m surprised you are. I’d think that having a toddler would be enough to wear you out.

  I laughed. I didn’t know why, I just couldn’t help it. He made me happy, and I liked to embrace it. After all, so much in my life was so stressful these days, it was rare for someone to make me happy like he did.

  I am exhausted, but insomnia, you know? I’ve had it my whole life, and I think it got worse after I became a mother.

  I wasn’t sure if he would be up for a conversation, but I was going to give it a shot. Hell, I was even down to call him and talk directly if I thought he’d want that. But, I wasn’t going to push. I already felt lucky enough that he answered at all.

  Within a few moments, he sent me a reply. Clearly, he wanted to have a conversation. Or, at the very least, he was willing to entertain the insomniac mother of his child.

  You probably just feel it more because you’re more tired when you can’t sleep. Does that run in families? It doesn’t seem like Allegra really has to deal with it much.

  I rolled my eyes. Of course the first thing he’d ask was whether it ran in the family. He didn’t want our daughter to have to deal with it. Though clearly, she didn’t. She was the soundest sleeper I’d ever met. I wasn’t sure if it was hereditary or not, but Allegra certainly didn’t seem to be affected.

  If she’s got it, she’s the worst insomniac I’ve ever met. I had her down to bed an hour ago, and she practically fell asleep before her head hit the pillow. It’s nice in many ways, but there’s times when I really just wish I could sleep like that, too.

  I waited. It was a longer break before he got back to me, but I was now interested in the conversation and felt like he would be there.

  It was hard when I got back from my deployment. I’d have a lot of nightmares back then and would wake up from those. But therapy has helped, and I’ve not had to worry about them for a few months now. Here’s hoping they don’t come back.

  That familiar pang of guilt ran through me. I wasn’t sure why I felt guilty when he talked about the trauma he had to deal with in life. I had to go through a lot myself. Then again, I’d spent so much of the past two years with a level of resentment toward him for not being there for me.

  Perhaps it was knowing that he was going through a different form of Hell than what I had to deal with in my struggles were enough to make me realize he would have much rather been there for me than going through what he did.

  Hell, even the aftermath of what he had gone through sounded harder than anything I had with my daughter. At least I had joy in my struggle. From the sounds of things, he had only pain and hardship, followed by more pain and hardship with the loss of his arm.

  I hope you don’t have to deal with those, either. Allegra does get nightmares sometimes, and I always feel so helpless when she does. I hold her and soothe her, but I can’t take away the fear that she’s feeling. It’s never very bad, but it’s hard, you know?

  This time, I didn’t really expect an answer from him. I didn’t want him to think that I was comparing him to Allegra. I wanted him to see that he wasn’t alone in his struggle, even if he did have to deal with it on a whole different level than what our daughter struggled with.

  But, as the time passed, I started to feel the need to text him again. I was getting a thrill from our conversation, and I didn’t want it to end. Not to mention, there was that conversation that was weighing on my mind – the conversation that we hadn’t yet.

  I knew it was going to keep bothering me until I brought it up, and I had a feeling it had to bother him, too. It had been so awkward right after we had done the deed, and I was sure he wanted to talk about it, but he didn’t bring it up. The only thing I could convince myself of was that he didn’t know how to talk about it any more than I did.

  So, after taking a deep breath and ignoring the anxiety that was running through my mind, I typed out a message and hit send before I had the chance to change my mind.

  That sex we had the other night… I just thought you should know, it was the first sex I had since you and I spent that weekend together a few years ago. I didn’t get laid again after you left, then I found out I was pregnant, and well, it just didn’t happen. I just thought you should know that was a long dry spell, and I really enjoyed what we did together.

  My heart raced as I stared at my phone, waiting for the answer. I wasn’t sure he’d even say anything, but I hoped he would. I read through the text a few times, wishing I hadn’t written such a novel to him, either. I could have kept it so much shorter and sweeter.

  The anxiety ran through my veins until he finally answered. I realized it had only been two minutes, but I’d been so worried about it, it felt like an eternity.

  Glad to hear it. If you ever want help with that again in the future, just let me know.

  He followed the text with a winking emoji, and I laughed again. I was relieved that we finally got that out in the open, but I was also impressed that he was still cocky. Somewhere in there, that self-sure man I’d slept with all those years ago was still there.

  He might be softened with the fact he’s got a child now, and he might be hardened with the fact that he had endured war, but he was still the same on the inside, and that was just as captivating to me as the day when he and I first met

  There were a couple of minutes while I waited to reply. I didn’t want to keep sending the immediate answers, but I did want him to keep the flirting going. I had a feeling if I flirted with him now, I was going to get more of that sort of attention.

  And that was just what I wanted.

  You better be careful, I might just take you up on that offer.

  I sent him another flirty emoji with the text, enjoying the moment. It had been so long since I’d had that sort of texting fun with anyone, and knowing that it was Nathan on the other end of the line only made me feel even more exhilarated. Clearly, there was something there. I didn’t know what it was. A spark? A connection?

  The fact that we had a child together?

  Whatever it was, it was clearly pulling us together, and that in itself put me on top of the world. I didn’t want to let myself think about it too much. There were people I knew who were just flirty. I didn’t want to get my hopes up for something only to find out that he didn’t mean it the way I was taking it.

  But then, he was also getting flirtier with me. We would talk about Allegra at times, but he would always bring our conversation back to flirting in one way or another, and every time he did, I took the bait.

  We talked for nearly two hours until I felt like I could fall asleep. I felt bad that I’d kept him up for so long, and I told him so as I signed off for the night.

  You certainly know how to keep a girl entertained. I feel a lot better now, and might actually be able to get some sleep. You must be exhausted now, too. Sorry I kept you up so late.

  I hit send, but I didn’t put my phone down. I had a feeling he was going to answer me, and I was right. Within a few moments he texted me back, bringing another smile to my face.

  You’re the only girl I want to keep entertained. I was up anyway. I used to work nights, and I’m still running on that schedule. It’s going to change soon though now, since I’m working during the day again. Sleep well.

  I smiled to myself. I was glad he had a job again and glad that he didn’t want to entertain anyone else. He kept giving me hope that there was more between us than what there appeared to be, and I was going to cling to that hope, at least until I knew for sure.

  Finally, I drifted off to sleep, and for the first time in a long time, I slept through the night. I woke myself up with moans and clutching the bed. I had such a hot dream about Nathan, it only confirmed in my mind what I fell asleep thinking.

  I knew there had to be a connection – more than us just hooking up.

  There was no doubt about it in my mind. I wanted more.

  Chapter 21

  Nathan

  It was nearly eleven by the time I woke up, and I sighed. It was my second day of work, and I was glad I had the job, but I couldn’t say I was excited to drag myself out of bed and deal with the shit the day had in store for me. All I really wanted to do was hang out with Allegra, and hopefully Jenna, as well.

  But, I knew Jenna was at work, and Allegra was with her sitter. By the time I got all the way out to see them, it would only be an hour or so before I had to get to work, anyway. If I wanted to see more of them, I was going to have to get up earlier.

  Then again, I only had to work a few days out of the week, so there was still plenty of time for me to get to see my daughter.

  Instead, I decided I was going to shoot Isaac a text. I hadn’t seen him since the other night when the two of us had gotten drunk together, and I wanted to tell him that Jenna and I had finally talked about our feelings. Well, about the sex anyway.

  Granted, I didn’t tell her entirely how I felt, but I hoped she was starting to get an idea. I told her that I would be happy to fuck her anytime she wanted, and that in itself was enough to make me feel proud.

  My therapist had tried for a long time to get me to open up about my feelings, but it never worked. I didn’t want to tell him how I felt about shit. I wanted to deal with the shit that I was dealing with and work through that. I didn’t need to talk about how I felt on top of it.

  But since I met Jenna, or rather, since she had come back into my life, I felt on top of the world. I felt like I could handle anything with her, and it made me more open to sharing my feelings. I’d tell more people – not everyone – but more people how I felt, and that felt good.

  I didn’t have to bottle everything up all the time. I had the freedom to really be myself again. Sure, I didn’t want to go entirely back to the macho bad boy I had been at one time in my life, but it was nice to get a glimpse of my old self back.

  Finally, I wasn’t so afraid of my feelings that I kept everyone at arm’s length. Most, but not everyone. Isaac would be proud to hear that. He had been the one to really deal with my trauma when I got back from combat. He had known me before, when I was far more outgoing and less of a dick.

  I was sure he missed that about me. The old me. The me I had been when he and I really became best friends. It wasn’t anything that we’d ever talked about, and I wasn’t sure he’d want to.

  But now, there was a part of me that wasn’t afraid of that anymore.

  I was a little disappointed when he didn’t answer, but it wasn’t going to stop me from going to the diner anyway. I was starving, and odds were in my favor that there would be someone there to talk to. It was rare for no one from the MC to be there, and I got along with most.

  Hell, I got along with everyone better than anyone got along with each other, and I wasn’t afraid to embrace that fact. I didn’t get sucked into the hierarchy the rest of the guys fought about. I didn’t need it. Hell, I didn’t need it even more now that I had my girls in my life.

  But I was still looking forward to connecting with Isaac over how it had gone. I grabbed my prosthetic and snapped it in place, then I headed down to the diner. It was surprisingly dead, so Zach was looking rather bored behind his counter.

  “Hey,” he said when I walked through the door.

  “How’s it going?” I asked. “Dang, where is everyone?”

  “I’m guessing taking advantage of the warmth today,” Zach said with a shrug. “It’s not like we’ve been having a lot of good weather lately.”

  He was right. The weather had been shit for most of the past two weeks. We were getting way too much rain for my comfort level, so I was also enjoying the warmth of the day.

  “You got food for me?” I asked.

  “What’re you having?” he asked. I gave him a look and he smirked. He was clearly in a good mood himself. It was rare for him to tease me like that.

  “Surprise me,” I said. He pulled out the burger and made a patty before dropping it on the grill. I was sitting in the kitchen with him since there was no one in the diner, and he seemed more apt to talk.

  “How’s it going with your shit?” he asked as he slid a basket of fries over to me.

  “What, I don’t get fresh?” I retorted as I picked up one of the fries.

  “Quit your bitchin’. I pulled them out of the fryer like five minutes ago,” he said.

  I smirked as I shoved one in my mouth and only halfway chewed it before answering his question. “It’s going remarkably well. It seems to me that the only person who really has any big issue with this is her brother.”

  “Fuck Blaze. I’ve been hoping that guy bites the dust for years now,” Zach said.

  “What happened between you two, anyway?” I asked. I knew that they had issues, but I wasn’t quite sure what it was. “I mean, you’ve never told me.”

  “Just a lot of little shit. The guy is arrogant as fuck and thinks the world revolves around him. It doesn’t, and I got sick of his shit. With Vance running off to San Francisco, I think Blaze hoped he’d get a shot at second in command,” he shrugged. “Technically, that would go to Vanessa.”

  “Does she want it, though? I thought she never really thought much of the MC and really just rolled with the punches because of her dad,” I said. He set the burger down in front of me, too.

  “I doubt it’s going to come to that. Vance is still very dedicated, even if he isn’t here,” Zach said. “But I’m sure that’s shit we’ll get worked out when the time comes. Marcus is still a pretty young guy; I don’t think we’re going to have to worry about him going anywhere anytime soon.”

  “Hopefully. He’s been doing a great job if you ask me,” I said. Zach gave me an odd look, but said nothing. I knew he was trying to get along with the rival MC better, but it was still hard for him. Some things were still the same as they’d always been, and he was still the son of the rival.

  He might be dating the man’s daughter, but that didn’t mean things were going to be fine between them. “He’s still not talking to Vanessa like he could, but she doesn’t seem to care as much as I thought she would. As long as I’m taking care of her and I’ve got my dad on my side, I’m fine.”

  “I guess you have to make those decisions in life,” I said. “I have a feeling Jenna would want to get out of the MC if she could. I’m not sure if she’s going to, but she doesn’t really want Allegra to go into the life herself.”

 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221