Lucky break clean slate.., p.17
Lucky Break (Clean Slate Ranch), page 17
“Really?”
“Yes. Robin, I don’t want to be the reason you deny yourself things you love doing, and this is still too new to make big, grand promises. How about we just keep talking? About everything.”
“I can definitely do that.” Robin squeezed Shawn’s waist. “Can we clean up before we talk more? We’re both kind of sticky.”
“Good idea.”
The tubs in the cabins weren’t really big enough for two grown adults to have any reasonable amount of room, so they took turns rinsing off before wrapping towels around their waists. Shawn’s first instinct was to get dressed, but he liked the ease with which Robin moved around the small space in just a towel, so he followed suit. They cuddled up on the couch with a throw blanket over their shoulders and held each other for a while.
Shawn marveled at what he’d experienced tonight. From his minor meltdown at the club to the beautiful sex they’d shared. The things he’d learned from Robin. The intense orgasms they’d each had. Shawn could see a future with Robin on this ranch: Robin working with tourists and Shawn cooking at the ghost town. Coming home to each other in this cabin. Something similar to what Miles and Reyes shared, but also incredibly different because it was Shawn and Robin.
And Shawn had never expected Robin. Never expected to fall for someone so handsome and strong and take-charge. Someone as haunted by his past as Shawn and just as reluctant to talk about it. But also strong enough to get back up when life knocked him down. Brave enough to start over.
Shawn rolled with every punch that came his way and had never, ever quit.
“Penny for your thoughts,” Robin said.
“Just marveling at where I am, safe and sound with you.” Shawn nuzzled Robin’s throat. “Happy. All I wanted when I came to Garrett was a job and I found you. And a family.”
“That’s the magic of this land. She gives you what you need, and for most of us, it’s family. And for a lot of us, too, second chances. Arthur created something incredibly special here when he turned a failing cattle ranch into a horse rescue and vacation spot.”
“Yeah, he did. God bless Arthur Garrett.” And Shawn meant the words. Arthur turned eighty years old next year, and he’d already had two heart attacks. Shawn couldn’t fathom what would happen to this patchwork family if they ever lost their patriarch, and he hoped he didn’t find out anytime soon.
“God bless Arthur,” Robin said, and then kissed Shawn soundly on the mouth. “And bless us, too.”
Shawn wasn’t much for religion, but he said, “Amen,” anyway.
Please, God or whoever’s out there, let me keep Robin. I need him.
I’m falling in love with him.
* * *
Robin woke to the steady cadence of Shawn breathing beside him, and it took him a moment to understand why that was strange. Not because he’d spent the night in Shawn’s bed, but because Robin had slept. Actually slept. He carefully reached for his phone on the shelf above the bed. The cabin was pitch-black so it was still early yet.
Four thirty. They’d finally tumbled into bed a little after midnight, after talking for a while about life and nonsense, and Robin had nodded off quickly with Shawn in his arms.
I slept for four hours straight.
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept that long in one go, not even after an incredibly gymnastic round of sex with Derrick. And he usually dozed, unable to truly relax in a bed not his own, but tonight he’d slept. With Shawn.
As Robin’s eyes adjusted to the small bit of light from the cabin’s two front windows, he studied the man who’d given him this gift. Shawn was still asleep on his side facing away from Robin, one arm under his pillow and the other tucked close to his body, fist beneath his chin. Face smooth, completely unencumbered by stress or fear. Robin wondered if Shawn remembered his dreams; Robin rarely slept long enough to find true REM sleep and dream himself. Often they were nebulous thoughts that trickled in and out of his mind as he edged close to sleep, before sleep flittered away again.
He’d been spending time with Shawn this entire week, and Robin’s insomnia hadn’t changed. But last night had been unique. Not only had they made love but Robin had stayed and slept over with his boyfriend. He hoped to do it again and again, but he didn’t want to pressure Shawn. Shawn wasn’t used to relationships—hell, Robin had only ever had one that lasted—and Robin couldn’t risk pushing Shawn too far, too soon.
He couldn’t risk losing Shawn.
How did I fall so hard, so fast? It’s only been a few weeks.
It didn’t seem possible.
Fully awake now, Robin played a game on his phone for a long time. As sunrise approached, he eased out of bed, slipped into his clothes, and went out onto the porch. Over to his porch. Phone ready, Robin sat and watched today’s sunrise. The horizon was a bit hazy but the colors changed in familiar ways, and Robin snapped two pictures in a row. The first had a stunning swath of ruby red in it, but the second showed the first orange curve of the sun. On a whim, Robin posted both to his account.
He didn’t even miss the puffs on his vape until he was walking back to Shawn’s cabin. The puffs had been about tradition more than anything, and this morning he’d already broken tradition by posting two photos instead of one.
Change is good.
It wasn’t until a light clicked on in Shawn’s cabin that Robin remembered the time. Breakfast on Sunday for the hands was a casual thing but Shawn liked being in the kitchen when food was being handled—a trait he’d probably learned from Patrice. Robin opened the cabin door to find an empty bed and the bathroom door shut. A toilet flushed and water ran, and Robin’s brain flashed to that moment three weeks ago when he’d found Patrice on that very bathroom floor, hurt and scared...
The door flew open and a now-dressed Shawn let out a yelp when he saw Robin. “Jesus, I thought you’d gone home,” Shawn said, his face bright red and angry.
“No, I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep, so I sat outside for a while. It’s tradition.” He’d never told Shawn about his Instagram account for Xander, and this morning didn’t seem like the right time.
“Oh.” Shawn’s anger shifted into embarrassment. “I thought you’d sneaked out.”
“I didn’t, I promise. Not like that.” Robin closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around Shawn’s waist. Gave him a soft, sensual good-morning kiss. “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.”
Shawn rested his own hands on Robin’s shoulders. “It’s my insecurity, I guess. But when I woke up to an empty bed, I didn’t know what else to think. I didn’t even remember your insomnia problem.”
“No reason you should.”
“Yes, there is. You carve me beautiful mementos when the rest of the world is asleep.”
“Not the whole world. Only our little slice of it.” Robin kissed him again. “I’ll meet you up at the kitchen. Probably shouldn’t show up to breakfast in my club clothes.”
Shawn laughed. “Probably not. I’ll see you there.”
They left together, going in opposite directions. Robin quietly let himself into his own cabin, grabbed jeans and a fresh long-sleeve ranch polo, and headed into the bathroom to change. Ernie snored away on his bunk, and he was still asleep when Robin had cleaned up and dressed. The guy was a heavy sleeper and had snored his way through Robin sneaking home on dozens of occasions. Ernie was older and more likely to head to nearby bars for a beer and pool than go to the city like the younger horsemen.
To each his own. Guy probably sowed enough wild oats in his day.
Shawn was rolling out biscuit dough when Robin arrived, and he helped himself to coffee from the industrial maker. Patrice wasn’t there supervising him, and that was a great sign. She still showed up for meals, but Robin suspected it was more about socializing with the guests and hands than any need to check on Shawn’s cooking.
No one was likely to come in for a while yet, so Robin blew on his coffee as he watched Shawn work. “So sitting outside to watch the sun come up isn’t just something I do for shits and giggles,” Robin said. “Watching the sun come up was one of Xander’s favorite things to do, and while I was getting my shit back together after he died, my shrink suggested I work through my grief by continuing to share the sunrises with Xander.”
“You saw a shrink?” Shawn asked.
“A few times, and it did help. She was someone Judson knew and trusted. So I set up an Instagram account in Xander’s honor, and every morning I post a photo of the sunrise to it. Hot, cold, rain, wind, whatever, I’m out there. Haven’t missed a morning since I started doing it.”
Shawn gaped at him over a row of cut biscuits. “Wow. That’s...beautiful. Thank you for telling me, and now I’m glad you woke up. I’d have felt terrible if I was the reason you missed the sunrise.”
“It wouldn’t have been your fault, and Xander wouldn’t have been mad. Neither would I. I think if he saw how happy you make me, he’d completely understand. The photos are something I do, but not something I need. Not anymore.”
“It’s part of the healing process.”
“Exactly. I’ll still take them but if I miss one? Especially because I’m with you? How could I possibly be upset?”
Shawn leaned up to kiss his lips. “You’re kind of amazing. And you make me happy, too. Really happy. Last night was...fantastic. You took care of me.”
“I’m happy to. You took care of me, too, Shawn.”
After another shared kiss, Robin helped Shawn get the sheet tray of biscuits into the oven. Shawn didn’t make the sausage gravy, only set out the block of butter to soften, plus a few jars of jams and jellies. Robin enjoyed not only watching Shawn cook, but also assisting him. He could see them in the future, doing this dance around a kitchen of their own, cooking a big meal for friends and neighbors.
A real life. And a home of their own, which was something he’d never really had with Xander. Only an RV they shared with Levi and another performer. As much as Robin had loved living on the road and seeing the country, he liked having roots again.
Robin saw a real home for himself and Shawn, maybe somewhere in Garrett. A few of the horsemen and most of the rescue workers lived in town or near it. A little home all their own, with a little porch facing east, so they could still watch the sunrise if they chose to.
And Robin would do everything in his power to make that precious dream a reality.
* * *
Shawn helped greet the new crop of guests a little after ten, a bit sad that this was the final week for guests before closing for Christmas and New Year’s. They only had nine reservations, though, so it was for the best. Arthur was probably paying his staff more this week than he’d made in guest payments, and Shawn made a quiet comment about it to Patrice once the guests were settled in their rooms and free to explore.
“Arthur’s made a few investments over the years,” Patrice said with a fond smile. She was leaning against the counter, watching Shawn shred cabbage for lunch’s fresh batch of coleslaw. “Things were a bit tight a few years ago, but we all weathered it thanks to those investments, and now with the ghost town bringing in more tourist dollars for both attractions, things are looking better than ever.”
“Good on Arthur.” Shawn had never given a thought to investing money. Hell, he didn’t have a savings account, only the checking attached to his debit card.
“If you ever have questions about where to put your money, feel free to ask him. Arthur loves handing out advice on topics he’s familiar with.”
“I’ll keep that in mind, thanks.” Not that Shawn would have any questions in the near future, but having a resource available was a good start. One day he wouldn’t have to live like a pauper, but it wouldn’t be today. Maybe not even two years from now.
He started grating carrots for the slaw. Extra work but way cheaper than buying coleslaw mix in a bag, and Patrice had even taught him her homemade dressing which was delicious. Just the right amount of sweetness and tang. And Robin was a huge fan of it, if the amount he ate at lunch these past three weeks was any indication, so Shawn didn’t mind the effort.
He also kind of loved the way Robin helping him out at breakfast was slowly becoming a shared thing. Shawn wanted to watch a sunrise with Robin one of these days, but his prep schedule had Shawn in the kitchen around dawn every morning in order to feed guests and hands. Maybe one morning next week, when all the guests were gone and the hands were down to a skeleton crew.
“You really have eased into this job,” Patrice said once the coleslaw was mixed and chilling in the walk-in. “You are so much more confident than during your first week with guests.”
“I like routines and knowing what to expect day to day.” Shawn checked on the potatoes boiling for potato salad. Still needed a few more minutes. “I had to get my feet firmly under me, and now I know what to do, and in which order, for the best results. It’s kind of like juggling the line in a kitchen, but with less surprise in what I’ll be preparing dish to dish, you know?”
“I do remember those days. Very well, in fact. I love knowing the industry had changed in recent years and that women get much more respect in professional kitchens, but I’d never go back. I can’t imagine being away from this ranch now.”
“May I ask how long you’ve worked here?”
“Oh, let’s see.” Patrice settled into her rocking chair, her expression distant. “It’ll have been twenty-seven years this past summer. Kerry would have been forty-five this year.”
“Kerry?” She never mentioned that name before.
“Yes. My son.”
Shock jolted through Shawn’s middle. Patrice had a son? He turned the burner off under the potatoes and paid closer attention to the older woman, really seeing her age for the first time as grief settled over her. If her son was forty-five, she was in her midsixties, at least. Older than he would have guessed for her energy and lack of wrinkles or gray.
“I didn’t know you have a son?” Shawn said tentatively. Unsure if this was an okay conversation topic, but she’d brought it up.
“I used to. He died in Desert Storm.” Her dark eyes glistened, and Shawn handed her a paper towel. “All he talked about growing up was being a soldier like his father, and when he turned eighteen, he enlisted. Two months before that goddamn war started, and six months later he was dead.”
“I’m so sorry, Patrice.”
“He’s been gone now longer than I had him in my life, but he was my baby boy. It’s still hard to talk about, and most of the boys here don’t know.”
“Thank you for trusting me.” Shawn squeezed her good wrist. “I mean that. And I won’t tell anyone else, I promise.”
Patrice turned her hand around to clasp his. “I trust you. You remind me of Kerry a bit, and I’m truly glad you ended up here, living in a safe place.”
“So am I. Glad, I mean. Is losing Kerry why you left San Francisco?”
“Yes. I wasn’t married to Kerry’s father, and we had a strained relationship as he grew. Our grief drove us apart completely. But Judson was an old friend of mine from high school, and we’d kept in touch over the years, writing letters back and forth. When he heard about Kerry, he told me about the ranch his friend Arthur was renovating. I packed a suitcase and never looked back.”
“Wow. So you’ve been friends with Judson a really long time.”
“Most of my life.” She smiled and some of that grief slipped away. “He and Arthur have been amazing friends. Lifelines, really.”
“I can’t imagine.” Except Shawn kind of could. They’d taken him in, too, hadn’t they?
“Careful, you’ll overcook the potatoes.”
Shawn jolted for the stove so he could drain the pot. The serious conversation seemed over for now, so he focused on finishing up lunch prep. Since they had half the guests Patrice’s recipes usually fed, any extra salads would go into the walk-in for tomorrow’s lunch and cut down on his midmorning prep.
Robin entered the kitchen with Reyes, Miles, and Colt. He heaped coleslaw onto a plate with a piled-high sandwich and a giant dill pickle from the barrel Patrice kept for the hands. Everything was under control, so Shawn fixed himself a turkey half sandwich and a small scoop of slaw. Robin waited for him to sit and then slid into a chair right next to him. Colt smirked at them from the opposite side of the table, and Shawn ignored him for now.
“Excited to teach the new guests how to ride?” Shawn asked.
“Not sure yet,” Robin replied. “Reyes says the five guys who reserved together are college friends, and those guys are usually superrespectful and eager to learn, or they’re arrogant douche-bros.”
Miles spoke up. “We had a pair of those during our vacation here. God, what were their names? Liam and...something. All week they kept talking about searching for Arthur’s mythical gold.”
Reyes chuckled. “I remember those two. Liam and Miller. They signed up for my overnight camping trip and were right pains in the ass. Miller scared you with his comment about bobcats coming near our camp.”
“I can’t believe you remember that.”
“I didn’t like him scaring you.”
The pair shared a lovesick smile and continued eating. Shawn glanced at Robin, who was staring at Shawn’s plate. When Robin looked up and met his gaze, Robin’s eyes seemed to say, “Eat your lunch.” So he did. It also occurred to him that Colt was currently the only person on the ranch who knew Shawn and Robin were dating. Not that Shawn planned on making a huge announcement—he was still a tiny bit worried that if this blew up in his face, he’d somehow lose this job—but Shawn was also a little jealous of how openly affectionate Miles and Reyes were.
