Lucky break clean slate.., p.26
Lucky Break (Clean Slate Ranch), page 26
Shawn would treasure that trust always.
They kissed until Shawn’s body betrayed him with its own needs, so he raised up a bit more, giving him room to fuck Robin the way his body demanded. Hard slams of his cock, hips smacking into Robin’s taut ass. The scent of sex filled the small cabin, the only sounds their strangled breathing and slaps of skin. Robin grabbed Shawn’s ass and squeezed, encouraging him.
It was everything Shawn imagined it would be and more.
He wanted to stay here always, inside his boyfriend, making love to him, driving them both toward the precipice. But Shawn’s orgasm barreled in out of nowhere and shattered him from the inside out. He stilled deep inside of Robin as his entire body shook from the force of it. Robin pulled him down, and Shawn collapsed onto his chest, unable to breathe properly from the force of both orgasm and his emotions. He pressed his nose into Robin’s neck until the world made sense again.
“You with me, baby?” Robin whispered.
“Yeah. That was...wow.” Shawn didn’t have a lot of words right now, but those were good ones. Robin was still hard between them but Shawn didn’t want to pull out. He loved being inside Robin, more than he ever expected to, and Robin definitely loved being fucked. They’d so be doing this again soon.
Robin lovingly helped Shawn hold the condom and pull out, and then rolled Shawn’s boneless body onto his back. He shocked the hell out of Shawn by peeling off the rubber and using some of the come still clinging to Shawn’s flagging cock to jerk himself off. The naughtiness gave Shawn the energy to reach out and pinch Robin’s nipple. Robin came on a shout, painting Shawn’s chest with his spend before collapsing next to him.
Wrapped up in his boyfriend’s arms, perfectly sated from sex, Shawn Matthews had never felt more safe, protected, or loved in his entire life.
I’m keeping you, Robin Butler. You’re mine, and I’m yours.
* * *
Robin stroked Shawn’s back as the smaller man dozed, overjoyed by the ache in his backside and the reason for it. So happy to have finally shared this beautiful thing with Shawn. And Shawn, for all his quiet strength, had shown hints of a dominant personality near the end, when he was pounding Robin’s ass with all his might. The exact kind of fuck Robin loved most.
He hadn’t expected this today. A small part of him had started to believe they’d never take this step, and he would have been totally okay with that. He owned a dildo for a reason. But Shawn had surprised him with the condoms, and Robin couldn’t be happier.
They were also sweaty, sticky, and kind of a mess, so Robin hauled his slightly delirious boyfriend off the bed and into the bathroom. The small tub was awkward, but he made it work, scrubbing all the come off Shawn. Despite how hard he’d just come, Shawn started getting hard again from all the contact, so Robin rewarded his earlier performance with a soapy hand job. Robin’s own dick perked up but he wasn’t as young as he used to be.
The bedding wasn’t too messy, so Robin pulled Shawn back under the covers with him, both still naked, and they dozed for a while. He loved that Shawn was a cuddler. Xander had been very tactile while awake—and definitely during sex—but he hadn’t been a nighttime cuddler, despite the fact that they shared an RV’s small, full-size mattress. He loved all the ways his relationship with Shawn was wholly unique to them.
Around eleven thirty, Shawn grumbled about lunch and they both reluctantly got dressed. Robin helped him make sure the hands who trickled in for sandwiches had enough sliced meats and cheese—Shawn, Patrice, and Judson were the only people allowed to operate the machines. The big tin of chips was nearly empty, but they had plenty of fresh fruit to nibble on if the sandwiches weren’t enough.
Robin had definitely worked up an appetite. He piled two slices of marbled rye with ham, turkey, salami, and plenty of American cheese and mayo. He even sliced up one of the big dill pickles from the barrel for extra crunch. Shawn helped himself to the rest of the pickle.
If anyone else in the kitchen noticed a change in Shawn, no one said anything, not even Miles. But Robin saw it. Not really a glow, but a shift in his confidence. A smile that never seemed to leave his eyes.
Hugo still looked a tad hungover, so he nibbled on dry toast and lemongrass tea. Robin felt sorry for the kid, who probably needed some practice in drinking without the next-day regrets.
“Anyone got plans for the rest of the day?” Reyes asked as plates emptied. Other than exercising the horses, no one had any specific plans. “So who’s up for a group trail ride this afternoon?”
Shawn shot Robin a curious look; Robin tried not to squirm. If Shawn wanted to go, Robin would suck it up and go. “Not us today,” Shawn said, giving Robin a teasing wink. “We might take a trail walk, though.”
Why was Shawn—oh. Oh! He probably thought Robin’s ass was too tender to sit in a saddle. And yeah, it was probably was. Robin kissed Shawn’s cheek, then nuzzled the spot with his nose. “A trail walk sounds great.”
Miles had arched an eyebrow in their direction, and he tossed Shawn a knowing smirk. The other guys made plans to meet up for a ride in thirty minutes. Once the kitchen cleared out, Robin said, “You could have gone with the group if you wanted to ride.”
“I know, but I want to spend the day with you.” Shawn kissed him on the mouth. “A walk on the trails feels like a good thing on the first day of a new year. Considering how our first walk went.”
Robin chuckled. “Touché.”
“Oh crap.” Shawn clamped his back pocket where he usually kept his phone. “I left my phone in the cabin, and I really should call Granddad and wish him a happy new year.”
“Go on back and make your call then. I’ll finish cleaning up here.”
“Are you sure?”
Robin waved him off. “I can handle storing cold cuts and wiping down a table. Go. I’ll be down in a few.”
“Okay, thanks.”
After Shawn left, Robin took his time tidying up the kitchen, giving Shawn more privacy for his call. He was often subdued after these calls, so hopefully a walk would cheer him up. It was chilly but sunny, a good day to be outside for a while. Maybe make out under a tree. That could be fun. A picnic would have been fun, too, but Robin was stuffed, and Shawn had eaten a big sandwich himself.
Now that Robin knew Shawn had been homeless for two years, his odd eating habits made more sense. When he first took over cooking from Patrice, Shawn would eat a decent portion of breakfast, maybe a half-sandwich at lunch if he ate anything, and then a larger meal at night. He seemed to ration what he ate and when, but as he eased into life on the ranch, three square meals a day was putting a bit of a curve on his skinny frame.
Eager to spend the afternoon doing nothing more taxing that holding his boyfriend’s hand on the trail, Robin headed back to the cabin to collect said boyfriend. He opened the door and nearly tripped over Shawn, who was sitting on the floor a few feet inside, clutching his phone to his chest. Shawn’s face was red, his breathing labored, and alarm shot through Robin like a bullet.
“What’s wrong?” Robin dropped to his knees and clutched Shawn’s trembling shoulders. “What happened?”
Shawn looked at him with agony in his eyes. “Nana died yesterday. Stroke. Oh God.” He started sobbing then and threw himself at Robin. Robin struggled to hold him as Shawn broke down completely in his arms.
* * *
Shawn had dialed Granddad’s line halfway back to the cabin, and he was a little surprised it rang for so long. Last week, he and Robin had transferred his old number to the new phone, and it had worked perfectly when Shawn test-called Granddad. He didn’t worry over the long response time, though, because it was lunchtime, and Granddad could be in the middle of feeding Nana.
When the line finally picked up, a vaguely familiar female voice said, “Matthews residence.”
“Um, hi? It’s Shawn. Who’s this?”
“Oh Shawn, hello. This is your mom’s cousin Janet. From Reno.”
“Hi.” He kind of remembered Mom mentioning a cousin named Janet. “Are you in town visiting Granddad and Nana?”
“I am, but—” She made a soft, choking sound. “He didn’t want to ruin your New Year’s.”
Shawn opened the cabin door and let it fall shut behind him, his stomach squirrely with nerves now. “What happened? Is Granddad sick?” He’d beaten throat cancer once, but it could reoccur and that would be awful to deal with on top of nursing Nana.
Janet’s voice hitched. “Aunt Irma, your nana, she had a stroke late last night. I’m so sorry, Shawn, but she passed away.”
“No, she didn’t.” Shawn swayed, and he barely felt the painful jolt that shot up his spine when his ass hit the wood floor. “No.”
“I am so, so sorry. I kept asking your grandfather for permission to call you, but he didn’t want you to know yet. I don’t think he’s fully processed it himself.”
A bizarre anger combined with his refusal to believe this was true, and he snapped, “Why did he call you? Why are you there?”
“My mom was his sister, and I was closer, so I drove straight down to Breton. He’s finally sleeping, or I’d let you talk to him.”
“I’m coming up, first flight I can get.”
I don’t believe you. Nana isn’t dead. She can’t be. She can’t...
But why would Janet lie? No one, not even a distant cousin, was that cruel.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea, Shawn? We all know what happened with—”
Shawn hung up. His entire body was numb but somehow also shaking. He wanted to throw up everything he’d eaten for lunch. Nothing made sense. The world blurred behind a haze of confusion and denial.
No. No, no, no, no. NO!
The cabin door opened, spilling in sunlight and Robin’s backlit shape. Robin’s questions and concern finally penetrated the part of his brain that refused to accept the truth. “Nana died yesterday. Stroke.” Saying it shattered something deep inside of Shawn’s heart. “Oh God.”
After those final two words, all he knew was the overwhelming agony of loss, the deep-wrenching sobs that burst from his chest, and the safety of Robin’s arms around him...for a long, long time.
Chapter Nineteen
Shawn didn’t remember a lot of the details of the next six or so hours of his life, because Robin took charge and made things happen. People spoke at and/or near him, and he knew the voices but the words made no sense. At some point, he was in a sitting room chair, a blanket around his shoulders and water in his hand. Miles was there. Judson, too, and probably Patrice. Offering condolences and assistance.
Through it all, he clung to the fact that Robin was always nearby, and then he was in a car. He and Robin were driving somewhere.
“What are we doing?” Shawn asked when he understood they were on the interstate.
“We’re heading for the airport,” Robin replied. “I’ve got us tickets north. We’re going home, Shawn.”
“Oh.” He couldn’t leave the ranch, though. “What about work?”
“Miles is going to pitch in with Patrice to keep everyone fed. Arthur, too. They’ve got four whole days before new guests arrive, and it’s a small group.”
That made sense, he supposed. “Your job?”
“The other horsemen are trickling back in, it’s fine. Judson is completely okay with me taking extra time off to help you through this. I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else right now.”
“But how? I never told you where I was from.”
“I called Janet back. Got the address from her. I am so fucking sorry, Shawn. You obviously loved her a lot.”
For a split second, Shawn thought Robin meant he loved Janet a lot, and he barely knew the woman. No, Robin was talking about Nana. And yes, Shawn had loved the woman. Her loss, on top of both his parents, was almost too much to bear, and he was insanely grateful to Robin. “Thank you. I don’t even know which end is up right now.”
“You’re welcome, and you don’t have to know. Just try to relax and trust me to get us there safely.”
“I do trust you.” I love you.
Shawn dozed a bit until they arrived at the airport. After parking in one of the paid lots, Robin grabbed a single carry-on from the trunk and led Shawn into the terminal. Shawn moved by rote, removing shoes and doing all the random stuff he was told to do. Then they were in seats, and eventually on a plane. The only other time Shawn had flown had been the day he left Breton at eighteen and went to live with Sheila.
God, my life has changed so much since then.
Hell, his life had changed completely since just this morning. All the joy from everything he’d shared with Robin was gone, sucked away by overwhelming grief.
It was a short flight, and Shawn simply followed Robin through the terminal to the rental car counter. Then out of the airport to their car. Robin used the rental’s GPS to navigate his way to Breton, driving down streets Shawn knew by heart. It had snowed, and Robin seemed a little nervous about the roads but he did fine. Past signs for the ski lodge toward the wooded area where “the help” lived.
Granddad had worked hard his entire life, and he’d sacrificed a lot to make sure he and Nana stayed in the house they built when they first got married. Raised all their kids in. Went through fights and birthday parties and anniversaries. The familiar blue structure appeared on the street like an old friend. Its porch desperately needed a new coat of paint, and the flower beds hadn’t been weeded in what looked like years. Things Shawn could have easily done. Long shadows stretched across the yard, and Shawn looked at the time.
Nearly six in the evening.
He didn’t know how Robin had put this trip together so quickly, or what it had cost him, but Shawn would find a way to pay him back.
Two unfamiliar cars were parked next to Granddad’s pickup, filling the driveway, so Robin parked on the street. Got out, grabbed the carry-on, and came around to Shawn’s door. Opened it. Shawn hesitated, desperate to go inside and terrified a neighbor would see him. He couldn’t take the looks.
They walked up the cracked pathway to the porch, and the front door opened before Robin could press the bell. A familiar, middle-aged woman opened it, and Shawn kind of saw his mom in the shape of her face and her curly brown hair.
“Shawn,” Janet said. “And you must be Robin.”
“Robin Butler, ma’am,” he replied. Instead of shaking, he kissed the top of her hand, which charmed Janet instantly.
“Come inside, it’s freezing out there.”
Was it? Shawn hadn’t noticed the significant temperature drop from getting on the plane to departing it.
“Pastor Schumer is here, too,” Janet said as she closed the door. “He’s speaking with Uncle Francis now. Apparently, they’d already made memorial and interment plans in case. You know. This.”
“Makes sense that they’d have made arrangements,” Robin replied softly. In Shawn’s ear, he whispered. “Not how I imagined meeting your family, but I’m here. For anything you need.”
Shawn could only nod that he understood. He squeezed Robin’s hand once, then walked out of the small foyer and into the living room. Nana’s hospital bed was still there, in the corner where they’d once had a love seat. Otherwise, the room looked exactly how Shawn remembered it—except for the two figures sitting close together on the couch.
Granddad looked up, his wrinkled face red, eyes swollen, right at Shawn. Shawn didn’t think he had any tears left, but he was wrong. Granddad met him in the middle of the room in a fierce hug, and Shawn cried. He cried for all the years he’d missed, for the one loving grandparent he had left, for Granddad’s own grief, which was wrenching out of him in ragged sobs.
They cried for a while, clutching each other, until Granddad let go. He looked like he’d aged twenty years in the last five, and a lot of that was Shawn’s fault. “Look at you,” Granddad said. “So grown-up. And a chef, to boot.”
Shawn wasn’t sure how to respond to that, so he waved Robin over. “Granddad, this is my boyfriend, Robin Butler.”
“Ah, yes, the man you’ve spoken so highly of during our phone calls.”
Robin’s cheeks pinked up as he shook Granddad’s hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Matthews.”
“Pshaw, son, call me Granddad or Francis. None of this Mr. Matthews business.”
“Francis, then.”
“Good, good. Shawn, you remember Pastor Schumer.”
The pastor had risen and stood slightly off to the side, his expression coolly neutral. “Of course,” Shawn replied. Schumer made no move to approach or shake their hands, and Shawn didn’t care. Let the asshole be quietly homophobic.
“I didn’t want this to ruin your New Year’s,” Granddad said to Shawn. “But I’m awfully glad you’re here.”
“Me, too.” He squeezed the elderly man’s wrist. “Tell me what I can do.”
“You being here is enough. We’ve got it all planned out. Small church service on Thursday, followed by a reception at the senior center. She wanted to be cremated and buried under her favorite tree out back.”
“Sounds like Nana.” Their backyard had a big old aspen tree in it that Shawn remembering climbing a few times as a kid.
“Have you boys eaten supper?” Janet asked. “I was just about to pop a casserole into the oven.”
