Fragments alabaster peni.., p.9
Fragments (Alabaster Penitentiary Book 4), page 9
“A proxy job?” Amusement dances in his eyes.
I fold my arms over my chest. “Yea… TM. I invented it, and it works. But more importantly, I don’t need to justify any of my actions to you. You’re the rookie.”
Rook gawks at me, his Midwestern innocence really shining through. He’s too new here. Just like Dash. Despite getting their hands a little dirty, they still have no clue what it’s like to survive in a place like this for so long.
“Does it… get his attention?” he asks, suddenly sounding much more curious than judgmental. “Luthor’s, I mean?”
I nod slowly, glancing down at my fingers as I pick at my cuticles. “Yes. It’s our thing.”
I’m becoming more and more fidgety with every passing second, standing here while he grills me for information like it’s somehow his business.
“But then why hide it?” He keeps prodding, and I’m biting down on the inside of my cheek so hard I taste blood. “You wanted to come in here so Luthor wouldn’t see you with Dash… Right?”
“Harley, please…” I whine, rubbing my eyes. “Stop being such a cop. This isn’t a case that needs cracking. Just go get Dash and bring him here. Let me worry about my relationship with Lex. I’m pretty good at it.”
He continues to stare at me for a few more moments while I’m squirming inside my skin with tension swallowing me whole.
Finally, Rook sighs, running his fingers through his sandy-colored hair. Then he grunts, “Don’t move,” stalking off with a slam of the door behind him.
Releasing a jittery breath, I pace around the exam chair in the middle of the room, pushing that frustrating conversation out of my mind and contemplating the many ways Dash could react to this little outing. Hooking up with someone to get to someone else is a game I’m more than familiar with. Even before I got here, before I started using it as a way to sate my cravings for Lex that he refuses to fulfill, I developed a knack for playing on the one weakness I know just about everyone shares. Jealousy.
It’s an effective method in most cases. It can be a gamble, though. Because if the person you’re trying to reach doesn’t fall into the trap, then you fucked around with a rando for no reason. Fortunately for me, I already do that anyway, so it’s not much of a loss.
With Lex, however, it’s a little different. I’m not necessarily trying to make him jealous by using someone else as his proxy. If I do, it’s an added bonus. This is more about getting him to think… making him understand that I can still have him, even if it’s not him.
I want Lexington constantly and painfully aware that as far as I’m concerned, everyone is him at this point.
Sounds of shuffling grow nearer, and I lean up against the wall by the door, awaiting the arrival of today’s version of Lexington Deon. The door swings open to reveal Rook clutching Dash by the arm while his face pivots all around. When he spots me, he looks immediately nervous.
“What the fuck is this?” Dash grunts, and I nod at Rook.
“I’m good. Thanks.”
“You have ten minutes.” Rook shoves Dash into the room, and he stumbles. Dash gawks as the door closes in his face. Then he slowly turns to me.
“Why am I here?” he asks, checking out the dingy room. “What the hell is this place?”
I shrug. “It’s a random empty room.” His brow is lined with confusion. “I just needed somewhere private to talk to you for a second.”
“Talk to me about what?” He inches backward, away from me.
I step closer. “About your cellmate.”
“Right…” Dash murmurs. “You and Luthor. You guys have something going on, hm? It’s pretty hard to miss…”
His words and the genuine look on his pretty face make a lot of different things happen inside me. I both hate and love that it’s readily apparent, even to people who just got here, that Lex and I have something going on. I love it because it means Lex is still affected by me, no matter how hard he tries not to be.
And yet I hate it. Because it can seem as obvious as it wants to, but the fact remains… nothing between us has ever actually worked, and it most likely never will.
Gripping the back of my neck, my eyes fall to the floor. “See, that’s the thing. We almost had something going on. But then I sorta fucked it up… It’s a long story, but that’s why I need a favor from you.”
He folds sculpted arms over his chest defiantly. “Well, I don’t think I owe you anything. I already got a toothbrush on my own. No thanks to you.”
I chuckle. The kid is too cute. And his toothbrush obsession borders on psychotic, which just makes me like him more. “Dude, you disappeared. I wasn’t sure if you were still with us.”
He narrows his gaze at me. “There’s nothing I can do to help you, Ren. If you fucked up with Luthor, you’ll have to figure out how to fix it yourself.”
Despite how much of a pain in the ass he’s being, I can’t deny that I’m starting to see the appeal. He’s a rational person, a little weird, but also sort of sweet. I understand why Lex likes him, and although I’m still jealous of their instant connection, I honestly don’t think he’s interested in Lex the way I am.
Okay, I’m sure no one is interested in Lex the way I am.
“Dascha,” I sigh his name, stepping in closer. “Luthor is very… complex. He’s not like the rest of us. Definitely not like me. And I love that. But it’s hard for me to be myself and try to keep him. He’s…” My voice trails for a moment before I breathe, “He’s mine. He just doesn’t know it yet.” Dash stares at me, hazel eyes wide, save for the occasional flutter of long lashes. “All I want is to get close to him, but he won’t let me. He doesn’t work that way. So instead, I have to get close to him through someone else.”
I push into his space, and he lurches away, crashing down into the exam chair in the middle of the room. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
He tries to stand up, but I lean over him, caging him in. “I need you to be like a proxy,” I tell him my game, and he appears as perplexed as he is nervous.
“I’m not into guys,” he grunts, attempting to stand again.
Placing a hand on his chest, I shove him back down. “I know, I know. But everyone has needs, Dascha.” My mouth hovers over his, our eyes locked. “I can suck your dick so good, you’ll go cross-eyed for minutes afterward.” I make a slow display of tugging my bottom lip between my teeth, which catches his attention. “I’ll pretend you’re Lex, and you can pretend I’m some girl from back home. Have you ever had your cock throated by a dude?”
The way he’s gaping at me, you’d think I asked him to suck my dick.
“I haven’t been in here long enough to be that desperate,” he rumbles, holding on to his defenses like a child grips their blankie.
Still, it’s there… that twinkle of curiosity in his beautiful eyes. Some guys break quicker than others.
“It’s not about desperation, sweetheart,” I hum, easing my body over his. “You’re never getting out of here. Might as well take a little entertainment out of death row.”
His breathing is picking up already as he stares up at me, gaze doing a quick sweep down my frame. “I don’t understand how sucking my dick will help you with Luthor…”
Dropping a hand onto his thigh, I trail my finger up toward his crotch. He snatches it before I can get there.
“I told you, I have to pretend,” I persist. “You can go back to your cell and tell Lex what happened. He might be mad… but deep down, he’ll like it.”
“I’m not gonna fucking tell him shit,” Dash mutters.
I shrug. “Then don’t. He’ll find out regardless.” I’ll make sure of it.
“This sounds like a stupid fucking plan,” he scoffs. “I think you’re just gay as fuck and desperate to swallow cock.”
Well… yea. If the shoe fits.
“So? How is that a problem for you?” I point out casually. “You get to come down my throat, and I get what I want, too. Win-win.”
The stiffness in his muscles is still there, but I can tell he’s sincerely considering it. Either way, I’m not giving him any more leeway to protest. Reaching for the drawstring on his pants, I tug it until it unties. He’s glaring at me something fierce, but I really don’t care. I just keep yanking his pants down, enough to get his dick out. Then I fist the shaft, giving it a few slow tugs.
I’m immediately all warm and stiff between my legs. As bizarre as it sounds, Dash’s dick is shockingly similar to Lexington’s. Long—even when it’s not all the way hard—pink and velvety soft. It looks like candy. And growing so fast in my hand.
Just like Lex’s did…
He was always so unsure, and it drove me fucking wild with the most intoxicating desire to prove myself.
My fingers glide down to his balls as I whisper, “You have a really nice dick.”
“Don’t fucking talk,” Dash growls, peeking down at me with flushed cheeks, reminding me of who I’m actually touching.
Lex would’ve liked that. He used to love when I fawned over him a little.
“Sorry,” I hum, sloping my face down in his lap and sucking his fat crown into my mouth.
He releases a jagged gust that draws up my balls like elastic. Mmm… Just like Lex’s shivery little breaths. I suck slow, moving him deeper into my mouth with my tongue cradling his warm, thick cock, remembering the way Lex used to lie back and let me take him how I wanted. The way he’d melt into the bed and become mine in an instant.
It’s not long before the hips start moving, flicking against my hungry mouth, fucking deeper and deeper into my throat. I play with his balls, teasing them, tugging them until he moans, and then I swallow his plump, juicy head, earning me a raspy, “Jesus fuck…” accompanied by a little pulse of precum.
And only moments later, his hands are holding my skull down, and he’s pleading, “Suck my fucking dick.”
I groan on his cock, because even though he doesn’t sound like Lex, in my mind it’s still him. His long, masculine fingers threading through my hair, his legs spreading for me to work in between them… His big, delicious, purely perfect cock throbbing in my mouth, aching while my tongue praises him.
God, I’m sucking Lexington so hard, slurping with saliva spilling, wet sounds slicing through the gasps and pants in the air. There are words being growled from somewhere far off, but I barely hear them. My heart is pumping fast in my chest, blood rushing in my ears while I groan and suck, and chase, desperate to make Lex come so sweet in my mouth.
Because he deserves to be pampered. He needs to know how good I can always make him feel, even if it sometimes hurts afterward.
The pleasure is more than worth the pain, I know it is.
I can make it better, baby…
I promise, I can soothe the ache I cause, if you just give me the chance.
My hips are grinding, my dick twinging against the material of my pants, dying for him to reach down and touch it.
Lex… Lexington. Spill for me, baby. Burst into a million glowing embers and rain it all over me.
I fucking love the way it feels to make you mine.
His fingers lace at the nape of my neck and he holds me still, choking me with his cock as it bursts, shooting thick, tasty spurts that I suck out ravenously. I suck every last drop of him, whimpering as I pull my mouth off and writhe against his legs. My balls are humming, dick leaking all over the inside of my pants.
“Fuck, Lex…” I purr and whine, dazed and trembling.
I just want to climb on top of him. Kiss him hard and dizzy. I want our tongues to tangle while he mewls out satisfied sounds and touches me in that shaky post-orgasm stupor that makes him almost as needy as I am.
It’s been years, but I remember it like it was yesterday… the feeling of him clinging to me, because I’m the only one who gets him.
I’m the only person in the world who can make him feel this way.
But when I peel my eyes open, I slowly cool off into reality.
Dash is the one seated in the chair, flushed and breathing heavily, glaring at the door to the room… as if someone’s there.
Turning over my shoulder, I see no one. But Dash is still looking, a nervous sort of delight etching his eyes… Like maybe he’s seeing someone else, too.
Someone he wants to see.
Later that night…
Wondering gets you in trouble… And I’ve been here for too many years to get swept up in imagining life outside these walls. It’s a dead-end.
No sense in dreaming when you’ll always wake up in Hell, right?
That said, this place just sucking isn’t enough to fully stomp out my curiosity of spirit. So I make sure to only wonder about what goes on inside the prison, not out. Which, believe it or not, is much more than you’d expect from a rock in the middle of nowhere.
It’s a goddamn drama factory in here sometimes.
For example, right now, I’m wondering if Dash’s silence means he’s thinking about what happened with Ren…
It annoys me to no end that Ren’s actions still surprise me. I shouldn’t be taken aback by anything he does anymore, no matter how haphazard and destructive. I’ve known him too long to find his behavior shocking.
But for some reason, when Dash got back to our cell a little while ago—after Rook hauled him off in another direction from the rest of us leaving the cafeteria—the last thing I expected was to see him dripping with guilt and shame. Eyes wide and cheeks flushed, wearing that post-coital stupor only Ren can cause.
I knew something was up before he even said it, but Dash was quick to confess that he’d been cornered in an empty room for some of that patented Warren Xavier seductive manipulation he pulls off so well he could teach it at the college level.
Honestly, I feel bad for Dash. He clearly doesn’t know how to handle being trapped in a place like this with someone like Ren. That, and I think he was worried I’d be upset with him… Which I never would be. After all, it’s the furthest thing from his fault, and despite how he likes to make it seem, Ren and I aren’t a thing. At least, not the kind of thing Ren wants us to be…
It’s just what Ren does. He uses people to get what he wants. Ironic, considering what I know about his life before he got here…
The last thing I’d want is for Dash to feel uncomfortable, being caught in the middle of the ongoing Luthor and Ren nonsense-fest, like Kang clearly does. So I made sure to quickly change the subject to something less gay love triangley, and we moved on.
Unfortunately, the more seconds tick by in silence, the more my mind refuses to quit boomeranging back to my ex-whatever he almost was, the fire-starter.
What exactly did he do with Dash in that room, anyway? Did Dash like it?
I know Dash is straight, but he must be realizing I was right about how fucking blurry the lines can get in here. And since Ren is habitually bored and in need of constant human contact, he likes to be the one to make those lines nice and fuzzy.
I haven’t even seen Ren in days at this point, since our argument in the caf. I guess he’s avoiding me. And I should be glad about that, right? It’s what I wanted…
But naturally, even when he keeps his distance, he has to do it in his Ren way, never really letting go. Planning and scheming…
Confusing my new friend just to make me jealous…
“Dash…” I squeak his name when the silence gets to be too much.
“Yea?” he answers quietly.
“How did it feel… with Ren?”
I hate the way I sound right now. I sound like I care, when I really, really shouldn’t.
“Dude, I don’t—” Dash starts to protest my question, but I interrupt.
“I just mean, like… did it feel like he was really into it?”
God. What is the fucking point of asking him that? Why on earth are you still torturing yourself??
“Yea.” Dash sighs the word hesitantly. “But not for me.”
My forehead lines, face swinging left, though I obviously can’t see him from up here on my bunk. “What do you mean?”
He goes silent for a few more seconds before he murmurs, “He said your name.”
Stupid.
It’s so painfully stupid how my heart reacts to those four words.
Swallowing a lump in my throat while ignoring the flutter of dumbassery in my chest, I release a long exhale. “He usually does…”
It’s the truth. Ren has been pulling this proxy shit for a while. It’s just a game he’s perfected to get a rise out of me. And I’m playing right into his hand. Because here I am… reacting to it. Prying Dash for all the dirty details, just like the liar wants me to.
Damn him.
“I don’t know what’s going on with you guys, but can you let him know I don’t want to get in the middle?” Dash mumbles. “I’m just trying to get by here.”
And now I feel awful. And I didn’t even do anything.
Standard. Thanks a lot, Ren.
“I know, bro,” I hum, remorsefully. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” he says, not exactly sounding pissed or anything. Just… confused. “Just don’t expect it to happen again.”
I feel him flopping around down there, and I sigh, scrubbing a palm over my scalp. I’m supposed to be showing Dash the ropes, helping him get through this as best he can while simultaneously making sure he doesn’t follow in the footsteps of my past cellmates.
And I’m sort of failing miserably.
“I guess trying to keep Ren out of your head is easier said than done…” I fold my hands behind my head as I stare up at the ceiling. “I would know.”
“He’s pretty intense,” Dash murmurs.
I chuckle. “You can say that again. Probably one of the most complicated people on the face of the earth. Add to that the fact that you can never really tell whether he’s lying or not.”
“Does he lie a lot?”
“Uh, yea. That’s putting it mildly.” I twist over the edge of my bunk to look at him. “Dash, Ren’s a pathological liar. You can’t believe anything he says.”
