Contingency covenant of.., p.10
Contingency (Covenant of Trust), page 10
“A few times. So?”
“Just stick with me,” Phil answered. “Here’s the tough one. Have you thought about being with someone else, or even wondered what it would be like to be with another woman? Maybe not any particular woman?”
“Yes.” He was ruined. Phil had to think the absolute worst about him now.
“Thank you for being honest,” Phil said. “I know it’s hard, but we have to face all this head-on.”
We? I’m the one doing all the ‘facing.’
“Let’s switch gears now. What was your marriage like a year or so ago, before any of this was even on the horizon?” He leaned back and picked up his tea again.
“Good.”
“Not great?”
“It’s been almost twenty years. We’re settled into our routines. With our schedules, and now the boys’ schedules, we’re lucky to have a cup of coffee together.”
“So, ‘comfortable,’ ‘safe,’ and ‘routine?’”
“You make it sound bad.”
“I’m not trying to make it sound like anything. I just want to make sure I’m hearing what you’re saying. Did you date much in high school and college?”
“Not so much in high school, but I bounced around from girlfriend to girlfriend in college.”
“Did you ever get physical with any of them?”
“I had sex before I was married if that’s what you’re asking.” Chuck said. After everything else, what’s a little premarital sex? “But not after I got serious about Jesus. Bobbi knows all that.”
“Give me a rough timeline between meeting Bobbi and marrying her.”
“I made a commitment to Christ between my junior and senior year in college, and I met Bobbi the summer after I graduated. I was working for a contractor then, and her dad was a master plumber. She came to pick him up one afternoon at a house we were working on. I’ll never forget it.”
He smiled, visualizing it once again. “I thought she was five years older than me. Just the way she walked up the sidewalk ... I had to meet her. She was going to start college in the fall when I went to law school. We got engaged before the summer ended. She worked extra hard to get her bachelor’s degree in the three years I was at Northwestern. You baptized me that spring, and we got married that summer after we finished school.”
“How were those years being apart?”
“Tough, but I think it helped us both focus on our studies. Plus, Bobbi got to make her own friends and be on her own for a while before getting married.” Chuck shifted in his chair again. “Did you talk to her last night?”
“Donna did. She’s grappling with quite a bit emotionally. Bobbi’s also especially concerned about Brad. He’s taking this very hard.”
“Joel says Brad doesn’t want to speak to me. So what do I need to do to fix things?”
“You can’t.”
“Then why am I here if it’s hopeless?”
“I didn’t say it was hopeless. I said you can’t fix things. You let God make the changes in you that need to be made, and things with Bobbi and Brad will heal. You need to think in terms of months, not weeks.”
Chuck dropped his eyes. “That’s not what I wanted to hear.”
“With your confession, you’ve laid this huge burden down, and things feel better to you already, but Bobbi’s not going to heal until she can’t hurt anymore.”
Was that possible? “Can I call her?”
“Just take it slow, be patient, and don’t push her.”
“I see a theme developing.”
“You have been listening. Let me give you an overview of what to expect from me, and then we’ll be finished for today.” Phil leaned up to his desk. “I have found that sin, especially big sin, happens when we get lax in our spiritual lives. Our relationship with God becomes mechanical, cold, indifferent, and this leaves us susceptible to attacks or temptations that wouldn’t merit a second glance otherwise.
“So, first off, I want you to rediscover your relationship with Jesus Christ, that foundation we talked about. Then we’ll look at what’s in your makeup that made you vulnerable to an affair, and build a hedge against it ever happening again. From what you’ve told me, purity issues have been a consistent problem for you, and it’s going to take a conscious, active commitment to change that.”
“You make it sound like I was an affair waiting to happen.” He couldn’t mask the frustration. He didn’t have time for Phil to drag him through some Bible study designed to point out how rotten he was while Bobbi drifted further and further away.
“Everyone has an area of weakness—”
“You have a problem with women? I find that hard to believe.”
“No, mine is anger. I have an explosive, bitter temper.”
“That’s even less believable.”
“Thirty-four years ago, Donna left me. She wouldn’t come home, wouldn’t talk to me until I got myself under control.” He leaned across the desk. “I know where you’re at, Chuck. I know how it feels to lose control and have everything you care about in a heap at your feet.”
“I’m sorry. I never dreamed—”
“Well, that just shows you the kind of changes God can accomplish when we get desperate enough to let Him.” Phil took a long drink from his tea. “Trust me, you can recover from this, and my, it will be worth it.” He leaned back in his chair. “Now, Mr. Hot Shot Lawyer, tell me what a contingency fee is.”
Chuck smiled. “It’s a fee built in to cover unforeseen circumstances or events.”
“An extramarital affair was a contingency you never considered, so there was no protection in your marriage against it. I want us to fix that.” Chuck nodded. “Okay, your homework, then, is to read the gospels. I want you to note every person Jesus comes in contact with, what their issues were, and how He dealt with them.”
“Homework, huh?”
“Yes, I’m very serious about this. I want you to write out a list.”
“It’s a good thing I’m off work.” Chuck said with a slight grin.
“I took that into account. Now, do you have any questions, need anything else from me?”
“Not right now.”
“Why don’t you pray for us, then?”
“Father God, thank You for Phil and for his time and counsel. Thank You for Your mercy, and for grace and forgiveness. Dear God, help me follow where You lead, and be patient and teachable. In Jesus’ name, amen.” Chuck stood and shook hands with Phil. “Thanks again.”
“Not at all. Let’s meet again Wednesday morning.”
*******
Ann Molinsky waited as long as she could stand it before calling her son. “How did it go last night?” she asked as soon as Chuck picked up the phone.
“I lived.”
“But?”
“Bobbi walked out before I even started.”
“Now, it may not be as bad as you think. Did you talk to her Saturday?”
“I don’t know what good it did. She was cold and distant. I didn’t get to say much.”
“She’s hurting. She’s maintaining that distance because it makes her feel a little safer, don’t you think?”
“I’d feel a lot more confident about us if she’d talk to me. Maybe you could talk to her—”
“No. As much as I hurt for you both, as much as I would like this to be over, I don’t think it’s wise for me to get in the middle. You need to talk directly to each other, not through a third party.” Chuck gave her the same silent response he’d used since grade school. “Did you start counseling?”
“This morning. Phil ... Phil’s going to be a big help. More than I realized. I took a five-week leave of absence, too.”
“Really?” Maybe Chuck did realize what was at stake.
“I think Walter would have fired me if I hadn’t.”
“Walter Davis would not have fired you.”
“You didn’t see his face. He was close.”
“Well, he would have made a terrible mistake if he had,” Ann said. “I’m proud of you, and the steps you’re taking. God’s going to honor this.”
“That’s exactly what Gavin said.”
“It’s a consensus then.” Silence. “You don’t agree?”
“Mom, am I a bad person?”
“I think you’ve done a bad thing, but that doesn’t make you a bad person.”
“I think I might be.” He sighed deeply. “I’ve got some phone calls to make. I’ll talk to you soon.”
*******
Later that evening, Chuck unpacked a box of fried chicken and coleslaw, and set it on the coffee table along with his Bible and a legal pad. “Okay, Matthew, what have we got?” he asked, flipping in his Bible to the first gospel. “Chapter one, Jesus isn’t born yet. Chapter two, He’s a baby. So chapter three, John the Baptist.” He scribbled on his legal pad. “John didn’t have any issues,” he said, writing his observations down. “Treated John with respect, validated John’s ministry.” He flipped the page in his Bible. “Chapter four. Oh wait. I should pray first.”
Father, it hasn’t even been a week yet. I don’t have the patience for this. I want Bobbi to forgive me and have it over with, but I know she needs time. I can’t thank You enough that she’s willing to try to work through this.
Be with her and help her see how sorry I am, and that I want to make up for what I’ve done. Forgive me for being such a jerk with Phil.
Chapter 8
Routine
Bobbi stopped in the school office to pick up her mail, then she led Joel to her classroom. She was grateful to have his company for the day. He would keep things light and, best of all, wouldn’t give her any advice.
“It’s bare!” he said, looking around at the blank walls and empty bulletin boards.
“Now you see how much work I have ahead of me. You may regret coming with me instead of going to Aunt Rita’s today.”
“Nah, it’d just be me and her. This is better.”
Surveying the room, she muttered, “Okay, where to start ... Joel, why don’t you get the desks in groups of four while I go through my mail and try to get a plan.”
Joel swept his hand up to his forehead in an exaggerated salute and started dragging desks across the floor. Fighting the impulse to chide Joel for making so much noise, Bobbi turned on the computer on her desk and shuffled through a handful of memos while she waited.
“Wow.”
“What is it?” Joel asked.
“I was checking my class list. I have a Kelsey, with an ‘ey,’ a Kelsee, with an ‘ee,’ and a Chelsea, plus I have a Tanner and a Tannen.”
“Mr. Henneke is messing with you,” Joel smiled.
“No doubt. Hey, the desks look good. Now, I’ll put you to work on the calendar cut-outs, the weather cut-outs, and the numbers. Then we’ll laminate them and cut them all out again. You’ll love that part.”
“What’s Aunt Rita’s phone number again?” Joel teased. “Do you have any big people scissors?” Bobbi handed Joel a pair of scissors, along with a stack of construction paper and patterns, then she returned to her computer and began setting up her electronic grade book. Typing in students’ names, addresses, and phone numbers was exactly the kind of mechanical task she needed today. No thinking, no reasoning, just read the name and type it in. She flipped the sheet over to get the last child’s name and she froze.
The last student on her list was Tracy Caroline Wexler. Tracy. Every day, dozens of times a day, Tracy ... It wouldn’t matter that the little girl was innocent ...
“Mom, did you hear me?” Bobbi hadn’t noticed Joel at her side until he touched her arm.
“I’m sorry, Honey, what did you say?”
“I said I’m done cutting. You can laminate these now.”
“Good ... great.”
“Are you okay, Mom?”
“Yes.” Bobbi patted Joel’s arm, trying to reassure herself most of all. “I’m fine.”
“Oh, I looked at your list. That’s Seth Wexler’s sister. She goes by Caroline. Tracy is her dad’s name, too, so it was too confusing.”
“Are you sure?”
“Seth has been in my class twice. I’m sure.”
“Well, thanks for catching that.” Bobbi corrected her list, and thanked God for small graces. “Now, the laminator is around in the next hallway.” Bobbi dropped her voice to a whisper. “In the teachers’ lounge.” Joel gave her a conspiratorial smile.
Bobbi and Joel spent the rest of the morning working on more cutouts and labels. His presence kept her attention on the job at hand and prevented her mind from drifting. A little after noon, Joel spoke up. “So what time is lunch around here?”
“Oh, lunchtime slipped up on me. I bet you’re starved. You want to go for a burger?”
“I thought you’d never ask!”
Settled in a booth at Wendy’s, Joel devoured his cheeseburger and fries, while Bobbi pushed her salad around on its plastic plate. Joel chattered in between bites about a sequel playing at the multiplex he wanted to see, Cardinals baseball statistics, and an Internet rumor about somebody finding a live frog in their salad. Bobbi struggled to stay engaged in the conversation. After he finished his lunch, he folded his wrapper in a tight square, then spoke without looking up. “Mom, I don’t want to upset you …”
“But what?”
“I miss Dad.” He pushed the wrapper out of the way and lifted his head, with the same tilt Chuck had. “When can he come home?”
“That’s hard to say.”
“I don’t think you could be any sadder with him there than you are without him.”
“It’s not that simple, Joel.” Bobbi boxed up her salad.
“I didn’t mean to make you mad.”
“You didn’t make me mad, but I don’t know how I can explain to you how much your dad hurt me. It’s going to be a while before seeing him or even talking about him doesn’t stir it all up again. I need you to be patient with me, because it’s going to seem like forever.” Joel nodded, but frowned.
He doesn’t understand. He thinks I’m being difficult. God, how do I ...?
“Here, think of it like this. If a person breaks his leg, and it’s all gross, bones hanging out and stuff, he’s going to be in the hospital for a while, right?”
Joel sat up straight and nodded. She had his attention now.
“Then he gets a cast and has to wear it for weeks. Even after the cast comes off and everything looks like it’s back to normal, he’s going to have to go to therapy and do special exercises. It might take years for him to regain all his strength in that leg. If he’s old like me, he’ll have trouble with it the rest of his life.”
Joel nodded again and slurped the last of his Coke.
“It’s kind of that way for me, only the hurt is all on the inside. Not having your dad around is like putting a cast on and giving me time to heal. Does that make sense?”
“I guess so.” Joel slumped back in his seat and stared out the window. He looked so much like Chuck, with the same irritated squint, the same mouth downturned in a pout. She could never rationalize coping at Joel’s expense.
“You’re right to miss your dad and want to see him. It’s not fair for me to keep you apart, so what if I have Dad come for dinner tomorrow?”
“Really?” Joel leaned up to the table, his eyes wide. “That would be great! I mean, if you’re sure.”
“Not completely, but I think it’ll be okay. It’s kind of a compromise. Can we keep it quiet, though, until I get it all arranged?” Joel nodded as he crumpled the neatly folded wrapper. “I’m glad you spoke up, Honey. We all have to work through this, so we have to be able to talk to each other.” Bobbi took out her cell phone. “Now let’s see if Brad made it to Aunt Rita’s.” She punched the number in and Rita answered on the second ring. “Hey! Did the boys make it to your house?”
“Not yet. Danny called though. They went for pizza. Hey, what are you doing for dinner?”
“I hadn’t thought about it.”
“Eat with us then. That’ll save you from having to cook. I’ve got to show a house at six-thirty, so we’ll eat early, like five o’clock.”
“You’ve convinced me. We’ll finish up at school and be over.” Bobbi snapped the phone closed and thanked God for a reason not to go straight home.
The rest of the afternoon, Bobbi sorted through the books she inherited from Mrs. Atwater. She showed Joel how to set the classroom television to pick up regular cable channels. Between TV and the handheld video game he carried everywhere, he had a typical afternoon. Just after four o’clock, Bobbi spoke up. “Hey, let’s call it a day.”
“I was beginning to wonder if I should have brought a sleeping bag.”
“You’ve been hanging around your sarcastic brother too much.”
At Rita and Gavin’s house, Bobbi knocked as she pushed the front door open. “We smelled food and came to investigate.”
“Come on in,” Rita called from the kitchen. “Joel, the guys are out back.” Joel turned and went back out the front door while Bobbi made her way to the kitchen.
Rita stood at the island, slicing carrots amid devastation. Open spice bottles, very few of them still upright, littered the counter. Used bowls filled the sink and random cabinets and drawers were opened. “Everything smells great,” Bobbi said. “Spaghetti or lasagna?”
“Spaghetti. Who has time to make lasagna anymore?” Rita laid her knife down, and looked Bobbi in the eyes. “You look tired. How are you doing?”
