Contingency covenant of.., p.30
Contingency (Covenant of Trust), page 30
“I cannot believe you!” Bobbi slammed her hands against the arms of the chair. “This is the best you come up with? All this counseling, and it comes down to I didn’t make you feel needed, so you slept with the first girl that flirted with you!”
“That’s not what I said! You’ve got to hear me out. You owe me that much.”
“I don’t owe you anything,” Bobbi spit at him, jabbing a finger toward his chest. She grabbed her bag and stood up to leave.
“Bobbi, sit down!” Phil spoke with a force Chuck had never heard, even in the fieriest sermons. The tone in his voice stunned Bobbi and she did sit back down, her face flushed. Phil let out a sigh of frustration. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have … I’ll leave if you’d rather talk to Chuck alone, but I’m not letting you walk out of here. This can’t go on.”
Bobbi didn’t say anything and she didn’t move her eyes from Phil’s as he spoke. “I warned you both from the beginning that this would be hard, that it would hurt, but you have to deal with all of it.” When Bobbi dropped her eyes, Phil turned to Chuck. “All right, go on.”
Chuck’s pulse pounded. It would get much worse before he finished. He took another deep breath and wiped his palms on his pants. “It wasn’t much of a stretch to go to a physical compromise next. I took a lot of stupid chances, working late with Tracy in the building, calling her at home to ask her questions. I sent all the wrong signals.”
Bobbi shook her head, but didn’t say a word.
Chuck glanced at Phil, but found no subtle encouragement in his pastor’s eyes today. He cleared his throat and continued. “She gave me a set-up. She told me about this ceiling fan in her living room. She wanted to add a light fixture to it. She asked me for the name of an electrician, knowing I’d volunteer to do it. You were out of town, so I had the perfect opportunity. I thought I could get it out of my system.”
“You mean the lust,” Bobbi said. “You were going to get the lust out of your system.”
A single bead of sweat trickled down between Chuck’s shoulder blades to the small of his back.
Bobbi crossed her arms and tilted her head. “So, did you at least get the light fixed?”
“Yes.”
“Now I get it,” she said, raising a hand. “You so thoroughly impressed her with your abilities, she just had to show her appreciation the only way she knew how—”
“It wasn’t like that!”
“Then what was it like? Eighteen years, Chuck! Didn’t our life together mean anything to you? How you could jeopardize it for something so cheap? How could you think you could be with her, and go on like nothing happened?”
“I’ve tried to explain how things slid—”
“Is this the first time you’ve been unfaithful or just the latest?”
“This is the only time I have been with someone else.”
“But it’s not the first time you’ve thought about it, is it?” The question hung for several uneasy moments. “Answer me.”
He had to tell her the truth. “No.”
“I can’t believe this! I was so afraid you would leave me. You left me some time ago.”
“What? Afraid I would leave you?”
“I loved my mama and she left me. I loved Daddy and he left me, but he abandoned me emotionally before that. I thought when I met and married you that finally I could be safe and secure, that you would always love me and be there with me.”
Chuck closed his eyes and raised the side of his fist to his mouth, trying to push the guilt out his mind so he could listen to his wife. She didn’t speak until he looked at her again.
She spoke quietly, but with an unwavering firmness. “The fear never went away, though. It lurked in the back of my mind. Now I find out that the one thing I feared most has happened.” The firmness gave way to sad gentleness as she closed her eyes. “You have left me. We just haven’t filed the paperwork yet.”
“Bobbi, if you would just listen to me for a minute—”
“Just ... stop. Everything I believed about you, about us, has been destroyed. You say things have changed, so I should ignore your little indiscretion, is that it?”
“No, I just wanted a second chance.”
Bobbi didn’t respond, but stood up and walked across the room, and stared out Phil’s office window. “And what was it? Two days before you were with her again?” She turned to face him again. “Didn’t you feel the least bit guilty?”
“Yes, I was disgusted with myself.”
“Not disgusted enough to stay away from her.”
“Bobbi ...” He knew she wouldn’t believe him. “This … It’s like an addiction.”
“That’s pathetic.”
“When I was in college, before I became a believer, I was with a lot of girls, and I never forgot that rush. I figured faith and being married would be enough to control those impulses. I depended too much on my own strength and resolve.”
“We see how much of that you had.” Contempt. That’s what clung to her words. Just like that first night. “But now you’re fixed. Everything is fine and we’ll live happily ever after, right?”
“I can’t imagine how much this hurts.”
“That’s the most believable thing you’ve said this afternoon!”
“You know how things have changed between us in the last few weeks. We’re almost there.”
“Phil,” Bobbi said, ignoring him. “I think I’ve had enough for today. Can we just wrap it up here?”
“Yeah,” Phil said. “Chuck, you go ahead. I want to speak with Bobbi. And don’t follow her, trying to explain things. Let her sort this out on her own.”
Chuck grabbed his leather jacket from the back of his chair. “I told you the truth this afternoon. The truth about what happened in the past. That’s not true for the present, and it’s not going to be for the future, either.” She didn’t answer him, didn’t even to look at him.
“I said that’s enough for today.” Chuck had heard that tone from his dad plenty of times, but never from his pastor. He gave Phil a half nod and walked out without taking his eyes off Bobbi.
Phil watched Bobbi, waiting several long moments for her shoulders to relax and her jaw to unclench. “Can I make you some coffee?”
“It’s gonna take more than a cup of coffee.”
“You did well.”
If she heard him, it never registered. “I’m sorry, Phil, I need to get out of here.” Her hands shook when she let go of the chair.
“Of course, let me walk you to your car,” he said. He grasped the corner of his desk and pulled himself up.
“You look like you’re in pain.”
“Old age. I’ll be all right once I get going.” Bobbi slipped her coat on, picked up her bag, and followed him outside. “Now you know why he did it. How does that change things?”
“It’s worse than I imagined. I hoped maybe he would tell me it was all her fault, that she led him astray.”
“That would be easier to believe?”
“No, easier to accept. I can’t love him any more than I have. If I couldn’t keep him before, how can I now when he’s seen how easy it is to find someone else?”
“Nobody said you had to do the keeping.”
Bobbi picked her keys out of her purse and unlocked and opened her driver’s side door. She threw her purse across to the passenger seat and got in. “What is there to stop him now that he didn’t have before?”
“You should ask him,” Phil said. “The thing is, Chuck has done everything you’ve asked him to. He’s answered every question, taken time off from work, counseled, studied, even seen a doctor. If he hasn’t satisfied your requirements now, he never will.” He paused and rested his hand on her car door. “If you don’t trust the evidence you’ve seen yourself that Chuck has genuinely repented of this, then I don’t know what else we can do.”
“So I either take him back or divorce him?”
“It may be that black and white, I don’t know,” Phil sighed. “Just don’t make a decision based on the emotion of this afternoon.” He reached in his back pocket and pulled out a small envelope and handed it to her. “Give yourself a few days before you read this. We’ll talk about it next time.” Bobbi put the envelope in her purse, with a scowl. “Trust me,” Phil said, closing her car door.
*******
The bags on the passenger seat and the smell of French fries proved that Bobbi had been through the drive-thru at Wendy’s, although she didn’t remember it. Her memory was locked on a loop of Chuck’s sorry explanations. If he wasn’t any better at making a case than that, it was a wonder the family hadn’t starved. Did he think she was stupid enough to buy the ‘I couldn’t help myself’ defense? Outrageous.
As she turned the corner onto her street, she saw a car in the driveway, and Chuck standing beside it, waiting for her. “Great,” she muttered as she pulled in. She grabbed the food sacks and her bag, then got out, slamming her door. “What are you doing here?”
“I want to talk to you.”
“I don’t want to talk to you.”
“That’s fine. Just listen to me for five minutes.”
“I’ve heard enough from you today, Chuck. Go away!” Bobbi tried to brush past him, but he took hold of her upper arm. She growled at him, “Take your hand off me.” He jerked his hand back. “You have five minutes,” she seethed and stormed into the house.
She stayed two steps ahead of him until he cornered her in the kitchen. “Bobbi, you’ve got to understand that all those things I said were in the past. That’s not how I feel now.”
“I heard that! I get it!” She slammed her purse on the kitchen table. “You said you loved me, but that didn’t stop you from cheating on me!” She didn’t care that Brad and Joel would hear the blowup. “You said you loved the boys, but that didn’t stop you!” She counted off on her fingers emphasizing each point. “You said you loved God, but that didn’t stop you! Not even your fixation with your image stopped you! Nothing that you ever claimed to mean anything to you made you think twice about committing adultery, Chuck! Nothing!”
“Things are different now.”
She pushed past Chuck to the stairs. “Brad! Joel! I brought dinner!”
“What about all those things you said about not fighting and trusting God?”
“What about Phil saying to leave me alone? Your five minutes is up.”
“This is not over,” Chuck said, as he turned to leave.
“Yes, it is.”
Chapter 24
Restoration
Bobbi left the boys eating in the kitchen and thanked God they didn’t mention the argument. They pretended to believe her story about having a lot of paperwork to catch up on for school, leaving her alone in the study. She slumped into the desk chair, leaned her head back, and closed her eyes.
Phil said they’d been through everything. He couldn’t add anything else, so it rested with her. She had to decide. Forget the affair, or divorce him. Some choice.
She reached for her Bible and notebook, and flipped open to the notes she made on Hosea. God did everything for Israel, and still they rejected Him. Even worse, Israel chose false gods, incapable of loving in return. Didn’t Chuck choose a false wife who would never love him?
In chapter three, God said for Hosea to ‘go again and love,’ just like He did with Israel. That’s what He expected her to do. I can’t do it, God. I can’t love the way You do. He hurt me too much, and I’m too afraid to trust him again.
Dr. Craig said she had a pattern of absorbing hurts, but she told herself months ago only a fool would absorb this. Chuck Molinsky would not make a fool out of her again.
With tears dropping on the pages of her notebook, she chose a third option. She’d have Chuck draw up formal separation papers. She couldn’t divorce him, but she couldn’t live with him as his wife, either. At least with a separation, there would be some resolution. Everybody would know where they stood, and maybe sometime later, much later, they could try counseling again. Sealing the decision in her own mind, she slid her wedding band and engagement ring off, and dropped them in a side pocket of her purse.
Thankfully, they hadn’t closed on the house on Danbury Court yet. Kara and John could wait a little longer before taking ownership of this house, long enough for Rita to find a place for her and the boys in her price range.
As Bobbi stuck her notebook back in her Bible, her eyes fell on some verses in chapter eleven of Hosea that she had marked years earlier.
“How can I give you up, Ephraim?
How can I hand you over, Israel?
My heart churns within Me;
My sympathy is stirred.
I will not execute the fierceness of My anger;
I will not again destroy Ephraim.
For I am God, and not man,
The Holy One in your midst;
And I will not come with terror.”
*******
Thursday, January 26
Bobbi sat at the kitchen table, sipping her second cup of coffee, pondering how she would tell Chuck her decision, when the phone rang. Startled by the early call, she answered before the second ring.
“Bobbi,” Rita said, her voice weak. “Gavin just got a phone call. Phil Shannon had a massive stroke this morning. He’s ... he’s dead.”
“What?” Bobbi whispered. She heard the words, but they made no sense.
“Yeah, I guess a blood clot made it to his brain, and caused the stroke.”
“I just, we just saw him yesterday afternoon. How …? I’m ... I’m stunned.” Her vision blurred as tears welled up. Phil couldn’t … “Phil? Phil Shannon? You’re sure?”
“Are you going to be all right? I can come over if you need me to.”
“What?”
“Are you going to be okay?”
“I just need a few minutes.” Her knees threatened to buckle under her, so she slid into the nearest chair. “A stroke, you said?”
“Yes.”
“Did he have any symptoms?”
“I don’t know. David told Gavin he was gone before the paramedics got there.”
“Oh, poor Donna.”
“Listen, I won’t keep you on the phone. Gavin has some more calls to make. My schedule is clear today if you need me.”
“Thanks, thanks for calling, for letting me know.” Bobbi hung up the receiver. Phil Shannon couldn’t be … He married them. He baptized her boys. Baptized Chuck. If she and Chuck couldn’t reconcile with Phil’s help, what hope was there now? What was God doing?
“Mom, what’s wrong? What happened?” Brad asked, and Bobbi realized she never heard him come in the room.
“Where’s Joel?”
“He was right behind me.” Brad walked to the back stairs and yelled, “Joel! Downstairs now!”
Joel tromped down the stairs. “Brad! You’re ... Mom, what’s wrong?”
“Guys, Phil ... Pastor Phil ... He died this morning. He had a stroke.”
“I didn’t even know he’d been sick,” Joel murmured.
“Honey, strokes happen all of the sudden. You don’t get a lot of warning.”
Brad crossed his arms and slumped against the kitchen counter. “He’s … Pastor Phil’s the only pastor we’ve ever had. It’s gonna be weird at church without him.”
“Yeah, I can’t … I can’t imagine …” She squeezed a sob back down her throat.
“Mom, are you and Dad going to be okay?” Joel asked. “Pastor Phil’s counseling you and everything, and things didn’t sound so good last night.”
“I’m sorry you heard all that. We’ll ... Dad and I ... we’ll be fine. We’ll work something out.” Bobbi sipped from her coffee cup and glanced at the microwave clock. Twenty after seven. She had twenty-five minutes to pull herself together.
The morning drive passed in near silence. Should she call Chuck? No, he’d want to talk, and that’s the last thing she wanted from him right now. At school, she shepherded her students through the morning routine. A week off playground duty meant a few precious moments of peace and quiet during morning recess. She got her cell phone and made a quick call.
“Dr. Craig’s office,” the receptionist said.
“This is Bobbi Molinsky. Is there any way on earth I can see Dr. Craig today?”
“He had a twelve-thirty cancellation. Would that work for you?”
“That would be perfect. Thank you.” Her students went to lunch at twelve-fifteen, then straight to P.E. She’d just have to find someone to get her kids after lunch and escort them to the gym.
*******
Chuck stared at a set of incorporation papers, resorting to following each word with his finger to try to stay focused. All night he told himself Bobbi only meant the conversation was over, the conversation, and not their marriage. He’d feel better hearing her say that, though. Four times already, he’d picked up the phone, but chickened out before he got the number dialed.
“Chuck, can I see you for a moment before you get started this morning?” Walter Davis stood in the doorway. He never came to anyone’s office. This was a bad sign.
“Sure,” Chuck said, and followed Walter to his office.
“Go ahead and close the door and have a seat,” Walter said, glancing into the lobby. Another bad sign. “Chuck, I’m seventy-two years old, and I’ve worked for almost sixty of those years. I want to enjoy what time I have left in this world.” He folded his hands on the desk in front of him, then looked straight at Chuck. “What I’m saying is, it’s time for me to step down. I’m retiring, and I want you to take over the firm.”
