Contingency covenant of.., p.8
Contingency (Covenant of Trust), page 8
“My marriage,” Chuck nodded.
“God removes the sin when you ask for forgiveness,” Phil continued, “but the effects of the sin never go away.”
“So how do I fill in the hole?”
“Now, that’s God’s business, working that miracle of restoration, but He often lets us have a hand in it.”
“Which brings me back to confessing this to the church.”
“Exactly.”
“Tell me how to do it then,” Chuck said, grasping for that hope.
“You sure?”
“I want my wife back.”
*******
“What are you doing?” Bobbi found Chuck facing the mirror in their bathroom, whipping his tie around into a perfect knot.
“Getting ready for work.”
“Today?”
“I do this almost every day.”
She took his hand, and he frowned. “Chuck, your dad’s funeral was yesterday. Nobody expects you ...”
He jerked his hand away. “What am I supposed to do here? Sit and stare at the walls, or waste my time on something stupid?”
“Not at all. You’ve never lost anybody. This is ...” The lines in his forehead grew deeper, and she risked him walking out. “You need some time. Trust me on this, and your mother needs you. She’s alone today.”
“She’s got friends there.”
“It’s not the same, and you know it.”
“Look, I’ve got commitments to clients.” His jaw twitched ever so slightly “And I intend to keep them. That’s uh ... that’s what my dad ... he taught me that. Honor your commitments.” He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw so tightly it shook.
She touched his face, and a single tear escaped from his eyes. She slipped her hand behind his head, and he let her guide it to her shoulder. “I love you,” she whispered, and he let go and sobbed. She held him, rubbed his back, and cried with him. “You are so much like your dad ...”
He raised up and shook his head. “I’ll never be half the man my dad was.” He shifted and looked at the floor in front of him for several moments. When he finally spoke, the words came softly and tentatively. “Walter and Jim are giving me Dad’s spot.”
“As a managing partner? That’s wonderful.”
“It’s kind of a junior manager. They still have final oversight.”
“Still, at thirty-six, that’s an amazing accomplishment.”
“But I didn’t earn it.”
“You did. They didn’t have to give it to you.” He frowned again and wiped his eyes. “I know how hard you work, Chuck—”
“I gotta go.” He eased around her, and reached for his suit jacket.
“Why doesn’t it matter when I say it?”
“What?” He slipped his arm in the jacket sleeve.
“When I say you work hard, or you’re a good attorney, you blow it off.”
“Bobbi, don’t start on me right now.” He straightened his tie and adjusted the silk in his breast pocket.
He was grieving and he had no idea how to process it. She had to believe that, to push down the hurt and anger welling up inside her. If he felt safe with her, venting it to her, then she’d be safe for him. “All right, should I plan on you for dinner?”
“Go ahead and feed the boys. Don’t wait on me.”
She took his hand in hers. “I’ll be here when you get home. I’ll help you anyway I can.”
“You can’t help me.”
Chapter 6
Confession
Sunday, July 31
When Phil Shannon smiled at her, Bobbi dropped her eyes, wanting to avoid another round of tears. Chuck hadn’t come for Bible study and he had yet to appear in the worship service. He failed the first test of his sincerity and commitment. Counseling was going to be a sham. Chuck would go through all the motions, make a good show, and then they would split. He would walk away without any guilt. He tried, after all.
Stop thinking about Chuck! I’m here for worship. Concentrate.
But he told her about the confession. He said he would do anything, whatever Phil said. Maybe after she kicked him out of the house, he didn’t feel free to come to church anymore. She hadn’t meant that at all.
She flinched when Joel touched her and asked for a pen. She fished one out of her purse, then slipped an arm around her son. Joel talked with Chuck yesterday afternoon, but he hadn’t relayed the details to her. Had it gone badly? Maybe Chuck wanted to speak to Brad privately before risking a public encounter with his son.
Bobbi mumbled her way through the first hymn, then settled back in the pew. She already deflected several questions about where Chuck was this morning. ‘He was in Kansas City this week,’ she said, which was the truth, just not the whole truth.
The truth is, I’m in church. It’s not going to do me any good if I’m zoned out through the whole service.
Pastor Phil Shannon stepped into the pulpit and welcomed everyone. He smiled at her when he passed. Maybe he knew how awkward it would be for her, so he had cautioned Chuck to stay out of sight.
Did Chuck even have church clothes? Was he still living out of his suitcase? Suddenly, she felt harsh and coldhearted for not letting him get his things yesterday. She should at least call him this afternoon and arrange a time when he could do that. Monday would work. She’d be at school all day Monday.
As the ushers stepped up to collect the offering, she thought she caught sight of her husband out of the corner of her eye. She turned to double check, but it wasn’t Chuck. She tried to visualize him at the front of the church, admitting to everyone that he’d been unfaithful. It made the heat rise on the back of her neck. If he confessed, did she have to sit through it?
*******
Late Saturday afternoon, Chuck secured a furnished apartment, and now he needed his things. Bobbi left for church right on time, so Chuck had the house to himself. He gathered up clothes, toiletries, a few books and files from the study, and his Bible. He grabbed a couple of sturdy boxes from the attic and began carrying things to his car. He hoped, for Bobbi’s sake, none of the neighbors drew the inevitable conclusion.
He had one last box to load when his cell phone rang. He answered it without checking the ID.
“Don’t hang up, Chuck. I got your message, and I didn’t want that to be goodbye.”
Tracy. All at once, shame burned through his chest. It felt so good to hear her voice. A thousand images flashed through his mind. He could smell her perfume, her shampoo, even the air freshener in her house.
Chuck switched his phone to his left hand and wiped his palm on his pants. “Tracy, uh, this is not good idea.”
“I won’t take much time, but I think I have a right to be heard.”
“I’m listening.”
“I would have never gotten involved with you if you hadn’t given off some strong signals that you were interested. You invited me to lunch. You stopped by my office. You came to my house.”
Gavin’s words roared back at him. The ugly truth is that you wanted this to happen, and you allowed a situation to develop that made it possible. “I shouldn’t have. That was wrong.”
“No, having an extramarital affair, cheating on your wife, that was wrong. This has been very hard on her, I’m sure, especially since she’s not back at school yet. These empty days must be especially difficult.”
“How did you—?”
“Then having to tell Brad and Joel—a mother’s worst nightmare.”
“You knew all along.” A sucker punch in the kidney would have been easier to take. Tracy wasn’t interested in him at all. She played him.
“Of course I knew,” she laughed. “You know, I would have given anything to have seen your face Thursday morning.”
“Where is all this hostility coming from? I never—”
“You don’t deserve this? Is that your point? You don’t deserve to have your reputation self-destruct because you can’t control your ego or your impulses? You’re a liar, and in your limitless arrogance, you’ve convinced yourself that everyone around you is too stupid to figure that out. I’m sure your wife would agree with me. She and I should have a cup of coffee sometime.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“Why not? You want to be completely truthful with her now, don’t you?”
“Wait just a minute! You’re going to tell me about being truthful? After that phone message? After the ‘scorned lover’ act?”
“Lover? Is that what you thought? Chuck, I’m touched.”
“But you said—”
“Exactly what you wanted to hear. I am not the wicked woman who led you astray. You had both eyes wide open, and I am not taking the blame.”
“I know. It was my fault.” How could she deceive him, turn on him this way?
“If you ever figure out what you’re looking for, call me. Your wife is still the same woman she was when you lost interest in her.” The line went dead.
Chuck sunk into the living room armchair and waited for his heart rate to return to normal. The back of his neck heated and sweat beaded across his lip. His marriage was in ruins because he primed himself to believe every line she fed him. Every single line.
Chuck dragged the last box to the door, then left a note for Bobbi on the console table explaining that he’d stopped by. He included a crude map to his apartment and hoped that hint would be enough to prompt her to change her mind. Making one last sweep of the house before leaving, he opened his top dresser drawer and found the box containing his wedding band. He carefully took the ring out and tried to slip it on his finger. It still didn’t fit.
A lump rose in his throat as he read the inscription, MRP to CJM, For Always. He couldn’t remember the inscription in his wife’s ring. I’m such a jerk. He returned the ring to its box and dropped it into his pocket.
The hall clock chimed eleven. Now it was too late to slip into church, so he opted for lunch, and an afternoon of preparing to face everyone tonight.
*******
Chuck slipped into a pew in the back as the last chorus of the evening praise music swelled through the auditorium. He hoped folks didn’t notice, didn’t realize that he wasn’t with Bobbi. She was here and that was all that mattered. He only needed to touch her heart tonight. Bobbi knew he was doing this for her.
All afternoon he went over the things Phil told him. “Keep it to three S’s,” Phil said, “simple, short and sincere. Nobody needs details, just name it, renounce it, and promise to make things right.”
As the praise band moved off the podium, Phil stepped up for the opening prayer. He made eye contact with Chuck and gave him the subtlest nod. Chuck never heard the prayer or the songs that followed. His pulse pounded in his neck and a wave of heat rose across his chest. God, I’m going to do the right thing, I promise.
“All right, folks,” Phil began the evening sermon. “We’ll pick up where we left off last week in Matthew, chapter five, looking at the Beatitudes. We’ve covered the poor in spirit, the mourners, the meek, the merciful, and those who hunger and thirst for righteousness. Tonight, we want to consider the pure in heart.”
As Phil spoke of pure motives and an inner man cleansed from any corruption and hypocrisy, Chuck’s chest tightened with the weight of guilt. He wasn’t just an adulterer, he was a liar and a fraud besides. His face flushed, and sweat beaded across his forehead. He dropped his head and hoped no one noticed him squirming.
God, I get the message. My motives, my heart ... they’re not pure. He swallowed hard, and wiped his eyes. I told Phil what I had to in order to get him to help me, and I planned to say whatever Bobbi needed to hear. God, I’m so scared ... I’m scared I’m going to lose her. Please, don’t let her leave me. Please.
The invitation music began and Chuck raised his head. Phil’s eyes pulled at him. He wanted to move, but the nerve impulses died somewhere between his brain and his feet. With blood thundering in his ears, Chuck took a deep breath and screamed within himself, Go!
Phil Shannon met him with extended arms and drew him into a hug. “I’m proud of you. It’ll be okay, I promise.” He directed Chuck to the front pew.
When the music stopped, Phil stood and spoke in measured, somber tones. “Please be seated for a moment. My friends, it is fitting that the Bible often refers to believers as a family. Families face trials that strain the very relationships that bind them together. I want each of you to hear Chuck out so that we can help him and his family as they face perhaps the greatest of trials.” With a subtle wave, Phil signaled Chuck and stepped out of the way.
Chuck stood and faced the congregation in time to see Donna Shannon leave. A check to his right confirmed the reason. Bobbi was gone. Fighting the impulse to run after her, he looked out at the people he’d gone to church with for years. He caught the eyes of his parents’ closest friends, Jack and Gloria Bond. He graduated with their son, Marty. Mary Ellen Cantrell, Joel’s Sunday school teacher, sat four rows behind Joel. If she saw Bobbi leave, she could piece together what he was about to say. Lorraine Kinney sat down front, almost close enough for him to touch. Everyone knew her husband had run off with his secretary, leaving her with a mortgage and three children.
Before his resolve wavered any further, he wiped his eyes, cleared his throat, and addressed his church.
“I, uh ... well, the Bible says in James to confess your faults to one another, and I need to confess to you, not just a fault, but a sin, a gross sin.” Tears threatened to choke the words off, but he took a deep breath and fought them back. “I sinned against God, my wife and family, and you, my church. I broke my marriage vows and had an affair with another woman.”
A gasp, then a murmur filtered through the crowd. “I had the capacity and responsibility to overcome the temptation, but I made the conscious decision to give in. I am sorry beyond my ability to express it. I have repented before God, asked for, and I believe, received God’s forgiveness. I am asking for yours as well.”
Chuck swallowed hard, thankful no one but Phil Shannon could see the tremor in the back of his pant leg as he spoke. “I don’t want you to see this as trying to get you to ‘take my side.’ There is no ‘side.’ I am completely wrong. Bobbi is entirely innocent. I hope for your understanding and support, and for your prayers for God’s help to put my family and my marriage back together.”
Nobody spoke, nobody moved.
After a long moment, Chuck saw Joel slip up to the pew with his aunt, Rita. She put her arm around his shoulder and gave him a little squeeze.
Chuck glanced at Phil, looking for a cue. Now what? Should he sit down? Across the aisle from him, the front pew creaked as George McLaughlin pulled himself to his feet. The old man embraced Chuck, without ever saying a word, and the other deacons followed his lead. Last in line, Gavin smiled at Chuck, and whispered, “God’s going to honor this. Hang in there, and see this through to the end.”
Chuck relaxed his shoulders. He’d gotten past the deacons. Now, it had to be over. The floor appeared to tilt away from him, so he took a step to sit down, but Lorraine Kinney moved. He forgot to breathe as she eased out into the aisle toward him. Here it comes. She stood before him, her head held high. In the stillness, she said, “If Dean had done what you just did, I would have taken him back.”
The simple statement electrified the congregation. Tears flowed as Preston Road Community Church came together as a family. In the blur of faces and hugs, Chuck heard ‘Bless you,’ and ‘that took a lot of courage,’ and ‘we’ll be praying.’
Rita Heatley remained planted in her spot, with Joel at her side, watching Chuck. Even when Gavin returned to the seat beside her, she never took her eyes off him.
Gavin whispered to her, and she shook her head, pointing in Chuck’s direction. Finally, Gavin nodded toward Joel and she rolled her eyes. She took Joel by the shoulders and ushered him into the aisle. The boy threaded his way through everyone to get to his father. When Joel hugged him, Chuck smiled for the first time.
Then Rita stepped closer and his smile withered. Chuck squeezed Joel’s shoulder and sent his son back to his seat. “I meant what I said, Rita. I am sorry, and I—”
Rita took his hand and leaned in close, her eyes bored into his, her voice tight. “You may have fooled everyone in this building, even Phil Shannon, but I’m not buying it. You don’t deserve Bobbi. You ... never ... have.”
As she marched away, Phil Shannon strode to the center aisle. “This has been an extraordinary worship service,” he said, with a nod toward her. “Before we close, I want to caution you on two things. Bobbi chose not to be here. Don’t read anything into her decision. This is very painful for her. She deserves this same love and compassion from you, just respect her privacy.”
Rita nodded, glancing around the sanctuary.
“Second,” the pastor continued, “bad news travels fast enough. Don’t help it along. This is a family matter and I want us to keep it that way.” He surveyed the congregation one last time, and then slipped his arm around Chuck’s shoulder. “Let’s pray,” he said, and bowed his head. “Father,” he began, letting a long sigh escape, “we praise You for Your spirit with us. Thank You for letting us be a part of Your grace. Thank You for Chuck’s obedience to Your Word as he made his confession before his brothers and sisters. As You are the God of reconciliation, bring this family back together. Heal their pain, and help them be a powerful testimony to Your power to redeem broken lives and marriages through Your great grace. Thank You, Jesus. Amen.”
Heavy emotional and physical exhaustion seemed to settle on Phil. “Tomorrow morning, nine o’clock, my office,” he said, before he let Chuck walk away. “And don’t go after Bobbi right now.”
“But Phil—”
