Never without you, p.13
Never Without You, page 13
“Oh God.” I flop back on the desk and swim in the post orgasmic pleasure. “Noah, what are you doing to me?”
He steps back and beams, happy with himself. “I’m just giving you something to remember me by, that’s all. I want you to think of me when you’re at home tonight, lying in bed, alone…”
“Trust me, I always think of you when I’m lying in bed alone,” I murmur. “All. The. Time.”
The thing is that’s the truth as well. He is on my mind at all times. I can’t seem to stop myself from thinking of him. He’s consumed far too much of me and I’m happy to let him.
I still feel like I’m floating on air as I get home a little while later. It isn’t just what Noah does to me physically, it’s how wonderful he makes me feel as well. I’m utterly intoxicated by the power he gives me. I know that we’re in an unspoken agreement to keep this causal, but I don’t know how long we can keep that up.
“Hey Kelly,” Shannon greets me with a happy smile. “How are you today? Was work okay?”
“Oh yeah, good.” I’m smiling from ear to ear. “Really good. How about you? How was Bronwyn?”
“She’s actually napping now.” Guilt crosses Shannon’s face. “I’m so sorry. I would never normally let her sleep this late, but she was so tired. I haven’t ever seen her like that, I couldn’t keep her awake.”
“Oh, don’t worry. She hasn’t been sleeping well anyway, so it can’t be helped.” Even knowing that I am up for yet another sleepless night isn’t enough to dull my good mood today. “I’m sure she will be fine. Thank you for everything that you have done again, and…” I consider this for a second before speaking. “You know what you were saying before about needing some more night shifts?” She nods eagerly which proves that thankfully this is something that is something she still wants. “Well, I may have some stuff coming up soon.”
If me and Noah are now hanging out again, then it makes sense to think about freeing up some evenings. Just in case. And whatever Shannon needs the money for, I want to be able to help her out. I still have a chunk of the cash that Noah gave me in the beginning to help pay for the extra child care.
“Oh thanks,” she gushes eagerly. “Anytime, just let me know. I will be there for you.”
I smile gratefully at her. “Thank you, Shannon. That means a lot, it’s great to have you here.”
As we say our goodbyes, Shannon tells me that my mail is on the dining room table as always which only makes me sigh. More bills that I’m going to have to sort out. More stress. Mind you, every time it feels a little bit shit to have to do all of this on my own, it’s better than dealing with Chris. Sure, it’s been a hard transition because he controlled everything, but to have my freedom is worth absolutely everything.
I let Shannon out before bounding up the stairs to check in on Bronwyn, who is happily napping in her crib. I suppose that I could wake her up to try and get her to sleep a little earlier tonight, but I don’t have the heart to disturb her when she looks like such a little angel. Nor do I have the strength to deal with her mood when she wakes up grumpy. She will be screaming and crying for hours. I would rather have less sleep.
Instead, I head back down the stairs to pour myself a coffee and bask in the glory of this pleasure for a moment longer, to think about Noah for as long as I can without being interrupted. I want to enjoy this feeling for as long as I can. It’s part of the fantasy, it’s just for me, and I am happy to enjoy it for longer.
Once I have had a few sips of the drink, I decide to tackle the mail, let a bit of reality back in, and I immediately wish that I hadn’t. This isn’t just reality; this is the reality that I don’t want to face.
“Fuck.” It’s a handwritten letter, one that sends a chill racing down my spine. “What the…?”
I have a feeling that I’m not going to like this, it’s going to absolutely crush me, with my heart pounding hard I tear off the band aid and take a look at what’s inside.
Fuck you, bitch!
Yep, judging from the way that it starts, it’s her. Liv. She’s still at it. I don’t know what is supposed to be happening with the restraining order, but it can’t have worked.
I don’t know who you think you are, exactly, but I’m done with you. I’m fucking pissed that you keep hanging out with Noah even though I have told you not to, more than once. You thought that blocking me would stop this, but now I have found out exactly where you live. Nice kid, by the way. What will she think when she finds out that her mother is a whore? And not just any old slut, but a dead one. Killed because she’s too thick to listen. Doesn’t sound good, does it? But that’s what happens when you don’t listen to threats. They become real. At least your kid will know not to grow up like her asshole mom, so that’s one thing that I can do for you. You’re welcome.
You won’t know when it’s coming, or where from, but I am going to get you. I am going to destroy you. I will tear you apart limb from limb, and show you the pain that you have caused me. Then when me and Noah end up together, we will dance on your grave, glad that his obsessive bitch is gone for good…
“Shit.” I drop the paper to the floor, my hand shaking. “She’s found me. She found Bronwyn.”
Everything has come together, and now I really am in danger. That isn’t the end of the letter, but I can’t stand to read any more. I knew that this could happen, and I didn’t walk away. I stayed and continued to fool around with Noah, and now everything is at risk. Everything.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Noah
Her hysterical words fly through my brain at the speed of light, creating a bolt of panic within me. I haven’t ever heard Kelly in such a state before, which is how I know that it’s bad. Really bad. I don’t even know what happened, I couldn’t get much out of her, but I know that it has something to do with Liv. Something so bad that it has taken her down to the police station which is where I need to be right now.
It doesn’t matter how fast I speed, I can’t seem to get there quick enough. All of the horrible things that Liv has been threatening floods my mind and I’m scared.
“Come on, come on,” I cry out angrily to the traffic in front of me. “I need to get there. Move!”
I tap the steering wheel impatiently, my knee shaking as I pull the car to a halt at a red light. It’s almost like the world is conspiring against me right now, keeping me away from Kelly for as long as it can, just to punish me. As if Liv getting to Kelly isn’t punishment enough. Liv going anywhere near her because of me, is too much.
“Fucking Liv,” I spit out, starting to feel a bit murderous myself in my anger. Not that I would ever do anything about it, of course, that isn’t me, but I feel so mad that I could explode. How can anyone act the way that she has? It isn’t right. “Fucking bitch, why are you doing this to me?” I yell once more.
Eventually, after what feels like forever, the cars start moving again, and I finally find myself at the parking lot of the police station. I don’t even know if I even park properly in a space, but it doesn’t matter. My mind is too twisted after that call ruining what started out to be such an awesome day, so instead of fixing it, I tear off at as fast as I can and I slide in through the front door of the police station.
“Where is Kelly?” I cry out to the woman behind the reception desk. “Kelly Ford, where is she?” The woman stares at me in surprise, which shows me that I need to explain. “Sorry, she called me to come.”
“Oh, you are Noah Holden?” I nod. “Sure, she is in with the police officer. Come with me.”
She walks too slow for my liking, it’s absolutely killer, but I try to hold my temper inside. This woman is helping me, she isn’t against me, so I need to be pleasant to her. I need to keep her on my side.
“Kelly?” Oh God, when I finally see her it’s even worse. I can tell by her red stained face that she’s been sobbing. Probably hysterical. Just as she sounded on the phone. “Kelly, what happened?”
I rush to her and wrap her up in a hug. She leans against me and shakes, crying all over again. I bury my face in her hair for a moment and breathe her in deep, but when I glance over her shoulder I nearly leap back in fright. It’s stupid, for a grown ass man like me to freak out because of a young child, but I just wasn’t expecting it. I haven’t ever seen Kelly’s baby before and seeing her is much different to knowing about her existence. She’s terrifying, such a scary little thing, I don’t know what to even think of her… even if she is a bit cute…
I force myself to stop looking at the baby because I’m freaking myself out and it isn’t even an introduction. This is just a situation that has brought us both together, it’s a situation that we can’t control.
“Er, what’s going on?” I ask Kelly. “I couldn’t understand you on the phone. What has Liv done?”
“She sent me this letter.” Kelly slides a piece of paper over to me. “To my house.”
Oh God, this means that she has worked out where Kelly lives, her daughter too, and as my eyes scan over the words written down, I can see why Kelly is so scared. This threatens her and her child. I’m surprised that she isn’t raging and going to kill Liv herself. I don’t know how bad she must be feeling now.
I glance to the side and see her face. Kelly is terrified, it’s beyond anything that I have ever seen on a woman’s face and it kills me. I hate that all of this is my fault.
“So, what are you going to do now?” I ask the police officer. “You can’t keep letting this shit slide. It’s getting worse by the minute. Look at this, if something happens, you will have so much blood on your hands…”
The officer replies and lets me know that they are taking action now, with much more seriousness than before, but to be honest that doesn’t help me feel better. They have been promising for a while now and nothing has come of it. I can’t trust them to keep us safe.
I look over to the baby once more, my heart bleeding for this poor child. While Kelly doesn’t deserve what has happened to her, little Bronwyn deserves it even less. She’s only a year old, she doesn’t deserve a fearful mother who is scared for her life, who could lose her life because I can’t keep it in my pants.
I need to find a way to make this right again, somehow, I need to make this up to them. The guilt is killing me, threatening to take over me entirely. My brain spins as I attempt to find out what I can do to make this family feel safe once more. They deserve that much.
Bronwyn lies calmly in Kelly’s arms, finally asleep after hours, which makes sense because it is nearly midnight. She should have been sleeping hours ago but I guess with everything going on she has been too worked up to drift off, and I can’t blame her. Emotions have been running high.
But now, the beautiful little girl is resting like an angel, looking just like a mini version of her mother. God, she’s more than cute, isn’t she? She’s adorable. A little sweetheart, I don’t know why I was afraid of her. She’s lovely. And in Kelly’s arms, she seems freaking adorable. I wouldn’t mind holding her myself…
Uh oh, what the hell is going on with me? Why am I thinking anything like that? I know that Kelly has changed me, but I didn’t realize that she had opened me up enough to consider being anywhere near a baby. I must really have feelings for her to feel this way. It isn’t where my head is supposed to be at, I’m not supposed to be anywhere in a ‘feelings’ kind of head space, but I can’t help that, can I? My emotions are out of my control. If I am going to fall for someone, then it will happen regardless of what I think about it.
God, Leo will love this, if I ever tell him. He will adore the fact that I am feeling things and thinking about ‘settling down’. In an abstract, hypothetical way, but that’s further than ever before. In a long time anyway. I can just see Leo patting me on the shoulder and telling me that he’s proud of me.
Urgh, I want to shudder at the mere idea. Giving into what he wants for me will crush me.
“Are you okay?” I ask Kelly softly. “I’m sorry that this has all happened. It’s my fault…”
“I don’t blame you.” She shakes her head hard. “There is no way that you could have known what was going to happen. You wouldn’t have gotten me involved if so.” I can’t believe that she has been so forgiving about this. I don’t deserve it at all. “I just don’t know what I’m going to do now. I don’t have a house anymore…”
“Stay with me,” I say on impulse. “That way I can protect you.” I gulp. “And Bronwyn too.”
“Oh, thank you, Noah, that means a lot to me. But she knows where you live as well.”
That’s true, she’s right, so I slump back into my seat and think hard. Really hard. There has to be a solution, some way to keep us both safe. I can’t stand the idea of us both being in danger any longer. Well, all three of us. Now that I have met Bronwyn, I desperately don’t want her to get hurt over this.
“Let’s get a hotel,” I tell her suddenly. “Somewhere just out of town. We can book it under a fake name so there isn’t any way that she can find us. We can… can either book separate rooms so you feel okay or stay together in a suite or an apartment so that I can keep an eye on you.” I look to Bronwyn. “Both of you.”
“You would do that?” she gasps, shocked. “You would do that for me? Seriously?”
I part my lips, wondering how she can think that I wouldn’t do this for her. Maybe she doesn’t see what I do, she doesn’t understand how much I like her. She doesn’t get it. I want to reach out to her, to make her see that right now I would do absolutely anything for her, but I’m scared. I’m terrified of her finding out how much I’m falling for her, how deeply I want her, how my life wouldn’t be the same without her in it. Especially if she doesn’t feel the same way.
“Of course. I need to make this right, don’t I?” I tell her instead. “I got us all into this mess. You and Bronwyn did absolutely nothing wrong, so now it is up to me to protect you. And that’s what I intend to do.”
“It would make me feel better,” she admits. “But it’s a lot. Me and Bronwyn… in the same room…”
“I don’t mind,” I insist right away. “I really don’t. I want what is best for all of us, and protecting you is what I need to do. Please… let me do this for you, Kelly, let me make it up to you.”
She takes a moment before she answers which scares me, I fear that she might say no and go back home where I won’t be able to relax at all, because I will constantly be worried about her and her baby. So, when she finally agrees to let me look after her, I am over the moon. It doesn’t ease the guilt completely, but it does help me with it. Knowing that I can at least take one step in the right direction is all that I need.
“Good,” I breathe out happily. “Right, well I will get that sorted out now. I will find somewhere perfect for us, okay? Somewhere that Bronwyn can be looked after properly, and we don’t need to worry.”
She cuddles her daughter to her chest, showing me just how much she wants to protect her kid, and I have to admit that this makes me feel a little worked up. Even with a child, Kelly is everything that I want and more, I guess there isn’t anything that can shut down my feelings for her.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Kelly
I don’t know what to think about all of this, I’m sure it’s wrong, but Noah did say that he was okay to spend time in a room with both me and Bronwyn. I never intended the two of them to meet, Noah and Bronwyn were supposed to remain in separate parts of my existence, but this situation has changed things. Liv has pushed us closer together yet again. I know that Noah is a target as well, so being together might increase the risk, but I don’t want to be alone. If she really does come after me, I want to know that we are safe and protected. That someone will be on my side to look after us. Noah can do that.
“So, Mrs. Boyce,” Noah says with a cheeky smile, using our fake cover up names. “How do you like the room? Or should I say apartment, because… wow!” His eyes scan around the place. “It’s amazing here. Massive.
I can’t help but agree with him. It’s absolutely huge. Bigger than any hotel room that I have ever seen before. “You didn’t need to go for something quite so grand,” I gasp out, stunned. “This is too much.”
“Well, we don’t know how long we are going to be here, do we?” He shrugs and smiles. “It could be a while and it might be better if we aren’t on top of one another all the time. We might need some space.”
I can’t help but glance over towards Bronwyn, assuming that it’s her he’s talking about, which I can totally understand. It isn’t the easiest thing to be around a child that isn’t your own. Especially for a playboy. Definitely not the father type. I don’t know if Noah would ever want a baby, it doesn’t seem very him… just another reason why I shouldn’t be anywhere near him, yet here I am.
“Oh no,” Noah immediately continues in an insistent tone. “No, I didn’t mean Bronwyn. I more thought that you might want your space from me. I don’t know how easy I’m going to be to live with.”
I let out a little chuckle to cover up my shock as it hits me, that’s exactly what we’re going to be doing. Living together. At least until the danger of Liv passes, and who knows how long that will be. It’ll be weird, living with another man after what happened with Chris. It’s something that I didn’t think I would do again, but here I am, throwing myself into a wild situation and hoping everything turns out for the best.
“Okay, well I don’t think I will be either,” I say with a chuckle. “But we will have to make it work… Mr. Boyce.” Uh oh, I don’t know if I should have made the same joke. It doesn’t feel right. He looks all strange like it’s freaked him out. I didn’t mean anything by it. “So, er, we should get all set up for the night, shouldn’t we?”
I half expect him to walk off to sort himself out, but he doesn’t. He grabs my bag with mine and Bronwyn’s things in and pulls it over to the crib in the corner of the room. I’m surprised to see him so willing to help me out with my daughter, he really doesn’t have to. There’s no need, I know what I’m doing, I can cope alone, but he wants to help me anyway… because he’s a good man.
