Never without you, p.7
Never Without You, page 7
“Oi, Noah!” Leo jabs me in the side to grab my attention. “Are you even listening to me right now?”
“Huh?” I feel all bleary eyed and weird. After a very confusing weekend which left me alone with my thoughts, I want to sort it out with Kelly, but she hasn’t yet looked my way. That’s why I can’t listen to Leo, because she’s across the staff room from me and my heart is breaking. “Oh sorry, what were you saying?”
“I’m asking how are things with your stalker? You haven’t mentioned her for a while.”
“Oh…” It takes me a couple of moments to work out who he’s even talking about. Now that me and Kelly have slept together it’s as if Liv doesn’t even exist anymore. “She’s vanished. She’s gone.”
“Oh!” Leo looks taken aback. “Well, that’s good news. How the hell did you manage?”
I don’t want to explain that to him, it’s too precious to me now, so I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know. I guess that she got bored of me not giving her what she wants. Maybe she found someone else to harass.”
“Woah… that would mean she acts that way with everyone. I kinda assumed that you must be special, and she managed to develop some real feelings for you, but I guess not if she just moved on like that.”
I offer Leo a weak smile. “I guess so. Who the hell knows? As long as she’s gone, I don’t care.”
Oh God, I can feel her eyes on me, prickling the back of my neck, sending goose bumps up and down my spine. I can’t resist snapping around to look at Kelly, and I feel the torture there. She’s struggling too. Now, more than ever, I need to speak to her, find out what is going on in her head.
“Oh God, Noah, you don’t miss her, do you?” Leo stares at me with horror, dragging my eyes off of Kelly.
“Miss who? The stalker?” I scoff at the ridiculousness of that. “No way. Why would you think that?”
“Because you have been different recently, and I can’t work out why.”
I so want to tell him, I would love the advice of my best friend right now, but I can’t find the words. Even if he has his suspicions about me and Kelly, I can’t confirm or deny until I know myself.
“Sorry, I… I guess I don’t know what’s going on with me. It’s been a bit draining.”
I don’t know if Leo is buying that, but he’s going to have to because I don’t know what else I can offer him right now. I don’t feel like I have any part of myself to make him understand. Except for the truth, of course, but it isn’t just my truth, it belongs to Kelly as well and I don’t know if she is ready to share.
“Kelly!” I say this as if I have run in to her by surprise in the hallway at the end of the day, as if I haven’t orchestrated it using her schedule so I can finally get to speak to her, because, yes, I have become that desperate person. “Oh, how are you? It’s…” I rake my fingers anxiously through my hair. “It’s good to see you.”
A deep red color fills her cheeks and I can tell that she is thinking about the other night. “Er, yes, it’s good to see you as well. I am doing okay, thank you. Busy day as always though, you know how it is.”
“Yes, I know.” I nod along as if this isn’t the most awkward conversation that either of us have ever had. “So, erm, I was hoping to catch up with you actually, because there is a carnival here tomorrow evening. I wondered if you wanted to go? I thought it would be a nice change from the usual routine.”
She narrows her eyes at me, making me so nervous that I stuff my hands into my pocket and scuff my feet on the floor. I anxiously wait for her reply.
“Is this for show?” she demands in a hiss. “Or something else?”
“Er…” I don’t want it to be for show anymore, but I don’t know that saying that is the right move. But I also don’t want to slide right back into the routine after we slept together, it doesn’t feel right. “I don’t know, I wasn’t thinking about that. I just thought that it would be cool to do something fun, me and you.”
“Right …” I watch her gulp down. “Yes, I suppose that would be fun. It would probably be for the best for us to have a conversation anyway, and that isn’t something that should happen here.”
“Okay.” That doesn’t sound like she’s jumping for joy, but she hasn’t shut me down either. I will take that as a win because right now, I need that more than ever. Especially if Leo is noticing a change in me. It means that she is under my skin and I need to do something about it. “I will pick you up at six then?”
“Sure.” Thankfully, a smile spreads across Kelly’s face. “See you then. At the end of my road.” Of course, I wouldn’t expect anything else. “At six. I’m looking forward to it already.”
Even now, I don’t really want to leave her, I would much rather stick around and chat some more, but the conversation is effectively over, and I don’t want to make things between us stranger than they already are. I can fix it tomorrow anyway. At the carnival, I can find a way to make things right, so that we both know where we stand. Then, I suppose, we go from there…
Chapter Twelve
Kelly
I clutch the giant teddy bear that Noah has won for me at the coconut toss under my arm and follow him towards the bright lights of one of the carnival rides. Of course, with all of this noise and excitement going on, I haven’t had a chance to ask him where we stand now, what the hell is going on, and I don’t really want to either. If we start talking about serious stuff, then I will have to be honest about things that I am not ready for…
This is fun anyway, I am really enjoying his company, I like just keeping things easy. It’s what I need.
“Are you ready for this?” Noah touches my cheek softly. “Because it’s supposed to be scary.”
Before I can even think of my response, he bends his head down and presses his lips softly to mine. One of the exhilarating and terrifying benefits to the fact that we haven’t talked yet is that he keeps kissing me, like he’s addicted to my lips, and as if we are an actual couple. It’s crazy and wonderful all at once. Whether it’s for show, just in case his stalker is here, or it’s for us, I’m not sure, but I like it.
I guess it’s the fantasy world that I have always wanted to live in where romance is all too alive.
“Oh. I’m getting on that ride,” I murmur as we pull apart. “You just try and stop me.”
I’m giddy and excitable like a child, this makes me feel like I have no troubles in the world, and I love it. Even more so, when Noah takes my free hand and we stand in line together. I feel like the girl with the best boyfriend ever, who is making everyone around us jealous. I can almost feel their angry eyes upon me.
“The teddy can’t come on the ride with us,” Noah warns with a chuckle as we get closer. “You will need to find somewhere to store him. I am not having him squashed in between us.”
I stare at him, completely incensed. “Of course he’s coming on. I can’t leave him alone. Someone might take him. Then how will I ever remember my amazing night at the carnival with Noah Holden?”
“You want to remember this night?” He cocks his eyebrow as if he isn’t quite sure if I’m joking or not. To be fair, I don’t know either, so it’s very confusing for me. “Then maybe you should keep him with us.”
I don’t think that it’s in my imagination, he definitely pulls me a little closer to him, and I find myself basking in his warmth. I enjoy the safety that I experience around him. It’s a new sensation for me and I don’t want it to end. Not feeling safe is something that I existed alongside for far too long.
Soon, it’s our turn to get on the ride, and we squash the bear in with us. But not in between me and Noah, next to me so it presses me hard up against him. Electricity circles through me as I feel every part of his body. It’s so intense that I nearly explode… especially when the ride starts up and the anticipation joins in the mix.
I am falling, my brain screams at me as we fly through the air. Is this for real? Am I really so crazy?
I don’t know, and that scares me. Falling too fast didn’t leave me in the best position before, so as soon as the ride ends, instead of kissing him like I want to, I mumble an excuse as I tumble off the ride about needing the bathroom and run off. My head is scrambled as I do, I know that I’m a mess, and I need just a moment to sort it out. I need to calm the fuck down before I get lost in feelings for Noah that might not be real.
“Oh God.” It seems that I’m not about to have a moment of peace after all. “Is this a joke?”
I would assume that Liv the stalker has followed me, but I’m the one who came into the bathroom after her, and judging by the shocked expression on her face, she wasn’t expecting me. Her eyes run all over me and finally spots the teddy which angers her for some reason. Her whole body language changes.
“So, I take it you are still with Noah then?” she barks. “You haven’t wised up to him yet?”
“It really isn’t any of your business.” Oh God, there is a tremor in my voice, but that has nothing to do with her. It’s the feelings that surfaced while me and Noah were on the ride. “Please, continue to leave me alone.”
I try to push passed her, but she isn’t willing to let that happen. “You need to be careful with him, lady. He really isn’t worthwhile. He will break your heart and I don’t want that to happen to you.”
“Why?” I bark. “Why do you care what happens to me? You don’t even know me.”
“But I know Noah, and I know that he is a real piece of work. You don’t know what you’re doing.”
This winds me up, I think I just need someone to take my emotions out on, and Liv is doing what she can to push all of my buttons, so I guess it’s going to be her. “I know exactly what I’m doing, I know exactly who I am with, and he’s a good man. A really good man, you can trust me on that one, because I know bad ones.” I let out a strangled laughing sound. “I’m sorry that things didn’t work out between you and him after your one night, which must have been one hell of a night for you to be so obsessed with him, and I get that it must be hard for you to see him happy with me, but there comes a time when you need to move on.”
God, those words feel empowering and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s simply the idea of standing up for myself, or maybe I do feel that way. About Liv and her strange obsession with Noah, and about him being a good man. Despite my first impressions of Noah, he’s a really nice person with a good heart.
A man that I should be with right now, exploring, rather than here arguing with her. So, after my words are out there, I turn back around, and I head outside to find where Noah is waiting for me.
“Oh, you’re here.” I’m surprised to find him outside the bathroom waiting for me. “Noah.”
I smile at him and reach out to grab his hand, but before I can get it, I find something in there. Something which he hands to me happily. His smile is so bright that it makes me a little nervous. So much so that it takes me a moment to actually glance down and see what it is. A photograph… one of us on the ride.
“You said that you want to remember the day, so I thought that I would get this for you.”
Weirdly, this brings tears to my eyes. Staring at us smiling and laughing together, having the best time. I know that I won’t be able to look at this image without being transported back to that magical moment. I want to thank him, but I can’t get those words out, so instead I take his hand and I pull him down a dark little alley, away from all of the flashing lights and the noise. Partly because I don’t want to run into Liv again, this isn’t about her anymore, and also because I want him to myself for a moment, thank him properly.
“Where are we going…?” Noah asks me with a laugh. “What are we doing here?”
I don’t give him anything. Not with words anyway. Instead, I hook my hand around the back of his neck and kiss him. And not just a kiss like we shared before, a really deep passionate kiss which we both know is leading somewhere. This probably shouldn’t happen out here where we could get caught at any moment, but I’m full of doing things that ‘shouldn’t’ happen, and surprise, they are making me feel good.
“Oh God,” Noah moans desperately as my mouth moves off his and I bury my lips against his neck. “Kelly.”
My hand travels slowly down his body, brushing against his strong thick muscles of his chest, gasping with a breathlessness as I feel him. All of him. My head is spinning with lust and desire and I absolutely love it. I want so much more from him. As my pulse races rapidly, I don’t care that I’m outside, almost in public, I need him.
“Kelly, what are you doing?” he hisses as my hand cups around his bulge. His thick cock aching for me. I can clearly recall the incredible sensation of him deep inside of me, and it causes butterflies to flap violently at my core. If he wants to take my panties off and take me right here, I will be powerless to resist.
With that thought in mind, I dip my hand into his pants, stroking him outside of his underwear, but that isn’t enough for me, and judging by his grunts it isn’t enough for him either. So, I tickle my fingers under the material, brushing through his pubic hair, until I can wrap my hand around him.
“Shit!” He tosses his head back and groans with bliss as I grab him tightly. “Oh God, Kelly, you are freaky.”
He’s done it again, brought out the sex goddess within. The version of me that I didn’t know existed. I love that side of me, I want more of it, so I begin to pump my fist harder to watch him crumble. Seeing this gorgeous man falling apart because of me is awesome, it turns me on like crazy. Plus, I like the sensation of his cock between my fingers. Who knew that could be so incredible?
Ring, ring… Fuck, the magic of the moment is shattered. Ring, ring…
“Oh no,” Noah groans in agony as I snatch my hand away from him to grab my phone. “Don’t pick it up.”
But he doesn’t understand, I have to. Especially when I see the number on my screen. I turn away from Noah and say hello in a shaky voice, immediately knowing that my world is about to be turned upside down.
“It’s Shannon,” the girl on the other end of the phone declares, as if I’m not aware. “Bronwyn is sick.”
“She’s sick?” Fuck, I’m already halfway home mentally. “Okay, I am on my way, tell her I am on the way.”
I hang up without saying anything more and mutter a million curse words under my breath. This is why I shouldn’t keep hanging out with Noah, because of who I am leaving at home.
“What’s going on?” he asks me, sounding genuinely concerned which brings a tear to my eye. This is a mess. I have been living in my fantasy world, but now reality has come to bring me back to the planet with a thump.
“I have to go,” I declare with a shaky, sad voice. “I need to…”
“Can I help you? Let me do something for you, whatever you need.”
I step away from him before he can touch me. That can’t happen anymore. “No, you can’t do anything. I have to get home because…” I suck in and hold a breath before letting it out slowly. “Because my daughter, Bronwyn, is sick.”
Chapter Thirteen
Noah
“What?” I watch Kelly in complete and utter shock as she races away from me, after dropping a bomb shell. But she doesn’t turn back, she keeps on going, which leaves me totally confused. I don’t even know what to think. And how the hell can I? One minute we are fooling around in public, living the sexy but dangerous life, her hand all over me, sending my head spinning like crazy, the next minute she is answering a phone call that I really don’t think that she needs to answer… but I suppose she does, because it has to do with her kid. Her sick child.
How the hell has she got a kid? I grip my forehead hard as I wonder this. How didn’t I know?
She hasn’t ever mentioned anything, not when we have been working, not to anyone as far as I know, and not when we have been hanging out either. I suppose I can get because it was all supposed to be fake in the beginning, but we have been really getting to know one another recently, I thought that I understood a lot about this woman, but it seems that actually I knew nothing. She was keeping a big secret from me.
But why all the secrecy? I don’t get it. Would it have changed things if I knew that she had a daughter? Maybe I wouldn’t have asked her to act like my girlfriend because I would have known that she had enough drama on her plate without me adding to it, and I probably would have offered to pay her more as well. As a working mother, I took away from her family time, and now I feel bad. It’s worth so much more than that…
Am I a bad person? I wonder as I force myself to start walking home. I can’t stay at the carnival now; it’s been far too dramatic for me. I need a rest. Do I give off the impression that I can’t be talked to?
I thought that I understood the way that others view me, and even when I don’t necessarily like or agree with their opinions, but I honestly don’t know what Kelly thinks when she looks at me. I guess it isn’t good. And there was me, slowly starting to fall for her like a fool, convinced it was a two way street.
I don’t know what she thinks of me, but clearly, she doesn’t assume that we are close enough for her to let me in, tell me about her family, show me who she really is. This is why she doesn’t want me anywhere near her house, because she wants to keep me separate from her reality. Maybe she thinks that I’m an ass.
Oh God, how will I face her now? Work is going to be so freaking complicated. I don’t bed co workers for a reason, so I don’t have to deal with the after math in my place of business, but she was different. Kelly made me want to throw all of my rules away, and that has now been thrown back in my face because she has been lying to me the whole time. Or keeping things from me anyway. Secrets that I consider to be pretty big.
I need to back away from Kelly now. Even if I don’t want to, I have to. I can barely get involved with a woman, I don’t have enough of myself to give around in that department, never mind a single mother with a child. That makes me feel like a dick head, but it’s true. I have more than enough baggage of my own, without a baby daddy in the mix. Some guy who will hate me for sure, make my life hell.
