Chasing us, p.17
Chasing Us, page 17
Shocked by her admission, I didn’t know the appropriate way to respond. “I am really sorry, but you seem to be doing ok. I mean, this is a really nice hotel.”
Smiling, Laura laughed. “I am only staying here because I hooked up with an actor from one of the shows I am an extra for. Trust me, my life is not glamorous at all.”
Smiling back, I could feel the awkward tension growing in the air. I didn’t like how she was smiling at me like she suddenly pitied me. “I am sorry that is what happened, but me and Brandon are nothing like that.”
“I hope so. But tell me this,” she said, leaning over and getting way too close to me. She smelled like vanilla and suntan lotion. “What have you done to pursue your dream since Brandon was offered this opportunity?” she asked.
Stunned, I wanted to reach across and smack the smug grin off of her face, but I couldn’t. She was right. What she was telling me was true. I felt as though I had been punched in the stomach. “Well...” I began, but I couldn’t finish. We had been so wrapped up with Brandon’s gigs and rushing out to L.A. that we completely missed the publishers I wanted to meet in Colorado and Arizona. We had made these plans together, but now, my dreams seemed to be placed on hold for his. The unfairness of it all suddenly struck me like lightning and I had to get away from the storm.
Seeing me grow angry, Laura scooted back toward her lounge chair and away from me. “I am sorry if I upset you, but I wished someone had pointed out my mistakes to me before I threw my life away over a guy who didn’t love me enough to stay with me.” Her voice trailed off as she folded her arms and a scowl appeared over her face. It was clear, even talking about the memory was upsetting even through her tough exterior.
The honesty of her voice and words began the downpour I was trying to avoid. I could feel the tears threatening to fall as I quickly scooped up my towel and phone and stood. “I am fine,” I lied as I tried to escape.
“Leigh, I really am sorry,” she yelled after me.
Nodding my head, I offered Laura one last smile and then rushed to the elevator. I hoped I would never see her again because the sadness in her eyes was something I never wanted to witness again.
Once I was back in the hotel room, I sat in a chair facing one of the large windows and began to cry. Everything about this was so twisted. I was looking out at the beautiful scene of L.A. and I was crying. I tried to retrace mine and Brandon’s steps to see where it all went wrong, but everything I thought of brought me back to one conclusion; this was my fault. I had allowed our focus to turn only to Brandon. Yes, this was partially Brandon’s fault too, but I had been the one to lose focus of my own dreams. I couldn't fault him for following his.
As I sat there, realizing I had made a huge mistake, I felt the urge to call home. Losing myself. The constant calls from girls. The unease I felt from Jamie’s call. It was all too much to handle. The old Leigh would call her parents and beg them to come get her and take her back to the safety and familiarity of her old life. No. I refused to fall back into my own traps. I wanted more for my life. I have dreams and desires and it is up to me to make sure they happen. I knew what I needed to do, and in that moment, I only prayed that once Brandon realized what I had planned to do, he wouldn’t try to stop me.
When Brandon finally arrived back at our hotel, it was almost ten at night. He had texted me around nine saying they were finished and the car would be bringing him back soon. It would be a lie to say I wasn’t a little perturbed that that was the first time I had heard from him since he had left. It would also be a lie to say that Laura’s words and my own thoughts weren’t messing with my head.
As Brandon walked through the hotel room door, his smile disappeared as he took me in. “What’s wrong?” he asked as he dropped his guitar case on the ground. The loud bang of the drop sounded like my heart falling.
Shaking my head, I tried to fake a smile. “Nothing, I am fine,” I lied.
“Stop that,” Brandon huffed. “Leigh, I know when you are upset. What happened? Did Jamie call again?” he asked, fire spewing from his mouth.
“No, it’s nothing like that.”
“Is this about Bridget?” he asked, his eyes full of fear and want. “I promise she meant nothing to me. I haven’t talked to her in months! I haven’t been with or talked to any other girls since the night you and Jamie broke up,” he cried out. I watched as his fists balled up and he shoved them to his side. “Baby, you have to believe me. I will block their numbers. I will get rid of my phone,” he offered again, his voice rising.
“No,” I smiled through tears. “It’s not that either.”
Again, my mind was racing with wild and irrational thoughts, which included Bridget. However, I built my hesitance and anger. Brandon had proven himself to me, and I trusted that he was and would remain faithful. Even if I did still fight the demons that tried to tell me differently.
I grabbed his hands and led him to the small sofa in our large and spacious hotel room. I could feel him shaking, the ground beneath us vibrating from his fear and rage. We sat side by side and he watched me with a nervous and curious expression.
“Leigh, you are starting to scare me. I was so excited to get here and tell you about my day. All I have thought about today was you and what this could all mean for us. But then I get here and you look like you have been crying. My heart broke. I need you to tell me what is going on,” I tried to cut in, but he wasn’t done talking. “I will do anything you ask, but please don’t look at me like that.”
“Brandon, why are you getting so upset?” I asked, now the one getting nervous from his frantic behavior.
“Leigh, I have never been in love until now. I know that I have screwed up so much in my life and this is the one thing I can’t mess up. I need you. You are looking at me like you are done and I can’t let you do that.”
He was being aggressive and dominating and although he was also terrified too, he wasn’t about to let me go without a fight. That idea alone let me know his love for me was real.
“Brandon, let me explain. I am not done with this relationship. I just had a moment of clarity today. I met a girl by the pool today. She and her now ex-boyfriend came to L.A. for the same reasons we did; to follow their dreams. Only, her dreams were set aside while they fought for her boyfriend to see his come true.”
Following along, Brandon still looked confused. “So, what does that have to do with us?”
“Everything,” I almost shouted. “We are them. Have you even thought about the publishers I wanted to meet along our road trip?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady and calm.
Leaning his head to the side, Brandon looked down. “Shit, baby. I know you wanted to meet a few in Colorado, and we completely bypassed them to get here.”
I could see the sorrow growing in his eyes and I felt guilt pain me. I didn’t want to make him feel guilty or responsible for my hurt. “Brandon, we both have lost sight of my dream. I am so happy for you and I want nothing more than to see you succeed at this, but I can’t lose myself along the way either.”
I squeezed his hands, hoping he could feel my love and not the anger.
“Leigh, I will turn down anything they offer, if that means you can have your dream. Let’s leave now. We can be in Denver by tomorrow evening.” He let go of my hands and stood, and I could see the drive in his eyes to give me what I so desperately wanted.
“No,” I shouted, standing too. “Then you would be the one losing their dream. I don’t want you to give up anything. I want us both to get what we want.”
“I want you,” Brandon said, running his hands through his hair. “I want us both to be happy and to get what we want.”
I hated the ache I felt deep inside of me. I wanted to rush him. To tell him I loved him and to absorb any pain he may be feeling. Another part of me wanted to yell at him and tell him how frustrated I was that our focus was only on him. The internal battle was almost too violent for me to fight.
“I want you too,” I yelled. “I don’t want either of us to resent the other if something doesn't work out. I don’t want you to leave me when you become famous and have beautiful women screaming for you and all I am is your girlfriend with no career.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Brandon screamed at me. “I don’t understand this. You talked to some girl today and now you are questioning everything between us. We faced more difficult obstacles than this. When have I ever given you a reason to doubt me?” he asked, throwing the words at me like bullets.
“I’m talking about you and me. Brandon and Leigh. I am talking about us as a couple and us as two individuals with our own dreams and wants and desires. Bridget and all of the other girls don’t mean anything to me anymore. Sure, I still worry about someone trying to take you away from me, but I know our love is strong. But, I want to make sure our dreams, desires, and souls are strong. I don’t want to lose myself and you stop wanting to be with me.”
There it was, my fears and demons all escaping in a loud, rage-filled rant. I wasn’t good enough for Jamie. I may not be good enough to flourish as a writer. I may not be good enough for Brandon in the end. His love for me was strong and I knew he was sincere, but I wasn’t sure I could give him everything he wanted and needed. All of those negative thoughts that I had tried to fight away by becoming an empowered Leigh all swirled through my mind like a raging tornado, and threatened to destroy everything I had created with Brandon.
Sauntering over to me, Brandon’s movements were solid. He grabbed me and cupped his hands around the side of my face. He brushed my hair away from my face as he began to look at me. His eyes searched mine to understand why I was saying everything I had, but I had placed a wall to shield him from that pain.
“I want to be with you. If anyone here isn’t good enough, it’s me,” Brandon said, his eyes never leaving mine.
“I want to be with you too, but I want to be enough for you,” I cried.
“You are,” Brandon shouted. I could feel the heat from his anger, as his face was only inches from mine. “Why can’t you see that you are enough for me? I want my career to take off so I can buy you a ring and marry you. I want to buy us a house so we can have a family and you can write and be anything you want.”
Moving forward, I crushed my lips to his as I needed him in that moment more than I needed air to breathe. Brandon kissed me back with a passion so strong, the collision of our mouths was almost painful.
Brandon picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me to our king sized bed. As we dropped onto the bed, Brandon’s hands began to explore my body as if it was his own personal playground. I skimmed my nose along his jaw as I took in his sweet and spicy smell. I wanted to absorb everything about him.
I watched the muscles in his arms move and flex as his hands roamed over my breasts as he carefully removed the bikini top. I ran my hands through his hair as he began to trail kisses down my stomach.
“Brandon,” I sighed as I felt the exhilarating pleasure of his lips against my sensitive skin. “I love you.”
Looking up at me, Brandon stopped his caressing and tucked a loose strand of my hair behind one ear. He looked at me with such love, it brought tears to my eyes. “Leigh, I love you too.”
Then, Brandon rolled over to his side and motioned for me to lie on mine, too. Agreeing, I tucked my body into his. Positioning my body against his, we cuddled as his arms held me tightly in a protective shield. We didn’t make love, instead, he held on to me in a way that proved he wasn’t going to be letting me go. That night, Brandon held me close as our breathing evened out and we fell into a deep sleep.
Chapter 16
The next morning, I woke early and snuck out of Brandon’s embrace. Still in my bikini bottoms, I covered myself in a hotel robe and found my laptop. Ordering a cup of coffee through room service, I walked out to our room’s balcony overlooking the city streets and opened my laptop. Searching for Wi-Fi, I decided to take charge of my own dreams for once.
After talking with Laura, I had it set in my mind that I was going to leave and fly to Denver. However, after my explosive fight with Brandon, I realized that being with him was what I wanted. I didn’t have to choose between one dream for another. No, I could have my life with Brandon and still pursue my dream. As the computer logged on, I opened up a web browser and searched for the publishers I had wanted to stop and meet. Knowing they could have possibly turned me down at the door, I went directly to their websites and found their submission guidelines. Opening up my email. I placed my dreams, heart, and soul into an attachment and emailed my manuscript to the publishers who I desired to publish my book. I knew it was a long shot, but I refused to give up until I was out of options. Yes, on our way back home I would stop and try to get face to face meetings with some more publishers, but for now, I would email and call the ones that I couldn’t.
Feeling a strong hand placed on my back, Brandon yawned as he moved around me and sat on the other chair on the balcony. “What are you doing up so early?” he asked, squinting from the brightness of the morning sun.
“I didn’t want to wake you, but I wanted to send my manuscript to some of the publishers we missed and are out of our way,” I said as I closed down my computer.
“We can still go to them, you just say the word and we will leave,” Brandon offered and I knew he was speaking directly from his heart.
“No, we are here for you,” I began. “I am going to scout out some of the major publishers while you are at the recording studio again today. Then, I will just wait and see what happens,” I finished.
Smiling, Brandon leaned over and kissed me on my cheek. “Baby, this is awesome. We are a team. You and me. Whatever you need for me to do, I will,” he said.
There was so much love between us that I could hear our hearts beating in tune. Our romance could be volatile at times. We were both stubborn and had fiery tempers, but we loved with such passion that it trumped everything else.
“What time are you leaving today?” I asked.
“They said to be waiting at nine. I will be there all day again, but we should finish the two songs today. Then, we leave,” he said with finality.
“What do you mean, we leave?”
“Once the songs are finished, it will take a few weeks for the head guys to listen to them and make a decision about me.”
I could hear the nervousness in his voice as he talked. This was Brandon’s dream and the pressure was mounting as the realization hit that all of our arguments and stress over the last few days could all be for nothing, or this could be the ticket to us getting the life we both wanted.
“I know you will be amazing and they will love you,” I said, patting his knee. “I’m going to go shower and get started with my day,” I said as I stood.
Grabbing me around my waist, Brandon pulled me to his lap where I could feel just how excited he was to see me. “How about we both go enjoy a shower then we can start our day,” Brandon offered with a seductive smile.
Kissing his neck, I stood and pulled him with me to our massive shower. Once I rid myself of the robe and bikini bottom, and him of his boxer shorts, I turned on the warm water and stepped inside with Brandon in tow.
As the warm water cascaded over me, I felt Brandon’s hands begin to roam all over my wet, naked body. I reveled in the electric currents that were running through my body as the mixture of the warmth in the air and the feel of Brandon’s touch swirled together inside of me. My love for Brandon had grown into something more than I could fathom or explain. What I felt for him pushed beyond any amount of love I had experienced before. All I wanted to do was to make him happy while I fulfilled my dreams and I knew he would make it his mission to help me make my dreams come true. That was one of the amazing qualities he possessed, he was driven but cared about my needs too.
Placing kisses along my neck, Brandon took a bar of soap and ran it between his hands. Once the soap had lathered into a big white puff of bubbles, he began to cleanse me beginning with my arms and moving down to my stomach and further down my legs. He paid careful attention to massage the lather onto every inch of my skin. The act was so intimate yet so loving.
My body began to shake from the growing need to please him. With so much turmoil surrounding us lately, I was worried that we had forgotten the end game. Our true mission embarking on our road trip was for both Brandon and myself to push ourselves; no excuses. I had ultimately pushed myself in more ways than I had ever dreamed of and I was continuing to shock myself every day. Without warning, I dropped down to my knees and looked up at him. The water was pouring over me, warm droplets cascading over my face and down my body, but I didn’t care. As Brandon looked down at me with wild eyes, I grabbed his hard cock with my right hand. I smiled as I gazed at his extensive length in my hands. Gently tugging, I placed his tip inside my mouth and began to suck and lick, alternating the motions as I carefully moved him in and out of my mouth. A growl escaped from his lips as he looked down on me. Stroking the shaft and continuing my tantalizing motions, Brandon grasped the shower walls as his head fell back. A string of curse words I was sure he had just created in the moment, escaped from his wet lips as he vocalized just how much he was enjoying his morning delight. Water rushed over my head and down my back as Brandon held onto the sides of the shower, moaning with pleasure and screaming profanities as he reached his climax.
As he reached his peak, I moved away as he released himself. Watching his face light up with pleasure made me shiver once again with need.
Grabbing my arms, Brandon pulled me up to where I was now standing in front of him. Roughly kissing me, he swiftly turned me around and mounted me against the shower wall. Yelling with pleasure, I was sure every person in the hotel could hear us and I hoped they enjoyed the little show. As he drove into me, I screamed out his name, knowing his would be the first and last that I would ever call out with this much love and desire to be with.
