Chasing us, p.5
Chasing Us, page 5
“So, tell me what you have planned next semester,” Brandon asked while he kept his eyes glued to the screen.
Sighing, I decided to go ahead and tell Brandon what I had told Kylie. Because let’s face it, I was too chicken to really go through with my idea to be a writer.
“Honestly, I’m not sure. I hate taking business classes, but it is what my parents wanted and Jamie always liked the idea of both of us in some type of finance or marketing careers. But, what I really want to do is write. Novels. Screenplays. Poetry. I want to do it all,” I admitted out loud again. It felt really good to say that aloud. Even if nothing came of it, just confessing it to someone else felt refreshing.
“That’s awesome, you should go for it,” Brandon encouraged. He was no longer watching the television, but instead, he was now carefully watching me.
“I don’t know,” I said shaking my head. “My parents and everyone else have this plan for me. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just do what everyone else wants me to do than to stir the pot,” I said, allowing my deepest fears to escape.
“Fuck that,” Brandon yelled as he quickly stood.
Startled, I sunk into the couch cushions. Brandon’s reaction scared me and I wasn’t sure what to do next. I had never really seen him act like that before unless he was provoked. So impulsive and angry. It was kind of sexy.
Noticing my nervous state, Brandon knelt down beside me. “I’m sorry I scared you,” he said reaching for my hands. I allowed him to place mine in his large hands. Even though he had freaked me out, I knew Brandon would never do anything to hurt me. “I just hate that you think you have to follow the plans others have created for you. If you want to be a writer, then that is what you should do. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you can’t be who you are and want to be,” Brandon spoke with such passion I almost cried. My heart dropped and my body warmed with the emotions that were swirling like a tornado deep inside me.
“But,” I began. “I would upset my parents,” I stated. I felt like I was trying to convince myself more than Brandon that wanting to be a writer was a bad idea.
“Who cares? They love you, Leigh, they will accept you no matter what you decide to do. Just tell them.”
“I know they love me, but...” my voice trailed off as I struggled with my own words. “I have always been the girl who does everything right. I have never smoked, taken drugs, and I rarely drink. I have lived my life being careful and planning every decision I make carefully. I always do the right thing, even if it doesn't make me happy,” I confessed.
“Maybe that’s the problem,” Brandon sighed as he looked at me like I was some lost puppy he pitied. I almost resented the look he was giving me.
“What does that mean?” I asked, my voice full of agitation.
“Maybe the problem is you have been so uptight all of your life that you haven’t allowed the real you to come out and live. You need to do this. You need to do what is right for you, and stop worrying about what everyone else will say or think. Call your parents and tell them. They will support this.”
“Maybe you are right,” I said. His words were giving me a confidence I never knew existed inside of me. I felt a rush of adrenaline at the possibility. “Maybe I will call them tomorrow and tell them. Maybe I will schedule English and Writing classes for next semester.”
As I talked, I could feel excitement bubbling inside. Was this possible? Could I pursue a career doing what I loved?
“Of course I am right,” Brandon laughed. “You should let me read your writing sometime.” I met his gaze and saw the raw sincerity of his words sparkling through his golden eyes.
Shaking my head, no, I laughed back. “I don’t think so. I have never shown anyone my writing before. It’s too personal.”
“You have to get over that if you want to be a writer,” Brandon mused.
Knowing he was right, I bit my bottom lip. “Yes, I guess you are correct. Maybe one day I will let you read it. But first, I have to get published.”
“Okay, do it,” Brandon stated.
He acted as though becoming a published author was something easy. I knew that was not the case. I had heard Stephen King say in interviews he had been rejected hundreds of times by publishers. That thought alone had been one of the reasons why I had never submitted my work to publishers before.
“It’s not that easy. I have to submit my work or go directly to a publisher and try to get them to agree to talk to me,” The thoughts were forming but so were the obstacles.
“You can’t make excuses. You have an opportunity to do what you love, what is stopping you?” he asked, his beautiful brown eyes burning a hole right through my soul.
Frustration building, I realized that in this moment Brandon was being caring, but also a hypocrite. Here he was, a musician looking to make it big as a rock star and he was still playing at the local campus bar on Friday nights. Turning his words on him, I attacked.
“You know; you are being very ironic right now. Why don’t you submit a song to a record label or go and play gigs at bigger bars to get noticed?” I asked as I crossed my arms across my chest and smiled.
Looking at me with a devilish grin, he knew I was right.
“Maybe we should both go for our dreams then,” he offered, his smile growing more wild and wicked by the second. “Maybe we should do it together,” he mused.
“Why don’t we just hop in my car and start driving? We won’t stop until we find a publisher or a venue for you to play in,” I teased, as I knew this idea was ridiculous.
Reaching down, Brandon scooped me off the couch and bounced me onto the ground so that I was now standing right in front of him. “Let’s do it,” he said with an intense spark in his eyes.
“You are crazy,” I said as I backed away from his embrace. “We can’t just get up and leave.”
“Maybe not right now, but if we made a plan, we could,” he said his eyes dancing with possibility. “You are inspiring me to get off my ass and make this real.”
Thinking this over, his idea almost seemed like something we could do. The semester was about to end and then I would have the entire summer off from school. What was I thinking? This was insane.
“Look, this sounds great, but this isn’t realistic.”
“Why not?” Brandon asked.
“Because. You have work at the bar and I have school and a job.”
“I can take off for a week or two, I have vacation time,” he offered. It was clear he wasn’t going to back down from this and I wasn’t sure I wanted him too.
“Hold on. So you are saying you really want to go on a road trip with me? To watch me go to countless publishing companies and submit my manuscripts? To play alone without your band at random bars that will take you, just hoping to get noticed?”
As the words escaped my lips, I realized as crazy as this notion was, that I wanted nothing more than to go through with this wacky plan. All of my life I had done what everyone had wanted me to do. I had spent my life pleasing others and now it was my turn to find my own happiness. I knew in time my parents would understand my decision and if they didn’t, they would just have to get over it. This is my life. I had done what everyone had wanted me to do. I had played it safe and been a good and reliable girl, but where did that leave me? Cheated on and left to move in with a friend after my fiancé fucked around with a couple of whores. It was my turn to escape the comforts of reality and fight for what I wanted. No longer would I freeze or take flight when faced with fear. I was going to fight that bitch head on.
“Are you kidding? Of course, I want to go with you,” Brandon said, his face beaming with excitement.
Smiling back, I felt thrilled that I wouldn’t be taking this journey alone. I just hoped he was serious and wanted to follow his dream too.
“You know; I will be fine going alone. I have wanted to do this for a while, but Jamie always thought it was a stupid idea. I have dreamed of packing up and leaving and finding myself somewhere else. You are the first person I have really ever confided in.”
Nodding his head in understanding, Brandon sat back down on the couch with me and turned to face me. “I know what you mean. Music is like my outlet. It really is the only way I can express myself. All of my fears, hopes, and wishes are all placed into every lyric and note I write. Yeah, I want to make it big and live the rock star life,” he said, laughing a little. “But honestly, I want to live my life doing what I love, and writing and playing music is what I love to do. We both have a desire to see our dreams come to life. Why not just drive to Nashville and see what happens? You have summer break, and I am sure you can take some vacation time from the library. If we don’t do it now, we never will,” Brandon finished and watched my face, searching for a sign.
“Why Nashville?” I asked, my heart beating so fast, I swear I thought it was going to jump right out of my chest.
With sparks in his eyes, Brandon smiled. “Nashville is the music capital of the world! Plus, I am sure they have big publishers there.”
In my heart, I could feel the happiness and anxiety building. Every word he just spoke, summed up every emotion and desire I had. How crazy is it that we had been friends for so long, and yet I never knew how similar we really were?
“Do you mean that? Everything you just said?” I asked.
“Of course,” he said, his voice rising with excitement.
“And you don’t mind going with me?” I asked again, my heart beating like a drum at the prospect of actually doing this.
“Who else would I go with?” he teased. “You are my favorite little person,” he joked.
Nudging my side, he began to laugh loudly. “Hey,” I yelled, trying to act like I was upset. Pouting my lip, I folded my arms across my chest. “I’m not that little,” I said, in my best sad voice.
Reaching an arm around my shoulder, Brandon pulled me in for a hug. Tucking a loose piece of my long brown hair behind my ear, he smiled. “Leigh, you are so little and adorable.” he teased and then released me.
Great. I thought to myself. He was teasing me like I was some cute, little stuffed animal. I hated to think that was how people saw me, nothing more than a cute girl. It was true, I knew I wasn’t some sexy chick that could attract the attention of guys easily, but to be called little and adorable? That just pissed me off. His arms around me only lasted for a split second, but the feeling he gave me sank deep into my soul. What was I doing? I had just lost my fiancé and already I had mixed feelings for my friend, Brandon? I had to push those crazy thoughts away. I was in a difficult place, which was another reason why I had to leave and see if I could make my dream of becoming a published author a reality.
Chapter 5
“So you ready for a road trip?” Brandon asked as he threw our luggage into the backseat of the car.
After securing our plans to escape reality and follow our dreams, Brandon and I found ourselves standing outside of my apartment building. I had finished my business degree courses and ended my third year in college. With help from Kylie, I had found my voice and told my parents that in the fall, I would no longer be a business major, but instead, I would be an English major. While they were upset at first, they were proud of my bravery to tell them and gave me their blessing to follow my dreams.
While the conversation went much better than I had anticipated, they did have one idea that I didn’t bother to correct. While talking to my mom, she noted how Kylie and I would have a blast on our road trip. It was only natural that she would assume I would be traveling with Kylie. With their excitement for me, I didn’t want to tell them I would be driving alone and sharing a hotel room at times with Brandon; the sexy rock star god who screamed sex and pleasure. I wasn’t oblivious to the fact that it looked terrible, especially after my break up with Jamie. I would be going on this trip with his once best friend, Brandon. To be honest, part of me kind of liked the idea that Jamie might think something inappropriate was going on between Brandon and myself. Let him get a taste of his own medicine. Asshole.
But, I couldn’t worry about that now. I couldn’t worry about how this all looked to everyone else. I had spent too much of my life worrying about what others thought about me. Now, it was my turn to take the lead.
Kylie stood with her arms crossed, watching us as we loaded the car. Even though she had been excited when I told her my plans, she was strangely hesitant today to let me go.
Pulling her in for a hug, I wrapped my arms around her neck and sighed. “I wish I knew what was going through your mind right now,” I stated.
Hugging me back, Kylie exhaled. “I wish I knew the same,” she replied.
Pulling away, I gave her a strange glare as I tried to read the emotions flashing across her face. “What?” I asked, clearly confused. “You were so excited for me when I first told you my plans to leave, but now, you act as though you don’t agree with my decision.”
Looking me straight in the eye, Kylie offered a half smile. “Leigh, I love you and I think this road trip is exactly what you need, but...” her voice trailed off as her eyes left me and roamed to where Brandon was now carefully placing his guitar case in the back seat of the car. “I just want you to be careful,” she sniffed, as she fought back tears.
Letting out a soft laugh, I hugged her once again. “Is that what you are worried about? That I won’t be careful? I will be fine; I am not going alone. Remember?” I finished, smiling at her.
“That is what I am worried about.” Pulling me back onto the sidewalk, Kylie made sure Brandon couldn’t hear our conversation. “I just want you to be careful. I know you are vulnerable right now, especially after what happened with Jamie, but you just need to make sure you are making smart choices,” she rattled on, her voice so low I had to move in closer to hear her.
“What are you talking about?” I asked, not following her madness.
“Leigh, I know that you think Brandon is only going on this trip with you as a friend, but I think he sees this as an opportunity for something more. Maybe I am wrong, but I want to make sure you know what you are getting into.”
“I thought you liked Brandon?” I asked. Doubt started to plague my mind as I started to worry maybe this wasn’t the best decision after all.
Shaking her head, Kylie grabbed my hands and held them tight. “No, you know I love Brandon. We are all friends and I think he is great. What I am trying to say is... Brandon might have good intentions now, but you and I both know women to him are just objects. Just don’t let things get blurry.” Her eyes roamed to Brandon and I could see the worry run across her face. “Leigh, Brandon isn’t just some guy. He is sexy as hell and clearly into you. Right now, you are dealing with a lot of conflicting emotions and I just worry you might get swept up in the magic of the moment.” Kylie finished as Brandon slammed the car door. The sudden loud noise made both Kylie and I jump out of our skin.
“Are you ready?” he asked, a large smile on his face. He was clearly excited and hadn’t heard a word of our intense conversation.
Standing frozen in place, I couldn’t believe that Kylie had selected this moment to unleash all of her worries on me. I didn’t know what to do with what she had just told me.
“I think so,” I said nervously. I still wasn’t sure what had come over Kylie to make her say those things, but I knew I couldn’t back out now. As much as I loved Kylie and respected her opinions, she was wrong about this. Brandon and I were just friends and I had no intentions of allowing anything to get blurry. With my life turned upside down and my future in limbo, I knew I needed this trip to prove to myself and everyone else that I could still follow my dreams and be someone, even after losing Jamie.
"This will be great! I love a good road trip." Brandon beamed as he closed the car door. "We have tons of junk food, music, and it's just you and me; side by side as we both go for our dreams," Brandon said as he jumped into the driver's seat.
Looking back at my apartment, I sighed as I opened my car door and sat down next to him. I knew he was right. Brandon was a great friend to do this with me. I knew he was going along for his own reasons, but I was secretly glad to have his company. Something about Brandon made me feel safe and comforted and I needed him more than ever now. I waved to Kylie and as she waved back, she forced a smile just for me.
As he turned the key into the ignition, I knew there was no backing down now. We were headed to Nashville and nothing was going to stop us now.
***
An hour into the trip, I had already eaten an entire bag of Cheetos and Brandon had consumed a large can of Red Bull.
I was growing tired of watching the highway. I noticed Brandon’s cell phone, which was on silent, was lighting up alerting him of a phone call. Glancing down, Brandon only ignored the call.
“Do you need to answer that?” I asked, suspicious of his sudden change in behavior. He seemed to tense when he saw the image of the blonde blowing a kiss on his screen.
“No,” he said with finality.
“I don’t mind if you want to take a call,” I began. “I promise I won’t listen,” I teased.
“It’s not that,” Brandon sighed. “I just don’t want to talk to her,” he said, not offering a name. “She thinks she likes me, but I have no intentions of pursuing anything with her,” he stated.
“Oh,” I offered, unsure of what else to say. “Why is she calling you then?”
Quickly glancing at me, Brandon half smiled. “I don’t really know. I never promise any of these girls anything. But, they seem to get attached anyway. I don’t want to hurt any of them, they know I am only looking for a good time.”
His words somehow stung me. I wasn’t sure how someone so sweet and kind could sound so callous talking about another woman’s emotions.
I opened my mouth to argue, but I quickly thought different and shut my mouth.
We continued on without any more conversations about the numerous texts and call Brandon kept receiving. All of which he continued to ignore.
