I wanted to remind him yet again to watch his language. I had done this several times before and it did absolutely no good. The request only agitated him more. This man was the last person I wanted to be around in a heightened agitated state. His files didn’t say much about having a violent streak but his face showed signs of a serious altercation and his demeanor screamed violent. The only proof I had was the record of assault that sent him to jail eighteen months ago.

  “Mr. Williams,” I breathed, exasperated by the entire process. “I assure you that I’m qualified. My degrees are hanging on the wall behind me. I’m also not trying to force you to admit to something that isn’t who or what you are. Excluding the files, let’s go back to what you yourself have admitted. You expressed to me you had an altercation with someone who blamed you for forcing him to do things you claim he participated in willingly.”

  “Yeah, I didn’t force him to do a damn thing.” His brows slammed together while his eyes focused on something across the room, which I couldn’t see behind me. “He was calling me a pervert because I helped him get his first piece of ass. How is that a bad thing?”

  “It was his first sexual encounter?”

  His darted over to me and I did my best to keep my expression neutral.

  “Yeah. Little fucker was trying to say he was a man but had never sniffed pussy. I paid good money to let him get his first piece of ass.”

  “How old was this young man?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe fourteen or fifteen.” My stomach flipped and I felt nauseous. “He’s my nephew though, so wasn’t shit wrong with me taking him under my wing.”

  This insane predator, because that was how I viewed him, spoke as if it made perfect sense. I had no business sitting here with this man. I had no faith in him or his so-called recovery. He was challenging not only my morals but my dedication to the craft.

  “Did he ask for your help?”

  He looked past me before those soulless eyes met my disdain once more. “He was in my room going through my DVDs. You know the kind, the sexy ones. I figured why not let him get the real thing. He claimed he was a man, so I made him prove it.”

  I was slowly losing the internal battle to remain neutral with this psycho, so all I was able to muster up were two simple words.

  “I see.”

  “You’re judging me, aren’t you?” Those woolly brows slammed together and his scowl deepened. “I didn’t touch that boy. I told you I’m not like that.”

  “Did you stay in the room like you’ve done the other times?”

  “Hell yeah. That was my money. I paid her. She wasn’t about cheat me. I needed to be sure she did what I paid for.”

  That was an abuse of power. I couldn’t imagine how his nephew must have felt in such a challenging situation. I was sure he experienced a sense of fear because who wouldn’t fear this big ass scary man sitting across from me? Not only did I imagine he was afraid, but as a teen, it was already complicated navigating your sexuality. The challenge of being forced into a situation to have sex with a stranger while another man, this insane man, watched had to cause all types of emotional issues. Especially if the alternative was the threat of physical harm or to be berated for not being a man.

  My eyes leveled with his. “Are you sure that’s the reason you stayed?”

  “Why the fuck else would I?”

  “I can’t make that assumption. That’s not how this works.”

  “That’s how it’s been working.” His voice elevated and his body tensed. “You want me to say something that isn’t true. Well, I’m not gonna do that. I’m not gay. I like to watch people fuck like every other normal man out there.”

  Except you’re not normal. It’s not just about the sex.

  “Did you please yourself while you were so-called making sure she did what you paid for?” My tone was clipped because my professionalism was slipping. This man challenged my ability to remain neutral.

  “What does it matter? It was my gotdamn money and my gotdamn prerogative.” His tone matched mine. Well it was a little more harsh but the same sentiment. We didn’t like each other.

  My eyes moved to the clock and his followed.

  “We done? That’s time, right?”

  I nodded slowly as he stood, mumbling under his breath and dragging his big body to the door. Like our routine, once he was gone, Mitchell stuck his head in, asking if I was okay. I assured him I was and he shut the door behind him. It wasn’t until then that I truly relaxed because I knew he was gone. My assistant Chelle, was next to peek in, only she entered fully, closing the door behind her.

  “That man gives me weird vibes.”

  “It’s because he is weird.” I kept it vague because no matter how much I disliked Williams, he was still my patient.

  “Can’t you get out of this thing?” She seemed just as annoyed as I was. There were a total of six patients contracted to see me under the deal I had with the government and he was truly the worst. The others had their issues and they weren’t saints, but unlike Williams, they were remorseful about their pasts and truly trying to become better individuals. Williams was just…

  Sick and mentally taxing!

  He saw no wrong in any of his past discretions and would constantly defend or justify the sick things he’d done. Williams had cheated the system right into a program designed to truly help those that wanted a second chance. He only wanted his sentence cut short.

  “Nope, I tried. I’m going to call Donald to see if there’s anything he can do but I feel like I’m stuck.”

  She wanted to say more but kept her thoughts to herself, only nodding and stepping out, shutting the door behind her. Standing right after she was gone, I headed to my desk, lifted the phone from the cradle, and made a quick call. He answered right away.

  “This is Donald.”

  “Hello, Donald. It’s Embria. How are you?”

  “I’m great but you don’t sound so hot yourself. What’s going on?”

  “Ernest Williams. I’m at my wits end. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to help him with because he refuses to believe he has any issues.”

  Donald was quiet for a minute. “Truthfully, there is no helping him. You’ve seen the notes. The man is clearly homosexual but refuses to cop to it. I’m not sure why, other than ego or pride. The world is in an age of sexual acceptance. Nobody gives a damn, excuse my language, if you’re gay, bi, or allosexual. That’s a whole thing too, you know?”

  “Yes I know.”

  “My point is, he’s admitted to the in-house doctor in prison, and I’m sure you also, behaviors that clearly identify him as homosexual or at least bi but Williams chooses to deny it.”

  “Then what am I supposed to do?”

  “Bide time. Hell, sit there and stare at him for an hour if you want. The state is wasting money that can clearly be used to really help someone in need. His lawyer pulled a fast one and got him in this program but he doesn’t deserve to be here. I read his file. He’s done some really terrible things. That guy he beat up, it was bad and simply because Williams snapped when the man asked Williams to join in. The guy tried to give him head assuming he was reading William’s vibe right. He was, but Williams went crazy, beating the guy’s face in while continuously hollering he wasn’t gay. Even the prostitute testified that Williams had no interest in her. It’s crazy he would go through so much just to avoid a label. I don’t get it, but then again, I’m a heterosexual man who doesn’t have any confusion about my preference. Word of advice. Just bide your time. He’s never going to admit who he is. Everyone can’t be helped. Especially those that refuse to believe they need help.”

  “Then I’m stuck for six more months, wasting my time.” I was aggravated that the state was allowing this.

  “That’s the downside to these government contracts. They pay well but you have to accept the good with the bad. Every now and then, one like Williams slips through the system. I can try and get him moved but these programs are full and the others don’t want patients like him in their offices any more than you do.”

  “Just try, please. Anything you can do would be appreciated.”

  “Give me a day or two to make some calls and I’ll get back to you.”

  “Thanks, Donald.”

  “You’re welcome and hang in there.”

  After ending the call, I made a cup of tea to help me relax some before my next appointment. Three more and I was done for the day. As much as I loved what I did, days like today had me second guessing whether or not I was built for it.

  I was nervous. Rah and I had only been together for a little over a month and he was meeting my mother. She had been calling every few days, asking when I would stop by. The crazy thing was I loved my mother. She also loved me. Outside of the whole “marriage and commitment” thing, we rarely had issues. She lived her life and I lived mine, so it worked.

  I’d been caught off guard the night she called, heard Rah in the background, and asked if it was Nolan. When I explained it wasn’t and tried to rush her off the phone, she insisted that she meet whoever the man was. I agreed and she set up dinner plans. With Rah so close, lying under me, it was impossible to say no without one of them getting their feelings hurt. So I ended the call and discussed it with Rah, informing him that I would understand if he wasn’t ready for the whole meet the relatives thing and of course he insisted that he was fine having dinner with my mother. Not really the answer I was looking for but now it was happening.

  “She can be a little⁠—”

  “Stop. I get that you’re nervous but don’t make excuses for your mother, Embri. You’re not her and she’s not you. Trust me, I understand complicated families. Meeting yours won’t change a damn thing about how I feel.”

  “You say that now,” I groaned, standing next to him in front of my mother’s door. I knocked right after, followed by a face to face with some man I had never met. Nope, this wasn’t John-George. No wait, Jerron, that was his name.

  “Babe, who’s at the door?”

  “Your daughter maybe. She looks just like you,” he tossed over his shoulder, stepping aside to let us in.

  My entire soul clenched. And here we go.

  “What’s good, fam?” He offered a closed fist to Rah who returned a similar greeting before the new guy crossed the room and plopped down on the sofa. My cheeks warmed in embarrassment from how young he was. Like the many before him, he was mid to late twenties, if I had to guess. My mother was inching her way to fifty. Now granted, she didn’t look a day over thirty, but still…

  “Sweetheart.” My mother strutted from the back of her apartment wearing a fitted, strapless, cotton dress which looked amazing. She had the body for it. She moved on bare feet and delivered a warm smile because she genuinely missed me. Arms roped around my body before she pulled back and smiled.

  “You look cute. I like this on you.” Now the smile she displayed was more of a smug grin and she looked me up and down. My clothes were simple—ripped jeans, a shirt that tied around my neck and exposed my back and midsection which I paired with leather sandals. Simple but cute. My mother was a fan of clothes that exposed skin. Us Taylor women had the bodies to put on display but it should be done tastefully. I suppose I met her approval.

  “And this must be Rahshon…” She released her hold on me and stopped in front of Rah with a mischievous grin. “Oh my. You’re a handsome one, aren’t you?”

  Her smile widened while her eyes narrowed a little. “Switching things up a little I see. I’m impressed. Nice to meet you. I’m CeeCee.” She opened her arms as an invitation to hug Rah but waited for him to make the first move. Thank God.

  He stepped into her welcoming embrace, delivering an appropriate “I’m your daughter’s boyfriend” hug.

  Not that I would think any different, but then again, my mother was a beautiful woman with a body slightly more curvy than mine. In the past, men I brought around spent a little too much time admiring.

  “Nice to meet you, CeeCee.” Rah’s greeting was warm, friendly even, but still reserved in a sense. I also appreciated how his arm lowered around my neck while pulling me against him possessively. My body exhaled just a little because he brought me comfort.

  “Well, aren’t you two cozy?” My mother flashed a smug grin before crossing the room en route to the kitchen. “Embri, come help me get set up. Rahshon can hang out here with Jamie.

  Wonderful! Another J name I have to try and remember.

  I lifted my eyes to Rah who pecked my lips before speaking lowly. “Go ’head. I’m straight.”

  I didn’t want to leave him. This was the part I wasn’t looking forward to. My mother was about to interrogate me.

  Offering a nod, I traveled behind my mother while Rah took up residence on the tiny loveseat. He was more relaxed than I was and just before I crossed into the kitchen I looked back one last time and caught his smile before he winked and turned his focus to the TV.

  Okay, maybe this won’t be so bad.

  “So, he’s interesting.” That was how my mother started her inquisition.

  I pushed out a huff of air, plopping down at the small round table that sat in one corner of her kitchen.

  “I’m not sure how I’m supposed to respond to that.”

  Offering a warm smile, she pulled open the oven to check on the lasagna that had my stomach doing somersaults. I was a decent cook, but my mother was the Queen of Culinary. The savory aroma now torturing me was proof.

  “He’s not what I expected, that’s all.” She removed the dish and placed it on the cooling rack on the counter before removing the silicone oven mitts and dropping them in a drawer. “Truthfully he’s more my type than yours.”

  “You said like five words to him. How can you even know whose type the man is?”

  “Baby, I know. He’s nothing like the suits you usually fall for. What’s he do?”

  “He owns a maintenance shop. It’s kinda high end.” I shrugged but my mother laughed.

  “He works on cars?” A perfectly arched brow lifted and I sucked my teeth. I knew she wasn’t judging his career choice; she was simply judging me.

  “Yes, but he…”

  “Owns the shop. I get it. Nolan was a financial analyst. Michael was a lawyer, Denny was a…” She paused, humming slightly while she tried to remember.

  “Ophthalmologist.”

  “Oh that’s right.” She grinned. “I really didn’t like him. He was incredibly boring.”

  My eyes rolled. “As opposed to James who does what?”

  “Jamie.” She offered a wide smile. “I think he’s pursuing a career in music of some kind but none of that really matters to me. He’s extremely easy on the eyes and an expert with my body. For the first time I feel confident in saying you can relate.” The smirk she delivered had my eyes rolling.

  My mother was right. I could relate. Sex with Rah was incredible but that wasn’t about who he was, it was about how I felt about him.

  The thing that scared me the most.

  The men I had been with in the past weren’t terrible in bed. In fact, aside from Nolan, I had been completely satisfied physically but there was always something missing. The connection was there but with Rah…

  I felt him in every inch of my body.

  “You can roll your eyes all you want but it won’t change a damn thing. Life is short, Bri Bri. Stop looking for something that may never happen and just have a little fun. I bet that man in there is a whole amusement park full of fun.”

  I wanted to be upset but there was no changing who this woman was or how she processed things. We had different views on what we wanted out of life and I understood that. She didn’t believe in love and I lived for it. I wanted the whole package. Deep down inside, I was sure my mother did too. However, she didn’t feel like it existed. It was crazy how one damaged heart could set you up for a life of no exceptions.

  Surprisingly enough, dinner went smoothly. We engaged in casual conversation, mostly led by my mother. Jamie received a text midway through that cut his time with us short but my mother was so focused on her inquisition of Rah that she didn’t seem bothered in the least. They shared a very X-rated kiss before she sent him on his way, accepting a promise that he wouldn’t be out too late.

  “So, cars?” My mother pushed her empty plate to the side and propped her elbows on the table. I was halfway through my food and still playing with it while Rah had cleaned his plate. My nerves canceled my appetite.

  “Yeah.” He leaned back in his chair, one arm resting on the table, the other on my thigh. The feel of his thumb occasionally gliding over my jeans was…

  Soothing.

  “That’s interesting. And you own your own shop?”

  His smile was beautiful, full of pride. I could see him in my peripheral. “Yeah, have for six years now.”

  “Six years, wow, and how old are you?”

  “Thirty-six.”

  “Hmmm,” she hummed softly.

  Where the hell is she going with this?

  “Any kids?”

  Better not be!

  “Not yet.”

  “Ma?” I warned. I could feel the craziness brewing. She had done well containing it up until this point.

  Her eyes bounced over to me. “What? It’s a sensible question. He’s thirty-six, you’re twenty-nine. You want kids so why shouldn’t I ask if he already has them or is at least interested in having them.”

  Because it’s none of your fucking business and I’m not trying to scare the man off.

  I knew my mother. She was gently picking to find out Rah’s views on commitment. This was the part I hated. Ol’ CeeCee was going to tiptoe her way into questions that would lead to whether or not he was interested in family and marriage.

  “It’s cool.” I felt a thumb glide across my leg again but it did little to ease the tension I felt building in my neck and shoulders.

  “You said yet? Does that mean you want kids? My baby here is a traditionalist. The marriage and the kids thing is a deal breaker. Did you know that?”

 

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